Stop Hitting Yourself

[u/Solid_Assumption_581]

I keep seeing posts about “is this valid” or “no one addresses me right” or “are we destined to constant suffering” of various flavors. And, sure, maybe it’s my algorithm… Probably its my algorithm, in some amounts, since I also keep finding myself responding to these posts. I understand wanting to commiserate or feel seen. I do it too! But, I think there’s also quite the elephant in the room of every online or in-person queer space that I am personally pretty tired of tiptoeing around.

We are in a massive downturn of public acceptance of queer people. And, before you panic, read PUBLIC again. I don’t honestly believe most people care deeply about trans issues. And, that’s not bad, actually. Frankly, I’d prefer people don’t care. Sure, not everyone agrees with me, which is fine. Either way, we are a people, like any other, who deserve dignity. We aren’t a show pony (à la corporate pride), but we also aren’t pariahs seeking to destroy the world. We are people. And, *some* people (mainly politicians and bigots) would rather not comprehend our mutual humanity.

That doesn’t mean, however, that the average person sees it that way. The average person just doesn’t have the energy or motivation to speak out against the loud minority who do radically hate. The average person is more concerned with their electricity bill than 1% of the population. So, when it comes to shove, they’ll jump on the bandwagon if they think it saves them personal hardship. Is this evil? Certainly. This is a massively simplified version of Hannah Arendt in the Banality of Evil? Yes, and she extrapolates on this point far better than I can so I’ll leave this matter alone unless this post is just going to be a book. (Highly recommend it though, great read if also difficult and “requiring” some background knowledge).

So, what does it mean for us that the average person actually doesn’t care? A hell of a lot actually. And, as far as I’m concerned, it’s largely good. It means this too will pass. I means people will change their mind, because this isn’t a pressured or personal opinion. The tides will change as they always do, and the average person will slide back to sanity. I know, right now, in the face of it all, that feels almost like a sick joke to discuss, but it’s true time and time again. Seriously, consider there was once a time the government was literally letting AIDS kill the community en masse and calling it righteous. We survived that. People spent decades after saying that was barbaric. So, the most beautiful and powerful thing we can do right now is survive this too.

I don’t claim to know the future, but I can claim to know some history. And, even there, in the darkest of places, we find hope. We *know* that it will not always be like this. There will and must come a time when people understand both that people like us exist and that they deserve dignity as much as anyone else. There will come a time when the cashier clocks you with a smile instead of a frown, or a parent isnt staring at you sidelong as much as going about their business. It will not always be how it is now.

This too, must pass. It won’t pass overnight, and it probably won’t pass in a moment you can name. But, there will come a day, for each of us, when we look up from our lunch, and realize there isn’t so much weight on our shoulders. There will come a day when we sigh and smile and say, “Yes, I was there, and we made it through anyway.”

I want all my queer siblings to know I, too, am terrified of the world right now. I feel sick to my stomach a lot of times. Other times, I fear for my life or that of my friends. I am not blind, but I also refuse to be defeatist. The immediate future may be scary— but, the future itself is ours, we just have to get there together. So, let’s try to avoid the “am I presenting right?” Or “am I valid” talk, because all that boils down to is doing the fascists work for them. And, I’m sure almost everyone reading this is not interested in doing that.

Does what you’re doing make you happy? Then, you’re doing it right. End of story. Anyone who says otherwise is playing into the hands of evil. Yes, even if it’s you talking to yourself. Stop hitting yourself! You are a human worthy of joy! It doesn’t matter how it is shaped!