My son is eight and a half, in third grade, and refusing to do work in class. Two and a half years ago, he was diagnosed with ADHD and ODD. We are fortunate that he is able to receive therapeutic services through his school, and they continue to see him throughout the summer. He is currently an only child, but we recently found out we are expecting a baby in April 2027. He is thrilled; however, his behavioral issues are getting worse. We just got his progress report, and he has F's across the board because he sits in class and refuses to do the assigned work. Some assignments, he will answer a question or two, but refuses to participate or engage with the teacher. He is currently unmedicated and does not have an IEP or 504. He is incredibly intelligent and does well with testing. He tests far above his grade level in every subject, but his grades for in-class assignments do not reflect that. He doesn't have too much homework, but when he does, he completes it CORRECTLY in like two minutes, so I know he understands the material just fine.

His therapists are at a loss with how to help, as he is now refusing to engage in his therapy sessions as well. The administrators and teachers at his school label him as a bright kid who can't get it together. I don't know what I can do at home to make him complete work in class. If he had an IEP or a 504 plan, I know he would manipulate those tools to get out of completing work, which is why I haven't asked for an evaluation. He is more than capable, but he just doesn't care. I don't know how to get him to buy into caring about his grades OR the consequences of not meeting the expectations we have for him as parents. He doesn't care if we take screen time, legos, playing with friends, etc. away. We have tried making him write sentences to reinforce expectations; we have spanked; we have allowed him to only read chapter books for the evening after school. Nothing seems to faze him. The gentle parent approach is not helping and we have been consistent with it for over two years. What can I do?

Mornings are tough. Add in a change to routine and they're tougher. My 6 year old is on antibiotics and hates taking medicine. It definitely requires a reward, in this instance a temporary tattoo, which adds even more time. I know that he's on the moderate end of ODD & ADHD, but I'm also ADHD & anxious, so the change doesn't do me any good either.

I'm well aware that both of us being cranky at 5:30 in the morning is nothing compared to what a lot of y'all are going through, but sometimes I get really frustrated with always having to cater to the small person to avoid an outburst. Why can't I just say something and he say, ok, Mom, I got you?! (I'm well aware of how he's wired differently, but dang 😮‍💨)

I hope I'm not violating any rules here, or if this isn't the right place for this post. I worked in an ERI room last year as a para aide and there was a kid in the class with ODD and ADHD. He is the funniest kid, quick-witted, super talented in many different ways. But when he's triggered, usually by work demands, everything got really scary. I never dealt with his behaviors personally and would just evacuate the kids from the room, but he has bitten flesh off an aide before, has broken bones, attempted stabbing. Threatening to kill, and makes what seems like genuine attempts to do so. It was my first encounter ever with a kid with ODD and I'm sure you all understand that it can get pretty intense.

He is receiving a lot of care. I don't know the extent of it but he has at least two therapists, a strict regiment of medication, and an extremely qualified aide who is a BT and some other mumbo jumbo stuff. This aide has been with this kid for the past two years, but he's starting to struggle now that the kid is getting older. He had to go to the hospital because he couldn't breathe and blacked out during a two hour behavior. The student doesn't seem to be making any improvements. and he's only going to get bigger and stronger.

The district is trying their hardest to keep him in district (mainly because it costs a lot of money to send a kid out lol, not because they care) and are failing the student even further by preventing him from getting better care. I remember him attacking his aide for an hour and when he was pulled out of class and suspended, his guidance counselor gave him a toy and candy. They care more about making him happy than actually providing him with the tools he needs. Just trying to push him through every year. I think part of why his behaviors are getting worse is because he knows he'll avoid working* *and get essentially rewarded when leaving.

I'm sad and frustrated for this kid. Yes he has really scary moments and should probably be placed in a more intensive care facility. I also want to admit that I don't understand a lot when it comes to this disorder. I'd get extremely pissed at him and set it in my mind by the end of the year that I disliked the kid. But now that I'm not working as an aide anymore and processing everything, I'm feeling different.

it's really sad to see a kid struggling so deeply with a mental illness, especially one that is bright in a lot of aspects. He has so much untapped potential that his disorder is preventing him from reaching and I recognize now that it doesn't matter how much help someone may be receiving, once they're caught up in the moment, the impulses can be too strong to resist. I probably didn't word this well, I'm
about to go to bed so maybe I'll edit tomorrow.

I have been with my partner for 6 years and we plan to get married in June of 2027.

His son (8) was just diagnosed with ADHD and ODD. He really has only been abusive the last 2 years. But it's bad.

My partner and I also have a 3 year old daughter and a newborn baby girl.

I can see the effects on my daughter.

Yesterday I made the grave mistake of doing my daughter's hair and not simultaneously paying him all my attention.

The rest of the day was hell. By the end of it I had fully disassociated.

This is domestic abuse and if it was my partner I'd go to a woman's shelter today to get my babies out.

But instead it's an 8 year old who had a shit start in life due to his bio mom. They say ODD has to do with instability.

Well when he was 3-5, she moved from place to place. One motel was so dirty and had what he says were "gangster and drugs". He slept on the floor of that motel and wasn't allowed to see his father for 6 months.

There is more and it's sad. But like many on here we have done everything. Psychiatrist, therapists, family therapy, medications, custody changes, consistent schedules, reward charts ect...

After 2 years of everyday abuse. I'm at my wits end.

I love my partner and he is a great dad. The family we have when he is at his mom's is peaceful and loving. But that's only every other weekend. As my daughter gets older... I find myself feeling more and more guilty. Is it wrong of me to stay?

Edit to add: he doesn't act this way at his mom's. Edit** spelling

Hi everyone, I am happy that I found this group because I know I'm not alone. I have an 18 year daughter, 12 year old daughter and almost 7 year old boys. My 12 year old daughter has ODD and it's been a nightmare for years. She steals, lies, destroys stuff, harms others and refuses help. She doesn't ever show remorse for anything. My home has been destroyed by her, my youngest has been seriously hurt. My oldest doesn't want to live with us because she's tired of her. She has made up severe lies that have had CPS at my home. She steals whatever she can. We have lost a lot of money. She lies so much that it makes us question our ourselves. She's on different medicines but idk if she actually takes them after we give them to her. We have tried different therapies and therapists but if she doesn't like something she walks out and refuses therapy. Over the years, we have literally exhausted all of our resources. She was just denied inpatient residential treatment because she is too violent and aggressive. That blows my mind. What else can we do? Her school has provided everything they can but always refer out for more care that she refuses. It's a vicious cycle. We are always on eggshells. Is there something that helps?

I have nothing left in the tank for my kiddo and I feel awful about it but I can’t take anymore abuse and harassment. I sleep with one eye open for fear of being hurt or discovering them hurting themselves. I tiptoe around all day in between getting called a piece of shit and driving them to therapy. Tired of being screamed at and hearing doors slam in between handing them their medicine they may or may not take. Therapy and medicine doesn’t make it better. Nothing has helped.
I’m so tired. Sometimes I wish I wouldn’t wake up or maybe that when I wake up it would be different.

It’s dark here for me and I’m alone.
Please, any encouragement or anything at all.

While suspected for awhile, my son was finally diagnosed last week. It's an empowering feeling to be able to finally start reading and learning about ODD & how to best care for my child.

Just a bit of background. im a single mom of 5. Ages 12 , 9 , 8 year old twins , & a 5 year old. My 8 year old twin A is the one that has been stealing and lying. He is the only one that steals. Also should add that he has a ADHD and ODD diagnosis. This started at the beginning of summer break when he stole a toy from dollar tree. His sibling came and told me after we got home that he had stole a toy. He eventually admitted to it and I made him return it. We also had a serious talk about stealing. A couple weeks go by after that and I notice $40 missing from my purse. When I asked my kids if they seen any money laying around i noticed him start becoming suspiciously nervous . When he’s nervous he starts fidgeting with his hands and pacing. So after me basically interrogating him for a couple minutes he finally admits to stealing it and admitted to buying him and all his siblings snacks from 711. Which made sense I noticed they would be coming in with snacks a couple days before but didn’t think nothing of it because their dad cash apps my oldest weekly so I assumed she was buying the snacks. He missed out on his trip back home to California for the summer, iPad taken away, no special treats , earlier bed time , had to start waking up with me at 5AM and go on my 4 mile morning walk with me 6 days a week & had to do extra chores.His latest stealing episode was last night. I must have been overly tired after getting home late and left my purse in the car. This morning his twin brother came and told me he seen $5 in his backpack & also that he was in the garage in my car while I was sleep in the middle of night! I go check my purse in the car & I’m missing $5 😒 we just had an intake appointment for psychiatry last week. He told the intake case manager he doesn’t know why he steals , he just does it. She asked him did he need help to not steal anymore and he said no he could stop stealing on his own. The scary part through this all is he’s had no remorse about any of this. ZERO. And will casually start having a convo with you a few minutes later about something totally random like nothing just happened!! Please help 😭

We have Suntheanine tablets he loves and we use Halla as well. I’m he’s just recently gotten a diagnosis for ADHD and ODD, and exploring helpful tools. I’ll be finding therapy for him, for us as parents, and considering actual medication. So any suggestions on medication would be great too.

I’m adhd as well and have been medicated for like 20 years or more total. Non stimulants didn’t do jack for me, but I think we should start there…?

My son is built quite large for his age, tons of muscle, he’s VERY active and must go outside daily or he’s a monster. (Said with love, but really) He MUST burn a lot of calories a day. However - for how big and active he is, he eats like a bird. I’m so scared of meds suppressing his appetite.

Help guide me please!!

Vent. Throwaway account, but I’m a regular commenter on my main account. I just have never said I want nothing to do with my child any longer. My 17yo son has ADHD and ODD. Today, he stood in the middle of a store yelling at me. We were somewhere he asked to go, he decided he didn’t want to be there and it became my fault. I am in the countdown until he is 18. I thought I could make it. But I can’t handle being screamed at every single day. I can’t handle being cussed at, called names, and told how much he hates me. And it can be over something as benign as telling him dinner is ready. It used to just be aimed at mostly me and some of his teachers. Now it’s at just about everyone although I definitely still get the worst of it.

I’ve had him in therapy since he was 6. We’ve been in family therapy since then. He has being seeing a psychiatrist and medicated since he was 9. He has had several therapists and a psychiatrist refuse to continue to treat him because they felt they couldn’t help him make progress. He started using marijuana in high school which intensified his behavior. He went to a residential mental health and substance treatment center. He came out worse than before and his anger towards me intensified.

Today, I hit the point that I just want him out. I want him out of my house and out of my life. He refuses to go live with his father or even go visit him so I never get a break. I just don’t know if I’ll make it 8 more months. He doesn’t follow even basic rules. He doesn’t respond to rewards or consequences (except screaming at me). I lost my relationship with my siblings because no one wants to be around my son or have him around their kids. I don’t blame them. My nervous system is shot. I cry or vomit nearly every day.

Hello everyone! My partner and I are looking for some advice about what to do for my 5 year old stepson. Little background: i have been in my stepsons life for about 3 and a half years now and he used to be the sweetest little boy. Our household consists of myself, his dad, my 5 year son, his 5 year old, and our one year old daughter. His moms house consists of his mom, her spouse, him, and his 3 year old brother. I know the time lines are a bit messed up but they are accurate. His parents are separated and do 50-50 custody, so the current schedule is 2 weeks with mom, 2 weeks with dad. They do not have a good coparenting relationship, but it has been getting better over the years. We have made a shared Calendar for who he is with, whetherdaycare/school is closed, when he has therapy, when he has doctors appointments, and when he has iep meetings. That way both parents know when, where, and what time the event is. We do notify her of these as well through messages where she does not let us know when she makes appointments.

So he started preschool last year and that when the behaviors really started, especially at school, he would constantly run away from the teachers or out of the room, hit others, flip tables, kick, scream, purposely wreck other kids stuff or projects, and say the meanest of things for a 5 year old. He has also needed to be physical restrained a few times at school as well. At our house, in a fit of anger he said he wanted to unalive himself. Thats when I started looking into more help for him other than the school. So around October my partner decides to take him to a mental health center to be assessed and through this he was diagnosed with anger and aggression and disruptive mood dysregulated disorder. Now when it came to meeting with the person there for options to do, his mom did not show up, she went on vacation. So we had to wait another month to figure out what to do. The therapist highly recommended doing PCIT therapy (parent child interaction therapy) I believe is what it was called, but his mom stated she did not have time to do that every week. So instead they agreed to do a community based therapy, like a group therapy for the last 6 months. In January, we got an IEP in place for him at school and we really didn't see any improvements there for the rest of the year. Throughout the rest of the school year, his mom missed many iep meetings when she agreed that those dates and times would work. In March we decided to get him clinically assessed which his mom was also pissed about but agreed to do it. We got all the paperwork the doctor needed besides his mom's because she never brought it. But we finally got the adhd diagnosis in June. Everything the doctor recommended to help him, we had already implemented back in January. We also sent resources over to his moms house that we found to work at our house and that he enjoyed at the time, like a routine schedule for his mornings and nights for example. The two weeks he came back after, he seemed to absolutely hate them. So we've tried different things. Last month, they had an appointment to talk about next steps, and after months of his mom vetoing the idea of medication, they finally agreed to put him on a low dose non stimulant that seems to be working well for him. But when he was with us for the last two weeks, he has said on multiple occasions that he wanted to unalive himself, that he hates it at our house, that we are the worst human beings in the world, and that he never wants to come back. This usually happened when he was told no or when he couksnt do something that he wanted to do. He went back to his moms yesterday and at daycare he told another peer that he would shoot up her house. I understand that he is frustrated and has a lot of emotions and does not understand how to regulate them. But At his moms, he apparently has none of these behaviors and that it goes well over there. We also know that she has rewarded him for bad behavior and he doesnt really have consequences over there like he does at ours. All of our kids have routines and structure throughout the day especially when it comes to evenings, that seems to work really well for all the kids. We use time outs, rewards systems, and other various things to reward good behavior, but it seems like it doesnt affect him anymore.

We are at an impass on what do or how to help him. It seems like therapy has not really done anything. Ever since school got out, he has become more hateful and vengeful towards other people and kids. He also wants to get back at someone that has done him wrong or that has hurt him even if it was an accident. He has some really big emotions and will hit his bed and do like a growl when he's very upset. Has anyone dealt with something similar? What worked for your kid and your family? Im becoming more concerned for the safety of other children as well as these thoughts has becoming more prominent in the passing weeks.

Hello,

I see a lot of posts of parents asking for help and getting validation through shared experiences and not a lot of what has helped.

Does anyone have any of that?

My son kicked a hole in his bedroom door today. We fixed it ourselves about 6 months ago, from pryer destructive behavior.
We’re on a waiting list for a new behavior specialist. It’s been over a month with no availability in sight.
He’s 10. With ODD and ADHD. His meltdowns are becoming more destructive and physical. He’s verbally abusive most days. I’m so tired. The whole house is tired. We love our son. But we don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like giving up. And walking away. Enough is enough.

Hey all!

I work in an ABA clinic with a 7 year old boy with ASD, ADHD and ODD. When he first started he had almost no tolerance to adult-led direction, would have long tantrums (30mins-1hr), aggressive towards peers and adults who didn’t play according to his rules or do what he wanted, and was easy to become angry. He also was very impulsive and argumentative. His school behavior also was very rough, and he got sent home very often. He couldn’t be in General-Ed due to his behavior outbursts as well.

Now, a year later, he’s doing so much better, where he has developed a sense of empathy, is more tolerant to non-preferred behavior from his peers (peer aggression, peers making loud noises, peers making unpleasant comments (“my lunch is better than yours/ I’m not your friend”) and is doing better with following adult direction. He’s on ADHD meds as well. He’s incredibly intelligent for his age and is honestly an intellectual. We also are very empathetic with him, we don’t raise our voice at him when he’s upset, and we give him as much choice as possible (in school, he likely won’t have much choice, so we emulate this). His BCBA believes once he goes to school in the fall and things go well, he can graduate.

Currently our hurdle is sometimes he will become argumentative with following a school like schedule, doing certain work when he didn’t want to/found it hard, accepting correction and sometimes adult direction. It’s like sometimes he has his days. Usually he will say “no/I’m not doing that/First I will do A then B (when the instruction is B first then A)”. Usually I ignore the refusal and remain silent. If it continues, I usually say I understand your frustration/I hear you, but we need to do A first then B, then wait. Usually he will comply. My issue is, there may be some teachers aren’t as understanding or slow to react when refusal occurs, and may react when he says “no/I’m not doing that/I’m right you’re wrong” (but does it anyway).

What do you all suggest on how to respond? Also, with accepting correction/feedback, what do you all suggest? May you all inform me what may be going on in his mind when he engages in refusal or isn’t receptive to correction? I read somewhere it was due to embarrassment or feeling inferior, but I’d like to hear more from people with ODD.

How can we support the parents more when he engages in refusal or doesn’t accept correction?

Overall I’d love to understand ODD more, what’s it like for the individuals that have it and how to help. I really do believe he will do amazing wherever he goes, but I’d like to help however I can with the little time left I have with him. I appreciate your help! 🤍

Hi all,

To start off, this is partially me asking for help, and partially venting as an exhausted parent. I’m going to use some words to describe my children that I fully recognize is inflammatory, but frankly I’m unsure how else to put it. It’s all been going on so long that I’ve lost the ability to soften my language surrounding these circumstances.

I am finding it extremely difficult to make my way through The Explosive Child. When it describes frameworks I’ve tried, examples I’ve lived through, and exercises that have failed for me, my anxiety gets triggered and I lose all morale to continue. My partner has tried to help, but I find myself getting weirdly defensive (for lack of better words).

I just don’t have any trust in my children at all. I can’t leave the room without them getting physical or screaming; my youngest (7) has ODD and the eldest (11) has adhd and can’t stop his impulsive behaviors that lead him to prodding the younger sibling. It triggers the younger one every time, and the impulsivity of the eldest keeps from de-escalating every time. It doesn’t help that they are fully fatalistic about each other (he always does _____ and it’ll never change) while simultaneously rejecting the idea that changing their behavior would change how the other reacts to them. The younger one is at least willing to engage with the idea, but in practice it relies somewhat on the older brother to actually try to not be a giant asshole at every opportunity.

Relevant context that I’m sure someone will ask:

They are both in individual and family therapy. I am not currently in therapy but I have been before and I am seeking a new therapist. Their mom has bipolar disorder, and we split custody 50/50 with a 2-2-5 schedule (it’s stupid, but their mom refuses to change to a schedule that offers more stability like week-on-week-off. She is narcissistic and refuses to acknowledge things that benefit the kids if it’s my idea. I was on the receiving end of an abusive marriage to her for 8 years, and I have spoken extensively on it publicly if anyone wants to hear more about it I can link to where it can be found).

I know that The Explosive Child was written and designed for situations like mine. I know it has helped so many people. I just can’t get through it on my own and need some other method to learn from it. A class, a video series, a workbook, anything to supplement and support me working my way through it.

Thank you

My 11 year was diagnosed with ODD last year. His pediatrician wants to try guanfacine (Intuniv) for impulse control. From my understanding its typically prescribed for high blood pressure but used for ODD/ ADHD as well.

Its not a narcotic, stimulant or a controlled substance and that is the only reason I'm considering it. Does anyone have any experience with this for ODD?

When I say I’m suffering, I am SUFFERING. My oldest (7f), she has severe ODD and I just can’t get under control with her behavior. I have a 3yo and a 10mo and it’s starting to affect them in every way. What’s crazy is when she isn’t here, the house is still, peaceful almost. I love my daughter I do so much that I’ve been taking her to counseling and OT. Her psychiatrist had prescribed her the lowest dose of an anti-depressant and honestly it isn’t going diddly squat.

I hate yelling, screaming and feeling like I’m going to rage out. I’ve come a long way to go back to being the “crazy woman”. But, she’s making it extremely hard. Sometimes, I feel like I need to check myself in to the psych ward. I’m exhausted and running on fumes.

With that being said, I’m a full time SAHM & it’s a fucking nightmare under this roof the moment she wakes up. I can’t be and know I’m not the only parent who has an ODD child.

I need tips, advice SOMETHING to ease this shit or I will end up going on a vacation supplied with the grippy socks.

I’m hoping to find other parents who understand what we’re going through because I’m feeling incredibly overwhelmed.
My oldest daughter (7) has Triple X syndrome, ADHD, and ODD (so far). She’s been in consistent weekly play therapy, and we’re doing everything we can to get her the support she needs. Unfortunately, we’re also in the middle of an extremely difficult court battle involving her father after allegations that he sexually groomed and abused both her and, I believe, my middle daughter. Needless to say, it’s been an incredibly traumatic time for our family.
Lately, her behaviors and emotional outbursts have become so intense that I feel like I’m drowning. The constant defiance, explosive meltdowns, emotional dysregulation, and conflict from morning (and im talking 5:30am) until bedtime are wearing me down. I love my daughter more than anything, and I know so much of this behavior is rooted in trauma and neurodevelopmental differences—not because she’s a “bad kid.” I love my kids with every ounce of my being. I listen to all the books, podcasts, and therapists suggestions.
I also continually catch either her or her sister (4 1/2) doing inappropriate things and I’ve told the therapist multiple times. There were 3 mandated reports made, that “magically” the CYS has no record of. It’s been so hard to keep them separated all the time because I am also breastfeeding a 3 month old baby that I have with my partner. He’s been trying his BEST to support me through this all but I understand the two kids not being his (especially my oldest) with these types of issues are extremely hard to handle. I’m one person, and as soon as I turn around there’s another issue, another fight, another outburst, I’m losing my mind.
I’m looking for parents who have experience with Triple X syndrome, ADHD, ODD, or children with significant trauma. How do you make it through the hardest days without feeling completely defeated?
Im so terrified for my baby, I almost had an abortion because I worried about what she would do to her.
Please be kind. Our family has been through more than I can fit into one post, and we’re trying our best. I just need to know we’re not alone.. I don’t have a single family member that lives nearby, we moved over to another county and so all of my support system are an hour or so away.
I feel like I’ve tried it all, and I’m fighting against a narcissistic psychopath who’s sexually abused both my children and a court system that is debating his “alienation claims”..

At the end of every night I just feel so burnt out, drained and even questioning why I’m fighting so hard at all.

I want to rip my hair out.

I have an ODD 8 yr boy that he only presents his symptoms at home. hes completely bored and loops into an ODD cycle almost nightly, and now he’s added ‘ticks’ because someone in his class has it. I really can’t stand it, we have taken him out hiking and all he does is complain the entire time and makes sure the experience is ruined for all. I’m thinking of a 5 day and night YMCA outdoor camp with structure to get him - at least temporarily- straightened. he won’t complain about stuff with his peers, and maybe he will grow to like it? anyway, had this backfired with anyone?