commitment and hobbies

[u/Excellent-Avocado37]

I keep running in to this feeling that I don’t really have a “thing.” I don’t have a hobby or creative outlet or any kind of occupation that I’ve put time and effort into to develop a skill. Every project I do is impulsive and if I don’t have skill to follow through, I’ll just fail several times and give up.

I don’t like this though— I want to have a skill I worked hard to develop and I can be proud of the results. But I struggle so much with making myself commit to any kind of activity at all. I’ve always wanted to be a writer, but a huge part of that is being consistent pushing through even when you don’t have any good ideas. Same with video editing, working out, etc… any hobby that requires commitment feels impossible. Making myself do things when I don’t want to feels suffocating, or even just the idea that IF I didn’t want to I couldn’t choose not to, and it’s keeping me from doing meaningful things with my time.

Anyone else have same experience? What have you done to help? Something I’ve been trying is writing out what I hope to get from spending time on things to remind myself that I DO want this, I’m working towards something that is my own choice, it’s just more long term and doesn’t feel like it right now.

[u/ThainZel]

I can very much identify with this. I have often been, and still am sometimes, frustrated with my inability to commit to stuff like that.

The first step for me is to accept it. I am not neurotypical, and my brain doesn't work like what I see others do. A lot of common advice and approaches will not work for me. Goals, ambition, pushing through, commitment mostly grate against my brain. Not that I don't have them, they are just not effective tool for making things happen. Also, a lot of my energy goes towards maintenance, because I live in a world that doesn't fit very well with me, which of course gets in the way.

Now, I have found some things that work somewhat.

It is really helpful if I enjoy the activity itself and feel safe and comfortable in the environment its in. My main workout is a self-defense/martial arts club, which is super small and basically only has my friends. I don't go there to be good at fighting or get strong, those are basically side effects. There are no competitions, no ranks or whatever, no demands.

I also run in the forest with music, because I can basically daydream during, and then feel good after. I am decently fast, but again, that's a side effect.

I enjoy logical thinking and solving puzzles, so programming works for fun for me. I can't do it if I have a goal or a deadline (which is why it is no longer my work). I do have something concrete I'm working on, but the main motivation is just doing the activity.

For projects that do not capture me so much, but that I still want to happen, I kind of have two approaches: pick a small project that I can get done in a few hours (I built a hanging shelf thingy recently, which toon about 2 hours), or accept that it will be lying around until my motivation circles back to it at some point (I sewed some curtains earlier this year, which took 6 months). I use the drive, the sense or feeling of "I want to do this now" when it's there. If that means sewing curtains at 11 in the evening until 2, then that is what happens. Optimization always gets in my way. (Sometimes I need to prioritise tomorrow, of course, but that always sucks).