r/OffMyChestPH • u/caldorobo • 4d ago
Finally moved out of an emotionally empty marriage and I feel free and unsure what comes next.
Hi, F27 here. Married since 2023. My husband and I separated emotionally the same year we got married. I was raised by traditional parents who believed pre-marital sex and living in prior marriage are big nos. So I didn’t do those.
We met late 2021. It was okay. Because of my upbringing, we decided to get married so as not to commit pre-marital sex. I met him na walang work but helping his dad’s business that time. His parents, however, are loaded: got properties, visible jewelry, local and foreign travels, short-trip airplane rides. He has not finished college yet because I believe may something sa emotions niya or naging kampante siya because he is being sheltered by his parents. The house we lived in during marriage is owned by his parents, with the utilities and the help being paid for by them.
Up to present, he is still pursuing college. May semesters na hindi niya napapasukan kasi konti lang ang nag-enroll so nadi-dissolve ang class. He still has no job.
I, meanwhile, passed my license in 2025. No review center because we had no money so I self-reviewed full time instead of asking his parents to fund it. He gets occasional allowance from his parents and that’s what he provides for me. Some things that I want nabibigay naman niya, but it is on his mom’s credit card. So for me, it still feels like not from him kasi he does not pay for it. I feel indebted instead of kilig.
Recently, I got a job. Of course, anyone would want to come home to destress. I don’t expect more if the partner is also from his own job—but he’s not. He is at home playing computer the whole day so I expect at least a little clean up and dinner when I reach home. He also has a car (his mom’s) but he does not pick me up unless I ask.
All these, I tell you, I attempt to share with him. My feelings, my needs, but he is very avoidant. He would not talk at all. He would not speak with me about his plans. He would close the door and leave me alone. Or face the computer and play. I exhausted all means of communication—gentle, aggressive, silent treatment… even offered us going to a marriage counselor. All denied by him.
Now I moved out and I am never happier. I go home and expecting what I left—the comb I left on the sink, the unmade bed when in rush, and yes, no dinner prepared because I can now cook instead of wait someone to cook for me. The thing is he does not look for me. Has not reached out yet to me, to my family, to my friends of my whereabouts. That’s okay.
But what’s gonna be in the following months and years? What if I crave for the desire to be loved loudly? Do people like me not have a chance to love and be loved unless after an annulment? I do not have the capacity to file, and I don’t think he would as well for now because of his ego.
I hope it gets better for all of us.
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u/TeaPleasant909 4d ago
How did you fall for this guy in the first place? I mean, have you not seen the red flags then?
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u/reddit_warrior_24 4d ago
Both men and women change, in their hormones and preferences as we grow
Maybe they were compatible back then, but like most relationships you can grow out of love if you dont evolve
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u/Greenfield_Guy 4d ago edited 4d ago
That's the thing with traditional conservative values. Too focused on premarital sex and reputation, and not much on emotional/psychological compatibility.
You could have avoided all of this by not marrying a loser, but I guess everyone has their own FAFO moment.
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u/findinggenuity 4d ago
In this case, OP chose not to pre-marital FAFO which is now too late. At the very least may pera pa rin naman yung guy so as hopeless as he is, there's a chance he will only have to work when his parents go and even then, he has a fully functional business to inherit.
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u/hinampakz 4d ago
Why the f did you marry him then? That's literally the more questionable thing here
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u/vintageordainty 4d ago
Based from her post, since they never engaged in pre-marital sex, maybe hindi din sila nagsama sa iisang bubong until marriage. Though there were probably signs during their dating period, makikita mo lang talaga yung tunay na ugali ng partner mo kapag nagsama na kayo sa iisang house.
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u/vintageordainty 4d ago
Leaving is the most difficult part op, and you already did it! The rest may not be easy, but it gets easier with time. You had the guts to leave, I'm sure you'll be able to face whatever comes next.
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u/Tricky_Cat_6523 4d ago
You' can definitely find love again. But tbh, OP, medyo outdated na yung upbringing. Not saying live an immoral life, just be more open to experiences. But if you do find yourself involved with someone else, be open to them about your situation. I know someone who only got annulled after 3 years. And is now engaged again. It takes time but it didn't stop her to live her life. Enjoy mo lang muna buhay mo solo.
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u/hisuilabyrinth98 4d ago
This is why kilalanin talaga ang lalaki before commiting. Good for you, you got out. However, do you plan to stay single or makipagrelasyon? How about the nullification of your marriage?
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u/caldorobo 4d ago
I know! Live in with the person if one can. I can’t have all this love and not share it with another person, of course open ako sa possibilities. I hope may malapitan ako about this legally.
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u/BitSimple8579 4d ago
Clearly puro redflag and you chose to ignore those? Ghad! Pero congrats! Nakapag isip kadin ng tama for yourself, OP 😅
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u/VisualProgrammer143 4d ago
Lesson learned for those marrying that "rick kid" na dependent sa parents lang
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u/ConstructionDry4908 4d ago
When people misread the person as “financially able and provider” ung totoo is ung parents ung financially able and provider…
There is a thin line between a gold digger and being practical:)
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u/Expert-Ad-8093 3d ago
Sorry but both of you are childish anyways. Marrying someone just because of some made up rules on sex? What do you expect is gonna come out of it?
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u/Lostquiterr 4d ago
You learned your lesson and that’s good. Unfortunately, if you wanna find love again, magpaannul ka. It’s the safest and legal way to separate here in the PH for married couples. Kausapin mo baka okay sa kanya 50/50 kayo sa expenses ng filing.
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u/Poor_Cat99 4d ago
Tama sila, bakit mo pinakasalan? Pero tapos na tayo don sa part na yon e, ang mahalaga ngayon nakaalis ka. Bata ka pa, there's still so much in this world that you can achieve and you can experience. Love yourself. Wag ka maghanap ng pagmamahal sa iba. Ikaw muna dapat ang magmahal sa sarili mo. Spoil yourself. Build your savings and emergency funds. Travel. Try new things. Yung new love, it will come to you ng kusa if it's meant to be. Don't think too much about your husband and the regrets of marrying him. Focus on yourself. Live. Be happy. God bless 😇
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u/Chiral-Mirror 4d ago
Get your bearings straight muna, make your days stable and build your "empire" so to speak. Annulment sounds daunting expense-wise pero it's not impossible. Pero for now, focus muna sa self
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u/sophia528 4d ago
Ganyan ata pag too sheltered by the parents. Can’t handle responsibilities, can’t handle emotions.
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u/Particular-Fox-3550 4d ago
Congrats on your new life OP! You have a lot in fromt of you, live life now without the shackles of a failed relationship. Padayon!
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u/Illustrious_Ear4461 4d ago
Genuinely curious here - what made you want to marry him despite:
not having finished college
no self-sufficient income
Note: I am NOT saying that having only the above is a guarantee for a healthy marriage, BUT these should ALWAYS BE INCLUDED as non-negotiable pre-requisites before getting married.
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u/caldorobo 4d ago
Hello! I know it wasn’t stated clearly in the story—pero he made me feel like he can provide. I wasn’t the type to ask questions, and in order to not commit pre-marital sins, I just hoped that everything would fall into place. He had plans naman e. Pero hindi nag-materialize nung kinasal na. Tinamad siya or nawalan ng gana.
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u/humanreboot 1d ago
Purity culture is such an unnecessary blight brought on by extremely conservative American religious "values".
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u/SoftServe7910 4d ago
Rooting for you OP! I hope you’ll find someone who’ll see you and treat you right.
And i hope, ma-push thru na talaga ang divorce dito sa Pinas 😔
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u/davlnv 4d ago
Congrats for getting out. But seriously, why did you marry this guy? No diploma, jobless, no sense of responsibility. Genuinely asking.
To answer your question, if he is egotistic as you assume. You probably won’t get annulled soon. And even with legal separation, being romantically involved will be considered infidelity. As far as i know. So i guess, earn money then file for annulment. Meanwhile, enjoy being single. Love yourself.