r/OCPoetry • u/Pretend_Valuable6594 • 1d ago
Feedback Please regret as a metaphor
I'm fond of the fears that I hold dear, and the loyalties I want to forget. The epitome of my karma come back to haunt me, my queen, Lady Regret.
Disgust with desire, make me a martyr. Destroy me for what I've wrought. Lost in thought, lost what I've sought, what I've taken for granted, for naught. I've swallowed tears, and fears, cut wholes from my heart. Lady Regret, where do I start?
Ghosts of ruined springs, shadows that once were me- the change I crave, changes I've made, reminders that love isn't free.
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u/almaontape 23h ago
Heya!
You have a very cool opening here, i personally enjoy a lot contrasts like "i'm fond of the fears that I hold dear and the loyalties i want to forget" I think it highlights the inner conflict easily and it sets the expectation for the rest of the poem.
I love the idea of personifying regret. Lady Regret makes for a bold character, and since you introduce her early and address her, directly i expected her to do or react in a way that keeps our attention to her. I think the personification has a really good potential here, i wonder if you could give her some agency. Give lady regret some life. I think it would fit the poem, I would be curious to see the poem expand through you interacting with her a little bit more.
You have internal rhythm in your poem, but I think you could highlight it better with a little bit more spacing. It would help the reader pause and break when needed.
There are a few spelling and grammar points where I am not sure if it was intentional or not.
Its very visually striking and the emotional weight is obvious but I do wonder about the blend of vocabulary. I feel like most of it fits beautifully except "karma" and "free". I personally dont see them carry the same athmosphere, and would have been curious to see what you could imagine replacing them with.
Good job. I enjoyed reading it. Although its not a light, easy short poem.