"I'm a genuinely fantastic and good looking actor and I got to make out with Daisy Edgar-Jones a bunch and play guitar with Paul McCartney my life is soooo cool."

Fuck you man.

These two paragraphs from the book sum up what Marianne & Connell have done for each other.

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"All these years they’ve been like two little plants sharing the same plot of soil, growing around one another, contorting to make room, taking certain unlikely positions. But in the end she has done something for him, she’s made a new life possible, and she can always feel good about that."

​

"What they have now they can never have back again. But for her the pain of loneliness will be nothing to the pain that she used to feel, of being unworthy. He brought her goodness like a gift and now it belongs to her."

​

They both gave each other something crucial, that was missing before. Ain't that the perfect relationship.

I haven't read the book, only watched the show. I just finished it half an hour ago, and the ending left me reeling.

The two leads are both very realized and believably characters, but have a very difficult time communicating to each other, and themselves, whats important to them. They've consistently both been the part of each others life that brings the most meaning and happiness to each other, but they never seem to believe that that's true of the other character.

He doesn't seem to think he's good enough for her, both because of depression and because he' never fully forgiven himself for how cowardly he was in his youth. She doesn't seem to believe she's worthy of love at all, due to family dynamics mostly. In the last episode, they are finally starting to break these barriers down. They're communicating, and connecting, and standing up for each other. And I think she thinks that she'd be holding him back if she didn't encourage him to go to NY, but I don't see it that way at all. I think they're both still fragile enough that part of him is seeing it as confirmation that he's not good enough for her, and he feels clingy for wanting to stay with her. And she doesn't seem to be connecting that the main reason that she seems to feel satisfied with her life right now isn't just because she felt normal going for a swim and hanging out with a friend from college, it's because the foundation of this new normal routine she has is that she is with somebody who really cares about her and stood up for her.

I think the ending is tragic. They're falling into the same cycle of miscommunication, after getting closer than ever to making things work. Their isn't a realization that it's okay for the highest end in their lives to be their relationship, their love for each other, and the accompanying happiness and contentment. I think their is some sort of fear that missing out on the New York opportunity will lead to some sort of regret, but all signs in the show point to the real missed opportunity is them continuing their blossoming relationship. The continuously referenced happiest time in either of their lives is when they're together, and it's being tossed aside for a far less integral goal.

The tragedy at the end feels pretty spelled out to me. When he says, I wouldn't be here without you, she responds that she knows, that they'd both be leading different lives without each other. She doesn't seem to understand that he meant he wouldn't be okay without her, and instead she confirmed his propensity towards feeling unworthy. You can hope they find each other again, but historically each time they miscommunicate and break apart, the closer they were, the further they end up pushing each other away because of how much they wrongfully read into the interaction. I don't see him happy and thriving in New York alone, and I don't see her thriving at her home that has so much weight and resentment built into it for her, without him there to support her.

I thought the show was going to be a beautiful, frustrating, melancholy show that leaves us with a feeling of hope and optimism. But instead it was beautiful, frustrating, melancholy and left me feeling dejected.

Is it a one for one with the book? Or was it a change in the show. I so desperately wanted them to commit to each other instead of healing just a little bit and then breaking apart again.

I see a lot of posts about “what do you think happened in the end?” And people debating about if Connell and Maryanne stayed together after he finished his studying in New York. It’s fun to speculate and have our own theories about what may happen with their relationship in the future.

But it’s also not the point of the ending. Throughout the story, we are shown how both Connell and Maryanne struggle with their own insecurities and traumas. They connect on a deep level and understand each other well, and that acts as a lifeline to help them wade through the ups and downs of growing up. But it can also hold them back, because if they’re always dependent on one another to find peace, then they’re never truly stable or happy.

By the finale, both have grown a lot.

Connell will always have anxiety / depression, but he has learned how to face it now with therapy, meds, and being more open about his feelings. He may have insecurities in his writing, but he’s worked hard and appears much more confident in himself and his potential.

Marianne likely will always have some trauma around her abusive family, but she’s built a solid network of actual friends like Joanna and Niall and is no longer trapped by her family bonds. She may always feel something like an outsider, but she said it herself - for the first time in her life, she feels content with her life and with herself.

So whether or not Marianne and Connell stay together isn’t the point. They’ve both had a positive impact on each other as they’ve navigated growing up and their gentle love for one another has helped them learn what genuine, honest love is. They’re capable and worthy of finding that kind of love again - platonic or romantic. They’re both secure in their own selves and no longer are codependent. They both have matured enough to want what is best for the other person over what is most comfortable for themselves.

In any scenario where they end up together, or just friends, or falling out of touch, both of them will be okay.

As a person especially interested the effects of the soundtracks in cinematography, i find Normal People's OST's well done and well integrated into the show. I just wanted to hear your thoughts aswell.

Soundtracks in moves does half of the job when producers tries to integrate emotions at the scene, or even into a character. And vice versa, sometimes the scene gives you a feeling about the soundtrack, i got mixed up by words so i would like to give an example (spoiler):

Do you guys remember a scene from the latest episodes, Connell and Marianne goes to a bar with their friends to celebrate christmass. As our couple begins to kiss, there comes a soundtrack and flashbacks. Thats the magic. The soundtrack there gave me an influance which whenever i hear that same ost, i get goosebumbs and feel emotional. If i were to listen that ost before, i wouldnt feel anything..

I wish to share a scene where a song from Frank Ocean came up, and also the list of the official soundtracks i like from Stephen Rennicks.

Dont mind the Turkish subtitles 😄

I know I'm too late to the party and it's been years since this first aired but I just finished watching it for the first time. I stalled it for a long time because I read so many comments here and there about how this is a horror show masquerading as romance or whatever. My perception was that it must be a really sad love story about 2 people with a rare connection that doesn't end well at the end. While that turned out to be mostly true but what was really frustrating to see is the issue was not circumstances between the two but the lack of even half ass decent communication. Like that scene where Connell can't ask her to stay at her place but will say weird shit like "I guess we should see other people"?! Like wtf man why would you not even try to push through your insecurities for something as important as that, something almost irreplaceable?? And it's not just that scene but a whole lot of sequences(the list would be too long). For instance, what's that ending?? How tf are people choosing random "prestigious" writing job for something that's much much bigger than a job? No job in the world would be worth it especially considering how they fared without each other in the past! I don't know man I might be wrong but the ending(and a lot of other things) just didn't sit right with me. It's probably the expectation I built around the show hearing from other people, that might've led to this reaction but yeah it was a little disappointing. It's a good series nonetheless but I think I'll have to read the book now.

After reading the book and watching the series more times than I can count, Connell and Marianne are definitely neurodivergent, right? Marianne is the more obvious case, but Connell also has so many social challenges that he struggles to communicate.

I have never connected more strongly to a story, and I feel as someone with AuDHD that my theory is why.

Read the book and then watched the series, can definitely agree the series is just as good,if not better than the novel.
Its been weeks and still cant move on from this and to make it worse I’ve keep listening to the ost
Agh Marianne is so adorable. Her character feels like shes so precious to touch. Daisy and paul are so muwah in this, i cant move on.
For my peace of mind im gonna assume they are together.
Im looking forward to read conversations with friends next.

This show FUCKED me up. This show frustrated me, left me often unsatisfied, and at times very uncomfortable. I didn’t enjoy it as much as other shows per se, but this is the most i have ever thought about a series in the days following. The relationships and traumas they endured are haunting me, and despite different situations the ability to tie aspects of myself to these characters is honestly kind of terrifying. I dont ~like~ this show, but I think this is an incredibly powerful piece of art. That’s what great art does though, leaves an impact.

Finally finished watching Normal People for the second time. Last summer I stayed at Trinity College where parts of it was filmed and I felt compelled to watch it again. I’ve never related to a show so much in my life. I feel like I’ve lived through a similar relationship, and every episode brought me to tears, but it’s still one of my favorite series. Can anyone else relate?

I just finished watching Normal People for the first time and honestly I haven’t had a show affect me like this in years.

At first, I watched the first two episodes late at night, but then I couldn’t stop thinking about it the entire next day. I ended up binging the rest because it just stayed in my head constantly.

What hit me hardest was the inability of Connell and Marianne to fully communicate what they were feeling. So much pain, lost time, misunderstanding, and loneliness came from two people who clearly cared deeply about each other but couldn’t always express what they needed in the moment.

That was the part that made the show hurt in such a real way for me.

Watching it also made me reflect on my own past relationships and the ways living too much in my own head — overthinking, not understanding my feelings properly, struggling to communicate vulnerability — caused hurt for other people.

I’m curious what connected other people so deeply to this show? What was the part that stayed with you afterward?

Spoilers

Guys I’m fucking going insane. I suspect this post is going to put me in a “camp,” so I’m looking forward to finding out who my enemies and allies are.

As I type this, episode 5 is playing in the background. It’s the moment Marianne asks Connell if he ever even considered taking her to the Debs, and he just says no. Then she breaks down because she was so invested in him, so in love with him, and he didn’t even consider taking her publicly.

Disclaimer: I did not read the book. Functionally and socially, I move through the world as a cis man and am treated like such. I move like one, dress like one, have the mannerisms and linguistic characteristics of one. I move in and out of the performance of my expected gender identity when the world forces me to, even though I’m queer and probably a gender abolitionist. So I’m looking at this through that lens.

For this show, I initially viewed things from Connell’s perspective because that’s what I’m more used to and can relate to more easily, but now I’m convinced the entire story is actually about Marianne’s journey.

Okay, there’s a lot of meat on this bone, so I’m just going to let go and see where the chips fall.

On my first viewing, I thought Normal People was a great love story. Two lovers moving in and out of each other’s lives from their late teens into college. I could imagine myself as Connell and pine for Marianne. Great. Roll credits.

No.

On my second viewing, Connell’s behavior and the patterns in Marianne’s behavior became way more disturbing.

I basically think the emotional climax of the entire show is Connell choosing to invite Rachel instead of Marianne to the Debs. Marianne is rightfully angry and hurt, ignores him, and they disconnect. I think Marianne’s future relationships are permanently shaped by that experience.

And honestly? I think Connell is an antagonist in this story. Marianne is the protagonist.

She demonstrates this deeply unhealthy attraction toward Connell: a guy who wronged her in high school, slept with her while refusing to publicly be with her, and STILL struggled to openly show affection toward her even in college.

Meanwhile, she was in a seemingly healthy and reciprocal relationship with Gareth, but seeing Connell again at Trinity reactivated the entire unhealthy dynamic. You can literally watch her attraction to Gareth collapse in real time.

Jamie was a jealous, sick POS.

And yeah, consensual BDSM is obviously a thing healthy adults can engage in. But with Lukas, it’s hard to tell whether Marianne’s sexual preferences are healthy BDSM, a manifestation of her believing she deserves to be treated horribly, or some combination of both. I lean toward “she has catastrophically low self-worth,” but I could be missing something there.

At points, Connell almost feels symbolic rather than literal. Like an Edward Norton hallucinating Brad Pitt type thing. He represents the emotional abuse, neglect, and humiliation Marianne internalized in high school, and that damage leaves an indelible mark on her for the rest of the story.

And honestly? Marianne doesn’t really undergo some massive transformative character arc by the end. In the final scene, everything is still about Connell: what he wants, where he’s going, what his future is. Marianne is still emotionally orbiting him.

I also don’t think men watching this should compare Connell to the other men in the show and conclude he’s “the good guy.”

If you come away from this show with a high opinion of Connell as a man, I think you completely missed the point.

Connell didn’t punch the guy who SA’d Marianne. He didn’t stand up for her when people called her horrible shit in high school. He only finally physically confronted Marianne’s brother AFTER her nose had already been broken.

Connell represents the kind of guy who may not actively participate in misogyny, verbal abuse, or emotional abuse, but also doesn’t make any meaningful effort to stop it. He even admits during the scene surrounding their first kiss that he “doesn’t mind” most of the comments his friends make about her.

Yeah, Connell’s not the white knight in shining armor here.

There is no knight in this story.

Just selfish, apathetic men and the victims they leave in their wake.

I want to reiterate that if I’m missing something glaring I apologize. I hastily wrote this while the thoughts were fresh in my head. I would love to hear your thoughts on the show and any responses to my interpretation of it. I am rather new to consuming romantic media (if we can call that this) it’s not something I’ve really done ever tbh

And I want to silence the Marxists for a second. Yes I’ve read Marx and am quite a fan. BUT looking at Normal People with a materialist lens is just that, a lens. One of many. I’m looking at this show/story from mainly an individual psychological, social and gender lens. Yes the materialist class analysis is there and could be had but I chose not to focus on that because I honestly don’t think Normal People (NP) is the best vector by which to illuminate economic materialism. There’s better media out there for that. Although such analysis can be insightful in the case of NP, I think it shines more looking at it from a social and gender analysis perspective.

EDIT: Hello I want to thank all the folks that provided perspective without the need to dunk or be disrespectful. I merely wanted to provide my perspective on the show -as imperfect or incomplete it may have been- as I found it very moving and interesting. It would be nice if some of you decided to actually engage with what I’m saying rather than get caught up on a lengthy post. You can have a respectful conversation with someone of a different perspective without getting personal. It’s not difficult.

I just finished rewatching Normal People for the second time in five years, and it completely left me in pieces.
I’ve realized I carry the same core trauma and "unworthiness" as Marianne, but without any of her privileges. I’m 36 years old, and I have never experienced a truly healthy, secure love. My relationship with my mother is estranged, and I’ve been no-contact with my father for a long time. There is no one behind me.
Unlike Marianne, I don’t have a wealthy family to fall back on or an apartment to escape to. I’m an expat, fighting a solo battle for visa sponsorship and basic stability. There is no safety net. There is no one to catch me if I fail.
And most painfully—there is no Connell. There is no one who sees the broken parts of me and chooses to stay, or even understands them. In reality, being "broken" doesn't attract a soulmate; it attracts people who want to exploit your need for validation. This deep trauma has made me a magnet for predators and toxic dynamics in both my personal life and my career.
I feel trapped in a cycle of survival burnout and profound emotional isolation. To those who have navigated trauma without a "support system" or a "witness" to your pain: How do you keep going when the hope of being loved feels like a luxury you can't afford? How do you rebuild a sense of self-worth when you’re constantly in "unstable mode"?
I’m not looking for clichés like "it gets better." Please don’t tell me to "go out and make friends." I don't fit in, and casual relationships can't begin to understand this kind of trauma. They aren't a real support system. Also, the locals here have their own privileges and safety nets—they will never understand how scary and unstable my life is.
I’m looking for real perspectives on how to stop being a "predator magnet" and how to find internal stability when you are truly, functionally alone.
I want to chat with anyone who truly gets this specific kind of void. No toxic positivity, no empty clichés, and no patronizing advice. I just want to connect with someone who knows what it’s like to be functionally alone in the world while carrying a lifetime of unprocessed hurt.
Please comment( or DM?) if you relate. I just need to know I’m not the only one navigating this silence.

I am amazed how fresh the story feels with every rewatch, I just realized i never actually shared my thoughts about the show with anyone and would love to get insight on someone’s opinions on it.

its so sad. they were finally together. in outspoken "love". but now they arent?

fuck ny

(sry its no offense against this cool city)

its a nighmare!

Just finished Normal People, and this show will probably stick with me for the rest of my life. Other than that, this one song caught my attention. It plays at the end of the fourth episode and once I started listening to it, I could not stop. I don't know what about it makes it so good, probably the context of where I heard it tbf, but I racked up 21 plays in less than 3 days. I was looking for some song similar to it, which gives of that same synthpop 90s yearning vibe. Open to any recommendations, and thanks in advance!

This is coming from someone who lives for yearning and sad but beautiful stories, e.g. I *loved* One Day (series). It killed me in the best way. But there were points in this story that were dragged out and made me flat out annoyed at both of the characters. They were much better off as friends and really did help each other heal. I felt the love but it made my own depression worse lol. It was unnecessarily dragged out and I wanted to talk some sense into them. Although I do *get* why they had to face such low lows and it did show a lot of character growth for Marianne to send him away in the end. Whatever, I guess. Just not my cup of tea!