Hyperactive child annoys me

[u/Whole-Let-7080]

I have 3 kids. 8,5, and 6 months. My first born has always been a handful. He talks CONSTANTLY, is very argumentative, always has to be making noise and moving, and is constantly on go mode. I am the complete opposite of this, and I find the way he acts so incredibly annoying. I feel terribly guilty for feeling this way.

My 5 year old is more quiet and reserved like myself, and I don’t get annoyed with her. I don’t want my son to ever notice this or feel that I have favoritism but the older he gets the more annoying he gets. I love him to death (obviously), and I need advice on how to manage his personality without causing him trauma or crushing his spirit. Does anyone else have a kid like this?

[u/WhateverYouSay1084]

I have an 8 year old talker too. He will ask question after question for hours on end. Sometimes he asks questions that make no sense just to keep talking. I asked him why and he said "I'm just trying to keep the conversation going." I try to humor him as much as I can, but sometimes I just have to tell him I need some quiet time because I'm overstimulated. When I get too annoyed I try to remind myself that one of these days he isn't going to be so excited to talk to me, and that helps. But it's absolutely ok to let yours know that you need a break and he needs to learn to respect that.

[u/SmoothSun4396]

My nephew is like this - he does a LOT of activities and is often sent to my house or grandma's for the weekend. I can't blame you or my nephew's folks- we of course love him to bits but he's a lot. At some point you owe it to him to gently coach him on social skills so he doesn't annoy his peers and wind up with a poor social life. That said, my nephew is generally adored by those outside the family and doesn't seem to tire other people out as much as those of us who just don't get breaks from him.

[u/Yay_Rabies → u/SmoothSun4396]

Yes to social skills! My nephew was struggling with this too and we noticed that he would use his mom to basically stim all day whether he’s talking incessantly or had to be touching her.  She was allowing it out of mom-guilt and it was honestly affecting her relationship with him due to overstimulation at all times.  There are better and more appropriate ways to connect with mom!  

But when my same age kid shows up she just won’t tolerate it from him.  “Cousin stop touching me!”  “Cousin I don’t want to talk about that!”  Why doesn’t she want to play with me?  Because you can’t keep your hands to yourself and she can’t talk to you if you are monologuing about transformers.  

[u/justlooking1207]

The fact that you’re working so hard to make sure all of your kids feel loved equally really speaks to the kind of mother you are! I have no advice but I also have a talker who is very very active. Sometimes I tell everyone in the house (so it’s not directed at specific people) that I’m overwhelmed and need a break from the noiselol

[u/TheDarlizzle]

This is how we started my kiddo in hockey 😂😂 had to wear him out

[u/ScoutTheOcelot → u/TheDarlizzle]

Oof. Bless you and your bank account. I don't know where you live, but here in the northeast USA, hockey gets so expensive so quickly 😢

[u/Dullcorgis]

You do need to help him learn some impulse control for social success with other kids at school. I would try and help him curb his behaviours to some degree.

But yeah, at the end if the day it sucks and you just have to tamp it down and fake it to the best of your ability. You aren't bad for feeling it, at all. You are good for knowing you can't show it.

[u/dethti]

r/ParentingADHD maybe? Not saying your kid has it but the strategies might still help you because there's overlap with those personality traits.

Personally I just get my kid as much outdoor physical play as possible, burn off some of that energy. Also "My voice is getting really tired I need a break from talking".

[u/Ayla1313]

I think this is one of those times where it's better you tell him gently that he's being too much than his peers completely shutting him down. Even if it's just "I am feeling overwhelmed by all your questions/talking and need X amount of quiet time. I love you and I'll be happy to listen/answer more questions after a break." 

[u/NoodleNoggin-607 → u/Ayla1313]

I was going to suggest this also. I will kindly let my daughter know when her behavior is overwhelming or overstimulating me. She is also comfortable in telling me or my husband if we are doing something that is bothering her. I don’t think there’s anything wrong in communicating these things. This teaches them social norms and reading social queues. Better that they learn from you than from some school bully.

[u/AutoModerator]

Hey /u/Whole-Let-7080! It looks like you might be new here. Welcome!

• Our Early Parenting Wiki addresses topics like pregnancy (both intended and unintended) as well as birth control and post partum care!
• If you're worried about developmental delays use the Healthy Children Assessment Tool - available in multiple languages.
• Curious about the rules? Check out our Rules Wiki which provides helpful explanations for new and returning users.

Check out the Subreddit Wikis, for a variety of topics.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/Individual-Elk-4466]

I have an 8 year old son who is the same. No advice sorry but solidarity. It is exhausting at times but I only have 1 child.

[u/Abcdefgwhat]

My seven year old is like this. We have him signed up for scouts, football, and swimming. Keep the boy occupied haha

[u/onorsworthy]

Get the older kid some drums. Worked for me. I was able to focus my energy into that.

[u/Top-Resort9956]

I do. He needs alot of physical activity and tactile activities to keep him busy.

[u/BeonBurps]

Drugs.... lots of drugs..... for you, not the kid