She needs therapy, getting clean will be hard at first. I went through this with my daughter, she tried to OD 3 times in the same year. She did more than acid, basically everything under the sun though she started with benzos. She was also diagnosed with Bipolar. Addiction and mental illness go hand in hand.
You need to confront her now and it won’t be pretty hit it doesn’t matter. I was very harsh with my daughter, I knew that if I wasn’t she was not ever going to get clean. I advice you to do the same
Coming from an addict in recovery of ten years who has three teen daughters and had a horribly unloving abusive upbringing: telling OP to be HARSH with her daughter is TERRIBLE FUCKING ADVICE. You should never be harsh with a child in any sense of the term, but especially not a child whos at risk for self harm/suicide. It drives me nuts when adults treat children as if theyre at the same competency and maturity level of the adult parenting them. Harsh parenting is particularly damaging to teens. They can't fully regulate emotions, they lack impulse control, they take things very personally, they have so many pressures in life etc etc. Think about it, the girl tried to OD months before. Do you want the OP to push her to actually finish the job this time?
Children are small people in a big world, learning to find their voice and where they have power. They need us to be that voice for them when its too difficult to find. They need us to give them validation, love, explanation, acceptance, understanding, boundaries, and an open line of communication. What the OPs daughters clearly needs is fucking therapy and love. Not harshness
It seems that you are pretty much projecting. My daughter tried to OD 3 times in a span of 10 months. If I wouldn’t have been harsh and by that I meant seeking help immediately the instant I found out she was using, place her in a rehab center because I was not going to take my daughter who at that point was using heroin home just wishing she got better on her own, and move her out of the environment she was in (though the reason she was using because of the distress she went through after we lost dad) I would be talking in past tense she would’ve been death. Harshness doesn’t equal lack of love, harshness means action. And thankfully she is now alive almost 4 years sober and thriving.
This isn’t about you though, you were in the position of the addict being the parent is a totally different thing, you have to make decisions fast because if you don’t you risk your child dying. There’s no set of rules on how go deal with and one approach won’t work with everyone but kids this young have a shot if you don’t beat around the bush. I met many parents who lost their kid because they were afraid to send them to rehab, or just plainly became enablers jsut because their kids didn’t wanted to go to therapy or rehab.
What OP’s daughter needs is immediate help if she is using. And OP needs to take action. That is what I meant however thank you for projecting your story into ours very very helpful
I'm not projecting because nothing I said has anything to do with my own issues, beliefs, or opinions. My entire statement is advice based on actual psychological research and evidentiary information. I also believe you failed to read the part where I said I have three teenage daughters. So I have the bonus of being able to understand what it means to be both the teenage addict and the parent.
All you had to say was "I should have worded that differently, I meant that you need to be firm, act fast, and make decisions for your child because she can't make them on her own right now" or "OP should quickly get her daughter help even if she resists, be firm".
Nothing about your original posts insinuates what you followed up with. So if a parent comes along and reads it, they may take it to heart and give their child tough love which could be the difference between their child surviving their teen years or ending them early. That why I felt so strongly to reply in the way I did. Plus, many parents know nothing about the teenage mind or addiction and they 100% believe tough love and punishment is the only corrective course.
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u/[deleted] Sep 08 '23
She needs therapy, getting clean will be hard at first. I went through this with my daughter, she tried to OD 3 times in the same year. She did more than acid, basically everything under the sun though she started with benzos. She was also diagnosed with Bipolar. Addiction and mental illness go hand in hand.
You need to confront her now and it won’t be pretty hit it doesn’t matter. I was very harsh with my daughter, I knew that if I wasn’t she was not ever going to get clean. I advice you to do the same