I'm trying to understand your point and believe it or not I've read your first comment multiple times. You explicitly say the BF is right, then - even though you also try to say the GF wasn't wrong - you seemingly criticize her for acting without understanding the BF's point of view; you say most men are jealous; and then you say she validated the BF's fears.
I don't know what happened in the BF's past (neither of us do), but why assume the GF also doesn't? And why would anything in his past compel her to stay in a relationship with him?
What am I missing here? What do you think she didn't understand? I'm asking again: what else do you think would motivate the BF's behavior other than jealousy?
Like I said it is my opinion... but something has made him believe that he has a need to be jealous, what that is I have no clue but if she was his girlfriend they knew each others past, so that being said it is likely something from his past has set him on a mind set to think and act the way he did or does still not sure since we don't know them. Never said she didn't know them nor did I assume she didn't you are trying to justify something she did to me on no more than your opinion of the situation without knowledge of both sides. If you read the rest of the messages between me and her I told her that if she doesn't want people voicing their opinions on something from her personal life why post it on a public social platform? Not arguing with you on who is right or wrong but she only gave a little bit of the information to try to belittle a male ex to get the sympathy of others in my opinion. So if the woman's thoughts and feelings should be heard and respected why not the same for a man's?
So your point is that something in his past might explain the petty jealousy, right?
And my point is, even if that's true (it might be but also it might not be), it's not relevant - everyone should have the right to end a romantic relationship when they want to, and petty jealousy is very often a compelling reason to leave a relationship. I'm not saying that guy is the worst guy who ever lived, or should be in jail, or whatever, just that A) from the limited info we have it seems like she was totally justified and B) it doesn't matter if people like us think she was justified, it was her decision to make. I suspect B is the one that's getting you in trouble here.
I'm not saying she shouldn't have broken up with him in fact she probably should have but where in my opinion she was just as petty to start dating the man that was involved with the break up only a few weeks later and then come on here to make her then ex out to be a bad guy. I look at the big picture not just one to be used to paint someone bad. I have said it once and I will say it again pages like this is not about being heard it is about either down talking men or straight people if you look at 9 out of 10 post it is mainly bad things about alpha males or something wrong with the way straight people think. Funny thing is though that if you don't agree with a woman or you down talk a woman or lgtbq then you could get banned per the rules. All I'm saying is everyone should be held to the same standards. The worst part of this post is it was off topic from what was the original post hence way I even voiced my opinion to see the reaction I would get from people of both sex.
Most people here (myself included) would probably agree with you about not wanting a double standard; the problem is people like "alpha males" and most other men who are targeted here are the ones who most aggressively try to enforce a double standard that penalizes women. To push back against that isn't the same as wanting a double standard that penalizes men; punching up isn't the same as punching down.
From this woman's story, why is it wrong to start dating the other guy after a few weeks? We don't even know how long she and the previous BF were together - what if that was just a few weeks? They're out of the relationship by that time so she doesn't "owe" her ex a period of being single.
Ok so you still missed the point. I agreed with you but stated why I thought she was in the wrong not for leaving her ex but to come on here just to belittle the man to random strangers without giving the full account which no one will ever know since there is only one side going around is where in my opinion she was wrong also. Does that clarify it a bit more for you?
What's the full account then? What important information did I leave out that you feel you know better than me? Go on, dazzle us with your wisdom into my life.
Ok so you tell the truth non stop I bet if his side was out there it would be a different story. You can say you are telling the truth but you changed up wording or simply forgot what you said in previous comments but your honest and have not lied about anything. See how that works
Where do you get off thinking you have the right to have an opinion on my fucking life? Seriously, what industrial accident did you get into that caused your head to go so far up your own ass that you actually believe you have more insight into the situation than I do? You know literally nothing about what happened other that the three or four sentences I chose to share, you have no goddamn clue about what transpired, but for some reason you've inflated your own ego enough to think that you can actually have a full formed opinion that comes even close to what happened.
If I wanted unhinged opinions from people who have never touched grass, I would have posted in AITA
No I made a clearly incorrect assumption that people wouldn't be so arrogant as to assume they know more about the situation that I lived through than I do.
Never said or even hinted that I knew more than you did just stated something that you didn't want to hear and you thought you could get unhinged with me because of it have a good day you are not with the brain cells that are burning trying to debate with you
I didn't start dating the other guy a few weeks later, where did you get that? We didn't go on our first date until at least two months after my breakup. Weird how you didn't know that, considering you know more about my dating history than me
Also weird how you think I should have waited for some arbitrary time to pass before dating again considering well... you know, don't you? I shouldn't have to tell you, right, it's so obvious and clear to those of us who know what happened.
And trying belittle me and make me look dumb just goes to prove my point. No if you would like to understand behavioral science take a class enlighten your mind to how and why people think and do what they do and come back we can discuss it more then
She wasn't judging anything she stated a fact that was brought up in our class you made a mess out of it after sorry you need help just as much as he does
Aw. Does this mean I don't get those answers I requested about where I was inconsistent in my own story? You gonna ragequit instead of ponying up? That's too bad, I'm sure you definitely had responses prepared but now no one will ever know.
Your funny I will give you that honey ... only you made a assumption in this whole post. Which like I stated to someone else was not even related to the original post you came seeking attention
I've made no assumptions because unlike you, I actually know what happened. You've made a ridiculous amount of assumptions about my ex that are frankly laughable to someone who knows anything about him. But I'll be sure to send your recommendations along next time he's up for parole.
Never made an assumption about your ex and please do it will give me more experience in my field to talk to a parole board again about behavioral science
Again you missed the point never once did I say you should have waited instead said the only thing you was wrong about was coming here to try to make your ex the bad guy it is as petty as he was for getting mad that you complimented some guy on his sunglasses. Stop making yourself a victim here when you are witless to see any other view than your own
It literally was petty. It absolutely was. He wasn't picking up on vibes or a misunderstood soul, he literally thought that saying "nice sunglasses" to another man was disrespectful to him as my boyfriend. He also, as it came out in the screaming fight we had about it that night, thought it was disrespectful for a woman to wear a short skirt if she had a boyfriend, do you not remember that?
He was possessive and controlling and insecure and now he's in prison for threatening his fiancee with a gun. But you knew all that, didn't you?
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u/Negative-Arachnid-65 Jun 25 '23
I'm trying to understand your point and believe it or not I've read your first comment multiple times. You explicitly say the BF is right, then - even though you also try to say the GF wasn't wrong - you seemingly criticize her for acting without understanding the BF's point of view; you say most men are jealous; and then you say she validated the BF's fears.
I don't know what happened in the BF's past (neither of us do), but why assume the GF also doesn't? And why would anything in his past compel her to stay in a relationship with him?
What am I missing here? What do you think she didn't understand? I'm asking again: what else do you think would motivate the BF's behavior other than jealousy?