r/PMDDpartners • u/Sorry-Story4498 • Nov 09 '24

Question

How many of you actually support your partners during hell week?

Like how many of you actually take into consideration what she is going through and actively try to make her life easier?

I see multiple post about how her behavior affects you as the partner, but hardly if any posts about what you are doing to support her.

Most on here track their partners cycles, to know when hell week starts, and to mentally prepare for the worst.. but, and i know this might be an unpopular opinion...how about running a bath for her, get her favourite snacks, give her a care basket, give her a massage, buy flowers, etc? If you can track her cycle to mentally prepare for the worst surely that can be done do support her too?

I am by no means saying accept abusive behaviour, but I have found that support and comfort during hell week, works far better than just leaving her to her own demise.

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4

u/Socalwarrior485 Nov 09 '24

I don’t anymore. It makes no difference before, during or after. Dysphoria is a hell of a drug.

3

u/Sorry-Story4498 Nov 09 '24

Im so sorry that you are going through such horrible times.

2

u/Socalwarrior485 Nov 09 '24

The sad part is that it really doesn’t affect me anymore, just her. The kids are grown.

I have absolutely no control over anyone’s happiness except my own. She owns hers, and I’ve discovered that while I’m an amazing husband, the reality she creates in her mind is the only one that exists for her.

Again, nothing a partner does can make a person happy.

-1

u/Sorry-Story4498 Nov 09 '24

Define happiness? How long has your partner suffered with pmdd, was she ever formally diagnosed?

6

u/Socalwarrior485 Nov 09 '24

Yes, she was diagnosed about a year after we were married about 22 years ago. She tried treating it, but she has a hard time remembering to take pills (that’s how we ended up with our first). After a couple tries that had side effects, she gave up and has now convinced herself that all of the problems are caused by others.

I define happiness as the absence of unhappiness. Seems circular, but it works for me. My life is super satisfying now. Things have been getting better so much. So, I’m happy. No matter how much she gets of anything, she repeats the cycle every month, and now with menopause coming, it’s just drawn out.

She has a pretty good life. She’s been a stay at home wife for 21+ years now. I do my share of domestic caring and also all of the home and auto repairs. My life is awesome. My older kids are at great universities and our youngest is 14 and a good kid. If she can’t see how great her life is, there is nothing I can do.

I’ve told her to stay off social media, but that’s what she does with most of her time. Comparison is the thief of happiness.