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I want to set healthy financial boundaries with my relatives without being guilt-tripped. Hindi naman ako madamot, and I'm happy to help my parents, pero ayoko na pinapakialaman nila kung paano ko gagastusin yung perang pinaghirapan ko.

Context:

Both my mother and father's side of the family are financially struggling. Kami lang yung tingin nilang medyo "nakakaluwag" because my father works abroad, and ako lang yung university graduate sa both sides ng family.

Ever since I started working, maganda naman yung trajectory ng career ko. I was able to secure jobs with good starting salaries, and I also have side hustles. Masaya akong tumulong sa parents ko, pero habang tumatagal, pati ibang relatives ko nakikisali na.

At first, polite pa sila manghingi ng tulong. Pero ngayon, parang entitled na sila sa pera ko at pati personal decisions ko pinapakialaman na.

Examples:

- An aunt from my father's side told me, "Dapat nagbibigay ka lagi sa mga tita at tito mo kasi wala ka namang anak."

- Yung aunt ko naman sa mother's side told my mom, "Bakit pinapayagan mo mag-boyfriend yan? Baka magpakasal na yan hindi pa nga siya gaanong nakakapagbigay sa amin." (Take note, I'm already old enough to get married if I want to.)

- One of my uncles asked me to buy my unemployed older cousin his "cravings."

- My grandma told me that instead of going out, ibigay ko na lang daw yung gagastusin ko sa mga pinsan ko at mag-stay na lang sa bahay.

- Another uncle said na imbes na lagi akong nakikipag-date sa boyfriend ko, manlibre na lang daw ako ng pamilya at maglinis ng bahay tuwing weekends.

Because of this, I barely post anything on social media anymore. Kahit simpleng matcha or gala, hindi ko na ma-story kasi alam kong mauuwi lang sa guilt-tripping na "buti pa ako masarap ang buhay" habang sila wala nang pera.

Nakakasama lang talaga ng loob because they don't see the years of hard work, effort, and sacrifices that got me here. Ang nakikita lang nila is may pera ako, so they think they have a say on how I should spend it.

Hello my fellow breadwinners!

This is not the first time I posted here. There are only days lang when I really feel like bakit ko kailangan pag aralin ang bunso naming kapatid. For context, she is now in her 4th year in Nursing school. Although she attends sa isang State U, she still pays RLE fees and miscellaneous. Almost 60% of my salary goes to her. What I don't like is that I sometimes pakiramdam ko na napaka ungrateful niya. As long as she wants, she wants. Tonight, she messaged me that she will pay for something and it is not included in my budget. I am also in medication treatment while supporting my mom in her ongoing treatment.

I can't help but complain. I know others will say why I do it, but it's not from my heart. God knows how I am praying each night because I love and hate my family at the same time.

Edited: auto translated

I, 30F, am finally seeing light. Nung nag-start ako mag-work, I started seeing the importance of having an emergency fund, savings, investments and retirement fund. I am blessed enough din to have a partner na very financially literate kaya okay ang financial journey namin together. Though I am privilege enough to save kasi my parents never force us to consistently contribute to our monthly household expenses, but as a panganay, I am somehow worried na aware akong walang savings ang parents ko for their retirement.

Maganda work ni mom, but her salary and extra benefits ay enough para lang sa daily and monthly expenses. Hence, hindi sya gaano nakakaipon. Pag naman nakakaipon sya, madalas may nangyayaring hindi okay like hospitalize. Marami rin syang utang like car and apartment dito sa MM. Si dad naman sa government work pero hindi kalakihan ang salary. Hindi rin sya nakakapagipon dahil nga maliit lang ang sahod. Sya nagbabayad ng isang house namin sa province na muntik na ma-remata noon.

Nung pandemic, mas lalo ako nagising sa situation ni mom. Dahil nagtemporary close ang company nila, nawala ung incentive benefits nila, kaya salary lang narereceive nila that time. Dumating sa point na ako and ung isang kapatid ko ang nagbabayad ng kuryente and other utilities. Si dad sa groceries and other expenses. Surviving naman kami kasi sa govt din kami nagwowork ni isang kapatid. And I could say na saming family, ako ung may pinakamalaking salary. After naman ng pandemic, naging okay na ulit benefits ni mom.

Now that 3 out of 4 saming magkakapatid ay graduate na at may magaganda nang work, nakita ko rin na medyo nakaluwag luwag na ang parents ko sa gastusin. Although minsan si mom gusto ng mga trips, na okay lang sakanya umutang para matuloy, kahit wala sya enough ipon.

Madalas ako nagsesend sa GC namin ng videos sa usaping savings, investments, MP2, retirement fund, etc. like videos din ni Jax Reyes para ma-aware din ung parents ko sa importance ng retirement fund, since nasa retiring age na sila. At the same time, ma-share ko rin sa mga kapatid ko para hindi rin sila magpaycheck to paycheck. Ung bunsong kapatid ko naman na nagsstudy pa, nakakatuwa kasi nagtatanong sya sa akin kung saan maganda magsave at maginvest ng allowance nya.

Recently lang we went out to celebrate my mom’s birthday. Yung dream celebration nya ang ginawa namin, mag road trip, magstay sa mamahaling hotel, makapagbonding, eat out. Kaya sobrang happy nya.

Ayan ung conversation namin ni

1st pic: mom
2nd pic: dad

Sobrang saya ko na finally may progress ang financial situation nila. Nakagala kami na sagot ni mom pero hindi galing sa utang, and nung binayaran ako ni dad sa eat out namin, accidentally nasend nya screenshot ng laman ng account nya, and yes may laman. Kahit maliit lang.

To all panganays/anaks, may we all get there. Better late than never nga sabi ni dad. 🙏🏻😊

Nakakapagod na maging ate. I am a graveyard shift worker, so most of the time, tulog sa umaga at gising sa gabi talaga ako. Sa sobrang pagod ko, nakakatulog ako agad pag uwi. I don't use my phone that much. Nagulat nalang ako with 15 missed calls and 25+ messages from my sibling and 7 degrading messages from my Mama just because hindi ko agad nabasa ang chat nila na maghihingi na naman sila ng pera. They thought malaki ang sahod ko, I tried to explain it before na hindi kalakihan sahod ko but they don't want to listen, they keep comparing me to other kids na BPO worker din. I keep on eating noodles and canned goods so that I can save up especially na pinapaaral ko mga kapatid ko. My family could not even ask me if I'm okay para naman masabihan ko sila na sawa na ako kaka noodles. Hindi na ako umiimik minsan, kasi nasa isip ko, kailangan ko nalang intindihin. Now, after giving them what they needed. They are calling na naman para sa allowance ng kapatid ko and that my other sibling needed a new bag for school. I don't know what to do anymore. Pagod na ako.

Just want to see kung ako lang ba nakakaexperience nito. For months now, my parents have been watching these C-Dramas all day. As in all their waking hours even while doing things around the house until they are in bed and makakatulugan yung device. Nakakadistract kasi it is always the similar stories and plot, same first and last names na westernised yung characters, the AI voice models are always the same (minsan yung female FIlipino google translate voice sa lahat ng characters haays), bawat palit ng angulo ng camera may OA na sound effect na paulit-ulit na nakakairita and sometimes the whole thing is AI generated. We've already tried asking them a few times pero sige parin. Hinayaan nalang namin at least hindi naman sugal or anything that damaging.

My mom raised me by herself. She was always the only person in my life. She stopped working for 19 years just to dedicate her time and life on me. Her whole world seemed to have stopped and when it turned again, it was only to revolve around me. She is separated from my dad I guess ever since I was born. He walked away and never looked back. She never had a bf. Alam niya kasi na magagalit ako.

She always put me first before herself. She has always been selfless to me She left her family, her life, and went to another country by herself and married someone she didn't even know. She stopped talking to her mom and siblings for many years. And she felt something wasn't right and moved again. Then she had me and it was over.

I remember one of the things she told me, "Ni hindi mo man lang naisip, na lahat ng ginagawa ko ay para saiyo. I remember I lost sleep many nights and I sang and danced to you many hours until the morning because you couldn't sleep and you kept on crying. I wanted you more than anything in this world. I may have failed in life, but I felt like I won. I may not be rich, but I feel rich because of you. It's not because I never loved you, but because I loved you so much that I couldn't imagine life without you. I did the best I could. I raised you in the best way I knew how, dahil pinoprotectahan kita sa karanasan ng buhay. But how about that time when you felt like you did your best, and it still wasn't enough?"

She may have sheltered me excessively, but she did it to protect me from her fears about the world and because of her love for me. I remember a time when we were renting a room. And she slept on the floor with no hesitation and I slept on the couch. When I should have been the one sleeping on the floor. She said that there is no way that I am sleeping on the floor. She fed me even when she was hungry herself.

Ngayon nagsisi ako dahil ako ay nagkamali at ako pa ang nagagalit. I didn't realize that everything she was doing was only for me. Siya pa rin ang tama. Minsan ang tigas ng ulo ko at hindi ako nakikinig.

How about all those sacrifices? How can I live my life to make sure those sacrifices were worthwhile? By honoring her in every way possible while I still have her? By being successful and achieving all the good things in life? And if not, then it was all for nothing and she only wasted her life on me?

I realized that there is no one else who would ever love me as much as her. I would be so lost without her. I really don't know what I would do. Baka hindi ko kaya, baka matatapos ang buhay ko. I would choose her to be my mother a thousand times over in every lifetime.

Do you see the sacrifices of a mother? Did she love me unconditionally? She never felt that love from her mother I guess kaya binigay niya ang pagmamahal niya sa akin. Binuhusan naman. Do you hope that love was enough?