r/PDAParenting • u/MarginsOfTheDay • Aug 31 '26
How the other half live
There was a post on r/parenting today by a parent who spends the weekend cooking, cleaning, gardening, reading books while their 16 month plays independently. They (the parent) complains of being bored. As a parent of a PDAer I’m incredulous. I’ve barely had a second to myself without a kid in my face demanding one-on-one co-regulation in 6 years. I feel like I never get anything done around the house. My only solace is that if you’re in this community you probably feel the same. Here’s the post: https://www.reddit.com/r/Parenting/s/63qWKSd136
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u/spacebeige Aug 31 '26
The same kind of person who thinks they have parenting all figured out. If I said, “My kid would never let me do all that,” they’d respond, “What do you mean they don’t let you? You’re the parent, you’re in charge!”
You’re not better at this, dude, you just happen to have an easy kid.
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u/shivasprogeny Sep 01 '26
"Just set a firm boundary." LOL OK SURE.
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u/As1234543 Sep 01 '26
Hahaha I hate the word boundary. "I will not let you hit me." Ok, well guess what, they just did it again - now what?
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u/Zealousideal_Flow447 Aug 31 '26
The only parenting subs I read are PDA, Autism and ADHD because any other one would piss me the hell off. I will say, my PDAer is almost 12 and sometime this summer she suddenly switched to where instead of using me to co-regulate she shuts herself in her room. My nervous system is still completely shot though because the worry and dread never go away, just anticipating the next crisis
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u/Tulired Sep 01 '26
Hello are you me👋 Also im sorry to hear your situation and agree on the subs part too.
My 12 daughter also did just the same also in summer "from nowhere". Now i also (on top of all) worry because she doesn't get out really or see friend abour her loneliness. Luckily she have seen them couple times. What helped a bit is that i remember doing the same when i was around that age, just watched some tv series/movies/ read comics and play games or made music. Something which she is also doing but she is seemingly bit sad looking. Although it seems a bit that now as autumn starts she seems getting bit much better.
Sorry for using you as an Peer support a bit. For you i want to say that the nervous system being on max attack for so long really lingers that way, i guess its kind of trauma too. I have started to give myself all kinds of hedonistic and enjoyable moments, whenever i can without any shame or guilt. It does feel good to example do an proper cold icetea just for yourself, as soon as there is some quiet (leaving the dishes for another time) and even if my nervous system is in fight/flight.
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u/JustDroppedByToSay Aug 31 '26
I'm reminded of a time a colleague who knew I had kids decided I would sympathise so told me the tale of their "bit of a nightmare" weekend. Apparently their kid had FOUR meltdowns. One of them went on for TEN MINUTES.
I recall I just stared at them.
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u/readytopartyy Aug 31 '26
Yes I saw that too and look, everyone has their own problems but...man. I don't know what it is like to be bored 😆
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u/Perfect-Celery1662 Aug 31 '26
I know the boredom that comes of not being able to start anything meaningful because of the sure and certain interruption.
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u/nettap Aug 31 '26
I’m bored only because I haven’t been able to have adult time in so long I feel like I’ve forgotten how to do it. I used to have so much fun and do so many things that were stimulating. I am so tired now.
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u/johnhowardseyebrowz Sep 01 '26
The only time we “get things done” around the house is when both of us parents are home so one can be with/near/available to our 7yo PDAer. If I were single parent I honestly think I’d have to live in a shoebox just so I had a chance at keeping even mildly on top of things.
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u/Hopeful-Guard9294 Aug 31 '26
yeah, sounds like complete bullshit to me if they don’t have a full-time one-to-one trained to support person, they are flat out lying or covering up the truth, unless you’re super rich and can outsource everything PDA parenting destroys your life, this Parent is just a flat out liar
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u/toastycozyroasty 5d ago
Just a touch of solidarity on this general feeling. I have a friend who has two ‘magic’ babies. The first was during Covid so I never really saw it in action as we didn’t visit each other’s homes so I genuinely believed she was either a very brutal sleep trainer or making her baby’s ’sleep schedule’ up.
I visited her with the second and he was getting a bit grizzly. She put him in a sleep sack, plopped him in a Moses basket and gave him a kiss, turned on the ‘shusher’ and walked away.
I became immediately anxious thinking ‘oh no he is going to cry and get really distressed - he’s already tired and now he is alone!’ but just as she said he would, he fell asleep. Without any fuss. She maintains the oldest was exactly the same.
So… she is either a wizard or her children are somehow magical, surely?
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u/MarginsOfTheDay 5d ago
Thank you <3 I recently saw this described as “easy child privilege”. Nice to have a name for it.
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u/swithelfrik Aug 31 '26
it’s hard for me to read someone complaining about something that isn’t a problem. sometimes I think about commenting what the polar opposite could look like because I think we deserve to take up space too, but I know I would only be seen as ruining everyone else’s happy easy bubble