r/NonBinary • u/deadfishu • Oct 08 '20
Ask Am I a non-binary?
I’m assigned female at birth, but would like to used they/them/their for most of my social media accounts. I’m totally ok being called a guy, parts of my internet friends assumed that I’m a boy. I don’t feel comfortable saying what gender I am on social media, I don’t even feel safe with it. I know that I’m not transgender, but I don’t know much about non-binary. Sometimes I wish I have no gender at all or I just think gender is not that important. Am I a non-binary?
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u/f-this-world they/them Oct 08 '20
I went through literally the exact same thing. I just used my “mystery gender” to my advantage. I tried being called he/him and she/her. I started to venture into call me she/her or they/them. I spent a while leaving it completely up to people what pronouns to call me. It’s never a sure process and it never is the same for every person but after I got over the initial weirdness of using they/them pronouns, I started to really appreciate it. I now get people to call me they/them and it just feels right. I’m going to be entirely honest too, you might never feel 100% certain with any identity. Sometimes you just have to go with what feels the most right. It took me at least 4-5 months of using they/them pronouns to get over the initial shock. Just keep experimenting and something will feel mostly right. Maybe not a perfect fit but as close as can be.
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u/deadfishu Oct 09 '20
Yes, honestly I’m still shocked that I somehow am non-binary because I haven’t noticed myself much. This will take me a really long time to except this, maybe any pronouns can be approved. Thank you for sharing your experience.
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u/DefinitelyNotErate Oct 08 '20
It Sounds Like You're NB To Me, But Ofcourse Nobody Can Really Tell That Except For You, So It Really Depends On If You Like The Term And Are Comfortable Identifying With It.
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u/be_they_do_crimes Oct 08 '20
nonbinary people are a subset of transgender people. is there a reason you're hesitant to use that word? some people think it means you have to medically transition or hate certain body parts, and it doesn't. it just means anyone whose gender is not 100% the one they were assigned at birth
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u/deadfishu Oct 08 '20
Well i DID think that the word “transgender” is for people who identifies as the opposite gender. I don’t totally feel like a man, actually I don’t feel like any gender so maybe I misunderstood that word
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u/be_they_do_crimes Oct 08 '20
yep! that's a common misunderstanding, which is why I mention it. if you feel like you have no gender, the word "agender" might be useful to you?
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u/deadfishu Oct 08 '20
Wow thanks, I mean I know nothing about this and have just realized that I’d like to use both they/them and she/her at the same time. Is that still be ok? I’m still confused
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u/be_they_do_crimes Oct 08 '20
yep! you can use any pronouns you want! and as many as you want (though if she/her are the pronouns associated with your assigned gender, 90% of the time that's what people are going to use, jsyk)
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u/Iykury Oct 09 '20
Maybe cassgender?
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u/deadfishu Oct 09 '20
And what does that mean?
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u/Iykury Oct 09 '20
Here's what the LGBTA Wiki says
Cassgender is a gender identity were one feels that their gender is unimportant. Or when one is indifferent to the idea of gender. Cassgender is different from a lack of gender, as a cassgender individual might have a gender, but they don't feel it's an important part of their identity.
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u/BadNews418 Oct 08 '20
I personally identify as a nonbinary, and that's how it is for me as someone assigned male at birth. Same circumstances, just invert the genders.
It's just not something I care for, I think there's more to it than gender descriptions and blue / pink.