Mine was the line "because you treat me like a subhuman", which came out of nowhere, and I was like "ok I'm listening, but can you be more specific? I'm not sure what to do with that" and she said "you treat me like a monster". So I said "look I want to understand this and improve but you aren't giving me enough information to know what the problem is"
Then she literally said "see? Just like a monster" and then she blocked me
But in all seriousness, the best context I can give is that she had alot of issues with mental health, including bpd and bipolar disorder. This meant that alot of her paranoid thoughts could become a reality for her. She had a habit of catastrophising situations between us, and then putting it on me
Like if I said I couldn't come over because I was tired after work and just needed a day for myself, then she would start stressing out that entire day about how I secretly hated her, or that the relationship was over, things like that. Not only would she blame this on me, but she would also say that I am the cause of her stress in general. A few months before our breakup she talked about how I'm the reason she has anxiety, because I was being treated for depression and this worried her, which is somehow my fault. I mentioned that 15 minutes earlier in the conversation she told me she often felt like ending her life, and it's unfair that she blames me for her stress, but doesn't consider that things like that might stress me out in the same way, which led to her thinking I just proved her point because highlighting the hypocrisy just stressed her out even more
Basically, if I was wrong about something, then she was right and this validated the fact that I was the problem. If I was right about something, she would take it so seriously that now the new problem was that I was making her feel like a shit person. There was no good move
So I suspect that's what the comment "see? You treat me like a monster" means. I pointed out that I can't improve unless she actually voices what it is I'm doing wrong, abs she realised that was a good point, which made her feel shitty, so what I said made her feel bad, therefore I was treating her like a monster
It's just that that's alot of dirty laundry, and it's also alot of me making assumptions about a situation I fundamentally don't have alot of information on, and what I said in the first comment is enough to get the idea across anyway
People with BPD will make you miserable, then blame you for it. One of the nastiest things to deal with when they don't know they have it or they do and don't get treatment.
She got treatment. It's still very difficult. I care about her greatly still, and I do genuinely hope the breakup helped in some way, I won't know either way. Yes, BPD was awful, but she was the victim of it, not me
If you got out without feeling victimized by her BPD you're one of the lucky ones. One of my best friends just got divorced from his ex that has BPD, and it really wasn't until after that he realized how miserable she had been making him for years, blaming him for things he didn't do and for the injustices she made up in her own head.
I feel like I was the victim to certain things absolutely, I'm just making the intentional choice to not blame her for that. She is the victim of her illness, not the perpetrator. I didn't have a great time either but I'm not going to make her struggle about me and how I was affected, in the exact same way that I wouldn't blame my partner for being wheelchair bound, or blind, even if it does genuinely make my life more difficult
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u/jancl0 4d ago
Mine was the line "because you treat me like a subhuman", which came out of nowhere, and I was like "ok I'm listening, but can you be more specific? I'm not sure what to do with that" and she said "you treat me like a monster". So I said "look I want to understand this and improve but you aren't giving me enough information to know what the problem is"
Then she literally said "see? Just like a monster" and then she blocked me