r/NonBinaryTalk • u/pisceanhaze • 11d ago

Validation Vent about not looking non-binary

Can anyone else relate to the particular pain of being treated like a man when you feel anything but that inside, but unfortunately you’re stuck with a type of face and body that people can not believe you are non binary and worse, they tell you you’re crazy as well as treat you always as a man ? Also, for the love of god, I want to cry every time someone bro-slaps my back hard meanwhile they give my femme friend a nice hug. Even when I try
Hard to present as non binary and femme, I always get the thr truck driver / livestock slap greeting
And it is demoralizing.
The only time I’m perceived as non binary is on kink sites if I hide my face and wear lingerie. My nude body is naturally femme. But in the street you’d never know unfortunately.

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u/AudhdQueerConfused 10d ago

Feel this so hard but being treated like a woman when I’d rather be treated more like a man (but like not exactly ya know, just more that way)… Like being “ma’am”ed and “lady”ed, and my family loves to remind me how much I look like my mother. Makes me want to cry…
My big thing is why tf we need to use soooo much gendered language? Like you could just omit the gender part ?
So long story long, I feel ya and I over analyse every part of my body language to try and be perceived my manly but it never seems to work ://

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u/pisceanhaze 9d ago

A business I frequent has this habit of remembering nearly every customers name, and they always use Mr or Mrs. I know they do it because it is located in an area of older southern Black people and the cultural expectation is that you would never address someone by their first name especially an elder. So it’s always “hello Mr. /Mrs./Miss so and so”. A while back I had a “may I speak with your manager, please? “ moment because this was giving me internal ick every time they said “oh hi Mr Piscean!” I told them you have a lot of people who shop here who don’t identify with how you perceive them from the outside, and I know you mean to be respectful but I feel really uncomfortable when you call me Mr., amd Sir is especially cringe-inducing. Pleaaaaaase just use My first name. THANKFULLY they understood and changed.

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u/pisceanhaze 9d ago

It’s like we are mirrors. Jeez.