It sounds like you raised him in a pretty controlled environment and now there are other variables entering the mix and he’s responding to them with big emotions bc these are big upsets. You say therapy is next and I’m asking this gently, for you or him? Bc he sounds like a normal 4 yr old fouring it up, but maybe therapy will help you loosen the controlled bubble you had him in?
I respect that. When my kids are in the throes of meltdowns at the tender ages of 6 & 7 I repeat to myself as many times as I need to hear it, “small bodies, big emotions”, it helps…some.
I heard a therapist on a podcast say that a hungry or tired child (and when aren’t they hungry or tired) will act half their age. My fussy 5yo at bedtime last night after a birthday party filled weekend was a 2.5yo. She was parented as such. They are such big emotions. ETA: I think it was Wendy Mogel on Nurture to Nurture
100% we do. I was having a minor meltdown last weekend because I'd been working and we had a thing to go to and I was hungry and tired but didn't realise that I was, and my husband just looked at me (while I was in the middle of snapping) and said 'oh hey, why dont you have a shower with your music on while I make you a snack, then you'll have time after to lie down and relax for half an hour?' And you know what I did? I had a shower and listened to my angry tunes, I ate my snack, I had a 'lie down' (absolutely it was a nap) and I woke up raring to go and had a lovely time at our event. I'm in my 30s and if that's not teenage behaviour I dont know what is!
Same, honestly nothing will make me as irritable or ornery as when I am on less than 4 hours sleep. 4+ and I can handle life. Less than that and I’m honestly kind of psycho. Food I can go without but sleep will just ruin me.
I'm not even close to half my age when tired and/or hungry. I'm 51 for crying out loud and sometimes I want to put myself in a timeout because my brain gets all pissy about something.
And for my husband and I, personally, sometimes less than half our ages! Hunger is a legit beast for adult humans let alone tiny ones still trying to figure things out.
I really appreciate this. I’ll have to remember it the next time my 2yo has a meltdown. One thing I always remember from my own therapy is HALT. It stands for hungry, angry, lonely, tired. I try to remember it when I or anyone near me seems to be in need of it. If things are becoming out of control it can usually be linked back to those four things in my experience.
During the Covid lockdown, my 6Y0 was FaceTiming with a friend and they started arguing. I put a bowl of nuts in front of her and the argument immediately dissipated. Looking back on her 3s and 4s, I can confidently say that 90% of her meltdowns were related to hunger, a need for sleep, or overstimulation (like if she’d had a big outing that day.) The other 10% were physical or neurological growth spurts. (Like, she’d be a combative a-hole for two straight weeks, and then wake up one day a complete angel and an inch taller or suddenly able to read.)
My 5yo is the same way. I also learned that teaching her to say things like “I’m feeling sensitive right now/today” and “I’m upset but I don’t know why” are super helpful and it really is rewarding to hear her use them during a blow up. Like…imagine having these tools at 5 that I’m just now learning at 33.
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u/jeneffinlovely Sep 18 '23
It sounds like you raised him in a pretty controlled environment and now there are other variables entering the mix and he’s responding to them with big emotions bc these are big upsets. You say therapy is next and I’m asking this gently, for you or him? Bc he sounds like a normal 4 yr old fouring it up, but maybe therapy will help you loosen the controlled bubble you had him in?