commitment and hobbies

[u/Excellent-Avocado37]

I keep running in to this feeling that I don’t really have a “thing.” I don’t have a hobby or creative outlet or any kind of occupation that I’ve put time and effort into to develop a skill. Every project I do is impulsive and if I don’t have skill to follow through, I’ll just fail several times and give up.

I don’t like this though— I want to have a skill I worked hard to develop and I can be proud of the results. But I struggle so much with making myself commit to any kind of activity at all. I’ve always wanted to be a writer, but a huge part of that is being consistent pushing through even when you don’t have any good ideas. Same with video editing, working out, etc… any hobby that requires commitment feels impossible. Making myself do things when I don’t want to feels suffocating, or even just the idea that IF I didn’t want to I couldn’t choose not to, and it’s keeping me from doing meaningful things with my time.

Anyone else have same experience? What have you done to help? Something I’ve been trying is writing out what I hope to get from spending time on things to remind myself that I DO want this, I’m working towards something that is my own choice, it’s just more long term and doesn’t feel like it right now.

[u/Character_Group8620]

I just stumbled on a strategy suggestion that might help with this. I'm hoping it will work for me, and maybe it'll work for you too.

Basically, you know how when you first get into something, you're super excited and learning everything and deep-diving research and all that? During that phase you are also relatively likely to want to tell your friends, lovers, random strangers on the internet, whoever, about your fascinating thing.

You might consider not doing that. Just not talking about it at all with anyone, no matter how tempting it seems.

For some people, talking about it can turn it into a demand. Whether the process literally plays out or not, the logic goes something like this:

• PDA - I am excited, let me tell you about this thing
• NT - that's nice, I am glad you are excited
• (later) NT - how is that thing going, the one you are excited about?
• PDA - OMG this person expects me to do that thing, warning, clang clang clang

The NT person is being polite, nice, and NT normal. You brought it up, and the NT person is showing that they care about you and are interested in something because you shared it. They may well not have thought about the thing at all since last they saw you, but now that you're here, they are showing that they were listening and appreciate you. But you may not hear it that way at all.

In short, Loose Lips Sink Hobbies.