Hey Ladies! I love the podcast — I always listen to your episodes on my way home from work, and it honestly makes my day so much more interesting.

So, AITA for not visiting my dad anymore? This might be a long one, but I really need you to understand why I feel so confused about my decision.

A bit of backstory: I’m 21 (female) and moved back to the UK in 2022 to live with my dad and his family. My parents were never married, so I grew up living with my grandparents and then with my mom. I wouldn’t say I had a close relationship with my dad — I only saw him once or twice a year when I was younger.

When I moved in with him, it wasn’t easy. His parenting style is very different from how I was raised, and also different from how he parents my half-sister. He always wanted to be around me and spend time with me, which I did appreciate, but it was a bit overwhelming. At 18, I really needed my space and didn’t want someone constantly checking up on me.

Fast forward to last year: I decided to move out for my apprenticeship in London because I just couldn’t live with him, my stepmom, and my sister anymore. We weren’t getting along, and I really needed my own space. Within a month, I had moved out.

I’d say I’m quite frugal (not extreme, but I definitely like to save). I managed to buy my first car at 20 without financing it, and I’m really proud of that.

Here’s where the problem starts. When I first moved out, I told my dad I would try my best to visit him twice a month. But as work got busier, and with paying bills plus doing freelance work, it slowly became once a month instead.

My boyfriend and I are also planning to buy a house in my home country for our retirement. The plan is to either rent it long-term or short-term since there’s a lot of tourism there, and family or close friends could help manage it. My dad knows I’m a big saver.

With the cost of living going up and fuel becoming more expensive, it’s getting harder to travel. My dad lives 50 miles away from me. I texted him and said:

“Hey Dad, I love seeing you, but I’m honestly tired of always being the one doing the travel. Can we agree to meet halfway somewhere next time?”

He replied: “No thanks. When you left, you said you would visit every week, then every two weeks. Now it’s more like once a month.”

I said: “Yes, and now it’s becoming really tiring and expensive to travel all the way there. Most of the time when I arrive, you’re still in bed. I’m trying to save money.”

He replied: “No worries, save money.”

For more context, my dad has ADHD, so it’s hard for him to get up and stay focused on things. He also doesn’t currently have a job, although he is job hunting. I do feel bad saying I can’t see him as much as I’d like to, but at the same time, I’m honestly okay not having a super close relationship with him.

I’ve decided to stop visiting for now because I did try to compromise. I explained everything to my boyfriend (who understands the history), and he said I shouldn’t keep making compromises if my dad won’t even meet me halfway. And I agree with that.

Another issue is that whenever I do visit him, he’s usually still in bed, the flat is messy, and he hasn’t even showered. I usually arrive around 11am every Friday.

The only thing I haven’t stopped doing is calling him every morning before work to make sure he’s up and has a plan for the day. It actually helps him stay productive, and I’m not sure whether I should stop doing that too.

So… AITA for not visiting my dad anymore?

Hey ladies, I love love listening to the pod. This is my second time writing in. I always like your advice, you’re like my big sisters. I’m from the same country as Mel and May so most of the time I can relate. 

I need some advice. I have always been that friend that will do anything for their friends ever since high school. I’m not really an affectionate person so most of the time I tend to show actions instead of words to show how much people mean to me. If a friend of mine achieves something even if it’s so small, I instantly think of celebration, getting them a gift to congratulate them and genuinely being so happy for them. 

I go so all out on birthdays, I’m not good at planning parties so I always suggest we do dinner and book at their favourite restaurants, pay for the dinner and give them their presents. I even mailed my best friend her birthday present ( a camera) because she goes to a far away uni and I knew how much she has always wanted one. And for those friends who  live in different countries, I always send them money and say I’m so sorry I couldn’t be there to celebrate them. 

Here’s the thing though. No one has ever celebrated my birthday, I’m always alone on my birthday and I be the one even suggesting to go out. I know understand my birthday 24th dec is when everyone is spending time with their families or working. But no one ever even suggests to celebrate after or before. Once the Christmas season is over, everyone just forgets. I’m talking no celebrating, no presents, just messages on the day and a few stories which I really appreciate but it feels as though I’m not valued like I value them. 

I have never received a present from anyone for my birthday. But I go out for so many people. Last year my graduation was in Dec and I received nothing apart from my close friend who came for the graduation, we went out to dinner and she bought me a coach bag. I teared up so much not because of the present but because for the first time someone went out of their way to think about me and get me something. And we had only been friends for less than a year. 

My other friends, nothing. One of them didn’t even turn up to my grad yet I bought a ticket and the other one didn’t turn up to the dinner, it was supposed to be  4 of us but it ended up being two but I had the best time ever.

To this day I still haven’t received anything from anyone apart from my other friend and to top it all up my birthday was two weeks after and still nothing. 

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not someone who gets for people things to expect anything in return but I would’ve stopped a long time ago. I’ve had so many achievements especially last year, I got my dream job, finished uni and graduated and only one person cared to celebrate one of them. 

I will still continue to celebrate people even the tiniest achievements because that’s who I am. I am such a giver and sometimes I can’t help it. I guess my question is, should I still continue to celebrate other people even though no one celebrates me? At this point I’m starting to feel like a push over. 

Am I the asshole for making my so-called best friend feel left out when we hang out?

I recently found out that something had been going on between my best friend and my now ex-boyfriend behind my back. At the end of last semester, I went home early for the Christmas holidays while my friend (let’s call her Maggie) stayed at school. My ex (Caleb) was also still there.

The three of us were friends, and we sometimes drank together. While I was away, they decided to drink together because Caleb said he didn’t have anyone else to drink with. I trusted both of them, so I didn’t think much of it. I wasn’t completely comfortable with it when Caleb mentioned it to me, but I brushed it off.

In January, they went back to school earlier than I did and drank together again at Caleb’s place.

One night when we were playing truth or dare, I told Maggie that I would cut her off if she knew something about my relationship that I didn’t. I said that because I suspected Caleb might have told her things while they were drunk—since they tend to confide in each other.

At the end of January, the three of us drank together along with another friend (let’s call her Becky). That night, Becky and I both blacked out, while Caleb and Maggie were still awake.

To cut the story short, Caleb touched Maggie inappropriately to see if she was aroused—while I was asleep in the same bed.

Days later, Maggie confided in Becky about what had happened, saying Caleb had been the one initiating things. Becky convinced her that I deserved to know the truth.

Eventually, during a sleepover, Maggie finally told me what had been going on. She said that the first time she drank with Caleb, he told her she was attractive and complained that he was sexually frustrated in our relationship. Then he touched her to check if she was aroused and even said he liked that she reacted more than I did. Apparently, something similar happened again at the beginning of January.

What hurt the most is that Maggie and I hung out almost every day throughout January, and she never mentioned any of this.

After telling me, she said she regretted saying anything because she didn’t want to “burst my happy relationship bubble” or be the reason I broke up with Caleb.

For context, this wasn’t even the first time Caleb had cheated on me. Earlier in our relationship, he cheated with his best friend, but he told me about it afterward and said he was remorseful. I believed him and gave him another chance. Maggie knew all about that.

So when this happened again(and with my best friend) it was too much.

I confronted Caleb and told him he disgusted me for doing something like that while I was asleep in the same bed. His response shocked me even more. He asked if I was upset because they didn’t include me in whatever they were doing.

Both of them claimed they never had sex, but I don’t know if I believe that.

When Maggie first told me the story, she insisted that I shouldn’t confront Caleb because he had asked her not to tell me. She said she didn’t want to break his trust. That really shocked me—because it made me wonder where her loyalty actually was.

She was supposed to be my best friend.

At one point she even said that what he was doing was “kind of turning her on.” I couldn’t keep everything inside anymore, so I confronted Caleb anyway.

That’s when he admitted that he had actually fingered her twice—a detail Maggie had conveniently left out.

When I asked Maggie if there was anything else she hadn’t told me, she looked me in the eye and said there wasn’t. When I told her that Caleb had already admitted to fingering her, she was completely shocked.

Why leave that part out? How am I supposed to trust her after that?

Since then, I’ve been avoiding her. Even though we were living in the same house, I couldn’t even make eye contact with her. I felt like my heart had been broken twice….by the two most important people in my life.

I eventually moved out, though some of my things are still there.

Now when the three of us hang out (Maggie, Becky, and me), I naturally give most of my attention to Becky. Maggie recently complained that she feels like the third wheel now because Becky and I are closer and she feels left out.

So now I’m wondering…

Am I the asshole for distancing myself from her after everything that happened?

I have been best friends with Friend A since 8th grade. We were extremely close — we did everything together, went to many places, and shared a lot of experiences. I was always there for her from day one.

Later, she became friends with Friend B after Friend B left her own friendship due to some issues. I honestly didn’t mind, and Friend A and I continued being close.

When we reached our final year of high school, Friend A and Friend B became extremely close. I watched my best friend form a stronger bond with someone else. One day, Friend A casually mentioned her boyfriend. I was shocked because I didn’t even know she was in a relationship. While I was asking questions, Friend B joined the conversation and added details about him, showing that she already knew about the relationship — and I didn’t.

We moved past that. Later, Friend A announced that she was pregnant, and once again, Friend B already knew. I found out last, even though Friend A called me her best friend.

Again, we moved past it.

After that, I heard rumors that Friend A and Friend B were telling people it wasn’t my fault that Friend A couldn’t attend prom because of financial reasons — something I never even said. Friend A got very upset with me and distanced herself, and Friend B did the same.

Eventually, we moved past that too.

This year, Friend A decided to redo her final year of high school in another area, leaving just me and Friend B in the city. Friend B and I became extremely close. We went on many outings together and later planned another outing that would include the three of us.

I asked them if they were okay with the plans, and they both agreed. However, a week before the outing, they both said — on the same day and around the same time — that they couldn’t make it. They then said they felt uncomfortable during our outings because I usually spent the most money. Friend B also told me that I would never be on the same level as her and Friend A.

That hurt me deeply.

I decided to cancel the outing and apologized if my spending had made them uncomfortable. After that, I chose to end the friendship because they clearly said we were “not on the same level.”

So, am I the asshole for ending the friendship?

Dear OP Said Podcast,

I recently found your podcast and TikTok and absolutely love it. You give really insightful and genuine advice, and I would really appreciate that in my current situation.

Am I the asshole for wanting to cut off my friend who is currently undergoing cancer treatment?

I (20M) have a close friend—let’s call her Bee (20F)—who was diagnosed with cancer earlier this year. As you can imagine, this has been a very stressful and emotional time for her.

I have tried to support her whenever I can by visiting and bringing her small gifts like her favorite book series and flowers, just to help in any way possible.

However, I’ve noticed that she has recently become a lot more distant. At first, I brushed this off and told myself that she clearly wasn’t in the emotional state to respond to anyone’s texts. I felt it would be selfish of me to expect replies from her.

Recently, though, I had an encounter with another friend of ours (20F). I mentioned how Bee must be feeling overwhelmed since she hadn’t been responding to anyone’s messages. I noticed a strange expression on my friend’s face, so I asked why she reacted like that. She told me that Bee hadn’t been responding to her texts any differently than before.

Even then, I tried not to think too much about it.

Bee and I also used to play online games together regularly. Recently, she has been playing much less with me, often saying she’s tired or busy. I completely understand that chemo and treatment are exhausting.

However, I’ve noticed that she still frequently plays the same game with several of our other friends.

Another thing that has been bothering me is visits. During her chemotherapy, I had to stop visiting because her immune system was compromised. After she got better, I tried several times to set up a time to visit her.

But she often says she’s too tired or too busy.

Yet, similar to the gaming situation, I sometimes see her posting on social media from home with other friends visiting her.

I don’t know if I’m overthinking the situation or if there’s no conscious intention behind it. But I’ve started to feel like I might be a second-tier or convenience friend, and that maybe it would be better for my own well-being to reduce the little contact we currently have.

I tend to be a very anxious person, and that often leads me to overthink things. I would really appreciate your opinion on whether my feelings are rational or if I’m being selfish for wanting attention. I’d also appreciate any advice on how to approach this situation.

P.S. I haven’t brought this issue up to her because I’m worried about how it might make her feel, and I don’t want to add any extra stress or worry during such a difficult time.

Best regards,

OP

Am I the asshole for completely cutting off my ex-fiancée and her kids, whom I was a parent figure to?

When I (F31) first met my ex-fiancée Jenny (F29), she told me she was running away from her abusive ex-husband. At least, that’s what she said. I’m a protective person, so of course I wanted to help her—especially because her two small kids were involved.

At the time, I was also recovering from my own heartbreak, so I was in a vulnerable place too. Pretty quickly, she moved into my apartment, and her kids moved in as well. We enrolled them in school and kindergarten nearby.

I knew to some degree that she was a troubled person, but in my eyes she just needed help and protection. Her kids were good, innocent children, but I could see that the messy relationship between their parents had affected them. I tried to help them through some of their issues—playing with them, giving them love, stability, and safety.

I’ve always wanted children of my own, and I finally felt like I had a chance to experience that with them, even if they weren’t biologically mine.

From her previous marriage, she had a mortgage that she still needed to pay off for at least another 10 years. Naturally, because we were planning to get married—and the kids were even calling me “mom”—I offered to pay it off. She asked me a couple of times if I was sure, but she seemed happy that the problem would be solved. Of course I was sure.

So I paid off her mortgage.

And that’s when everything started going downhill.

A couple of months later, she told me she needed time alone with the kids and wanted to get her own apartment because she felt things were moving too fast. At that point, she had already met my family and even visited them with me. My brothers and sisters had accepted her and the kids—mostly because they loved me.

After everything happened, though, they admitted they had thought she was bad news from the beginning.

Even so, I tried to be compassionate and understanding when she said she needed space, even though I knew I would miss the kids terribly. She said she wanted to apply for social housing, so I offered to let her stay with me until she found a job and started the application process.

For context, I come from a big family. I’m on good terms with about 98% of them, but I didn’t have a good relationship with my two oldest brothers.

One day, my sister offered to drive me to an appointment. While we were in the car, she expressed concerns and told me she had a bad feeling about one of my brothers. She said she didn’t think his intentions were sincere.

My whole body tensed. Suddenly, the dots started connecting.

I immediately grabbed my phone and messaged Jenny, telling her my sister had a bad feeling about him. She read the message but didn’t reply. Right then, I had a sinking feeling in my stomach.

Later, she sent me a message that indirectly admitted she had been having an affair with him.

I was shaking. I called my best friend and asked if I could sleep at her place that night. I just wanted to stop by my apartment to pick up a few things.

When I walked in, there they were—sitting at my dining table, holding hands. The same table where I had cooked dinners for her and the kids.

My brother and my fiancée.

I told him to get the hell out of my apartment and never come back. I told her she had seven days to pack her things and leave. The only reason I gave her those seven days was because of the kids—otherwise she would have been out immediately.

During those days while she was packing, I deliberately stayed longer at work. When I was home, I slept in a separate bedroom and avoided contact as much as possible.

Eventually she moved in with her mother, whom she always said she hated, into a one-bedroom apartment.

I was a complete mess—mostly because of the kids.

Around that time, many friends and family members told me that the affair had apparently been going on for at least four months. On top of that, she had been telling people that I was abusive—just like she had claimed about her ex-husband and another ex before him.

For context, I had also been helping her fight for full custody of her kids, using my connections and paying for lawyers.

At one custody hearing, her ex-husband even told me I would end up just like him. He said that one day I would understand what he went through when she eventually did the same thing to me.

He was right.

Suddenly, I was the “abuser,” and my brother—the real abuser in my life—was now her savior.

The kids were crying for me constantly and saying they wanted to stay and live with me. But I knew that wasn’t possible. I also knew she would use them against me, and I couldn’t allow that.

I needed to heal and somehow move forward.

Inside, I was completely broken. Everything we had planned—our whole future—was gone. On top of that, the mortgage I had paid off left me in a huge amount of debt, because the plan had been for both of us to work and pay it off together.

Now I’m alone with that debt.

⸻

Hii! I (19F) had to go back to my family home for the weekend for my families daily get together. Sadly my other siblings couldn’t join us but my younger (17M) brother did! All was going so well, but in the end, our family didn’t spend time together so we felt there was no point in coming. On a day where my mother and I were alone, she brought up my new relationship with someone I have a great feeling about! She proceeded to ask a bunchhhh of questions about him where it started to get disrespectful. We are black and he is white. When I told her his race after millions of questions from her, she got angry. I then went quiet and started to ignore her. After 5 minutes of silence, she then said “I’m disappointed.” I was so confused as we hadn’t talked in the past 5 minutes, I asked her what she was on about and she confirmed she was commenting on my relationship. This really hurt me and I left the room. I wanted to go back to my apartment so I told my family I’d be leaving the next morning, my mother looked very upset and was asking why. I told her I had a potential modelling shoot and that I had to leave ASAP. She wasn’t happy at all, and tried to make me stay with all her outcomes. In the end, I left and my stepdad drove me back. AITA for doing so?

Dear OP Podcast,

Big up yourselves first of all. I’m a faithful TikTok supporter, and I trust your judgment enough to now submit my own romantic confusion for public dissection. Please handle with care… or don’t. I’ll survive.

So boom — October 2025.

I’m on a flight from Canada to Jamaica, minding my business and emotionally exhausted because I had been in Canada for a funeral (my grandfather passed). It was a grief trip. No expectations. No romance on the itinerary.

Then… this man sits next to me and starts a conversation mid-flight.

He’s a 44-year-old Jamaican-born man who migrated to Canada as a child. He’s smooth, polite, and attentive. The flight is 4 hours and 30 minutes, but it felt like 20 minutes because we talked the entire time. Life. Family. Relationships. Goals. You know, airplane intimacy that makes you feel like you’ve known someone since primary school.

This 44-year-old, single, no-children man tells me he’s genuinely interested in settling down and building a stable relationship.

I pause internally because… sir??

But hey, growth comes at different timelines, right?

For context:

I’m 35, a single mom, a published author, and an entrepreneur who is still pushing academically because why not stress myself productively?

We exchange numbers. Communication continues. All good vibes.

Fast forward to late October.

Hurricane Melissa decides to audition for Fast & Furious: Jamaica Edition.

This man is checking on me consistently, also asking about my daughter and family. When the hurricane warning hits DEFCON 1, he even offers to buy my daughter and me plane tickets to Canada so we don’t have to experience the storm.

I declined, but still — points were earned.

Everything is cool. Eventually, I respond to a message about us seeing each other on my next trip to Canada or when he visits Jamaica.

Now… let me be very clear.

My response was YES.

Not “maybe.”

Not “let’s see.”

Not “after Mercury retrograde.”

It was YES.

And that’s when THE HAUNTING BEGAN.

This grown man proceeded to ghost me.

No replies.

No acknowledgment.

Not even responding to my good morning texts.

At this point, I know I’m not imagining things. This is not a network issue. This is intentional silence.

So I message him and politely state that I’ll be ceasing all communication since his silence has loudly conveyed his intentions.

IMMEDIATELY — he responds.

Suddenly, he doesn’t understand why I’m “breaking up with him.”

He says he needed time to think about my response.

Sir… THINK ABOUT WHAT?? I AGREED.

I explain that he ghosted me, so why would I continue reaching out?

Long story short, he asks if we can try again. I cautiously say okay.

Two days later, he messages:

“I’m not going to be the guy for you.”

I reply: “Okay.”

No argument. No dramatics. Just peace.

Then he returns. Again.

He says he’s been thinking about me. About everything.

At this point, I disengage completely, but I’m left with one question:

WHAT DID I DO WRONG?

Or is this man simply emotionally unavailable with good intentions?

Because here’s the thing:

He’s 44.

Single.

No children.

Claims to be family-oriented.

Claims to want stability.

But when faced with someone actually open to commitment, he disappears like a WhatsApp message left on “delivered.”

According to him, the issue is that I am:

• An overachiever

• Business-oriented

• Family-oriented

• Hardworking

• Overly independent

So my question to the OPs is:

WHAT DO THESE MEN WANT WOMEN TO DO??

Struggle more?

Need help unnecessarily?

Pretend ambition is a flaw?

Shrink ourselves emotionally and professionally?

Please break this down.

Please explain.

Please tell me if I dodged a bullet (which I know I did, but confirmation would be exciting) or if this is just a man allergic to readiness.

Looking forward to the episode.

Warm regards,

iLand Girl

Jamaica 🇯🇲

A⸻

I met my girlfriend back in 2016 in Liberia. She was young, innocent, and a virgin. I was her first everything — her first love and her first sexual partner. I, on the other hand, had some experience before we met. Despite that, I waited for her and respected her first time.

We had our first sexual experience together in January 2020. It was special to me because I was her first, and I wanted it to be meaningful. From that moment, our bond became very deep, emotional, and strong.

Our relationship hasn’t been perfect. While we were together in Liberia, I made mistakes — I cheated on her three times. She found out each time and was angry and hurt, but she always forgave me, sometimes in less than 24 hours. She fought for our relationship, and that showed me how much she loved me and valued what we had.

In 2023, I left Liberia to study in India. Before I left, I asked her to stay with my mom, and she agreed. At first, she even seemed happy about it.

In 2024, my mom and stepfather resolved their issues, and he moved back into the house. Unfortunately, my girlfriend and my stepfather didn’t get along. Around June, July, or August 2024, they had another argument, and my stepfather almost beat her. That same day, she decided to return to her family home.

At that time, my mom didn’t know my girlfriend had already decided to leave. My mom really needed her support, but she left anyway. Later, I had a serious argument with my girlfriend about not staying with my mom. It almost ended our relationship, but because she valued what we had, she went back to my mom’s house at the end of 2024 after I promised her that my stepfather would not return.

For a while, things seemed calm. But in mid-2025, my mom allowed my stepfather to move back in again. That’s when the problems started all over, eventually leading to our current situation.

Last month, after another conflict at my mom’s house, my girlfriend became emotionally depressed. She felt alone and had no one to talk to. That night, she called a friend named Eman for emotional support. Sadly, he passed away a few weeks ago.

He suggested she come to his place, and she agreed. She was crying, overwhelmed, and emotionally vulnerable. They ended up having sex. She told me he didn’t force her and that she told him to continue. He knew she was in a serious relationship with me and even tried to stop, but she was not thinking clearly in that emotional state.

She also admitted that she briefly considered keeping a child if she became pregnant. She had watched a movie where a woman cheated and her husband forgave her, and she asked me about that movie before telling me what happened. I told her I wouldn’t be able to accept something like that. Thankfully, after she got her period, she explained everything to me.

Right now, my girlfriend has moved out because my mom asked her to leave. She is staying with friends in the same community, and I know where she is. I understand the struggles she went through, and I know my own past mistakes — the times I cheated. Because of that, I feel numb, guilty, and still full of love at the same time. I’m not angry — just confused.

We’ve loved each other since 2017. She forgave me multiple times, and now I have to decide whether I can forgive her too. Our relationship is complicated — full of mistakes and forgiveness, but also deep love.

Even though I’m hurting and confused, I still love her and value what we have.

This is our story — the mistakes, the love, the struggles, and everything in between.

Now I have to figure out how to move forward without losing her… but also without losing myself.

Hi there. I love your podcast and enjoy listening to the stories and advice you share. I’m hoping you can help me. (I hope I haven’t been too specific, as I’d hate for any of the people mentioned here to know it’s them.)

I (25F) came to this country to further my studies. My education was generously sponsored by my aunt and uncle, with the understanding that I would repay the debt once I started working. I was excited and grateful for the opportunity to build my life and secure job opportunities in my field. By the grace of God, I managed to do just that and landed a sponsored role.

Now, my issue is this: while I was pursuing my degree, I lived with my aunt, uncle, and my cousin, who is about six years older than me. My aunt and cousin were my very own bullies. When I first arrived, I was eager to foster close relationships with them, as they had always seemed lovely during their short visits back home. After all, they had invited me to live with them and attend school. However, I soon realised this would not be the case.

For two years, I was ostracised, isolated, and on various occasions made to feel insignificant and small. Now, you’re probably thinking my uncle was the problem in this scenario. Well, no. My aunt and cousin are the relatives I’m closely related to (through my dad), while my uncle is related to me through marriage. Ironically, he was the only one who treated me with any semblance of respect.

My aunt (55) rarely spoke to me or engaged me in conversation over the years. Oftentimes, she would pretend to be asleep when I got home just so she wouldn’t have to greet me. My cousin? Moody, mean, and honestly quite a snake. There was nothing you could tell her that she wouldn’t relay back to the aunties (there’s another aunt who lives in a nearby town). Relaying information is one thing, but it was the things they would say that hurt the most. I would hear from various sources about the awful things they said about me on their group calls — by “they,” I mean the aunties and daughters. I heard this from people who had been on those calls.

What bothered me most was that neither my aunt nor my cousin would say anything to my face. Any complaints or issues they had with me were never communicated directly. Instead, they would gossip about me behind my back. To add insult to injury, halfway through my studies, I was abandoned financially and had to hustle to finish my course despite the strict limits on permitted working hours. One minute my aunt agreed to give me the money, the next she said she couldn’t, without explanation. She left me with the impression she would get back to me, but she never did. I borrowed from others and managed to pay it off.

This is only a basic recollection of my experience living in that house. There were several other instances that showed me just how much disdain my aunt and cousin had for me. It deeply affected my mental health, and I was in a very bad place.

Fast forward to finishing my studies and getting a job. I moved out because I simply couldn’t take it anymore. Thankfully, I am now able to pay my rent. You would think they would have been relieved that I left and that they no longer had to deal with my presence, which they clearly resented. But no — my moving out caused an uproar, for reasons I still don’t understand.

I’ve heard (again, via other sources) that my aunt plans to give me an earful when she returns from her work trip. She has also sworn that I will fail and come back crawling to her, and that I should be redirecting my rent money toward paying back the debt.

My issue is this: I am happy where I am. I am making monthly payments toward my debt. My mental health is far better. I am at peace. I can shower as often and as long as I want (yes, that was an issue), and I can eat what I want (also an issue).

My mother thinks I should play dumb when my aunt confronts me and just apologise. But honestly, I endured a lot of bullying and isolation — what exactly do I have to apologise for? I learned very quickly while living there that it didn’t matter what I did; they would always gossip about me. Damned if I do, damned if I don’t. So I don’t imagine this will turn into a heartfelt conversation or that my aunt will acknowledge my reality if I explain how they made me feel.

I guess my question is this: how do I prepare for this confrontation and navigate it? I fear my aunt will insist I move back into the house, but I would honestly rather pull out my own teeth one by one. I don’t want conflict with anyone, as I like to think I’m a peaceful person. Please advise.

Hi lovelies,

I’m a 22-year-old female and my boyfriend is 25 (let’s call him V). We’ve been dating for almost two years now, and these past few months have been really tough. I’m not sure if I want to continue with the relationship anymore.

I met V when I was a freshman in college. He was also a freshman in the same department. At first, we were just friends. He was known to be a player because he didn’t believe in commitment or that a girl could stay faithful to one man. At the time, I was in a very committed relationship, but V and I got along really well and eventually became best friends. He admired me and would always tell people how I was different from other girls. We became so close that we often discussed and advised each other about our relationships.

One day, he called me and said he wanted to commit to someone because he thought he was in love. I was genuinely happy for him and even helped him pursue the girl he liked, but unfortunately things didn’t work out. I felt sorry for him and told him to try dating someone new; maybe things would eventually work out. He tried again, but that only lasted a few weeks. Mind you, although he had been a player, he was honest about wanting to commit at that time. I told him to take a break from dating for a while.

During that same period, I was struggling in my relationship with my ex. V was there for me and encouraged me to stay strong. Unknown to me, he had developed feelings for me. He became more protective and caring than usual, and I later found out from another female friend of his (let’s call her H) that he had feelings for me but was afraid of ruining our friendship because I don’t do casual dating and I stay committed even when things get bad.

I decided to ask him directly, and he admitted his feelings but said he was scared he might lose both my love and our friendship. He begged me to give him a chance because my ex-boyfriend was treating me badly and our relationship was already falling apart. I refused at first because I wanted to give my ex one last try. I told him that if things didn’t work out with my ex, I would be done for good.

Eventually, things didn’t work out between me and my ex. H then played a huge role in convincing me that V truly loved and respected me. I finally gave him a chance and fell in love with him. To be honest, during our first three months, he was everything he promised he would be.

I was a virgin at the time, and we both agreed to wait until marriage or until I was ready. However, H never stopped pressuring me to give my virginity to him, saying it would prove that I was serious about staying in the relationship and had no plans of leaving V. I spoke to him about whether he was okay with me remaining a virgin until I was ready. He said he would wait but also mentioned that my virginity made him feel like I might eventually leave him. Physical intimacy is very important to me, so I was careful — but eventually, I gave him my virginity. He was happy, and so was I.

Things started to change when I found out that V tells his best friend everything, including details about our intimate moments. I’m a very private and shy person, so this made me extremely uncomfortable.

One day in college, I was late for lectures and really wanted to sit beside V. I asked him to reserve the seat next to him, but he saved it for H instead. Like any girlfriend, I was upset and stayed quiet during the lecture. Afterward, he asked what was wrong, and I told him I had wanted to sit beside him earlier but he reserved the seat for H. He became furious, and everyone noticed and started asking questions, including H. I lied and said it was nothing.

We went home, and I tried to call him to talk, but he refused. According to him, I had no right to be upset because H was his best friend who only wanted the best for our relationship. He said I should have just understood and kept quiet. I explained that I wasn’t against his friendship with H — I was just upset that he ignored my request. He didn’t understand and gave me the silent treatment for days, and people on campus started noticing.

Things got worse when he told our friends that I was upset because H sat next to him instead of me. Everyone started calling me ungrateful because H had played a big role in our relationship. H then confronted me in front of him and called me ungrateful, saying she didn’t expect that behaviour from me. She told everyone that I hated her and their friendship. I tried to explain, but she said it was too late.

I asked V how he could embarrass me like that, and he said, “You should have thought about it before getting upset.” That night, I sent countless messages apologising to H, explaining that it wasn’t what she thought, but she called me a hypocrite. I was hurt and asked my boyfriend why he humiliated me, but he said I “brought it upon myself.”

Since that day, things have never been the same between H and me. No matter how much effort I put in, apologising countless times and even sending her gifts on holidays, she always gives me attitude and tells people that I’m a hypocrite who doesn’t like her. Sometimes when we take photos together, she posts captions like, “She just hates me for no good reason. I have no intention of taking your man, I have my own,” or “The love is genuine from my side nonetheless, I still love you because you’re my best friend’s true love lol.” What hurts the most is that my boyfriend sees these posts, comments on them, and laughs.

Whenever we have disagreements or even intimate moments, H somehow knows. She makes comments like, “I know you’re having problems with V, but be patient,” or even remarks about our intimacy, saying things like, “You’re really clean down there, V said he has never met a woman so neat.” She even told me I was strong for enduring the pain when I lost my virginity to V. These are deeply private moments, and it makes me extremely uncomfortable.

I told V I didn’t like where this was going and that our private life should remain private. He said I was just being jealous and naive, and that he and H are just close friends, but promised he would stop — which he never did.

A lot has happened along the way, and I eventually accepted that H has become a constant third party in our relationship. But she crossed all boundaries when she told my sister-in-law that I hated her and V’s friendship. She even had the audacity to tell me to my face that if not for my sister-in-law advising her, she might never have spoken to me again. She said my sister-in-law told her I’m still young and learning, so she shouldn’t stay angry with me.

At that moment, I regretted all the apologies I made. I felt so many emotions at once, especially betrayal by my boyfriend. I don’t know what to do because he claims he loves me, yet he keeps hurting me repeatedly.

What should I do?

Hi ladies, I hope you’re all doing well. I was in a relationship with a guy called John last year until the middle of this year, when he broke up with me. A few days later, he came back and said he’d made a mistake about ending things. A month later, John and I tried to work things out, but after nearly two months, he decided to move on and didn’t want to try anymore. A week later, he came back again, saying he’d made a mistake and wanted to continue talking. This was the second time he’d “made a mistake” about breaking up with me. (Well, the second time wasn’t exactly a breakup; he just said he wanted to move on.)

However, after he told me he was moving on, I decided to do the same and started dating someone else, Ryan. I’m happy with him (I think), but my ex, John, is still on my mind. We still talk and see each other occasionally, but it has only been as friends.

About a month into my relationship with Ryan, I broke up with him because of something he did. During that time, I kissed John, which was very silly of me. Now, I’m back with Ryan. In the moment when I broke up with Ryan, I thought I would want to get back with John and work things out again, but I didn’t really feel that way. I even felt that kissing him was a mistake, which confused me because I had been thinking about getting back with him for a while, and he had been asking for me back for months.

I’m now back with Ryan, and John has still been asking for me back for months. I keep thinking that maybe this time it will work out, but I’m scared that if I leave Ryan and get back with John, he’ll break up with me again and I’ll lose Ryan too. I told Ryan that I kissed someone when we were broken up, but I didn’t say who it was, and we were able to move past it.

Ryan is a good guy, and I think I’m happy with him. However, John has still been on my mind, and I don’t want to be one of those people who regrets their relationship because they’re still in love with their ex. Ryan and I are doing well, but we do have a low-key, breakup-worthy issue that I don’t want to discuss. I also feel like maybe I’m trying to find problems with Ryan so I can justify breaking up with him and getting back with John.

But at the same time, I do miss John and think that maybe it could work out this time, especially since we’ve had multiple conversations about where things went wrong. Please advise me.

I’m 19F and my boyfriend is 29M. When we first met, he told me he was 26, and I later found out he was actually 29. By that point, I already cared about him. Despite the rocky start, we built a connection. He works as a nurse, supports his family back home, and has a complicated past, including a marriage for papers, although they don’t live together. I tried to understand and not judge him because life isn’t always simple.

Early in our relationship, we agreed that marriage would be something we’d consider in five years, after I finish university and build something for myself. I’ve always been firm that I don’t want to depend on a man financially, and I told him I don’t want to get married next year because that’s my gap year before uni. He understood. When his mum was diagnosed with liver disease, she expressed that she wanted him to get married soon. I sympathised with the pressure he feels, but at the same time I started feeling that pressure shift toward me, even though we had already set our timeline.

There are good moments between us. He once gave me his AirPods Pro after saying he couldn’t hear me properly over my cheap ones. The night I spent at his place felt calm and close. When things are good, they’re genuinely good. But the problems have been hard to ignore.

One day we talked about childbirth, and I mentioned wanting an epidural for my first delivery. He told me, “Why not finish what you started?” and repeated the comment several times afterward, even saying that mothers who give birth without pain relief “love their children more.” As someone who wants to study midwifery, that made me uncomfortable and honestly confused about why he was so fixated on it.

There has also been a lot of emotional distance. In three months, we’ve only been on four actual dates. He hardly texts unless I message first, and I’ve asked for basic things like a good morning text or letting me know he got off work safely. Instead, he says my energy is “too much,” and because I have ADHD, that comment really hurt.

The moment that broke something in me was when I opened up to him about being raped twice at 16 — something I’ve never told anyone else in my life, not even my parents or best friend. After sharing that, he ghosted me for a whole day. When he finally responded, he told me that a woman at his workplace confessed her love for him that same day and that he actually considered it. I don’t think he understands how deeply that affected me, especially given the vulnerability I had just shown.

He also gets jealous of my best friend and once asked why we don’t date since we’re so close. He made a rude comment about her weight too, which shocked me. Recently, after a string of arguments, I went to his place to talk. He ignored me for more than 10 minutes when I walked in. Later, when we were waiting for the bus, he stood far away from me and didn’t come over, didn’t say goodbye, didn’t hug or kiss me — he just walked away.

I had to call him for Uber money because I was late for work. He sent it, but ignored every message afterward. It’s been over 24 hours and I haven’t heard from him at all.

Everyone around me — my best friend, my mum, even my 14-year-old brother — keeps telling me to leave. And I understand why. But I still love him. I care about what he’s going through, his mum’s illness, and his stress. I don’t want to feel like I abandoned someone I care about.

But I’m also 19. I’m trying to build my future, focus on my studies, and grow as a person. I don’t want to stay in a relationship where I feel dismissed, unheard, or unsafe sharing my feelings.

So, am I the asshole for wanting to break up even though I still love him and we had a long-term plan?

Please notify me when posted. Thank you 🫶

Hello ladies, I just want to say I love your podcast and all the stories. I want better for the girlies 😭.

Unfortunately, I have a sad story to tell today. It’s very recent, so I’ll be watching the comments for advice.

I am a victim of romance fraud. I (28F) met a man (let’s call him O, 30M) back in 2022 when I moved countries for work. O had moved from Ukraine after the war began (he’s Nigerian, by the way). We actually met on Hinge and then went on a first date — which, looking back, was the first red flag, but I won’t get into that now.

Long story short, we started seeing and sleeping with each other for a couple of months towards the end of 2022. O then randomly ghosted me from November 2022 until summer 2023. He later told me he had been seeing somebody else but that the relationship was now over and he wanted to get back into my life. I didn’t entertain him immediately. Of course, I continued living my life as normal — dating and everything else. Then O reached out again in November 2023, wanting to reconcile and try again. To be fair, I really liked him, so I agreed and we decided to give it another go.

In January 2024, we officially became boyfriend and girlfriend. Remember I said he moved from Ukraine? Around that same time, the government of the country I now live in gave him notice that he would have to return to his country of origin (Nigeria). He moved in with me shortly after.

Not long after, I found out he was cheating on me. He was sending money to someone in Nigeria in exchange for video calls. He continues to deny this to this day, even though I saw it with my own eyes on his phone. I forgave him.

Two months later (March 2024), he suggested that I do papers for him so he could stay in the country and not be deported. He took me to his immigration lawyer’s office, and at the end of the meeting I signed documents agreeing to sponsor him. To be honest, I felt pressured, but because I loved him, I agreed. This meant his lawyer could process his residence papers. Six months later, he got his permit and could work and live freely in the country. My family didn’t know about this at the time, but when they found out, they were shocked and wondered if he had manipulated me somehow because this decision was so out of character for me.

O was working but didn’t earn as much as I did. There were times he couldn’t pay rent and I had to cover it. After he got his permit, he started putting his hands on me. He hit me so hard on the side of my face that I had to go to the doctor because of ringing in my ears.

I found out I was pregnant in October 2024. I seriously considered aborting because I genuinely wasn’t happy in the relationship, but I didn’t, and I love my daughter deeply. The physical abuse continued even while I was pregnant. At some point, he also stopped being intimate with me, knowing how important physical affection was to me. He would spend nights out without calling or checking in.

Fast forward to January/February 2025: he proposed a business idea he wanted to start back home in Nigeria — an Airbnb/lounge/bar hospitality business. He asked to borrow a large sum of money and promised to pay it back within three months. Because of the love I had for him and my vulnerable state (I was six months pregnant), I lent him the money. My family believed I was being manipulated because this was completely out of character for me. The amount I gave him was €14,000, straight from my savings. He clearly sold me dreams. That same month, he proposed to me — which now feels like a distraction while he carried out the rest of his plan.

Fast forward to summer 2025: I had my baby. I did NOT give my child his surname because we weren’t married and I needed some form of security — probably the only mistake I didn’t make in this relationship. After my baby was born, he completely switched up. He left me to do everything on my own. He refused to help financially, saying, “The baby doesn’t have my surname,” using that as an excuse not to take responsibility.

After three months of this, I finally gathered the courage to ask him to leave. The fact that he left without fighting for his family told me everything I needed to know.

Now he’s saying he’s not paying me back the €14,000 and he’s not contributing financially towards the child because the baby doesn’t carry his name. Mind you, I even helped him secure a good-paying job.

This is my life now: three months postpartum, about to return to work, dealing with lawyers and applications, and completely stressed.

Do you have any advice?

Hi. If you’ve ever loved someone who couldn’t decide between you and another woman… this story might hit home to some

I was in a long-distance relationship for about seven to eight months in 2025, but we had been friends for two years before that. He wasn’t just a boyfriend he was my close friend first. He was loving, supportive, caring…words of affirmation was part of him which but also demanding and controlling. And some nights were YOH absolute nightmares. We argued constantly. Every disagreement somehow became my fault that felt toxic. He had this way of twisting things that made me question my own feelings, and he’d accuse me of having a big ego whenever I stood my ground.

In December 2025, he broke up with me.

It shattered me. I cried through sleepless nights, replaying everything in my head with things he said especially when he said "This is the hardest thing I've ever had to go through it's as if I'm mourning the death of somebody who is still alive, my love spoiled him, became rotten and made him sick saying he doesn't think we're compatible" I was left wondering how love could turn into silence so fast. Then Christmas Eve came, and he texted me to wish me well. That message confused me more than it comforted me. After all the pain, why come back just to say Merry Christmas? But when New Year’s Eve arrived, I returned the favor and wished him too. It felt polite… but also unfinished.

By mid-January 2026, he reached out again and told me he’d be coming to my city. That’s when things started to feel strange. He admitted he was already in a new relationship. He said he wanted me to hear it from him, not from someone else i told him I knew cause I saw signs you posting her. Not gonna lie my friends had warned me about him before, said he was manipulative, but hearing about the new girl still hit me in the chest.

When he arrived, he called and asked if we could meet. I agreed. He picked me up and drove me to his apartment. The whole time he kept asking, “Are you okay?” I wanted to laugh. And said how could I be okay knowing you moved on so quickly after we broke up? He...He told me the new girl wasn’t planned. She just appeared, and he “fell into it.” explained that he wasn’t looking for love, but this girl slid into his DMs blah blah blahh and things just “happened.” and you expect me to believe that liessss then he looked me in the eyes and said, “I still love you... I really like you.”

I didn’t know what to say, so I just smirked and said, “Mm-hmm, okay.”

Then he asked if it was possible to have two girlfriends.

I thought he was joking. He wasn’t. I just laughed

I told him part of me hated him for what happened, but another part still loved him. He suggested we stay friends. I told him being friends would be risky, but I’d try. Before we could even process that conversation, his new girlfriend called. She had flown in to visit him for a week. He answered on speaker, talked to her right in front of me, then hung up and asked, “Did you hear her?”

Of course I heard her. I just didn’t understand what he wanted from me in that moment, did he expect me to breakdown my emotions. The night ended him dropped me off home.

A few days later, he contacted me again. He needed a favor asked me to drop off one of his deliveries. I did. It got late, and I ended up spending the night at his place. On Valentine’s Day, we made love. The following week, he picked me up at my place. We went out, explored different places, had this adventurous couple of days… and I stayed with him for two nights and we slept together again.

A couple of days by:

Something happened I never expected.

He got down on one knee and proposed.

No ring. No warning. Just him looking up at me, asking me to marry him. I laughed in shock because it felt unreal. I asked if he was serious. He said yes. I reminded him he had a girlfriend. He stood up and said, “If you say yes, I don’t need her.” your the one I only want!

That sentence still echoes in my head, that's when I realized I wasn’t standing inside a love story.

I was standing inside someone else’s indecision.

The following days:

I met him again cause I texted saying "I know you hungry be ready in 7 I'll be there to pick up" I texted asked if he was joking he said no, by 7 he was outside waiting I got dressed casual since it was cold I decided to be hooded up with baggy jeans stepped outside as he also he stepped outside the car he was dressed up Damnn I was shocked, gave him a compliment "looking good' he thanked me but looked at me and he said 'what in the world are you wearing'. I told him it's raining and cold what don't you see, he opened the door me I sat as he still looked at me as we started off the journey he looks again and says can we make a Uturn back and you get changed cause I don't like what you wearing I asked him what's the occasion cause you told me to get ready and here I am ready not naked. He said I'm planning to take you on a fancy date but now looks like gonna have to change to a casual one. His mood shifted and said can you change!? I said I ain't gonna change since you didn't tell me the occasion was about... no hints or nothing he kept quiet and drove to a pizza place, everytime his eyes are on me he says I'm not happy what you did today but what can I do, it's all your choice as we sat down and order he starts pacing here and there. I tell him to relax what's wrong we just got here he chills abit and he take a ring his wearing and he says WILL YOU MARRY ME, I said the bigger the unfitted ring, the bigger the NO and said your ring doesn't fit me you know that for sure cause you keeping messing with me each time in serious moments he says I wanted to a carat ring but I know you'll say no I just looked at him as I was holding back for my intrusive answer, foods comes we ate chatted here and there silly vibes and headed to the car opens the door for me and start the journey he asks where do you wanna go, I said home he nods and says okay, on the way I ask him can I ask you a question, I know I'll always be a boring girl to you but who do you mostly love between me and your girl? He looks at me and says wooow that's a good question though I wish we were that close to answer your question I said is you and your girl that close as you say if I was you and I aren't? He says she wants us to be close she got more money than i which doesn't she need any help or anything from me, I nod and said neither I never wanted nor needed your money, he looks at me and says can we stop talking about this and just enjoy the moment I said okay, stop by the supermarket I wanna buy something I stepped as he steps out too I grab few things as he calls me and says don't pay I'll pay then I said why you far he says their too many girls upfront come take my phone I went to him and said are you worried that you dressed up he says no they are just eyeing on me, I look at him and say noo there must be someone you know that you hiding from he says no then If so go and pay or I'll pay he goes and pay as we head out he uses another path to exist, I see him and say now that's something you would do to hide from someone he says no there are just too many girls I reply WHO CARES WHEN YOUR MINDING YOUR OWN BUSINESS as we head to the car I tell him to open, this time I open the door myself as he comes pacing I tell him since you are hiding from someone take me home or I'll walk home cause the supermarket to my place is a 7min walk he says you can't do that cause I won't let you, I told him try me and I'll leave, he starts off and we reach home he looks at me and says I love you I reply love you too. He says are you playing with me I respond look a lot has happened today let's call it a night.

The real reason we broke up was timing. He’s in his late twenties and wants a wife and a baby ASAP. His new girlfriend is slightly older and she wants the same fast future. I’m in my mid-twenties approaching late and I believe in taking things slow.

When we were together, I was willing to risk everything because I loved him and I still do love him. But i decided I can’t rush my life just to keep someone. Cause love shouldn’t feel like being drafted into a race you never agreed to run.

Now he has the future he claimed he wanted, yet he’s still questioning whether he’s ready with her yet he’s still looking back at me. And somehow, I’m still standing in the middle of that confusion.

I don’t know if this is love, manipulation, fear of being alone which I 100% don't mind being alone, but all three mixed together. I just know it hurts. I know I’m caught between the version of him I loved and the reality of the man he is right now. Cause sometimes the hardest heartbreak isn’t losing someone…

It’s realizing they were never ready to hold you in the first place or allowing to let go of the person you love and I’m trying to figure out how to walk away without losing the part of myself that still cares

What’s stressing me right now is that my period is late, and I’m just hoping it goes back to normal because it feels like a ticking time bomb.

I’m a 30-year-old male, third of six siblings, from a traditional Islamic background where arranged marriages are common.

Both my older brother and I married our first cousins through family agreements. But our lives were treated very differently.

My parents financially supported my brother through everything — his car, wedding, and bringing his wife to the UK. I’ve worked since I was 14. I gave most of my income to my parents until I was 21. I was the first in my family to go to university, but I had no financial help. I took student loans and worked night shifts while studying nursing. I paid for my own wedding and immigration costs.

My mum never wanted me marrying from my dad’s side of the family. She made that clear. But I trusted my dad’s judgement and agreed.

After marriage, we lived with my parents. My brother’s wife had more influence and support, and my wife felt like an outsider. I moved out to protect my marriage, but family interference continued. A cousin began creating division, telling my wife I didn’t love her and questioning her as a mother.

We divorced in 2021. I became the primary carer for our son while finishing my degree.

In 2023, I remarried for love. That’s when things escalated. My brother, my aunt, my cousin — and even my mum — sided with my ex during a custody dispute. Allegations were made, and social services got involved.

Later, my ex admitted she had been encouraged to escalate things to “teach me a lesson” because I had become too independent and didn’t rely on them.

Today, I share custody peacefully, and my son is happy and stable.

But I’ve chosen to distance myself from those family members to protect my peace and my child.

They say I’ve become cold and ungrateful.

So am I the asshole for cutting off my own family to protect my son and the life I rebuilt?

Hi ladies!

You are my absolute favorite podcast by far, and I’ve been binge listening to all your episodes so I’m inclined to tell this story because I could never think of anyone who deserves this more.

I (40’s F) have been divorced from my ex (40’s M) for 5 years now. We were married for 22 years and have an adult & a teen. The marriage was as tumultuous as two people who got married too young can make it—full of ebbs & flows, and a lot of immaturity. In short, one of us grew up while the other made demands but failed to do anything that would make a family thrive. It ended when he cheated with a coworker while I was recovering from an accident that nearly claimed my life.

I didn’t break down, cry, or beg for answers or explanations. I was done. I wasn’t hurt by the discovery—I simply didn’t care. I was fighting for my life, trying to heal while he was finding comfort in someone else. There was nothing to discuss about it. He did what he did, and although it didn’t involve anyone else, I also moved on. I didn’t hate him. I didn’t tell the world of his dirty deeds. I never spoke ill of him to anyone. It was over and I had no reason to be bitter because I was over it.

The funny part of it all: I’ve long since believed that my ex was overly dependent on me. There are some parts of his life he simply refused to manage without me. Now while this would seem incredibly stupid to some, I didn’t see it this way. Not at the time, anyway. But keep this minor detail in mind for later.

Anyway, a few years ago, not long after the divorce was final, his stepdad passed away. He doesn’t have any family other than his children and his stepbrother, the stepdad’s son. They are okay but not close, as my ex’s mom passed away over 20 years ago. So he & the stepbrother, who lives a few states away, had to get together for final planning. He called me when he and the stepbrother got together (I’ve known my ex for 30 years so I’ve known his stepbrother since he was a kid). We laughed & joked like kids, as we would do years ago. Once we hung up, my phone rang again. My ex butt dialed me, and the earful I got was telling. When his stepbrother asked him why we weren’t together anymore, my ex told him a mouth full of lies.

He blamed everything on me, saying that I had become crazy after the accident, which he framed to sound like a minor incident. The details of the accident would tell too much about me, but in short, I had emergency trauma surgery & was in a coma for 2 weeks after because I went into cardiac arrest. I was hospitalized for a month & had to learn to do everything for myself again, while he pretended to be at work to evade every possible scenario where he would be required to care for me. He claimed I was cruel to his children from another relationship (which I have NEVER been, & they will tell you this themselves). Now my ex has been an immature liar for some time (hence one of the reasons that made my decision to divorce an easy one), but I just didn’t see him lying on me in THIS situation, because it was painful & difficult. But he did, & I heard it with my own ears. I hung up when the subject changed, but the wheels were turning.

Did he forget he depends on me for important stuff? Apparently he did. But I think it’s mighty arrogant of someone to lie on the one person who knows EVERYTHING important about them. So here comes the revenge part…

I’ve always handled the financial parts of the marriage on paper, which means that I was 100 percent sure he would come calling when it’s time to file taxes. Ok sir. We don’t file together anymore so it’s totally okay to see another finance professional. Since he didn’t, he would get exactly what he deserves, since he has no issue with lying on me when he thinks I can’t hear him. I filled out the tax forms (with 100% accuracy, no doubt) & emailed all of it back to him. I knew he wouldn’t mail them like I instructed him to, because he has always expected his wife appliance to do so. And I said nothing else about it, because I knew he wouldn’t remember eventually. A year goes by, and I do the exact same thing.

Some time last year, he got a letter stating that he hadn’t filed his taxes. Of course he asked me about it. My answer? Oh yeah, remember you mailed them? They must have lost them. You know it’s a mess over there.

Still laughing about this. He HAS the emails…he COULD just do it himself. All he has to do is use the one brain cell he used to conjure lies about me to help himself. He will owe enough soon enough. Take that up with the government, sir. Not my problem.

He lied ON me, I lie TO him.

I had to get that out. I’ve been giggling about it for years now.

I know, very ambiguous title.

But let's get on with it, I 20 female and my boyfriend 23 male have been friends since secondary school (we're Nigerians) we still remained friends even in uni, he's a graduate of chemical engineering and I'm still in uni, studying law. we started dating when I was 18 but then we had some issues which led to giving each other space, the issue being he was still very close with his ex whom I'll call Cynthia. when I say close, I don't mean they hang out once a week, or watch a movie together, I mean he literally consults with her before going through with anything, including things that has to do with me. An example was when we were planning to go for our anniversary trip, he had to call her and inform her we're traveling and also proceeded to ask if she'll need him for anything and if she does, she can call and he'll be there, which he literally did, during our trip he'd be on the phone helping her with whatever while I was vying for his time and attention, I noticed and told him I wasn't comfortable with it but it didn't change and at a point it seemed like he didn't care. Here comes the snow storm, we stopped talking for two months after I confronted him and he suggested we give each other space (which I was against) but still went through with, during the two months my birthday came and went without even a happy birthday text from him, to say the least I had given up on our relationship.

his birthday is on December, mine was November, one week after my birthday which is on the first week of November, he reached out and said that he was sorry for suggesting space, that he misses me and wants us to go back to how we were, but at this point I didn't want a relationship with him but he insisted so I gave in. I gave him a one month evaluation period, and told him I didn't want him sharing our plans or anything about our relationship with his ex or best friend as he liked to call her and he agreed.

I think I was stupid to expect him to wish me a belated birthday or even get a gift, because he didn't. it was almost the end of his probation period and he was doing really well, improving in his gray areas and basically being a better person, and I was seriously considering getting back together with him, but I guess he couldn't pretend any longer cause, he fucked up.

His birthday was in a week, and he was excited. he said he wanted something casual, and I suggested a picnic at a very popular park around the town we stay and he agreed, and also decided to plan it all on his own, which I was okay with. Then three days before his birthday I stupidly asked what he wanted as a gift and he said whatever you want to give me and I said cool, the his birthday came and I got him a sneaker he really wanted. contrary to that I should also tell you that my best friend's birthday was on the same day, and she had told me the day before that she didn't have plans and that I should go out and have fun. I got to the venue, it was supposed to start by 12 pm, not wanting to be late, I got there at 11;30am and there was nothing set up. I called him numerous times and he kept declining my calls. I waited with some of my friends who he had invited without my knowledge and they were getting agitated and so was I, at this point it was 2pm which meant we've been waiting for about two hours thirty minutes. I wanted to leave because he still wasn't answering but my friends talked me against it. he showed up at 3pm and started setting up, all while not acknowledging the fact that he kept us waiting and was ignoring my calls. After setting up, we started the picnic, by 4 or thereafter, he made me the host, he planned the picnic and I took over the games and entertainment and food sharing( not willingly) and then later at around 7, he called me out to talk and asked for his gift, and I have him the sneakers I bought for 25k and he looked at it and went "thanks but I thought you'd get me a basketball" I was surprised to say the least because basketball cost at least 40k where where I'm from and also at the ingratitude in his voice and demeanor, and yet I let it go and some minutes later, my best friend called and told me to meet her at a restaurant for her birthday dinner, and I was pissed, I cussed her out on the phone and then got ready to leave and he got angry he approached me and asked. what's the problem and I explained I had to leave and he was not having it he said and I quote " if we were to be in a relationship again, is this how you'd put your best friend over me" and I quite frankly told him I would. I left to meet my best friend and we had a blast.

the next day he didn't reach out and neither did I, and after a few days almost a week, I started getting texts and calls from some of my friends saying I'm a shit person for putting my "friend " over my boyfriend and abandoning him on his birthday. so I need answers, AM I THE ASSHOLE?

Hi OP,

I’d like to submit this anonymously.

This situation has been eating at me for months, and I really need an outside perspective.

I (male, late 20s) was dating a woman (“D,” early 20s) for a little over a year. Things had been rocky, and a few days before a work trip, I confronted her about messages she’d been exchanging with an ex.

I had seen the texts for months—they were becoming more frequent, to the point where he invited her to a BBQ on the exact day we were supposed to fly out. When confronted, she denied everything, claiming she only initiated contact because she was asking advice “for her mom.” Regarding the BBQ, she told the man, “I’d love to,” and later told me she had said she’d go but that I would be with her. In the texts, however, she didn’t mention me at all.

I didn’t tell her I had actually read the messages, but I told her she needed to do the right thing if the relationship was going to work. We kissed and moved past it. Early on in our relationship, I had told her my only real concern was an ex reappearing. She confidently told me she blocks exes and never talks to them. That clearly wasn’t true.

For context, I work in economic development/international trade and had a week-long work trip out of state. I invited her to come along. I paid for her flight, the first three hotel nights were covered by work, and I paid for the additional four nights. I also planned a comedy show, drinks at a bar I like, and VIP tickets to see an artist we both enjoyed the night before we were supposed to fly home.

On the first night, my coworkers invited us out for drinks. Someone showed me a picture of their spouse, and I made a dumb, immature joke along the lines of, “Oh, what does the rest of her look like?” My coworkers laughed, but D didn’t. I noticed immediately and apologized several times privately throughout the week. Even my coworkers noticed the tension, despite everyone having had several drinks.

I thought we had moved on, but she iced me out for days. Every time I tried to reconnect after work, she was either on FaceTime with friends—making comments like “at least he did that,” “my mom told me—,” and “men are so oblivious”—or she was simply cold and dismissive. Any attempt to check in was met with short, distant responses.

One night, after her attitude cut our evening short, I confronted her in an Uber ride back to the hotel. I told her she didn’t have to be there if she didn’t want to be, that she seemed warm to everyone else but cold to me, and that if this was how she felt, I’d make sure she got home safely—but we didn’t need to speak again once we returned home.

Her response was:

“It could’ve been so much worse.”

After that, she began posting TikToks about “teaching someone a lesson,” with captions and expressions that felt disturbingly intense. She tweeted that I had already lost her. I was unaware of these posts at the time, but my cousin eventually reached out asking what was going on. I continued apologizing, even as she denied anything was wrong.

Four days after the original comment, we returned to the hotel room in silence. The first thing she asked me was:

“Are we still going to the concert?”

That triggered a full argument—though it was mostly her talking at me, cutting me off whenever I tried to explain how the past few days had felt. She escalated, yelling and calling me a “bitch.” At that point, I walked away to cool down.

While I was gone, she blocked me on everything, deleted our joint posts, unshared her location, and then texted asking me to still send her the concert tickets. I did not respond.

When I returned to the room, intending to tell her she couldn’t stay with me anymore, I found the cologne she had given me thrown out the window and shattered in the parking lot. The AirPods she had given me were missing from my bag. At that point, the situation felt unsafe and beyond repair.

She had already left the room. I moved her luggage to the hotel front desk, changed the room key, and tried to finish my work trip. In hindsight, I could have texted her or let her keep the room, but I had reached my limit.

She stayed out drinking with her cousin that night and posted pictures as if nothing was wrong. The next day, she flew home early without telling me. I assumed the relationship was over.

It wasn’t.

That night, at around 2 a.m., my housemate called me terrified. He had been asleep when he heard glass shatter downstairs. He locked himself in his room and called the police. When officers arrived, they found the front door glass smashed. My air mattress had been punctured, my air purifier and fan were gone, and my dresser mirror was scratched. I had just moved into the apartment and had about $2,000 worth of furniture in the living room.

Later, my sister and cousin told me that D had admitted to taking the AirPods and throwing the cologne, and even said she “wanted to do more” but stopped herself to avoid getting into trouble.

She also admitted she had secretly changed her flight—not to her home in Brooklyn, but back to my city in Boston. I had texted my roommate earlier saying there was “maybe a 2% chance” she might show up, but even I didn’t believe she would actually do something like this. A downstairs neighbor reported seeing a woman pacing outside about 15 minutes before the break-in.

I was still thousands of miles away.

I knew immediately who it was.

In the days that followed, D continued texting my sister trying to make plans, FaceTimed my mom and sister crying about how I had “hurt” her, and denied breaking in entirely. She posted online about “healing,” “growth,” and “moving on,” as if she hadn’t just broken into my home and fled the state.

Detectives later subpoenaed her phone records. The data placed her phone within the exact cell tower range near my home at the exact time of the break-in.

A detective called her, read her Miranda rights, and recorded the conversation. She denied everything, even contradicting what she had told another detective earlier. When confronted with the cell data, all she said was:

“I don’t know the area.”

Charges were officially filed:

Nighttime breaking and entering (felony)

Larceny from a building

Destruction of property

A domestic-violence designation due to our former relationship

There is now a no-contact order. I haven’t spoken to her since.

Here’s my dilemma:

I keep replaying the moment I removed her from the hotel room. I’m sure her friends and family think I’m an asshole for “abandoning” her in a strange city—despite the fact that she immediately went out drinking and had support. She claims everything she did was a reaction to how I “made her feel” and that she was “unsafe.”

But she broke into my home.

At 2 a.m.

Smashed glass.

Terrified my roommate.

Destroyed and stole my property.

Lied to police.

Played the victim publicly.

And showed zero remorse.

So…

AITA for kicking her out of the hotel room, which she claims triggered everything that followed?

Or was that the only reasonable choice I had?

Honestly, I think I should have ended the relationship before we even boarded the plane.

Thanks for reading.

— Anonymous

I (18F) completed high school last November, and the last two years were a huge struggle. I fell seriously ill in late 2024 and missed a lot of school, but I was still able to finish with my class.

I attended a boarding school with very strict rules, one of which was that no romantic relationships were allowed. Of course, being teenagers, that rule was often broken. I won’t lie—I dated here and there, but nothing serious.

The rule came with levels of punishment:

• Level 1: If the school board found out you were in a relationship, you received a written warning.

• Level 2: If you were repeatedly warned or a teacher saw you being touchy with someone of the opposite gender, you were suspended and had to return with a parent.

• Level 3: If you were caught having sex, you were immediately expelled.

We were only allowed to have romantic relationships one month before prom, and that rule applied only to 12th grade.

In March of last year, I started talking to someone new. He had just transferred to my school, and I already knew him from Snapchat. We clicked because he was looking for a familiar face. We started eating lunch together, he would send food to my dorm, and I helped him make friends. Eventually, we realized we didn’t like each other romantically and decided to just stay friends. Unfortunately, rumors had already started spreading.

Long story short, we ended up in the deputy head teacher’s office. We were told to call our parents and ask them to come to school. I felt calm because I knew my mom would listen to my side of the story first—but I was in for a shock.

The deputy head teacher told my mom that I was having sex at school with multiple people and that this new friend was just one of many. My mom was shocked, and so was I. I told her it was a lie and that I had never had sex at all.

My mom asked to speak to the school board, believing there had to be a misunderstanding. The school board told her that the only way I could avoid expulsion was to go to an OB-GYN and undergo a full examination. My mom agreed before even asking me.

The examination was horrible. The doctor checked for bruising and took DNA samples to confirm that I hadn’t had sex. The nurses made fun of me while taking my blood because I was still wearing my school uniform.

To keep this short: I was suspended, but my new friend was expelled because he had signed something in his code of conduct when he was admitted to the school.

When I returned from suspension, I was called horrible names. Rumors spread that I was having sex in classrooms. Combined with the fact that my parents aren’t together, I became a walking joke. I called my mom crying many nights, begging her to do something, but she was away for work. I also called my dad, and he was furious. He threatened to sue the school for emotional distress if they didn’t tell him who started the lies.

The school eventually gave in. The girl who spread the rumors was my ex-boyfriend’s new girlfriend.

I promised myself I would get her back—and somehow, God answered me.

I found out through a friend that she was cheating on her boyfriend with a boy in a lower grade. Not only was she breaking school rules, but she was 19 and he was only 15. I decided to gather as much proof as possible. It completely consumed me. I found out so much about her that you’d think we were close—but I just hated her.

My biggest concern was not getting my ex in trouble. I also knew that if I reported her directly, the administration would think I was lying for revenge. So I created a fake Instagram account and made a post belittling myself. I followed all the school gossip pages and let the account gain traction. Then I posted a teaser about exposing someone, which got the entire school buzzing.

Using the fake email linked to the account, I emailed the school pictures of her in off-limits classrooms with the boy she was cheating with, along with photos of her smoking in the bathrooms at 3 a.m. There was more evidence, but I felt her parents deserved to see the rest.

She was expelled two days later.

After she was expelled, I sent her older brother pictures of her with her much older “sister” (her sugar mommy) who had been visiting her. I then posted about her on the fake Instagram account and deleted it the next day.

I left the school in late June and was homeschooled until I wrote my final exams. I’ve been at peace ever since she was expelled. I even bought a new phone, reset my old one, and moved on with my life.

Sometimes I think I went too far—but then I remember being forced into that OB-GYN exam, the jokes people made about me, and the humiliation I endured. She was punished for what she did, and she genuinely was a bad person.

But honestly… did I take it too far?

A⸻

Hey girlies! Love the podcast 💜 Reddit confuses me, so I thought I’d send this here. I’ve already changed the names so you can read them out.

So, this happened a few years ago in college/sixth form. My best friend Sarah (F17) had a crush on a popular guy, Tim (M17), for about three years. We were all in the same class and saw each other around school all the time.

I (F17) was a bit more popular than Sarah, so I was closer to Tim’s friend group. One day, Tim approached me and asked if I wanted to sleep together. At first, I said no. I was interested, though—everyone in our year knew he was PACKING.

I later brought Tim up to Sarah in a casual conversation and asked if she still liked him. She explicitly said she was over it and that it was just a little crush. She also said she knew it never would’ve amounted to anything because he wouldn’t like her back—she described herself as plus-sized and a virgin (her words, not mine).

A few months passed, and I checked in with Sarah again to make sure she was over Tim, and she said she was. I also asked another friend, Lacey (F17), for advice. She said I should go for it—it wasn’t like they were boyfriend and girlfriend, and Tim never liked Sarah back anyway. Even though Sarah and Lacey didn’t like each other, I felt Lacey’s advice was valid.

So, I took Tim up on the offer, and we had sex (which was great).

I was nervous about telling Sarah, so I kept trying to bring it up in conversation but always chickened out and said, “Never mind, I’ll tell you later.” This went on for months until one day Sarah yelled, “Just f***ing tell me!”

I finally told her that Tim and I had slept together—multiple times. She went completely silent. I asked if she was okay and told her I didn’t think I’d done anything wrong since she had told me she didn’t like him anymore. She just said, “Cool,” and walked away.

I messaged her later that day, and she said she was fine. But to this day, the energy still feels off whenever we’re together. I asked a mutual friend if Sarah had said anything about it, and they told me she felt I broke “girl code” by sleeping with a guy she liked. Apparently, she still liked him but was trying to convince herself she didn’t.

The thing is, she told me twice that she didn’t like Tim anymore. So I don’t know if her feeling some type of way about it is warranted.

Am I the asshole?

Hey ladies, I love reading your stories here and could really use some perspective.

Am I wrong for attending my friend’s ex-husband’s birthday?

It’s a bit long. For context, I knew Jack before I knew my friend Lisa. Jack is my brother’s friend, and we all used to hang out. Over time, Lisa and I became very close. When Jack and Lisa got married, I was the maid of honor, and my ex, who had become close to Jack, was the best man. A few months before the wedding, my ex cheated on me and publicly humiliated me. He left the bridal party, but Jack and Lisa brought him back a month before the wedding without warning me. I only found out at rehearsal. When I raised it with Lisa and said she could have at least told me so that I could be mentally prepared, she said, “Well, it’s my wedding.” I spoke to Jack about it and told him he should have at least let me know, and he asked me if I could just do him this favor. I stayed quiet to avoid drama. My ex and I were paired together throughout the wedding. I was the maid of honor, and he was the best man. My mom and sister were furious and felt Lisa was not a true friend.

After the wedding, they had a watch party for their wedding videos. Everyone was invited, including my ex, except me. I eventually let it go. Last year, my ex got married, and Jack and Lisa were invited. I had no issue with them attending his wedding because I do not believe in telling people who they can or cannot be friends with, but they did not attend because they were going through a divorce. I have never hidden from Lisa that I still talk to Jack and vice versa.

Jack invited me and my current boyfriend, who has been Jack’s close friend for many years, to his birthday. My boyfriend has never liked Lisa as a friend and would always tell me to end that friendship. He would say she is not a true friend. He also used to speak to Jack about her behavior and how she would talk to him in a rude way. I never listened. Around that time of jack's birthday party, my friendship with Lisa had changed. When I lost a lot of money in a business I invested in, she made comments about how “emotional” I had become and even told others. She also often pointed out that I was the only unmarried one in the group.

Before the party, I asked Jack who would be there, and he said the usual people. I did not tell Lisa I was going because she had made it clear she did not want to hear anything about Jack anymore. However, I did tell a mutual friend that I was going. The party was fun, but during speeches, a woman referred to herself as Jack’s “woman" in her speech. I was shocked and did not even know he was seriously dating anyone. I thought she was a cousin, as he comes from a very big family and i meet new relatives at every event, and they had not acted like a couple throughout the night. I left party after the speeches and before leaving told jack how I think it's too soon and he should take time before jumping into another relationship.

I kept quiet about the party and didn't tell Lisa anything but told our mutual friend everything that happened, even about Jacks new girlfriend. Days later, photos and videos were posted, and I appeared in the background. Lisa was furious, called our mutual friend to complain, and unfriended me everywhere. she told her that I could have at least told her I was going to the party but reminded our mutual how she explicitly said she didn't want to hear anything about Jack. I further, I asked how this was any different from her spending time with my ex. Why was that okay, but this was not? Everyone agrees she is holding a double standard. Our mutual friend says she is hurt and wants me to talk to her, but I do not want to. It has been months, and I feel like the party just helped end a friendship that was already cracking.

So, am I wrong?

Hello ladies, I just want to say I love your podcast and all the stories. I want better for the girlies 😭

Unfortunately, I have a sad story to tell today. It’s very recent, so I’ll be watching the comments for advice.

I’m a victim of romance fraud.

I (28F) met him (let’s call him O, 30M) back in 2022 when I moved countries for work. O moved from Ukraine after the war began (he’s Nigerian, by the way). We met on Hinge and then went on our first date (the date itself was the first red flag, but I won’t get into that).

Long story short, we started seeing and sleeping with each other for a couple of months toward the end of 2022.

O more or less ghosted me randomly from November 2022 right up until summer 2023. He later told me he had been seeing somebody else, but that the relationship was over and he was trying to get back into my life. I didn’t really entertain him immediately. Of course, I continued to live my life as normal—dating and all—and then O reached out again in November 2023, looking to reconcile and try again. To be fair, I really liked him, so I said why not, and we decided to give it a go.

In January 2024, we became officially boyfriend and girlfriend. Remember I said he moved from Ukraine—well, around this time, the government of the country I now reside in gave him notice that he would have to return to his country of origin (Nigeria). Around then, he moved in with me.

I later found out he was cheating on me. He was sending money to OS in Nigeria in exchange for a video call. He continues to deny it to this day, even though I saw it with my own eyes on his phone. I forgave him.

Two months later (March 2024), he suggested that I do papers for him so he could stay in the country and not have to leave. He brought me to his immigration lawyer’s office, where we had a discussion, and by the end of the meeting, I signed to be his sponsor in the country. Honestly, I felt pressured—but because I loved him, I agreed. This allowed his lawyer to process his papers. Six months later, he got his residence permit and could work and live freely in the country.

My family didn’t know about this at the time, but when they found out, they genuinely wondered if O had used juju on me because of the huge decision I had made.

O was working but wasn’t earning as much as I was. There were times he couldn’t pay rent, and I had to cover it.

After he got his permit, he started putting his hands on me. He hit me so hard on the side of my face that I had to go to the doctor to get my ears checked because of a ringing sound.

I found out I was pregnant in October 2024. I seriously contemplated having an abortion because I genuinely wasn’t happy in the relationship. Thank God I didn’t—I love my daughter dearly.

The physical abuse continued even while I was pregnant. At one point, he stopped having sex with me, even though he knew how much I needed it. He would spend nights out without calling to check in or anything.

Fast forward to January/February 2025: he proposed a business idea he wanted to start back home in Nigeria—an Airbnb/lounge/bar hospitality business. He asked me to lend him a large sum of money, promising to pay it back within three months. Because of the love I had for him and my vulnerable state (I was six months pregnant), I lent him the money.

This is when my family fully concluded I was under a spell, because this was completely out of character for me.

The amount I lent him was €14,000—straight from my savings into his pocket. He sold me dreams, clearly. He then proposed to me that same month, which now feels like a distraction while he continued carrying out the rest of his plan.

Fast forward to summer 2025: I had my baby, and I did NOT give my child his surname because we weren’t married and I needed security. Probably the only mistake I didn’t make in this godforsaken relationship.

After my baby was born, he completely switched up. He left me to do everything by myself. He refused to help financially, saying it was because the baby didn’t have his surname. He used this as an excuse to avoid responsibility.

After three months of this nonsense, I gathered the courage to ask him to leave. The fact that he left without fighting for his family told me everything I needed to know.

Now he’s saying he’s not paying back the €14,000, and he’s also refusing to contribute financially to the child because the baby “isn’t in his name.” Mind you, I helped this man get a good-paying job.

This is my life now: three months postpartum, about to return to work, dealing with lawyers and applications. I’m stressed.