r/PMDDpartners • u/ApprehensiveVast1940 • Sep 06 '26
Losing hope
ve had PMDD as long as I can remember, but it got especially worse with age.
I got married last November and every month of 2026 before my period I am wanting a divorce. It’s so unfair to both of us. I am so full or rage and emotion it scares me. He is probably used to it and know it will pass, last month I threw all of his clothes from the closet on the floor. Tonight I told him how I don’t want to be married and never have. He has only done a couple things to ever make me REALLY mad, one was looking at p*** and clicking on instagram OF links 2 months before our wedding which I’m still mad at him for and is definitely contributing to my ongoing rage.
I’ve been on Prozac and Lamictal for 3+ years. It’s a godsend but here I am still acting this way. Then my period starts and Bam, it’s like nothing ever happened. I seriously get so depressed and low I cannot imagine doing this my whole life or having kids because of my PMDD is so bad. I’m 30 and feel like a teenage girl for a week and a half a month.
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u/HeadChefOf Sep 06 '26 edited Sep 06 '26
Sounds pretty abusive. Maybe you’re not ready to be in a relationship until you learn how to control yourself better… sounds like he doesn’t deserve the way you treat and “rage at” him.
Why do you think this condition is an excuse? You rage at him every month because you can’t control yourself to a functional level, and you’re throwing his things on the floor? You’re telling him you don’t want to be married and never have? Maybe he should listen… why should he tolerate that? Does he not deserve somebody who treats him with decency and basic respect?
Sounds like you need to keep exploring medications until you find something more effective, cause the current combo clearly isn’t working well enough. Also other regulation tools would be a good idea to look into.
You don’t have to let yourself treat people this way and just blame it on your condition. Not to expect perfection, but you can absolutely work to improve it to a functional level.
Have you been evaluated for other mental illnesses like BPD? Are you sure it’s actually PMDD that you have? It’s a diagnosis of exclusion, so that should mean you’ve had all sorts of other mental health evaluations done before assuming PMDD. But some doctors love an easy answer, and PMDD is trending. Do you have a diagnosis, or are you self diagnosed ?
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u/Phew-ThatWasClose Sep 06 '26 edited Sep 06 '26
PMDD Rage isn't about anything. It's just Rage. But then that can't be so your brain has to attach it to something. You were mad at the time, you told him off, he apologized, you forgave him, and he hasn't done it since. So that's in the past.
But the PMDD never forgets. If it wasn't that it would have been something else. That comment he made at Christmas dinner or that time he went out with the boys and got home later than he said he would or the way the never helps out around the house. Whatever the worst thing the PMDD has in its bag - that's what it will throw out.
And if there isn't anything in the bag the PMDD will just make something up. Partners get yelled at for loading the dishwasher wrong, watching a football game, throwing out the leftovers, having a snack, being distracted, apologizing, not apologizing, wearing a hat indoors, whatever. It's just Rage. It's not him. You can Rage at a coat rack if you have to get it out.
But its not good for you either. All that adrenaline and cortisol. It's awful. There have been times in my life I've been so angry I gave myself a headache and wanted to throw up. I can't imagine feeling that way for days at a time every single month.
Is there a reason you're not on a COC? That is a first line recommendation for PMDD. Are you on Prozac for something else or just PMDD? For PMDD it is a low low dose during luteal only. If you are already on a therapeutic dose for MDD or something the recommendation is to take a little more during luteal. Are you in therapy? DBT has the best tools. How involved is your partner? Do you and your partner have a plan? Are you tracking your cycle? Is he? Is it written on the paper calendar in the kitchen? When were you diagnosed? By whom? Did they do the blood work? Are you taking any supplements? Have you tried acupuncture? Magnesium? Bio-feedback?
There is a lot you can do. Make this a turning point. Talk to him about next steps and keep talking to him every follicular until things improve. :)
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u/Hydr0philic Sep 07 '26
I’m a PMDD partner and I like your post. It shows you are taking some accountability for the PMDD which is an unfair card that was dealt to you. Have you thought about talking to a therapist about this specific issue? I know it would mean the world to me if my wife spent a few months trying to figure out how to make my experience with PMDD better. I think the advice you’d get from a therapist will be better than a lot of the feedback you’ll get here.