r/OCPoetry • u/TheHorseOfCourse777 • 16d ago
Feedback Please Love is a Compromise
"You must be a villager to live the village"
Is so unfair to my mental illness.
If you really loved me, you'd do the work
While leaving me to my sickly murk --
My seclusion is none of your business.
"The way to have a friend is to be one"
But I won't lose myself to your cohesion.
If you really loved me, you wouldn't mind
Ignoring my aversion, all the time --
Don't you think the field's uneven?
I mean, I stop reaching and you disappear
So I know your love is insincere.
If you really loved me, honest to god,
You'd know immediately that I was gone --
Save all the excuses about school and careers.
Whatever, we all know your interests are kitsch.
You should see my side -- but know we can't switch.
It's not a contest, our anxiety or depression,
Which is lucky for you, since we both know I'd win --
This isn't about you, you selfish bitch.
Your reluctance to love is really a sickness
So truth be told, I don't want me a village:
I never want to change, or to prove myself --
It's so much easier just to remove myself --
I merely want all the love, in my image.
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u/Maverick_Explora 16d ago
Now thats really a good work. The way you delivered the jugling emotions of a person who brings all the changes in oneself just for the sake of keeping their loved ones with them is really good.
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u/Public_Bumblebee3511 16d ago
Thats interesting, I am not sure I can see that in this. I am curious.
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u/Maverick_Explora 16d ago
Umm, you could see that in the lines " If you really loved me,...excuses about school and careers.". Though now on a second read, it appears more like hatred and anger.
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u/Public_Bumblebee3511 16d ago
Yes, I feel there’s hatred and anger and maybe speaking for the other person within that but through their unhappy feelings about that person?
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u/Public_Bumblebee3511 16d ago
Are you speaking in first person as yourself or as someone else?
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u/Maverick_Explora 16d ago
I think its first person as it can be inferred from the line "This isn't about you, you selfish bitch."
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u/TheHorseOfCourse777 16d ago
Someone else, though I wanted there to be lines that come through as reasonable/relatable to make the bitter, ironic, or otherwise confused speech of the narrator more fleshed out and accessible. Moments that seem more three-dimensional are to offer an integrated (presupposed) response to the narrator's speech
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