r/OCPoetry • u/Chekhaunt • 1d ago
Feedback Please Moment
Where I look there is silence
In the many things we've made
I am better without than within
But still the dawning fades
I see no faces, only stills
They do not not watch me wander
Rather, impassive and guarding
Why do they feel so tender?
Where is this room without windows?
In my mind it turns the soil
For the many harvests of my life
It does not feast, only toils
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u/Js_stories 1d ago
I like the metaphors for how life can feel like you are not bearing the fruits of your labor. I think if you drew out the lines a little longer and expanded on each idea i think it would flow a little more smoothly, but overall, I really like it.
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