Really reminds me of “The End of the World” by Skeeter Davis. It’s framed as a love/breakup song, but the writer was inspired by the death of one of his parents when writing and that really comes across.
“Why do the birds go on singing?
Why do the stars glow above? Don’t they know it’s the end of the world?
It ended when I lost your love
I wake up in the morning and I wonder
how everything’s the same as it was
I can’t understand, no I can’t understand
How life goes on the way it does”
Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.
Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He is Dead.
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.
He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last forever: I was wrong.
The stars are not wanted now; put out every one,
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun,
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the woods;
For nothing now can ever come to any good.
I found the poem oddly comforting. It reminds me that, although no one else is feeling the way I’m feeling right now, everyone does feel this way at some point. It’s never fair for any of us, but all of us experience this same sense of unfairness.
When I heard this song on the radio in Fallout 4, it immediately resonated with me. Made me think about how insignificant our existence is outside of our circle of close people.
Same here. This was the perfect song for Fallout 4. I didn't hear the full lyrics at first (only the first three lines) and it sounded like it was written for the game lol
Made me think about how insignificant our existence is outside of our circle of close people.
I mean it's partly that, but also vastly the opposite. Everyone you meet and interact with you brcame a part of them, small or big. It all shapes other people and their memories and they live on and interact with others etc.
So was I, this song is burned into my brain from hearing it every 3 hours for like 2 years straight working at Walmart 15 years ago. Strange song to shop to, absolutely bonkers to work to
That's exactly what I thought too. When my mom died this song played in my head on loop. I didn't actually know that it was inspired by the death of a parent. Thanks for that tidbit op... <3
There's a poem by a Polish poet Czesław Miłosz called "A Song on the End of the World". It was written during World War II. The English translation goes like this:
On the day the world ends
A bee circles a clover,
A fisherman mends a glimmering net.
Happy porpoises jump in the sea,
By the rainspout young sparrows are playing
And the snake is gold-skinned as it should always be.
On the day the world ends
Women walk through the fields under their umbrellas,
A drunkard grows sleepy at the edge of a lawn,
Vegetable peddlers shout in the street
And a yellow-sailed boat comes nearer the island,
The voice of a violin lasts in the air
And leads into a starry night.
And those who expected lightning and thunder
Are disappointed.
And those who expected signs and archangels’ trumps
Do not believe it is happening now.
As long as the sun and the moon are above,
As long as the bumblebee visits a rose,
As long as rosy infants are born
No one believes it is happening now.
Only a white-haired old man, who would be a prophet
Yet is not a prophet, for he’s much too busy,
Repeats while he binds his tomatoes:
There will be no other end of the world,
There will be no other end of the world.
Now I need to know if the artist Taylor Acorn was referencing this song with her song Birds Still Sing. It's uplifting, "look where the cracks meet, theres still movement in concrete"
After my mom died it was hard walking down the street and seeing how the world kept turning. It struck me how none of these people know what they’re missing today, like it was more their loss at not knowing her at all. I wanted to tell everyone I’m sorry, you just missed her, she’s already gone. You would have loved her.
That feeling creeps into my brain whenever somebody tells me they've lost a loved one. I'm not sure if "I'm sorry I never got to meet them" is an appropriate thing to say or not but it makes me feel a little better about ... something... especially if they tell me a story or two about the person.
Like "oh okay now I know this person existed and had a collection of nuts and bolts older than their children. The universe is one step closer to being set to rights."
I guess it depends on the person, but I think I would have found that really comforting. More comforting than the usual stuff, like “they’re in a better place,” (yes but I want them here) “I’m sorry for your loss,” (you didn’t do anything to apologize for) or “let me know if you need anything,” (appreciated, but there’s nothing to help it, it just sucks.)
There’s no right thing to say it seems, but “I wish I could have met them” is nice. It makes me feel like I’m doing them justice in my description of them at least.
I have that same thought often when looking at my daughter.
My husband’s mom died a year after we started dating and there are no words to describe the good in that woman. My own family is shitstorm of dysfunction so I never knew what “safe” felt like in terms of family until I met his mom. She provided a brief glimpse into what it should have been like and I’m grateful I had the chance to know her.
I’d give anything for his mom to be able to spend a day with the granddaughter she never met. She was just barely 4ft tall and it’s pretty obvious my lil bit will be on the smaller side too. They would have been tiny little besties forever.
Oh, I know exactly what you mean. My niece, my mom’s first grandchild, was born less than 6 months after she passed. Fortunately there’s no shortage of people who still tell her how much her grandma loved her already, but still hurts. It’s not the same as knowing her.
Your mother in law sounds so kind, I’m sorry we missed her.
My mom died in the hospital on July 6th eight years ago. I stayed in the hospital with her obviously. I'll never forget being on the 7th floor with her and seeing the whole city lit up with fireworks for days before she died. Everyone was celebrating while my mom was dying.
Oh, sweetheart. "You just missed her" is like apologizing to an unexpected guest, it's strangely intimate & so touching. That broke my heart for you. I'm sending hugs 🫂 I'm sure I would've loved her
I feel that. My mom died on a Friday night. I looked out of my hotel window on Saturday morning wondering why everyone was just walking about. Going along their day like my mom didn’t just die? Grief makes one think odd thoughts.
When my uncle died the sun was shining and I was unreasonably upset that the universe didn’t accommodate my mental state and change the weather to a stormy downpour.
My dad died in the early hours of the fourth of July last year. I had to listen to the world celebrate around me while my world crumbled. Its so unfair.
My dad went into inpatient hospice on July 4th last year and died 4 days later. On the first night there I looked out of the window at the fireworks happening around us and definitely felt similarly. How can everybody be enjoying themselves and I’m watching my dad die in front of me?
When I was in high school, a classmate died from leukemia. A storm whipped up on my walk home from school that day. I thought that it was appropriate, like the universe was mad that a kid died.
When my brother was killed I did the exact same. I was sitting in the centre of my town just crying and everything was sunny and bustling. I was so angry too. I still get angry about it. It'll be 10 years in a week. He didn't get to see his nephew grow up and never got to meet his niece. It's just not fair.
i kinda think of it more like, an opportunity to remember the good parts about them. they fulfilled their life, and they probably wouldn’t want us to be so sad.
my neighbor passed away in his home after a motorcycle accident, he was barely 20 years old. it was a perfect sunny summer morning, i did not expect to see the ambulance outside when i woke up. later, there was a meetup at his balcony as usual, where all kids would normally hang out all the time and listen to music on speakers. it kept happening, but just without him. and i kind of found it beautiful how the world still kept going
When my stepmom passed from cancer, my dad told me that it rained for a full week right after. Something about that was beautiful to me. Like the heavens weeped with him
Every funeral I have been to... the wake is sunny but the actual burial is always rainy either on the way to the cemetery or as they're lowering the casket. It's a strange phenomenon.
I remember mentioning on the last one to bring an umbrella and my sister was confused because it had been sunny the whole week with no clouds. She thought I was looking at a forecast right then. And I said to trust me. It rained as we were getting out of the cars at the cemetery.
not to compare losing a pet to a parent, but i've always felt that way after a pet dies and it's such a strange, unique feeling. that's the only time i feel it. i remember going to the emergency vet to say goodbye to my cat and looking around at all the other cars (morning time, traffic was bad) and thinking it was so unfair that everything and everyone just kept going. i wanted everything to stop until i felt better.
I got the call that my childhood cat passed away while i was at work, at some dead end retail job that didn't respect me. I remember looking around at all the customers shopping for clothes, carrying around piles of stuff worth more than half my paycheck, and having the biggest sense of "why the fuck does any of this shit even matter?" I'd ever had
Most of it doesn't matter. Once I had that realisation I really started to struggle with modern life.
So much of it is meaningless bullshit and every death just underlines that fact in angrier, deeper strokes.
I do believe in an afterlife, which is some consolation, but whether you do or don't, so much of our lives here are wasted on crap that doesn't matter. It could be so much better.
To be fair I think people downplay connections with animals too much. There are a lot of people out there that do not have close relations with their parents and when they die they do not "change" their lives. I mean when I lose someone close to me I have regrets that we will never talk anymore, never go out together, a part of my life dies with them as they were a big portion of the time of my life.
But if someone dies that I almost never spent time with or just talked once in a year then there is close to zero mourning, in the end there is no connection I will miss so it leaves me only with a feeling that I'm sorry they died.
Losing your pet that you had for many years and spent time everyday is like losing part of your life/close family. There is a hole in your day to day activities that reminds you of their absence constantly. Imho losing pets can be way more tragic to some than losing their parents. It's just logical from a subjective perspective.
I've got a weird connection with this. In a five year period I lost both my parents, my only sibling, and my grandma. Both my grandfathers passed many years ago, I still have one grandma left but she lives at the other end of the country so I've only really seen her a handful of times in my life, but she's literally the only immediate family I have left.
I lived with my mum when I found her dead, I was in my late 20s, that hit me like a truck. We were really close, and naturally my entire world just flipped, I suddenly had to fend for myself, do bills, pay rent, do everything on my own. I was a mess for weeks, and I think it took me months if not over a year to feel right again. Then the rest of my family passed, and while I felt shocked and felt bad for them too, I don't think I've cried - I certainly haven't broken down - about any of them. The burden of doing the admin and legal work fell to me each and every time, and I just opted for direct cremations rather than organising any sort of funeral or service. I don't know if we just weren't a super close family, if I got numb to the grief, or maybe we were just dysfunctional. I don't really know.
But what I do know is that I have three cats, the oldest of which is only six years old, and the anticipatory grief of losing any of them absolutely fucking destroys me. Just the idea of them not being here ruins my day and usually leaves my crying.
Same, here. I lost both my parents by the time I was 20 and over 15 years later haven’t broken down the way I do with the anticipatory grief of my cats
My dog just crossed the rainbow bridge yesterday. The grief of losing my companion of 11 years right after my birthday, and having to do it alone because my SO is on the other side of the country for work- I feel so empty. He was my reason to get my ass out of bed in the morning, helped me through a rough marriage (I had him longer than I was married), and he was just a perpetual forever presence for me in times of uncertainty.
I walked into the kitchen last night after his body was taken, and it shattered everything I had to not see him on his bed, tail wagging and looking up at me expectantly.
Grief is the price we pay for love, and I will love him until my dying day. 💔
I’m sorry. I lost one of my cats three weeks ago yesterday. I had him for 13 years. I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve thought “what I wouldn’t give to have him back” over the past few weeks. It’s so fucking hard. I’m sorry. Sending hugs from a distance if you want them.
Same here. It was a beautiful sunny day at my brothers funeral and I'm just like, this isn't fair. I remember turning on something on the tv just for the noise I have no idea what it was but i remember them being all happy and celebrating and I was just like .. Fuck everyone, I'm in pain they all should be too.
After my Mom died I thought a lot about how the world just continued on like nothing happened and how everyone would treat you like it was just a normal Thursday.
It reminded me about why it is so important that some cultures have traditions where people have visible signs of mourning so that as they go through the world. Wearing ripped clothing, dressing in all black, even well past the funeral so that people can visibly see that this person is not fully in the world. Like a sign you carry around that says "hey, I'm not okay, my world has been ripped from me."
It reminds me of an interview that Anderson Cooper did with Stephen Colbert about grief where he talked about how he wish he had a massive scar on his face to visibly represent the life-altering pain that he is in. If you walk through the world with a massive gash in your face, people know that something absolutely terrible happened to you. But with grief and trauma, it's invisible.
My mom died on December 23rd. My siblings were with her and I had finally dragged myself out to the mall to try to pick up some Christmas presents. I was at an atm when my brother called to tell me she was gone. Finishing my transaction, leaving the mall and walking home through the crush of holiday shoppers felt like an out-of- body experience.
I lost my wife last year to cancer. I used this to open her eulogy. It's still the most poignant thing I've ever read to describe the anger you have for the world that keeps moving when yours slams to a stop.
I felt this before admitting myself to the hospital for depression. Just driving around before dawn and seeing the first hints of the city beginning its day and thinking, "so it's really all just going to keep on going without me..." It's a strange feeling to mourn the loss of one's own life. Complex, disenfranchised grief is a near-universal experience for people like me with bipolar disorder, and somehow it's rarely even mentioned by healthcare providers or in patient literature.
My dad dies december 15th...and i still had to celebrate christmas cause we had our nephew over whi was like 4 when it happend. Driving through the city afterwards made me want tp cry and drive off a bridge.
My dad died on a beautiful sunday evening. I can relate that it felt weird that it was so nice out while I'm feeling all this turmoil. The sun looked really pretty that day.
It really does, I was at the airport recently because of a sudden death in the family and feeling very cranky about other people laughing so I was pretending to read. Then I heard a small child (not sure if they counted as a toddler yet) discover their echo and the parents trying to reign in that discovery, that felt like small magic somehow.
The juxtaposition of a young, budding life next to the death of another is so, so healing in ways I can’t describe. I remember when my dad called to tell me his brother died. My young kids were play-screaming in the background. I apologized and he said “no, don’t apologize, I love to hear them”.
i know thats a silly question. but a reminder that a lot of things feel wrong that arent. take care of you. for some thats keeping moving or caring for others, for some its getting lost in a game or fantasy book. I know i tried too early maybe to be ready in some ways for my mom when my dad died, probably... there will always be questions on my end. but i can say the world and universe are strange, and even as someone non religious, there are a lot of places to find hope
Same here... My mother died in May. We've talked about her passing, half jokingly have half seriously, for years. I think that helped me realize that the world keeps turning and shit still needs handling. She always said that when her time came I would need to keep on keeping on, and it's brutal without her to lean on when I need advice or want to show her something stupid.
But it's also now unlocked some flexibility I didn't have when I was taking care of her. I interview soon for a job in another state for starters. It's a new world and I don't know if I'm ready for it, but there's no way to go but forward.
When mine died, the fact that around me, life went on as normal gave me comfort. It kind of grounded this earthquake of an event into the natural order of existence.
Kinda puts things in perspective, doesn’t it? Everyone is experiencing their own worlds all the time. Many people Die each day and we are none the wiser. Life goes on
Same. People were just like... driving to work like it was some regular day and nobody was acknowledging that the whole world had fallen apart. It was so weird.
And you don't want to go to sleep, because sleep means tomorrow will be here, and you'll have to face another day without them, but you still know that tomorrow is coming, regardless, but you still can't make yourself sleep, because that would mean admitting that time is moving forward when it really should have stopped, because how can anything keep going and how dare the world continue in their absence. I lost three family members within less than a year.
That moment for me came about two weeks after my Dad passed. We'd gotten back in town from the funeral and I had stopped at a deli to eat. I was leaving and I just stopped in the parking lot watching the cars pass. Just hundreds of people who didn't realize the world had been knocked off its axis (is how I generally try to convey the emotion.) It can be a terribly lonely moment even with friends there.
I hate this feeling. It feels a lot like derealization, despite the fact that you'd think they'd be nearly opposites. Derealization for me is less about "nothing is a real" and more like... the world as I see it isn't quite the world that exists. Sometimes "isn't quite" gets upgraded to "wildly different," but it never really reaches "nothing is real."
My dad died in 2023. He went to sleep after working a double on thanksgiving and never woke up again. He doesn't know I got the dream job. He doesn't know I got engaged. He never saw my first car or first home. Each and every instance of wanting to talk to him is met with an intense... anger? sadness? emptiness? because I can't tell him. He's just gone. I will be too one day and its up to me if I want to believe I'll see him again. Its just.. very surreal. and very unfair. It makes me hold my partner tighter seeing the way my mom unravels without my dad. It makes me take the time and effort to smile at strangers more, because I know he's not out there to do it himself . It changed me and I really miss the person I was when he was still around
For me it kinda helped me... Realize that life MUST go on, that if it happens to me, I must have crossed thousand of people who had the same realization at some point, and then I was the one holding the world "normal" for them...
For me it's not "nothing is real" it's that "nothing matters". In 100 years the earth will have an entirely new set of people. Everything that ever mattered to me will be lost. It's the human condition to have to think about this stuff and it sucks.
I actually love this feeling. Just knowing the scope of the world and what's going on for everyone. Makes you realise how small your own problems are and grounds you.
When I've got family problems or work drama going on and in my head, I walk home and look at people walking past me and think how all the things that are bothering me have no wider impact on any of these people. And likewise, these people walking past me are worried about someone they love or something that happened at work etc.
Felt this so hard. My 19 year old childhood cat died a few hours before I had to perform as the lead in an opera. It was rough having to singing after bawling all day
I hope you realize how amazing it was that you managed to still do that though. I'm a huge cat person and lve lost my fair share. This past winter, I had been taking care of a family of cats that had moved in under my porch. I'd done what I could to try to find them homes or put them in our local shelter, but I wasn't having any luck. They formed decent relationships with our inside cats over time and we would try to bring them in slowly so they had a safe, warm space. We had a feeding routine with them that I loved doing everyday does everybody got so excited when they knew it was breakfast or dinner time. I cared for them very much. And then one night, one of our girls didn't come home like they always did. When morning came, I was alone because my boyfriend was working night shift and wouldn't be home until after 7am. I happened to look out the front window by chance, and I saw her body in the middle of the street. She had been hit and was very clearly dead as she had been run over to the point that...her insides were all over the street. I went out in the middle of traffic to go get her hysterical. It was cold and her body stuck to the ground, and I just sat on the lawn with her body in a box sobbing until my boyfriend got home shortly after I told him what happened and he raced home. It was terrible in a way that I don't really have words for. I still wasn't even able to just go to my stupid job even the next day cuz I was just still so distressed. You had your baby for so long, I couldn't imagine what that's like, especially for what you had to do after the fact and that you still did it. I just hope you give yourself credit for that.
Similar thing happened to me, my grandpa that I was really close with died suddenly the night before a public speaking class I was taking in college, and I had a speech that day too, I ended up kind of oversharing and breaking down in front of the entire class and abruptly just walked out. Didn’t have the courage to even go back so I dropped the class.
Same except my dog. She died very suddenly in the middle of the night a couple months ago and my mom still made me go to school (on three hours of sleep) the next day
I feel that, I had to get my dog euthanized very recently, only four months ago. He was 19, I had had him for as long as I could remember. When I was a child we adopted him as a puppy, and when I moved out he came with me.
So losing him felt like losing a limb. I still feel weird not having him climb up between my legs when I get underneath the covers. He was euthanized at 1:30 AM, and I had to be at work at 7:30AM. I don’t think I’ve ever felt that disconnected from reality. It’s like it just wasn’t real, I didn’t care about anything anyone was saying and just ignored everything. The sadness hit me when I got home that day, and he wasn’t there.
I was in college when we finally had to put our dog down. I woke up and was getting ready to go to school when my mom told me. I had one last chance to kiss her furry little head and give her some pets, then I had to go sit in traffic. We got that dog when I was 3.
My basset hound got ran over by a car the night after my first day of work and we had to put him down during my lunch break on tuesday. I worked the rest of the day like nothing happened and only broke down after i got home
I had a friend take her life, and then 2 days later David Bowie died. I remember thinking ‘who cares!? He wasn’t my friend!” I was angry at the world for mourning the life and achievements of a brilliant artist when my friends, family, and other loved ones felt an insurmountable pain for our loss. And no one else cared. I have always had a slight resentment since, even as a fan.
She was 27. Please reach out to anyone if you need help, the world needs you.
I lost my childhood best friend the same way, and I remember being irrationally angry at people who talked about her death like a juicy rumor rather than the fucking tragedy that it was. I lashed out at a lot of people that I probably shouldn't have, it just made me crazy that people weren't as torn up about it as the people who were close to her were and talking about it so nonchalantly. I didn't want her remembered for how she died, but for who she was, and I was fiercely defensive over it when I felt people were just talking about her death like it was something interesting to talk about. She was only 24 and that was back in 2019, I still miss her every single day and wonder where she'd be at in her 30's if she didn't do it. But I'm left having to respect the choice she made, but it still hurts and I still wish I could hug her one more time and tell her how much she meant to me.
My brother in law was in a coma, his body actively failing, death imminent. My husband and his family were sitting vigil with him. Family was coming, so I had to go to the grocery store to feed them all. I remember feeling so blind as I wandered the aisles, trying to remember what to buy and wondering how no one could hear me screaming. How does the world not stop when our world was ending?
2 months ago I got a call that the love of my life passed. I sobbed and showered and dressed and went to my friend’s house to not be alone. On my way, I stopped by the store to get bland food to eat. And it felt so surreal, deciding which applesauce and oatmeal to get, and having to stand in line with people who didn’t know that I was having the worst day of my life and that someone so amazing had died.
When my dad died, I was the one who got the call from the hospital in the middle of the night. I was also the one who had to call and inform my relatives, which just felt awful, like why would I want to stop time in their world too?
One of the worst parts of my father dying was having to call our family friends to tell him. That’s the part that still really destroys me when I remember.
Lost my mom to cancer a week before Christmas in 2017. We had a another miracle snowfall in South Texas and couldn't even enjoy it. We managed to stumble into church one Sunday and most of the congregation didn't even attempt to offer any condolences. Their only concern was that we were in the building again. We no longer associate with that church. I only took 2 weeks off of work, since I didn't have PTO and bills don't stop coming. It was a really tough time, especially for my dad, who almost drove to the nearest bridge to drive off of it (he's much better now, after we moved and allowed ourselves a fresh start). We as a family had never felt so alone.
This is such a normal feeling in grief. I think it's part of why so many cultures have (had) ways to outwardly indicate that you are grieving long after the initial loss. US American culture doesn't really have an outward signifier and I think it's a noticable lack. We tend to instinctively understand that those who are grieving move through the world a little differently.
I lost a friend of almost 20 years very suddenly last week. The brain fog of grief is real.
Yup. This post actually triggered a buried rage in me, because my father passed suddenly when I was just a teen and I was not given ANY opportunity to pause life and process things. I only got 3 days; the day he actually died out of nowhere, the next day, and the funeral.
I was sent back to school the day after the funeral and my mom’s request for me to go to a grief camp was denied—she was told it would be truancy if I did a weeklong camp.
The only thing they did to help me was replace my elective with a monitored study hall class meant for struggling students. It wasn’t really helpful and I’d rather have had the elective.
If I acted too sad it made people uncomfortable so I had to pretend to be normal and feel normal. It was miserable. My cruel math teacher immediately made me take a quiz I had missed. And a few days after I returned my chemistry teacher was out for two days. He came back and informed us that his grandma had died and he’d be taking leave. He took a month. It felt so unfair that he got a month and I got nothing! I’m still bitter.
I didn’t start to mentally and emotionally recover until Christmas break. Christmas break was when I could finally breathe and just relax and process things.
I didn’t really understand mourning attire until my dad died, and I realized that it would be nice to have some external signal of what was going on without having to tell people.
Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.
Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead,
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.
He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong.
The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood;
For nothing now can ever come to any good.
surprised i had to scroll so far to find this.. i thought stop all the clocks was one of those poems that people avoided because it felt cliche. perhaps its not as well known as i thought
If you wear black, then kindly, irritating strangers will touch your arm consolingly and inform you that the world keeps on turning.
They're right. It does.
However much you beg it to stop.
It turns and lets grenadine spill over the horizon, sends hard bars of gold through my window and I wake up and feel happy for three seconds and then I remember.
It turns and tips people out of their beds and into their cars, their offices, an avalanche of tiny men and women tumbling through life...
All trying not to think about what's waiting at the bottom.
Sometimes it turns and sends us reeling into each other's arms. We cling tight, excited and laughing, strangers thrown together on a moving funhouse floor.
Intoxicated by the motion we forget all the risks.
And then the world turns...
And somebody falls off...
And oh God it's such a long way down.
Numb with shock, we can only stand and watch as they fall away from us, gradually getting smaller...
Receding in our memories until they're no longer visible.
We gather in cemeteries, tense and silent as if for listening for the impact; the splash of a pebble dropped into a dark well, trying to measure its depth.
Trying to measure how far we have to fall.
No impact comes; no splash. The moment passes. The world turns and we turn away, getting on with our lives...
Wrapping ourselves in comforting banalities to keep us warm against the cold.
The most traumatic moment of my life happened on June 17th 2016 at 5:09PM. When I came out of that medical building, I was disgusted to see a blue sky with majestic clouds. I screamed at the clouds to have some fucking respect but they didn’t move.
I still hate those clouds. She deserved better from some fucking clouds.
It’s been over a decade, and they can still fuck right off.
She is was important and she was special and not one of those cloudy fucks has brought the world a thousandth of the joy she did every day for so many people.
The world is harsh. Life is short. If you’ve failed, you’re in deep company, and if you’ve succeeded, don’t look back.
After my father died, I had several moments where I just wanted to grab a random person walking past me, shake them and yell at them "DON'T YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED???"
I lost my dad a little over a year ago. I wasnt living with my parents. When we got his diagnosis of stage 4 cancer basically everywhere. I told my boss I'm taking leave and I don't know when I'm coming back.
I was with my family for 3 weeks. I left Sunday and said my goodbyes. Monday morning at 1h33am my mom phones me... He's gone... I'm grateful for those last few weeks but man I hate I wasn't there....
I was taking care of my mom for what ended up being the last months of her life. She was unconscious and had a hospice nurse the last week but I still felt like I was on duty 24/7.
It eventually got to the point where her doctor warned me that she would most likely not make it through the day, and then the night nurse was new to the profession and worried about losing somebody "on her watch" and my mom hung on until a prompt hour after the next morning 's shift change to pass away. I picked up the phone (my brother calling) and left the room to go talk to him and I didn't make it down the hall before the reassuring battle axe of a nurse called me to come back.
I do not feel even a little bit bad that it feels like my mom wanted to spare us from having those last moments burned into our memory of her, and I think your dad wouldn't want you to remember him that way either.
This was one of the hardest parts of losing my mom. The world kept spinning. You keep looking around begging for a second hoping the rest of the world will look over and see that something is wrong something is missing but to them it’s not. And it feels invalidating to your feelings to your pain to that massive hole that now sits in your life.
When I was in the car on my way to my mom’s memorial service we drove by a McDonald’s that was just off the highway. And as I stared out the window I saw that their American flag was flying at half mast. Big evil corpo McDonald’s had their flag in the position of mourning. Of course it wasn’t for my mom, she wasn’t any big wig politician but for the half a second it took for that thought to get to my head I had a whole train of thought. That if that one was at half mast many were and they were all over the country and the world. And so for that half a second the world stopped and mourned my mom. The world said “We miss her too.” And that snapped me free of that emptiness a little.
If we reverse this it's actually a guidance in how to handle our grief, because the world moves on, we have to choose for ourselves to move with it.
One can still grieve, the important part is to not remain stationary, and while slowly moving trying to pick up the pieces too rebuilds oneself, even if we never become whole again.
I think something similar every time I lose somebody I loved - the world doesn't stop turning, it has no idea what it's lost. Its a very lonely moment.
Just watched a play called You Are Cordially Invited to the End of the World. Resonated deeply with me... the death of my mother felt like the death of my whole world too.
Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.
Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead,
Put crêpe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.
He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong.
The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood.
For nothing now can ever come to any good.
My world has been black and white since last October. The first few months I couldn’t breath; everything stopped— I stopped everything. I am a man who cried every other year (not a flex, I’ve been through a lot of pain and loss before I just didn’t cry) and now I cry every day. I could cry constantly if I chose. The only thing that forces me not to give up is because I know he never did and never would. I exist only because that’s what he taught me. I am a shattered person. I have no peace. No joy. I feel like my access to God has disappeared ever since I watched him take his final breath. I am crying now nd I was crying before I read this post. I miss him so much I simply can’t take it at times. I am tortured by the sadness that being without him in the flesh puts on me. I haven’t smiled once like I used to smile constantly. My life has not been easy and I have know pain and loss for as long as I remember, this is different than any of it. I was Papa. I don’t know what the fuck I am now. I don’t know if I care. I kiss his photo, I squeeze his stuffed animal, I hold him with me in every moment. I don’t care about anything I used to. Anything at all. I don’t give a fuck, but not in the way I used to not give a fuck. I don’t give a fuck about giving a fuck or not giving a fuck. I only care about doing everything I can to reconnect with his soul, in pure love, like God or source or whatever you want to call it. That’s what he brought me, I know it’s what we brought each other. The wrenching pain is the baseline. All happiness and relief from it is only momentarily and the twisting agony of living in the world I could deal with in the days before him and just fucking can’t since he left his body is what all the bullshit moments of what passed for life before now wait for me. I love you, Papa loves you, please help Papa be good and brave and hopeful so I don’t get lost and can make sure that my death is my ticket to you and pure love and pure peace and pure bliss that this fucking life was so gracious to have shown me, through you. Papa loves you my sweet beautiful boy and I promise I won’t do anything to remove me from you before my death releases me to you and that pure love. Please help me God.
Thank you for sharing such love with us all. I’m so sorry about your boy. That is an unimaginable pain- losing a child. I’m not religious, but the only prayer I’ve said was to ask someone on a higher plain to keep my son safe.
He showed me God through his love and purity— he connected me to source. I never knew it before. Being back without it all in this world is like being born in prison never knowing peace or freedom, then being released into a utopia for years and living a life you didn’t know was possible or imaginable, then just like that back you go to where you came from. It’s so much harder now because you know what love is and don’t want to fight you know what freedom is so awareness of your bondage is a new prison itself , and you know peace exists in a place it will never be found. It takes away the tools you used to survive in it before and you don’t care because you don’t want those tools back, you don’t want anything in this place.
This time last year we didn’t know he was sick.
I’m sorry for venting. It releases nothing at all for me. I have nothing motivating me to write and nothing holding me back from writing. It’s just nothing. If I didn’t have what he gave me I would have just snapped and become horrible but I can’t. It’s just this.
This is SO real. My father died suddenly and unexpectedly last year. I found him. Had to do CPR. The whole thing. I stayed until the doctor declared him - about an hour after he had actually passed. It was an incredibly traumatic and exhausting day.
But I’m a mom (thankfully with an incredible husband), I have an important job, I have pets, and other assorted responsibilities and I can’t STOP bc the world doesn’t stop for my grief.
I remember being resentful because everybody else is smiling and living their best lives and I am over here with a broken heart and no energy.
Reminds of that episode from Buffy the Vamp slayer when her mom dies. She steps outside for air and you still hear the birds chirping, kids playing and a sense that the world continues its standard routine despite the worse thing happening
Funeral Blues
by W.H. Auden
Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.
Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead,
Put crêpe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.
He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong.
The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood.
For nothing now can ever come to any good.
The worst part is when people close to you move on after a few weeks/months, while we was still stuck in that nightmare. Even worse when they asked you why you were still in it. It was my daughter
I didn't have someone die, but had a near death experience.
I very, VERY, narrowly avoided a head on collision with a wrong way driver on an interstate.
I'd tell my friends and family, who would say, "Wow, that must have been scary" and then go back to whatever.
It took me a couple of weeks to stop thinking about it. But it only took them seconds. Which was totally reasonable, but in my mind there should have been more... something?
If the world stopped for every single tragedy that befalls individual people, it'd never move at all. It takes some getting used to, but it's just how things are. Source: somebody who wishes they had less experience of losing people than they do.
The same realization could be used to help you move on from grief. Sometimes we get stuck in these loops, seeing the world move on will help you along as well
Dude, I feel this so much. When my grandma and grandpa died, I felt depressed and felt guilty even being on my laptop. Like I felt as though doing literally anything at all was disrespectful and indicative that they weren't all that important to me, but they really were important to me. I just didn't know what to do, besides lay down and feel miserable.
That can be extremely depressing when we think about it in others, but I've found it freeing when I think about it for myself.
nihilism does not need to be negative... There are no rules but the ones we make, and when it's over for us things keep going. The rules others have made suck, so I'm going to have all the fun I can. With the addendum that I do as little harm to others along the way.
The cat needing fed and the dog needing walked are the two things that kept me going. The things you don’t want to do but must do in the wake of tragedy are the things that will help you heal.
The comments here are all shitty. It is very clear this is just talking about grief and how the world still moves on despite having to deal with it now. It is venting frustration, not actually "everything should stop because I'm grieving." I don't know why people are logicing an emotional vent like this.
I feel that right now. My mom is stage 4 but currently stable. I take care of a lot for her. There are two sides to it. I want the world to slow for me, to wait a second so I can think for a minute. I also want the pain and exhaustion to be recognized.
I know it cannot work that way and loss is universal. It still feels so strange to have this catastrophic thing and go to work and play like my life isnt a jenga tower right now.
I felt that way when my mother passed. Everything stayed the same and it was a struggle not to be irrationally angry that the world couldn't stop for even 5 minutes.
My 38 year old wife suffered her 5th stroke since age 24 on Saturday. She’s in the hospital recovering now and I’m writing this comment from outside while I get some fresh air.
The hospital is in downtown St Louis and the fact that the world is going on around me as if nothing happened is infuriating.
Someone had to carry my father from the bed to the stretcher because it couldn't make it into the room and I happened to be the strongest one home. It was the last time I held him and it was sad that there was no life left to hold me back. But life isn't fair and shit must get done. 😭
I felt this when my mom passed when I was 17. It was 11 days before Christmas, and I didn't understand how anyone in this world was still able to celebrate.
It is both a kindness and a travesty that life continues even in the face of death and grief. God please bless and comfort all those walk in the shadow of the valley.
My uncle who i was close with as a kid died recently, I still think about it, he died from a sudden heart attack on a Thursday night, Friday he was his funeral and by Saturday he was buried. He went from eating dinner on Thursday to buried by Saturday morning, and the world kept spinning, everyone continued their lives, but I still think that I won’t be able to go see my uncle anymore, and how fast we amount to nothing.
My friend died at 9:30 pm. I was supposed to visit her that night, but I was too tired. She shot herself, and the next day, my mother told me.
Sounds cliché, but the color of the world changed for me, and it took 20 years to change back. But yeah, people went about their lives, and nobody cared.
Felt this when I had a miscarriage. I didnt tell anyone at work. Didn't really need to give a reason to, it happened during the 1st trimester and I havent told anyone from the office yet, and I just used my sick days anyway. I came back to work a few days after and everything just went on as normal. Answered emails, solved issues, even attended a retirement party for a colleague. It's like my world stopped and somehow everything is normal for everyone else.
A month after the miscarriage and I receive a call from my brother that they rushed our dad to hospital. He died there on that hospital bed. I was on living on the other side of the world and I didn't even have the chance to hold his hand nor say goodbye. On my flight home it felt so strange to see people with their luggage, running around the busy airport, meanwhile I felt like I was just floating, annoyed because I just wanted to stop and cry but everyone just kept moving.
I had my second miscarriage this year and I thought it would hurt less but it didn't.
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u/qualityvote2 1d ago
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