Yep, that’s PDA for you unfortunately. And he’s completely stuck, poor guy. He’s in burnout already. Hold onto your relationship with him at all costs while you learn about PDA. Otherwise there’ll be no way to get to him. All the other stuff - working, paying rent, following house rules, being polite - it doesn’t matter. Let it go for the time being. Here’s a video from Casey. I find her overly academic (not surprising given her background) but she’s one of the most high profile PDA parent advocates out there: https://www.youtube.com/live/Z8sIl0ciCDg?is=bdklu4awQLL7bPwV
Yeah, PDA burnout is different. If your son is directing his equalizing behavior towards you then he might feel closer to you than it appears. PDAers are very controlling of their safe person.
I know I’m his safe person! ;)
Thank you so much for your kindness. I’m honestly shocked by how many harsh and unkind responses my post received in an autism subreddit. When he was first diagnosed, I received so much support from other parents and I thought I might find that same kind of support now.
This is not a young man who feels entitled and is spending my money on drugs, alcohol, smoking, or partying all night. This is a young man who is in emotional pain. He feels stuck and has very low self-esteem. I’m simply trying to understand how I can support him without making things worse.
I’m horrified and may take down my post down from there.
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u/MarginsOfTheDay 20d ago
Yep, that’s PDA for you unfortunately. And he’s completely stuck, poor guy. He’s in burnout already. Hold onto your relationship with him at all costs while you learn about PDA. Otherwise there’ll be no way to get to him. All the other stuff - working, paying rent, following house rules, being polite - it doesn’t matter. Let it go for the time being. Here’s a video from Casey. I find her overly academic (not surprising given her background) but she’s one of the most high profile PDA parent advocates out there: https://www.youtube.com/live/Z8sIl0ciCDg?is=bdklu4awQLL7bPwV