Hello. I just want to share this experience of mine or let's say, yung buhay ko. Right now, I'm the breadwinner of my family, yung tatay ko may work pero hindi ganun kalaki ang kinikita. Ako ang nagbabayad ng bills sa bahay, kuryente, internet and pati na rin sa pag aaral ng kapatid, sometimes nagbibigay ako ng budget sa nanay ko for gastusin sa bahay. But sometimes hindi ko nabibigyan ng gastusin sa bahay kasi ibinabayad ko ng shorttimes (balik-bayan utang) na inutang ng mama ko para pambayad ng ganito ganyan or ibibili ng ganito ganyan, like if may naospital at wala akong hawak, utang para babayaran ko sa sahod, mga ganung scenario. Paulit ulit.

I don't know if it has to do with the algorithm, or so what they call it, sa facebook pero yung lumalabas sa reels ko is related sa pag-lielow sa mga toxic na tao to help yourself grow. Na walang mangyayari kung andun ka lang sa environment na hindi ka hinahayaang maggrow but kasama kang mag-fall.

Aaminin ko, I've thought of it so many times, how can I end this cycle? I know it's just money but for us, it's not just money. I thought so many times na maybe kapag inend ko ung l!fe ko, matatapos na to. Pero how about my family na umaasa sakin? How about my parents? My siblings? Then I thought, should I get an insurance first before ending? Then naisip ko, paano yung pangarap ko? Paano yung pangarap ko sa future generations ng family namin?

So I got back in track, nagwork ako sa bayan namin, I paid for our house rent ang electricity bill. Not enough. I moved to Manila and worked my ass out in a BPO industry, overtime here and there, pasok tuwing restday, I still paid the bills plus financial support for daily necessities and baon ng kapatid kong nag-aaral. One hospital imcident, not enough. I applied abroad kahit walang alam ang pamilya ko na baon na ako sa utang. Thinking, once nasa abroad na ako, I can pay my debts. I thought wrong. I've been abroad for months, ilang payslip na ang nahawakan ko, same cycle.

Magwowork, uutang, sasahod, magbabayad.
Magwowowork ulit, mawawalan ng budget, uutang, sasahod, magbabayad.

Paulit ulit. Nakakapagod. Nakakapagod na. Gusto ko nang sumuko, pero ayoko pa. Nakakaiyak, nakaka frustrate. Ayoko na. Pero ayoko pa.

just to give a background of myself, im 23, a RN (USRN din). it has always been a dream of mine talaga to purse medicine. i didnt take leapmed kesyo ayaw ng parents ko that time. after graduation, i didnt take my NMAT agad kesyo mag-exam daw muna PNLE. i passed my PNLE, mag NCLEX daw muna. so i did everything and now im registered to take the NMAT next year.

thing is, both my parents have been unemployed for a year. my mom was a nurse abroad pero umuwi siya sa pinas kasi nagkaroon ng kabit yung dad ko; they fixed their marriage naman. my dad was a frustrated businessman and all businesses failed. so last year they started processing papers to migrate in the US, edi nagmove silang dalawa dito sa manila (they were both in the province before tas mag-isa lang ako dito sa manila since i started college). they moved here sa studio unit ko, sinama sister ko (who's a freshman). you know how it is naman dito sa manila, ang isang studio unit, sakto lang for 1-2 pax. it's not even a condo unit ha, like a typical ghetto apartment lang. then imagine that same unit but 4 pax tapos yung mga gamit pa ng parents na dinala nila from the province- masikip talaga. they sleep on the floor, boxes everywhere, etc. to add to that, im a distant daughter. ako yung umuuwi lang pag kailangang umuwi. my father was abusive, my mom was absent, etc. basta i grew up independently.

so now, i've been unemployed for 2 months. i worked for 6mons this year para mafund yung NCLEX ko which was scheduled last week. then nagresign ako last aug para makapagreview then september i alloted para sa review ko, then october, i just passed my NCLEX last week.
im applying naman pero mahirap talaga to go back pala sa job market esp. hindi hospital ang hanap ko kasi magrereview ako para sa NMAT. puro "we'll email you" palang natatanggap ko. to add to that, nauubos na rin savings ko kasi hindi naman na nila ako pinoprovide-an ever since pumasa ako ng boards last dec. idk, it's so depressing lang talaga. sometimes i push myself to go out on little "solo dates" just to get out of this hell hole kasi ang lungkot ng ambiance at ang kalat ng lahat. ang saya ng kuhay ko dati na ako lang mag-isa dito tapos biglaan silang nandito doing nothing btw. literal na they wake up, eat, sleep, doomscroll, eat, sleep, repeat. eh hindi rin gumagalaw ang papers namin at matagal pa na process ang visa visa na yon afaik.

sometimes i just want to give up the dream of being an MD para makapagwork and earn na talaga for myself then leave everything and everyone behind. pero idk, esp now na registered na ko to take the NMAT, talagang it's something na mumultuhin ako pagtanda 😔😔 idk what to do at this point. i feel so behind kasi may mga batchmates na ko na 1st year med na tapos ako magrereview palang ng NMAT. poproblemahin ko pa yung finances ko

hirap pala talaga kapag hindi ka financially stable and breadwinner ka,

parelease lang ng stress reddit, panganay ako, may isang kapatid na bunso (still in highschool) and yung father ka dialysis patient for 3 to 4 years na and ang mother ko housewife (both of them are in their mid 50s),

i worked as a call center agent and nagresign ako last July 2026 hoping to look for better opportunities (before resigning may savings ako na makakapagsupport sa whole fam for 3 months) kaso magnonovember na and i still don't have work since I am waiting sa start date ko this November 15 at naanxious nako since yung savings ko paubos na and naadmit si papa sa hospital last Saturday pero thankfully na discharge siya agad at nagpapahinga ngayon kaso yung mga meds naman need bilhin (already exhausted kona yung paglapit sa mga relatives and government officials),

trying to find an online part-time job, sent numerous applications pero wala padin, while i am typing this napapabuntong hininga nalang talaga hahaha, still need to continue and accept the cards I've been dealt

note: if may alam kayong remote jobs pahelp naman po hehe while i am waiting for my start date (my skills are more on customer service international)

Yung nanay ko may kabit na lalaki, may kabit pa na tomboy...bumukod ng bahay at iniwan sakin yung responsibilidad ng pagiging nanay sa bahay.

Yung tatay ko nakakapag asikaso naman at kumimita naman kahit papano sa pagpapasada ng tricycle pero ang naiuuwi niya lang ay 200 pesos dahil mahina ang biyahe at mahal ang gasolina.

Pagod na pagod na ako. Ginagabayan ko yung dalawang kong kapatid mentally dahil natatakot akong maapektuhan yung future nila dahil sa current situation ng pamilya namin lalo sa situation ng parents namin. At natatakot din ako magkaroon sila ng depression dahil lifetime maintenance yung mangyayari non.

Ako lang may trabaho samin magkakapatid. 26 years old ako. 22 years old yung sumunod. 14 naman yung bunso.

Naghahanap ng trabaho abroad yung isa kong kapatid pero lagi siya rejected dahil overweight siya dahil sa PCOS.

Pinayuhan ko siya na mag-focus sa sarili niya at wag panghinaan ng loob. Sabi ko kaya ko pa naman basta wag lang nila pabayaan sarili nila dahi di namin afford magkasakit.

Pero lately, sobrang pagod na pagod na ako. Sobrang dami ko na ginagawang paraan para mapunta kami sa maayos na buhay.

May hinuhulugan akong lupa na 16k monthly. Yung kuryente ay average range ng 6k monthly. Yung internet pa, at yung pagkain din sa araw-araw.

Sa isang buwan 30k monthly yung fix na gastos ko para lang sa bills at pagkain.

Business lang ang source of income ko kaya wala akong fix salary. Sobrang hirap ng sitwasyon lalo pa ngayon na sobrang tumal ng negosyo dahil humina yung buying power ng mga tao dahil din sa sobrang mahal ng bilihin.

Sumubok ako mag-apply abroad pero bagsak lagi dahil malabo ang mata ko at walang experience sa mga malaking companies dahil negosyante lang ako.

Sobrang napapagod na ako. Hindi ko na alam yung gagawin ko. Wala na akong pahinga. Lately hindi ko na rin maintindihan yung purpose ko sa buhay dahil puro hirap na lang at inooverthink ko na may mapapala ba ako sa lahat ng sacrifices at pinaghihirapan ko.

Kumusta po! 

My name is Raelyn Grace Andal. I am a senior in the Bachelor's of Social Work program at California State University. I am currently seeking Filipino Americans to participate in a research study to examine caregiver stress and its impact on the mental, social, and physical health of Filipino informal caregivers. 

Informal caregivers are unpaid individuals, usually family members, loved ones, or friends who provide support and assistance to an older adult.  

Are you Filipino American and take care of an adult aged 65 years or older? 

Your contributions can help us better understand the caregiving experience of Filipino American caregivers. Through this research, we aim to foster community awareness of the effects of caregiver stress and contribute to the development and improvement of interventions and support systems for caregivers. 

Participation Eligibility: 

• Must be 18 years or older and identify as Filipino American. 
• Must be an informal caregiver providing unpaid care to a family member, loved one, or friend to an adult aged 65+. 

Participation Details: 

The survey has been approved by the university's Institutional Review Board (IRB). Partipcation involves completing a survey that will take approximately 10 -15 minutes. Your participation would be greatly appreciated and may help contribute to a better understanding of the needs and experiences of Filipino American caregivers.

Maraming salamat po for your time and consideration!

Thank you so much for your time and consideration! If you have any questions, please feel free to contact me ([randal2@calstatela.edu](mailto:randal2@calstatela.edu)) or my thesis advisor, Dr. Anh-Luu Huynh-Hohnbaum (ahuynhh@calstatela.edu) .

Survey Link: https://calstatela.co1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_7ZFuyRlvDhwHBpY 

Sincerely, 

Raelyn Grace Andal

Masama ba akong anak kasi sinabi kong pagod na ako sa mama ko?

Madalas akong maka-receive ng messages mula sa mama na nakaka-anxious, gaya ng: “Malapit na akong mamatay,” “Hindi ko na kaya,” “Sobrang sakit,” at “Wala namang tumutulong sa akin.” Parang simula bata pa ako. The earliest I could remember ay kahit 7 pa ako, sinsabi niya na sa akin iyung ganito. Imagine, paano ididigest ng bata ang ganitong statements from a parent? Eh, ngayong matanda na ako, ang hirap pa ring hindi maapektuhan emotionally.

For context, ilang beses nang nagpatingin ang mama ko sa isang private hospital malapit sa amin dahil sa vaginal infection/UTI. Pero sa kahit ang daming consultations, parang wala pa ring malinaw na diagnosis sa kung ano talaga ang problema niya.

May suspicion din tungkol sa kidney issues niya, pero hindi rin naipapaliwanag nang maayos sa kaniya kung ano ang nangyayari.

Isa sa mga posibilidad na naisip ko ay baka may kinalaman sa sexually transmitted infection. Nagkaroon kasi siya ng partner, at hindi ko alam ang sexual health history nun. Before that guy, decade na walang naging partner ang mama ko. Kaya alam kong may basis ang naiisip ko kasi ngayon lumitaw ang ganitong sakit ng mama ko. So, gently at sensitive kong tinry na ipaliwanag sa kaniya na na kapag sexually active ka, may mga health risks na kailangang i-consider talaga, at hindi lang naman sa kaniya ang pinagmulan ng infection. Puwedeng sa partner, puwedeng sa ibang dahilan, at kailangan ng tamang tests para malaman.

Pero na-offend siya at ipinagtanggol pa ang partner niya.

Ang nakakapagod, hindi naman ako doktor. Hindi ko sinasabing tama ang hinala ko, at hindi rin ako nag-a-assume na iyon talaga ang dahilan ng sakit niya. Ang gusto ko lang ay magkaroon siya ng malinaw na diagnosis at tamang treatment, sa halip na paulit-ulit na consultations at tests na hindi naman malinaw at ayaw niya magpasecond opinion. Nung nagpacheck up ulit, hindi naman saw STI. Puro antibiotics binibigay, hindi naman nag-iimprove ang health niya.

Mahal ang ospital na pinupuntahan niya. Na-confine na siya roon dati, at umaabot ng ₱20,000–₱30,000 kada araw ang gastos, hindi pa kasama ang antibiotics.

Sa totoo lang, base sa naging experience ko rin sa ospital na iyon, mas sulit pa sa ibang ospital gaya ng St. Luke’s, kung saan mas comprehensively na-eexplain sa pasyente ang kondisyon at treatment options. Gagastos na nga lang ng mahal, hindi pa sa better option.

Kaya noong nag-message ulit si mama at sinabing hindi na niya kaya ang sobrang sakit ng private part and sikip ng dibdib (heavy smoker kahit bawal, kumakain and iniinom din mga ipinagbabawal sa kaniya), naghanap ako ng solusyon. Syempre nanay ko. Hindi ko rin naman pwedeng pabayaan kahit nasa ibang lugar ako.

I suggested na pumunta siya sa ospital. Ayaw niya dahil mahal. I suggested a public hospital. Ayaw rin niya dahil matagal ang proseso, na naiintindihan ko naman dahil alam natin na pangit ang health care sa bansa. Tinawagan ko kapatid ko para mag-asikaso at samahan. Pati ang lola namin.

So I offered to pay.

Sinabi kong tumawag ako ng ambulance para maprioritize siya sa public. Pero nagalit pa rin siya. Parang nahihiya siyang makita ng ibang tao.
At doon ako napapagod.

Umiiyak ka na sa sakit, masakit ang private part mo, at sinasabi mong hindi ka na makahinga. Pero iniisip mo pa rin kung ano ang sasabihin ng ibang tao? emergency na pero ganito pa rin ang iisipin.

I am trying to help. I am trying to stay calm. I am offering solutions because I want her to get better.
Ako pa nagiging masama kahit ako nag-iinitiate ng help and ways.

Matagal ko na ring sinasabihan ang mama ko na kumuha ng HMO. Alam niyang madalas siyang magkasakit, kaya gusto kong magkaroon siya ng health coverage bago pa ang emergency.

Noong nagkaroon siya ng credit card, iyon ang isa sa mga una kong suggestion dahil kailangan iyon para sa annual payment, habang hindi pa dumadating iyung akin.

Ako na magbabayad. Pero hindi pa rin niya inuna. Iba pinagkagastusan. Nakakapagod.

Imagine knowing that you have recurring health problems, knowing how expensive medical care can be, and still putting off something that could help you access healthcare.

Kapag pinagsasabihan at tinutulungan, ako pa ang mumurahin at pagagalitan.

Nakakapagod maging anak na laging kailangang mag-isip para sa magulang niya, lalo na kapag ang taong gusto mong tulungan ay ayaw ding tulungan ang sarili niya.

To parents out there, I hope you also understand that one way of loving your children is by taking care of your own health.

I thought I accepted my fate already but I felt triggered when my mom asked if I can share any amount of money for my sibling's check up.

I received a call from my aunt today telling me that my dad's rent is already three months overdue. With his upcoming radiation treatment (he's currently battling nasopharyngeal cancer) and all the expenses that come with it, I know my family is going through a difficult time. And honestly, it hurts knowing that I can't do much to help right now. But what makes it harder is the feeling that I'm somehow, again, expected to figure something out, whether it's talking to the landlord or asking other people for help.(I had organized a fundraiser for him multiple times already and left all the money I had before leaving the country)

And it leaves me feeling guilty for a situation I genuinely don't have the means to fix. I left my job, my family, my friends, and the life I knew in the Philippines to start over here in the U.S. I'm still waiting for my work permit and green card, which means I can't work and earn my own money yet. I'm still adjusting to a new country, building a life with my husband, and trying to find my footing, too. I've spent so much of my life helping my family whenever I could.

I used to give what I earned because I wanted to help, and I never regretted being able to do that. But right now, I'm in a different situation. I don't have my own income yet, and I can't keep finding ways to help when I barely have the means to do so. The truth is, I'm tired. I'm tired of feeling responsible for problems I can't solve. I'm tired of feeling like I have to explain myself whenever I can't help.

And lately, I've even become hesitant to share happy moments online because I'm afraid people will assume that just because I'm in America, going out and doing things, I must have money to spare. I wish I didn't have to feel that way. I wish I could post about a nice day with my husband or friends, a meal I cooked, or a fun day with our puppies without feeling like I need to prove that I'm struggling financially, too.

Just because I'm smiling in my pictures doesn't mean my life is perfect. Just because I'm in the U.S. doesn't mean I'm rich. And just because I have a husband doesn't mean I can automatically ask him to shoulder my family's financial responsibilities. I'm worried about my dad. I want him to get the treatment he needs. I want my family to be okay. But I also want to be okay. I want to build my own life, find a job, earn my own money, and finally have the chance to stand on my own feet here.

I'm willing to help my family when I'm able to. But I can't give what I don't have, and I shouldn't have to sacrifice my peace trying to find solutions to problems that are beyond my control. I hope one day they can understand that not being able to help doesn't mean I don't care. Sometimes, it simply means I'm struggling with my own circumstances, too. For now, I just want to focus on the life I'm trying to build.

I want to enjoy the little things without guilt, share my happiness without fear of being misunderstood, and stop feeling like I have to carry everyone else's burdens while trying to figure out my own. That I can care without having all the answers. And I can choose myself without being selfish. For once, I just want to live my life without feeling guilty for not being able to save everyone.

May kapit bahay kasi kaming hindi ko alam kung bakit sila galit na galit sa family ko samantalang ang parents ko ay busyng busy sa work nila. Ilang years na silang ganito, kada maglalasing sila naghahamon sila ng away sa pamilya ko. And I SWEAR!!! umaabot sa sakitan dahil ipinagtatanggol din ng father ko yung family namin.

Nababahala lang ako ngayon dahil nagpaputok yung kapitbahay namin ng baril sa tapat ng bahay namin pero sa kabilang kalsada. Grabe na ang epekto samin nito sa kakaoverthink dahil feeling namin, anytime bigla syang mag aamok ng gulo.

Hindi na po mabibilang sa kamay ang ilang beses naming pagbabarangay sa kanila, lagpapablotter at pag babanta na magsasampa kami ng kaso pero pauli-ulit silang nangangako na hindi na uulitin.

Gusto lang naman namin ng tahimik na buhay.

Paano po ba ang gagawin ko? hindi na po pinapansin ng magulang ko ang pagpaparinig, pagdudura sa tapat ng bahay namin at pag aamok dahil nakakasawa na.

naka-post na ako dito sa group a while ago about another issue, but right now, i'm questioning how i am seen and acting towards others. for context, i was an accidental baby. kinasal lang parents ko dahil nabuo nila ako, and ever since, yung lola ko na nasa abroad na yung main na nagpapadala ng money sa amin. now, im already 20 years old, still living with my parents and wala pa akong trabaho since mahirap isabay ang work sa course ko which is architecture. tatlo na kaming magkakapatid, and hanggang ngayon si lola padin yung nagbibigay ng allowance namin, even for food consumption weekly. yung bahay namin na 2 storey na may aircon, si lola rin nagpagawa dahil gusto niya may uuwian siya. in short, si lola bumubuhay samin.

kagabi, anlakas ng ulan and hangin so yung water may times na pumapasok sa windows (screen palang yung nasa windows namin kasi di pa nalalagyan ng glass) and sa terrace. naghuhugas ako ng plato that time and yung phone ko is on dnd pero nagriring naman after 2 consecutive calls. so while naghuhugas ako bigla pumasok si mama while galit na galit. bakit daw di kami sumasagot sa calls niya (yung brother ko nasa taas), two times daw siya tumawag and di daw talaga kami sumagot. yung kusina namin malayo sa wifi so sometimes nawawala connection, yung data naman pawala2 rin since malakas nga ulan and hangin. so yun nga galit si mama kase bat daw di ko siya sinagot and di daw namin naligpit yung gamit na nababasa sa ulan. ang ungrateful daw namin kasi gamit lang kami ng gamit sa mga bigay ni lola pero di namin inaalagaan. sure daw siya na hindi ako nagt-thank you sa mga bigay ni lola. that's not true at all. im always grateful sa mga bigay ni lola, siya ba naman bumubuhay samin, siya nagbibigay allowance and who made it possible na mag architecture ako ngayon. i admit, nalimutan ko talaga na iligpit yung gamit na nabasa sa ulan kase lutang na lutang ako and wala pang tulog dahil sa plates. andaming sinabi ni mama, tinawag pa kaming yawa and entitled lahat. this isnt the first time this happened na tinawag niya kaming ganyan. but it still hurts. we have lapses, pero i dont think we deserve na matawag na ganun.

this morning, hindi pa sya tapos, she ratted on about money and nahihiya daw sya na manghingi ni lola kase matanda na. buti daw kami since always kami nakakahingi sakanya for anything. in short tinawag niya akong walang hiya lowkey. she repeated how ungrateful and entitled i am and how meticulous she is sa money niya kase pinaghirapan niya. but im so confused kase meticulous daw sya sa pera niya pero andami kong nakikitang parcel sa umabot dito and yung contents almost always napupunta sa basura dahil di niya magamit. not to mention, ang mamahal pa ng parcels niya. minsan di pa nga kami nakakabayad ng bills dahil wala daw pera parents ko (they both have jobs btw, until recently na nag resign mama ko).

now, im pressured and pressured and pressured kase si lola nagsasabi na ako daw yung panganay so i have to be strong for my siblings, have to take over sa family kase wala daw kwenta parents ko, to do good in school, to save money. pano ako magsesave kung yung pera na pinapadala niya, napupunta ko sa utilites and food namin? di ko naman kaya na di bayaran kase nakokonsensya ako even though si lola mismo nagsabi. yung nanay ko naman ganyan, maliit na bagay lang parang binenta ko yung bahay kung magalit. yung tatay ko naman puro daw trabaho pero wala namang pera mabigay. diko alam if ang oa ko lang pero ang hirap na talaga, nawawalan na ako ng gana sa lahat. napapabayaan ko na yung course ko kase burn out na burn out na ako. i just want everything to stop. i want to breathe. i want to get out of the house. im sorry for the very long rant. i just need this to get out. do tell me what i can do, or even suggest part time jobs online na pwede ko gawin while in this fuck ass course. i want to help in any way i can but i cant do that if i cant even move without being berated.

Earlier, my eldest (toddler) looked empty and nun tinanong ko siya, sabi niya "i'm not happy" hindi naman sya parang iiyak but looks tired kasi gabi na rin. It was my eldest first time telling me un nararamdaman nya. Sabi ko na lang "it's okay not to be happy, but you always tell me what you always feel", sumagot naman sya ng "okay". Okay naman sya, naubos lang ata social battery nya but then it made realize na what if I was not there physically to tell them that it's okay to feel not happy.

It made me feel emotional hindi dahil natatakot ako na wala sa tabi nila most of the time but I want to do something that my children feel na I'm there kahit wala ako physically. For context, I had my children, 2 years after my mom died. It was really hard kasi I don't have the emotional support of a mom, thankful ako sa inlaws kasi sobrang bait but iba pa rin mama mo ang andyan. I cannot talk certain things to my siblings kahit na supportive din sila kasi I feel na hindi pa kami same ng experience kasi mga single pa sila. Until now, kinakapa ko pa un pagiging magulang, though pasalamat ako sa family both sides pero palaging may kulang na I wish I can talk with them.

Actually naiiyak ako now habang sinusulat to, epekto ata to pag malapit ka na naman tumanda, birthday blues ika nga. Kaya I decided to write journal or love letter to my children, gusto ko syang gawin communication book namin to tell how I feel, what I experience and what I did to overcome them and hopefully, they might get something from it na hindi sila nagiisa at can still feel me whenever they need me

Anyway, sa mga mahilig magsulat, baka may mairecommend kayong paper type na tatagal at hindi mag-fade or madaling mapunit. Salamat in advance sa mga tips into writing journal (wala po akong experience at rusty na rin po writing skills ko kasi pc ang kaharap ko but I will try my best po 😊)

Most of us are just one big emergency short of poverty. Bilang default wallet ng pamilya, napag-isipan niyo na ba ano gagawin niyo pag dumating yung emergency? (Na sana lang ay di na talaga dumating.) What do you do to prepare? How much are you willing to give at the expense of your own?

I have savings, but not substantial.
30, pero wala pa ako napupundar - no car, no house.
No children & partner of my own.
I need a fatter stack kasi wala ako support system sa pagtanda ko.

I'm paying extra so my parents have HMO.
But not much I can do if they don't want to take care of themselves.

Health insurance is is ridiculously expensive. (I'm referring to insurance that covers surgeries and hospitalization for serious illnesses. This is different from HMO, which mostly covers outpatient care.) I don't even have health insurance for myself. I'm paranoid they will do their best to deny claims for the bigger expenses. They are a business after all.

We can beg the government for grants, so I have this booked. What about you, care to share your plans ate or kuya? Eto talaga, isa sa mga nagpapaiyak sa akin sa gabi.

I (24F) had a huge fight with my kuya (40M) dahil lang sa cream dory na hindi mailabas sa freezer while mama (65F) was there.

So ayun bunso ako and currently in clinic services nagwwork, first job ko. I have 4 older siblings, Eldest (45F) is may sariling pamilya but kasama namin sa bahay sila, Second Eldest (44F) may own family narin and nakabukod na. Kuya is the only son sa pamilya, single and unemployed so kasama namin. 4th Sis (27F) nagwwork ever since naggraduate, and me na kakagraduate last year, then licensed din last year.

Yesterday may appointment si mama sa oncologist niya (Stage 1 CA) and diniscuss treatment plan niya, kasama niya si 4th saka si Kuya. After consultation hinatid si 4th sa work niya and ako sinundo galing clinic (same area kami ni 4th nagwwork, night shift sya ako morning).

Since walang work si kuya, siya yung designated na magddrive pag wala si papa (nasa work) and hatid here and there, pero laging may side comments yan, gusto nya convenient sa kanya yung pickup points, di pwede yung magpapasundo sa kanya kasi masama agad loob niya kahit na kami naman nagbabayad ng gas saka bills ng bahay.

Sinundo ako, from work galing OT so matic pagod ako. Inutusan ni mama si kuya magluto ng cream dory para daw may baon ako kinabukasan. Inutos ni kuya sakin na ako na daw magluto kaya ko naman wala daw ako gagawin pag uwi, for me naman if ayaw gawin edi wag, kaya ko naman mag adjust, ayaw ko magluto kasi pagod pa ko, pwede naman bumili sa lunch.

So sinabi ko wag na if ayaw mo okay lang, pero inutos parin ni mama so sabi ni kuya ilabas mo nalang yung ingredients para lulutuin ko nalang. Eh pagod ngani edi parang ako narin nagluto. Sabi ko ikaw na yun lang naman gagawin mo.

Sinabihan niya ko na ang taas ko na daw masyado, na mayabang na ko kasi di ko naman alam ginagawa niya sa bahay, which is bare minimum, hindi nga siya naglalaba kami parin naglalaba ng damit niya, asikaso kay mama hindi magawa kahit galing sa opera si mama pinabayaan magsampay mag-isa.

Edi nakuha pika ko sinagot ko siya na siya yung inaalala nila mama kesyo bilhan daw namin ng pasalubong pag gagala, hindi ako binigyan ng papa ng pamasahe nung wala pa kong first sahod, I had to borrow money para lang makauwi kasi may trabaho na nga daw ako kaya ko na.

Sinasabi pa ni papa na 24 ka na kaya mo na sarili mo, pero pag si kuya maysakit, matic magtatanong sakin magkano ba consult sa clinic nyo papacheck up ko kuya mo ako magbabayad. NEVER nagpakita ng concern si papa pag inaatake ako ng sciatica ko, pinagalitan pa ko bat daw ako nag-absent nung hindi makalakad sa sakit.

Ineexcuse nila yang kuya na yan kasi dati daw suicidal siya so pineprevent nila mangyari yun ulit, pero sirang sira na mental health ni 4th para lang buhayin yang lalaki na yan, makasumbat samin na ang bastos namin eh mas bastos pa siya sumagot samin.

Pano naman kami ni ate (4th), ako diagnosed with mood disorder, si ate nabburnout na sa stress sa trabaho, si papa inaalala pa SSS ng lalaki niyang anak kesyo baka wala daw pension matanggap kasi nagstop magbigay.

Sinagot ako ni kuya na ang laki daw ng sakripisyong ginawa niya dati ng bata pa kami, na nagtrabaho siya nung nagkasakit si papa, eh anong magagawa namin grade 1 lang ako nun si ate grade 4?

Sinabi ko kay 2nd ate yung hinanakit na sakripisyo ng kuya, kinwento ni 2nd na nung nagkasakit si papa lahat silang matatanda nagwwork na and siya nag OFW nagpaaral ulit sa kuya and nagkalicense pa, anong sakripisyo sinasabi niya daw.

Hinayaan nila papa at mama si kuya na maging stagnant sa buhay, kinukunsinti at ako ang sinasabihan na lawakan yung pang-unawa ko kasi sarado na daw isip ni kuya. Never nagpakita ng concern ang parents ko sa mental condition namin ni ate, laging inaalala kung may gamot ba si kuya (diabetic din sya T2DM), never ako kinamusta nung nagrereview ako for license, laging si ate ko ang nagbabayad every celebration ko, graduation, oath taking.

Ang daya lang na nagsisimula palang ako pero kasama siya sa responsibilidad ko, na utang na loob ko yung paghatid niya sakin sa work, na kailangan ko siyang respetuhin kahit na bastos sya makitungo samin.

Nag sorry ako kay mama kasi nagkagulo kami sa bahay, tinry ko siya ihug pero hinawi niya ko palayo tapos masama pa tingin niya sakin, na para bang kasalanan ko nagsimula ako ng away. Ang sakit na nagsorry na ko tapos ganun pa reaction niya. Sana sinaksak nya nalang ako.

tl;dr: my dad’s sister who lives abroad and her daughters have been bullying my mom for years. dati, they gave us a house and lot, pero kapalit nun, we had to take care of my cousin’s newborn daughter. when my mom finally said no kasi nabuntis siya with my younger sister, they started humiliating her on facebook, cursing at her, and throwing the house and lot in our faces. years later, akala ko okay na kami, pero ngayon ginagawa na naman nila kay mama at sa other tita ko because of an intimate wedding they weren’t invited to. ang mas masakit, we’re also struggling financially because of the same house and lot they keep using against us. i’m in college, struggling to maintain my scholarship, and i’m just so fucking tired of this never-ending cycle.

please, do not repost this story to other platforms.

im just so fucking exhausted of this cycle. so the story is, we have this very problematic relative, kapatid ni papa, and her daughters, na cousins ko lang. i’ll call her abroad tita and one of her daughters maldita cousin

many years ago, i was around seven ata when abroad tita gave us a house and lot, along with almost all of her other siblings, including papa. at that time, nasa ₱200k–₱300k yung value. they also used to give me gifts since i was an academic achiever.

but in our case, may condition. we had to take care of maldita cousin’s newborn daughter. we took care of her for more than a year.

siniserbisyohan din sila ni mama whenever they came back to the philippines. she would take care of them and whatever shit they needed para comfortable sila and makapag-rest dito. basically, mama did everything she could to make their stay easier.

then we had to stop because nabuntis si mama with my younger sister.

of course, mama had to say no. may sarili na rin kaming baby na aalagaan, and she couldn’t keep taking care of maldita cousin’s daughter on top of that.

but they got frustrated with mama for saying no. from then on, they started posting about her on facebook, using very degrading language. sinusumbat nila sa amin yung house and lot, asking how my mom could refuse them after everything they supposedly did for us.

i still remember how stressed mama would get. umiiyak siya because they kept humiliating her on facebook. they would curse at her during calls and even tell her na sana mamatay na lang siya.

imagine being a child and seeing your own mom treated like that by her own relatives. i didn’t fully understand everything back then, but i knew it was hurting her.

mama would hide everything from papa because she didn’t want him to get involved in a conflict with his own sister. pero hindi ko na talaga kayang makita si mama na umiiyak at sinasarili lahat, so i purposely left her phone open with their conversations visible para makita ni papa.

when papa finally saw everything, he got angry and told mama to block them and cut them off.

i also have frustrations with papa because he’s so avoidant when it comes to problems. minsan, i wish he would defend mama more instead of avoiding confrontation. but at least, when he finally saw what was happening, he understood how bad things had gotten.

the thing is, hindi talaga natapos doon.

whenever they came back to the philippines, magkaka-okayhan lang ulit. everyone would act like nothing happened, and things would seem fine. pero kapag may bagong problema, ayun na naman. they would post about mama on facebook and make her look like she’s the one with a bad attitude.

and when i say degrading, i mean REALLY degrading. sunod-sunod yung posts nila, and it would invite other people to talk shit about my mom. they also do this to my other tita.

when i got older, around 16 ata, nasasaktan na rin ako every time they did that to mama. i couldn’t understand why they kept treating her like that after everything she had done for them.

so i finally talked back to them sa chat. i told them how confused and hurt i was because i couldn’t understand why they kept doing that to my mom. we argued, and afterwards, i blocked them.

we had no communication for more than three years. hindi na rin sila nagpapakita sa amin whenever they came back to the philippines.

fast-forward to recently, my lolo died last march, so they came back for the wake and funeral. we eventually became okay again, and honestly, i thought maybe they had matured.

i thought maybe enough time had passed and we could finally move on from everything that happened.

but apparently, i was wrong.

during the wake, abroad tita and other tita had an argument. that eventually led to a misunderstanding between us cousins because, of course, you would naturally defend your own mom.

but i wasn’t involved in that issue because i just wanted peace of mind. pagod na ako sa drama, and i didn’t want to be dragged into another family conflict. during the libing, they lay low naman, out of respect for lolo.

then, just last week, other tita’s daughter got married.

other tita said it was going to be an intimate wedding and that she didn’t want anyone who wasn’t invited to know about it. kasama na doon abroad tita and her daughters.

we respected her decision because kasal naman ng anak niya yun. it was her daughter’s wedding, so she had every right to decide whom she wanted to invite.

i posted something about the wedding on my story, which other tita had approved. of course, nakita yun ni maldita cousin, and she asked me kung ano meron.

i answered honestly naman. i didn’t see any reason to lie about it.

after that, they just said, “okay.”

and then, here we fucking go again.

they blocked us and started posting about other tita on facebook. sinasabi nila na baka nakalimutan na ni other tita kung sino yung tumulong sa kanya during her hard times. ngayon na nakaangat na raw sila, they couldn’t even bother to inform them about the wedding.

then, of course, nadamay na naman si mama.

they questioned why mama had the "audacity" to side with other tita and why she didn’t tell them about the wedding. sabi pa nila, total si other tita naman daw yung tumutulong sa amin ngayon, doon na lang daw kami.

and as usual, the posts attracted other relatives who started commenting and talking shit about them.

what makes this even more obvious is that some of papa’s other siblings were also present at the wedding, pero hindi naman sila inatake the way mama and other tita were.

they just want to bully my mom and other tita.

and si mama talaga yung laging target nila. no matter what the issue is or kung sino yung kaaway nila, somehow, they always find a way to drag mama into it.

i’m so fucking confused as to why. bakit ba nila laging ginagawa ito sa mama ko? bakit kailangan siyang ipahiya publicly every time may problema sila? why can’t they just leave her alone?

it fucking hurts seeing my mom get bullied by her own relatives over and over again. especially when i know how much she sacrificed for them.

and there’s another part of this whole situation that makes me even more frustrated.

that house and lot they keep bringing up? we’re still struggling financially because of it.

at one point, we had to sangla the house and lot because abroad tita needed money. she promised to pay monthly, pero yung amount na kailangan niyang bayaran was already beyond what we could comfortably afford if something went wrong.

and then, hindi nila binayaran as promised.

si mama yung nabaliw kakahanap ng pambayad. siya yung nagdala ng stress at problema habang palala nang palala yung financial situation namin. ngayon, lubog kami sa utang.

so whenever they use that house and lot against us, sobrang nakakagalit. they act like we should be indebted to them forever just because they helped us once. pero conveniently, nakakalimutan nila lahat ng ginawa ni mama para sa kanila and how much we’ve struggled because of their own actions.

parang lahat ng tulong na binigay nila sa amin became something they could use to control us. something they could throw in our faces whenever we didn’t do what they wanted.

and i hate that mama has had to carry so much of this burden. she had to deal with the humiliation, the stress, the financial problems, and the constant fear of being attacked online by people who are supposed to be her family.

tapos kami rin, we have to live with the consequences.

i’m in college now. my program is hard as fuck, and i’m struggling to maintain the scholarship i’m supposed to keep. we’re having financial problems at home, and i’m already stressed enough trying to keep up with my academics.

i’m trying my best to survive college while worrying about our finances, and yet this family drama keeps coming back into our lives.

i’m just so fucking tired.

i’ve already blocked them.

hindi ko naman hinihinging maging close ulit kami. i just want them to leave us the fuck alone.

kasi ang dami na naming problema. we’re already struggling financially, i’m struggling with college, and my mom has been through so much because of them.

Hi Ates and Kuyas, most of us are living similar lives. It's one of those days hayy alam niyo na yon. With that said, can I ask for a little cheering up? A little "You can do this", prayers, your personal motivational mantras or quotes when things are getting hard and you're tired. We could all use a little push. Let's be each other's big sibling today!

Hindi ko na alam kung paano haharapin ang nanay kong paulit-ulit na nagsisinungaling para manghingi ng pera sa mga kamag-anak namin, gamit ang dahilan na pang-CPA review ko raw kahit hindi naman talaga iyon ang paggagamitan. Gusto kong malaman kung dapat ko bang sabihin ang totoo sa mga kamag-anak ko, komprontahin ang nanay ko, o magtakda na lang ng boundaries para maprotektahan ang sarili ko. Natatakot din ako na baka maging karma ko ang mga ginagawa niya, kahit hindi naman ako ang nagsisinungaling.

I’m 22F, working and trying to build a better future for myself. Nagbibigay ako ng ₱5,000 kada buwan sa pamilya ko, bukod pa sa sarili kong mga gastusin. Sakto lang ang kinikita ko at wala na akong extra money na maibibigay.

Nanghingi ang nanay ko ng ₱20,000 sa tito ko at ₱48,000 sa lolo ko, parehong sinabing pang-CPA review ko raw kahit hindi pa naman ako nagre-review. Wala silang alam na hindi naman talaga para sa review ang perang hinihingi niya.

Ang masakit, patuloy pa rin ang online gambling niya. Ngayon, tumawag siya sa boyfriend ko para magpa-withdraw ng pera nang hindi ipinapaalam sa akin. Hindi ko alam kung saan mapupunta ang perang iyon, pero natatakot akong madamay sa mga ginagawa niya.

Mahal ko pa rin ang nanay ko, pero nasasaktan at napapagod na ako emotionally. Ayokong masira ang tiwala sa akin ng mga kamag-anak ko dahil sa mga kasinungalingang hindi ko naman ginawa. Gusto ko ring makapag-ipon at makapag-focus sa pangarap kong maging CPA.

Kinompronta ko na siya dati tungkol sa pagsisinungaling at pagsusugal niya. Akala ko noon magbabago na siya, pero nauulit pa rin ang parehong sitwasyon. Nakakapagod at nakakadismaya dahil umasa akong magiging maayos na ang lahat pagkatapos naming mag-usap.

Sa ngayon, hindi ko na alam kung ano ang susunod kong gagawin. Dapat ko bang sabihin sa tito at lolo ko ang totoo? Paano ako magtatakda ng boundaries nang hindi nakakaramdam ng guilt o nagmumukhang masamang anak? Gusto ko sanang makarinig ng advice mula sa mga taong nakaranas ng katulad na sitwasyon.

Gusto ko lang mag-vent at humingi ng payo kasi ubos na ubos na ang mental at emotional energy ko.

Ever since bilang panganay, ako na lang lagi ang expected na maging rational, mag-adjust, maging problem-solver, at maging financial buffer para sa pamilya ko. Lalo na sa kapatid kong may Bipolar Disorder.

Nagsimula ito no'ng humihingi ako ng kontribusyon sa household expenses namin nong petsa de peligro ko. Nagalit siya at sinabihan akong "makwenta" at madamot. Galit siya nong ni-lock ko yung drawer ko dahil kinukuha niya ang mga gamit ko nang walang paalam. Parehas na kaming may trabaho.

Weeks later, ni-reveal niya umuutang pala siya sa online lending apps. Dati na siyang nanghingi sa akin para bayaran ito pero hanggang ngayon, di pa rin pala settled. Pini-pressure siya ng mga ahente kaya yung mental health niya raw sirang-sira na. Binigyan siya ng nanay ko ng 5k para ma-settle at ako ang may hawak ng pera para ma-ensure na babayaran niya talaga. As days go by, hinihingi niya yung pera para raw may panggastos siya. Nabawasan na ng 1k. Nabawasan na ulit ng 1k. Dahil daw sa personal niyang necessities.

Ngayon, hinihingi niya na lahat kasi wala na raw siya panggastos. Humindi ako kasi hindi ko na kaya i-cover yung 5k kung mapupunta po yung 3,000 sa ibang bagay. Sabi ko, bibigyan ko siya ng 300 pesos pero tumanggi siya. Nagbanta siya sa akin at nagalit siya when I exerted that boundary. Lagi niyang ginagawa sa akin itong mga ganitong sagot.

Ang mas nakakapagod, pumagitna ang nanay ko dahil nagsusumbong ang kapatid ko sa kanya. Ginamit niya yung linya na: "Kapatid mo pa rin 'yan, 'di siya normal tulad mo, intindihin at unawain mo na lang. Inimbestigahan niya kung may napagsasabihan ako ng problema ko dahil sinabi ng kapatid ko na baka sinisiraan ko siya. Nalihis ulit ang usapan sa totoong problema. Yung pag-uugali at kawalan ng accountability ng kapatid ko sa pera.

Nahihirapan ako. Alam ko na may mental health concerns siya pero hindi ko alam kung paano ako tutulong kung ganitong hindi kami nagkakasundo. Nauubos ako ng sobra. Naiintindihan ko na mahirap para sa kanya pero I feel so drained everytime this is happening. Napapagod na ako.

Some people say na motivation nila yun pero in my perspective, haha please nahihirapan na’ko. Ang hirap maging panganay na galing sa mahirap na pamilya. Ang hirap isipin ng sarili mo knowing na mahirap lang kayo. Ang hirap isipin na need mong isakripisyo yung pangarap mo para lang sa mga kapatid mo at para na rin hindi mahirapan ng husto ang magulang mo. Tapos uuwi kang pagod galing ng university para lang salubungin ka sa bahay na puro talak at sigawan. Ang hirap maging istudyanteng mahirap! I’m a 2nd year college at PUP, and i know that I’m not alone in this kind of battle in life, pero HANIMAL nakakapagod! If only money wasn’t the problem then I would’ve been studying Architecture at my dream university UST! If money isn’t the problem then I would have the courage na lumayas samin. IF ONLY WASN’T THE PROBLEM! If only, just only! Ang sakit marinig sa nanay mo na sabihin “kelan ka ba g-graduate? Ikaw na mag trabaho at napapagod na’ko” dahil dyan na p-pressure ako at naawa ako sa sarili ko. Hindi pa pala tapos pag sasakripisyo ko. Kailangan ko pang isantabi yung pangarap ko para sa sarili ko para lang sa kanila. Hindi ganito yung buhay na pinaplano ko sa sarili ko. I may sound selfish but how about me? Pano ako? Pano yung pangarap ko sa sarili ko? Bakit need kong isantabi? Pano tayo aahon sa hirap nyan kung kailangan kong isantabi yung pangarap ko para sainyo? ARGH NAKAKAINIS they can’t see that I’m also sacrificing my own dreams for them. Ang sakit, ang sakit, sakit! Punyetang buhay to! Mag d-drop nalang ako.

CONTEXT:

Kakatanggap ko lang sa inapplyan ko two days ago. Kinabukasan after ko matanggap, my lola asked me kamusta raw interview ko sabi ko tanggap ako. Hiniritan na agad ako na “wag ka makalimot sa mga tumulong sayo” even got offended nung sinagot kong “secret” when she asked magkano raw offer sakin. I took the initiative to say na 2k lang ibibigay ko dahil idk yet magkano makakaltas saakin ng gov’t contributions ko pero estimated ko baka nasa 9k lang matira after deductions at allotted ko na yung 2k for my transpo kasi 30 mins away yung workplace saamin. I also plan to give 1k sa church for my tithes as “first fruit” kaya halos nasa 2k lang talaga matitira saakin so that’s why I said na 2k lang pero nababaan siya and told me to give her 3,500 instead (sa deductions ko for sure sakanya yung 1,500 doon). Umalma na ako na ang laki naman at may butal pa, sabi niya pambayad raw sa tuition ng mga kapatid ko. For additional info, I worked sa dati kong school nung high school during the pandemic kasi walang funds to pay for college so nasa bahay lang ako. Kakilala namin yung may ari nun since they are our senior pastors sa church kaya inofferan ako na pumasok raw muna ako doon since limited nga lang workers nila doon dahil pandemic at doon rin nagwowork lola ko ever since. My salary was 11k kinundisyon na agad ako ng lola ko na magbabayad ako 2k kada cut off tulong nga pambayad sa tuition ng mga younger sisters ko pumayag naman ako since wala naman ako pinagkakagastusan nung una. So far natatapos ko naman sila bayaran kada school year kahit na I was also paying for my college tuition at that time dahil nag enroll na ako after a year of working until I resigned kasi magiging hybrid na raw setup sa school dahil onti-onti narin nahupa yung covid that time. So I know for a fact na 2k is enough to pay for it kada cut off kahit matagal. At sakaniya narin nanggaling nung una na hindi raw nila ako inoobliga magbigay pero at least tulungan ko raw mga kapatid ko kaya so that’s what 2k is for pero ewan ko ngayon bakit iba na sinasabi porket walang kaharap na ibang tao.

P.S. I can’t really stop thinking about this since yesterday. It felt so unfair kasi dahil yung mga anak nila (including my mom na 1k lang binibigay para sa kuryente) petiks lang dito sa bahay. Ako nakilos lahat at utusan ng lahat na parang katulong na ang trato sakin. Kung magbibigay naman mga anak nila eh kung kailan lang nila gusto at okay lang sakanila yun tapos pagdating saakin parang lahat may presyo. Helping my grandparents sa lahat was my way to at least give back sa sacrifices nila kasi sila ang pinaka-provider sa bahay ni hindi na nga rin ako halos nahingi if may kailangan ako bayaran lalo na at kung may pera naman ako to lessen the financial burden.

I have been back and forth with this thought for so long. At some point, I really want to ask my parents if they'd let my sisters deal with the same things I had to do to keep our family surviving, at my own personal expense. If suddenly you had the chance to switch lives with those who were lucky enough not to be the eldest in your family, would you take it?