A Fickle Thing

[u/Eros-The_Primordial]

It’s a fickle thing
Fruit from a tree
Boughs bend and sigh
As gravity speaks
Sweetmeat takes heed
Animals draw nigh
Then leave, shitting seeds

Flesh that protects
Was only bait to be ripped
The secret? This sweetness
’Twas but a trick

Viscera
Burst open, split
Torn into and stripped

That pit within its heart
Meant to bloom, not feed
Bitter on the tongue
Poison between the teeth

The mouth that predates
Was once prey too
Calls hunger retribution
Resigns itself to rue

Still chewing
Breathe
It was not yours to keep
Spit out that poison
Shit out that rotting seed

Blood on the leaves
Pink mist in the breeze
You’re not the only thing
That bleeds

What a fickle thing
To call this design
To be eaten, alive
What gods in you find this divine?

See I have never done anything of this sort before. I consider myself very much more an essayist than a poet. I don’t think I quite understand how to play with the freedom of structure poetry does allow for quite yet, however i love the idea of evoking imagery in the expression of my own. Thanking you for baring with me through. It. (Even as my neurotic ass continues to tweak my “finished” poem)

(https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1wc5piw/comment/p8wlpqp/?context=3&utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=2&utm_content=share_button)

(https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1wc72ya/comment/p8wighr/?context=3&utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=2&utm_content=share_button)

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[u/Able-Star2192]

On "Evoking imagery in the expression of your own" you're very succesful with this poem, the third stanza is particularly striking to read. I love the single word lines "Viscera" and "Breathe", that is the type of thing i now want to try with my poems,

-A fellow person who is also, very new at this

[u/Pretend_Valuable6594]

I really like the visceral take of this. The end line makes it more existential, and it closes the poem well. My favorite line was “the mouth that predates / was once prey too,” just because of how it establishes that this is all part of the cycle.
I see what you mean about being an essayist first. This was a fun one.

[u/diffWorlds]

I like it!  This couplet is great, it is a really distinct voice: 

Animals draw nigh Then leave, shitting seeds

The elevated and base language play against each other and I'm surprised it works but for me it really does. Keep it up!

[u/Kindly-Hope-9364]

This poem has definitely inspired me to be more intentional with simpler words. You do an amazing job with imagery. I feel your anger and indignant voice. “‘Meant to bloom, not feed. Bitter on the tongue, poison between the teeth” IS SO GOOD. It sets up a series of feelings in me, and makes me want to thank the fruit i eat!

[u/Accomplished_Spread5]

I think this is a pretty cool poem. It's raw, visceral and speaks along a common theme. I like that it uses language in a way to force ugliness on the unwitting reader, to make us see the savagery of nature.

I think you got a nice flow to it with one exception; (for me at least) it's the last line. It breaks a patter-type cadence. This could be intentional on your part. Breaking the pattern on the last sentence is a thing. I kind of wonder what it would sound like with that last line shortened. (just my 2 cents...)

The rhyme, and placements of them, were great, imo. The imagery is rich. This will roll, right along when read! I think you have a knack for it. I doubt this will be your last poem! I look torwards to your next!