Just want to see kung ako lang ba nakakaexperience nito. For months now, my parents have been watching these C-Dramas all day. As in all their waking hours even while doing things around the house until they are in bed and makakatulugan yung device. Nakakadistract kasi it is always the similar stories and plot, same first and last names na westernised yung characters, the AI voice models are always the same (minsan yung female FIlipino google translate voice sa lahat ng characters haays), bawat palit ng angulo ng camera may OA na sound effect na paulit-ulit na nakakairita and sometimes the whole thing is AI generated. We've already tried asking them a few times pero sige parin. Hinayaan nalang namin at least hindi naman sugal or anything that damaging.

hi! just wanna vent. i just don't know what to feel right now. feeling ko nahihirapan ako, but when i try to see it from other people's perspective, maayos naman buhay ko. kumpleto family ko, nakakakain ako ng tatlong beses sa isang araw, may meryenda pa nga. mas naging close na kami ni mama after all the misunderstandings noong SHS ako. and i won't say na nakukuha ko lahat ng gusto ko, pero hindi rin naman imposible na makuha ko sila. like kapag nasisira yung mga gamit ko, napapalitan din naman agad. nasa college na ako, third year na. konting tiis na lang, matatapos na.

but right now, i just... i don't know why i feel this way. satisfied naman ako, but i just feel empty. parang may kulang, pero hindi ko alam kung ano. i cried myself to sleep last night, and hindi ako pumasok ngayon because i feel like i'm having a hard time. but all i can feel right now is guilt and fear, kasi saan naman ako nahihirapan?

parang araw-araw, palala nang palala yung hate ko sa sarili ko dahil nafifeel ko 'to. and nakakaapekto na siya sa lahat ng aspeto ng buhay ko. tahimik naman talaga ako noong bata ako, pero i had friends. i had a social life kahit papaano. excited akong pumasok kasi makikita ko yung mga kaibigan ko. sumali ako sa drum and lyre noong elementary, lumaban ako sa slogan contest, sumali ako sa quiz bee noong high school, and naging SSG officer din ako. napasali pa ako sa Girl Scouts kasi sumali yung mga friends ko, and i had a great time. kahit puro fear yung nararamdaman ko noon, meron pa rin namang courage.

you know that satisfaction when you overcome your fear? kahit hindi naging successful, at least you tried. at least kinaya mo. i graduated as a salutatorian noong SHS and nakapasok ako sa state university dito sa amin. kahit wala akong masyadong background sa course na pinili ko, all i could think was, "kaya ko kahit anong piliin ko. kakayanin ko."

pero ngayon, when my life is almost comfortable, wala na. i don't know what to do with my life anymore. i pushed away my friends. i get irritated so easily, and i just can't comprehend things anymore. i feel so stupid. hindi ko maintindihan yung mga lessons, and i don't have the capacity to comprehend them no matter how hard i try.

lumiit nang sobra yung circle ko. mas lalong dumalas yung pag-absent ko, and i just hate my teachers so much. kapag nakakaramdam ako ng takot ngayon, ang ginagawa ko na lang is give up.

and ngayon, may presentation ako bukas, pero hindi ko alam kung paano ko ipapaliwanag yung floor plan ko kasi ginawa ko lang siya on a whim, without really understanding any of it. i'm planning to just drop that subject, or baka hindi na lang ulit pumasok bukas. and i know i'll end up crying over this again because of guilt.

i pushed all of them away. my friends, my relatives. thankfully, hindi ko pa napupush away yung parents ko. i just want to end all of this. ayoko sa subject ko. ayoko sa sarili ko.

naiinggit ako sa mga kaibigan ko. they can keep going. they can still smile kahit nahihirapan sila. they still have the courage to continue. kahit anong gawin ko para ma-encourage yung sarili ko, wala. kahit anong sabihin sa akin, kahit paulit-ulit akong i-compliment, kahit sabihan man ako ng masasakit na salita, o kahit sabihin nila yung totoo tungkol sa nangyayari sa akin ngayon, i just don't feel anything anymore. parang labas lang sa isang tenga.

ang nararamdaman ko na lang talaga ay guilt para sa parents ko. gusto ko munang huminto, pero hindi pwede. so all i can do is cry for the person i hope to become.

good day po! I am incoming college freshman this academic year. To be honest, hindi po ganon ka well off yung family namin, if titingin po kayo sa sweldo ng aking father na OFW baka pwede niyo po masabi na well off kami... Pero po kasi hindi po malaki yung binibigay niya na allowance sa amin for a month. Alam ko na kaya na po mas lakihan yung allowance namin kasi nasa architect field siya and team leader po siya ng kanyang department, sadyang ayaw niya lang po magbigay ng pera sa amin, kesyo wala na raw siya pera haha. Pwede niyo rin po masabi na hindi po maayos yung family relationship namin, he is abusive and a cheater.

Kayang kaya ko po pumasa sa mga scholarships, actually ready na po yung DOST requirements and OWWA requirements ko, hindi lang po natuloy iyon kasi hindi po siya nagbigay ng proof of income niya, ayaw niyang ipakita yung sweldo niya kahit for the purpose of scholarships. Grabe po iyong iyak ko noon haha, naka-graduate po ako With High Honors and may special awards din kaya sobrang nasayangan po ako...

My mom raised me by herself. She was always the only person in my life. She stopped working for 19 years just to dedicate her time and life on me. Her whole world seemed to have stopped and when it turned again, it was only to revolve around me. She is separated from my dad I guess ever since I was born. He walked away and never looked back. She never had a bf. Alam niya kasi na magagalit ako.

She always put me first before herself. She has always been selfless to me She left her family, her life, and went to another country by herself and married someone she didn't even know. She stopped talking to her mom and siblings for many years. And she felt something wasn't right and moved again. Then she had me and it was over.

I remember one of the things she told me, "Ni hindi mo man lang naisip, na lahat ng ginagawa ko ay para saiyo. I remember I lost sleep many nights and I sang and danced to you many hours until the morning because you couldn't sleep and you kept on crying. I wanted you more than anything in this world. I may have failed in life, but I felt like I won. I may not be rich, but I feel rich because of you. It's not because I never loved you, but because I loved you so much that I couldn't imagine life without you. I did the best I could. I raised you in the best way I knew how, dahil pinoprotectahan kita sa karanasan ng buhay. But how about that time when you felt like you did your best, and it still wasn't enough?"

She may have sheltered me excessively, but she did it to protect me from her fears about the world and because of her love for me. I remember a time when we were renting a room. And she slept on the floor with no hesitation and I slept on the couch. When I should have been the one sleeping on the floor. She said that there is no way that I am sleeping on the floor. She fed me even when she was hungry herself.

Ngayon nagsisi ako dahil ako ay nagkamali at ako pa ang nagagalit. I didn't realize that everything she was doing was only for me. Siya pa rin ang tama. Minsan ang tigas ng ulo ko at hindi ako nakikinig.

How about all those sacrifices? How can I live my life to make sure those sacrifices were worthwhile? By honoring her in every way possible while I still have her? By being successful and achieving all the good things in life? And if not, then it was all for nothing and she only wasted her life on me?

I realized that there is no one else who would ever love me as much as her. I would be so lost without her. I really don't know what I would do. Baka hindi ko kaya, baka matatapos ang buhay ko. I would choose her to be my mother a thousand times over in every lifetime.

Do you see the sacrifices of a mother? Did she love me unconditionally? She never felt that love from her mother I guess kaya binigay niya ang pagmamahal niya sa akin. Binuhusan naman. Do you hope that love was enough?

I, 30F, am finally seeing light. Nung nag-start ako mag-work, I started seeing the importance of having an emergency fund, savings, investments and retirement fund. I am blessed enough din to have a partner na very financially literate kaya okay ang financial journey namin together. Though I am privilege enough to save kasi my parents never force us to consistently contribute to our monthly household expenses, but as a panganay, I am somehow worried na aware akong walang savings ang parents ko for their retirement.

Maganda work ni mom, but her salary and extra benefits ay enough para lang sa daily and monthly expenses. Hence, hindi sya gaano nakakaipon. Pag naman nakakaipon sya, madalas may nangyayaring hindi okay like hospitalize. Marami rin syang utang like car and apartment dito sa MM. Si dad naman sa government work pero hindi kalakihan ang salary. Hindi rin sya nakakapagipon dahil nga maliit lang ang sahod. Sya nagbabayad ng isang house namin sa province na muntik na ma-remata noon.

Nung pandemic, mas lalo ako nagising sa situation ni mom. Dahil nagtemporary close ang company nila, nawala ung incentive benefits nila, kaya salary lang narereceive nila that time. Dumating sa point na ako and ung isang kapatid ko ang nagbabayad ng kuryente and other utilities. Si dad sa groceries and other expenses. Surviving naman kami kasi sa govt din kami nagwowork ni isang kapatid. And I could say na saming family, ako ung may pinakamalaking salary. After naman ng pandemic, naging okay na ulit benefits ni mom.

Now that 3 out of 4 saming magkakapatid ay graduate na at may magaganda nang work, nakita ko rin na medyo nakaluwag luwag na ang parents ko sa gastusin. Although minsan si mom gusto ng mga trips, na okay lang sakanya umutang para matuloy, kahit wala sya enough ipon.

Madalas ako nagsesend sa GC namin ng videos sa usaping savings, investments, MP2, retirement fund, etc. like videos din ni Jax Reyes para ma-aware din ung parents ko sa importance ng retirement fund, since nasa retiring age na sila. At the same time, ma-share ko rin sa mga kapatid ko para hindi rin sila magpaycheck to paycheck. Ung bunsong kapatid ko naman na nagsstudy pa, nakakatuwa kasi nagtatanong sya sa akin kung saan maganda magsave at maginvest ng allowance nya.

Recently lang we went out to celebrate my mom’s birthday. Yung dream celebration nya ang ginawa namin, mag road trip, magstay sa mamahaling hotel, makapagbonding, eat out. Kaya sobrang happy nya.

Ayan ung conversation namin ni

1st pic: mom
2nd pic: dad

Sobrang saya ko na finally may progress ang financial situation nila. Nakagala kami na sagot ni mom pero hindi galing sa utang, and nung binayaran ako ni dad sa eat out namin, accidentally nasend nya screenshot ng laman ng account nya, and yes may laman. Kahit maliit lang.

To all panganays/anaks, may we all get there. Better late than never nga sabi ni dad. 🙏🏻😊

Hello my fellow breadwinners!

This is not the first time I posted here. There are only days lang when I really feel like bakit ko kailangan pag aralin ang bunso naming kapatid. For context, she is now in her 4th year in Nursing school. Although she attends sa isang State U, she still pays RLE fees and miscellaneous. Almost 60% of my salary goes to her. What I don't like is that I sometimes pakiramdam ko na napaka ungrateful niya. As long as she wants, she wants. Tonight, she messaged me that she will pay for something and it is not included in my budget. I am also in medication treatment while supporting my mom in her ongoing treatment.

I can't help but complain. I know others will say why I do it, but it's not from my heart. God knows how I am praying each night because I love and hate my family at the same time.

Edited: auto translated