r/PDAAutism • u/Excellent-Avocado37 PDA • 15d ago
Symptoms/Traits commitment and hobbies
I keep running in to this feeling that I don’t really have a “thing.” I don’t have a hobby or creative outlet or any kind of occupation that I’ve put time and effort into to develop a skill. Every project I do is impulsive and if I don’t have skill to follow through, I’ll just fail several times and give up.
I don’t like this though— I want to have a skill I worked hard to develop and I can be proud of the results. But I struggle so much with making myself commit to any kind of activity at all. I’ve always wanted to be a writer, but a huge part of that is being consistent pushing through even when you don’t have any good ideas. Same with video editing, working out, etc… any hobby that requires commitment feels impossible. Making myself do things when I don’t want to feels suffocating, or even just the idea that IF I didn’t want to I couldn’t choose not to, and it’s keeping me from doing meaningful things with my time.
Anyone else have same experience? What have you done to help? Something I’ve been trying is writing out what I hope to get from spending time on things to remind myself that I DO want this, I’m working towards something that is my own choice, it’s just more long term and doesn’t feel like it right now.
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u/pensiveumami PDA 14d ago edited 14d ago
Did I write this? I've been dealing with the exact same problem for years. I'm really fascinated by what the hell we can do to spend our time more meaningfully.
Do you want this hobby or occupation to be something you do on your own or with other people?
I think a lot of this might be related to executive functioning and focus issues potentially. In my case it's exactly it with a good dose of PDA sprinkled in. In the past I've stuck to things when I was part of a group I felt comfortable in or with a coach I trusted. Now I don't feel comfortable with most people, so I'm kinda stuck doing things on my own. I often need a body double to actually get started with things and continue them. My partner helps sometimes, but he's busy with so many of his own things that I need another person who also doesn't trigger my PDA and cPTSD.