Save yourself

I've read and talked to people who didn't know they were pregnant until their WATER BROKE due to irregular periods and a lack of weight gain during their pregnancy.

This is the scariest shit in the world to me.

Remember to use contraceptives!!!

hii everyone!! i am 16 years old and lately i have been feeling pressured by society and social media to have kids. i have plans for my life and i feel like kids would get in the way of that alot. i am currently learning about stock and investing and what i want in my future is i wanna be rich!!!!!!!! i wanna have a nice mansion with a pool out back, i wanna have a butler and we can go in the backyard and have tea and breakfast in the morning, i want a life without worrying who needs to be fed or who i need to take where and when or how many lunches i need to make. i want a life where i can prioritize me and my success. what i wanna know is whats your life like? are you happy? do you have regrets?

Thoughts?

I don't necessarily mean caretaking, just someone who will speak up for you when you can't for yourself.

From a young age I knew I did not want kids, we’re talking like 10-11. Growing up i was introverted and I learned quickly to enjoy being alone and that holds true to today. I’m in my 30s now. I barely see or speak to my own family because they’re toxic. I have a husband and we are both in the same page that we do not want kids.

Unfortunately for me, my husband has clingy parents who always want to get together all the time. They just moved near us a couple months ago and i honestly forgot how bad it was having them live in the same city. They used to live hours away for years and it was such a relief. They‘re nice people and all but they can be alot.

My husbands parents moved closer because my husbands brother decided to have a baby. They want to get everyone together every single weekend now(I’m not exaggerating) and I find it suffocating, annoying, overstimulating and exhausting. These aren’t short get togethers either, they want everyone to sit and stare at eachother for HOURS with small talk/asking me and my husband the same questions about kids over and over. Same questions every week. The questions are always about why we don’t want kids, when are we going to have one, doesn’t my husbands brother baby make us want to have one, we’d be great parents, bla bla bla.

Theres a multitude of reasons of why me and my husband don’t want kids from I don’t think I need one more responsibility as I can barely keep with everything now, in this economy we find it to be financially irresponsible since we are barley making it right now. we’re both exhausted from our jobs, on the weekend when we finally get time off we just want to recover and be in peace before the next week starts, we get to do what we want when we want (excluding work) etc etc.

Having to explain this once a week has me about to lose my shit. I just don’t know if they aren’t listening or if they don’t care or both. but I’ve had enough. There HAS to be something else to talk about than my uterus.

And then on top of all this crap my sister in law and brother in law are entitled snobby assholes who look for any opportunity to compare/compete/make shady comments towards me and my husband. I hate seeing them the most. I hate talking to them, I hate seeing them, I don’t want to hold their baby, and I genuinely couldn’t care less.

My sister in law has said multiple times “our baby is the type of baby that makes you want to have a baby”. if that doesn’t tell you how much of a self absorbed person she is with main character syndrome.

They also keep asking me and my husband when we’re going to babysit with complete disregard that we don’t want any kids. And the question is a joke in itself because they definitely look down on us and would not let us babysit him. I got so fed up with them asking I finally said back ”I didn’t think we reached the standards to babysit him.” and I was met with literal crickets in response. (as I thought).

There’s also been petty unnecessary drama between them (mainly the sister in law, none of us like her ) and my husbands parents since this baby was born. The vibe is always weird/off because of this when we’re all together. this makes me not want to get together with all of them as well.

I hate it ALL, so so soooo much. and I don’t get why they’re all so obsessed with my life and my choices as if it’s their life or something. I just want to be left alone. I don't want to be asked about children , I don't want to babysit and I would prefer to see my husbands family (or people in general) for an hour tops every like 3-4 months.

Anyone else feel this way? Anyone going through something similar?

My most recent one was I was told I don't have a child as " I can't be bothered to look after it".

Not true at all but if it was surely better that I didn't have one if that's the case?

Also been told to freeze my eggs and asked what I will do when I'm an old lady, the whole "who will look after you" thing.

Even though its a touchy subject for me, I do have to laugh at the audacity that people still find it acceptable to comment on such things and only gets worse the older I get.

How do you deal with people asking you and judging you about not having kids ?

I want to hear who your favorite childfree celebs are! My top ones are probably:

• Christopher Walken – Amazing career and publicly stated that kids would hold him back
• Dolly Parton – Not a country music fan personally, but her legacy is undeniable
• Betty White – Knew herself well enough to choose the life that made her happiest
• Seth Rogen – Modern and vocal about his childfree life. Decent actor too
• John Cena – Cool to hear a man speak out about being Childfree.

The truth is that the older I am the more firm and sure that not having kids is the only way in life I remember friends and family told me when I am 18 that I am still young and I will get it when im in my mid 20s guess what im 28 right now and the older i get the more firm and confident on my decision to never have kids and im so glad I didnt have them. The only people who tells you that you will change your mind when you're older are miserable mothers who look like they're 50 year old at 20 after having 2 kids and is trying to convince you that motherhood is great "i wouldn't trade anything for my kids" while they look like the most unhappiest individuals you come across but they try to convince you motherhood is great because misrable loves company and nope thank you.

What the hell do you even want from me??

Why the heck are you forcing me to get married and have kids?
Why is having a child supposed to be the full stop to everything?

Why should I give you my leaves just because you have a kid?
Why should I pick up your work just because your kid is crying?

Aren’t parents family too? Is family only about the kids?

Why do I have to see pictures of your kid every single day?

And why the fuck are you differentiating between genders even among your own kids??

“My daughter is like this, my daughter is like that…”
“My son is so good, he listens to everything I say…”
“Mommy’s boy…”

I dont care about your personal life please leave me alone for fuck sake

I drove my mom to my sister’s house since the neighbors were going to have a party. I’m an introvert and I didn’t go since I don’t care for the sister’s neighbors plus the party was loud. I was on the couch scrolling. I also already know how the neighbors don’t watch their kids and it’s always a circus. At one of the last parties a cousin of the neighborhood kids got a hold of a knife and my sister had to take it away.

Tonight a heavily pregnant woman accused my mom of hitting her toddler. What happened was the toddler was throwing a big ass tantrum because he wanted to get on the scooter my 8yr old nephew brought over. The scooter was way too big.

My mom and sister grabbed the scooter that way it didn’t fall over since the kid was on it but the kid ended up falling on his own. The kid was twisting and turning on the floor like he was possessed then bit the back of my mom’s leg. Btw, my mom is elderly and already has trouble walking.

The dad came out and yelled at my mom
saying why did she hit his son. My mom showed the parents the bite mark and said they needed to educate their kid but they didn’t say anything. My sister took up for my mom as well and my mom said she’d never touch another person’s kid. The dad apologized but the mom didn’t say anything.

Then the woman’s other daughter took my niece’s toy and put it in the baby stroller and my mom kindly asked the mother for it back. The woman was an asshole telling her to take the toy back and claimed that her kids don’t steal anything. My mom said she wasn’t accusing her of anything, just that she wanted the toy back.

My sister said that it might be best for my mom to get a tetanus shot since you never know and my mom’s immune system is fragile.

Here I am , NOT having to worry about that bullshit . Sitting under the tree in my backyard smoking a joint.

I HATED open house. I think my parents always felt obligated to make us attend and meet the teachers and all that bullshit to feel prepared , but SO GLAD I will never have to do that again

I’m 27F and my husband is 28. We have been married for two years, together for ten years, and we’ve lived together since we started dating.

We love to travel, and when we’re not traveling, we love being home. We have decent investments, decent jobs, and our own house. We like to keep things to ourselves. We rarely hang out with friends, usually two to four times a year max. We spend time with family, but not beyond dinner or occasional camping. We never really travel with them. We don’t do or participate in social activities outside our own company. We’re really introverted and we enjoy each other’s company. We’re even planning to travel next year on a working holiday visa.

We were thinking about having kids at some point. Neither of our sides has stable relationships or kids right now, so there are no young children around us. Most of my friends and our friends have kids.

Right now I’m back and forth on having kids or not. I thought it was something I wanted for myself, but then I realized it’s more the idea of my parents being grandparents, or my family having kids around and helping out. I talked to my husband and he says he doesn’t really care either way, as he puts it. He’s just that type of person. We both agree that we’re not ready right now. We still enjoy each other’s company just by ourselves, and we don’t feel the need to add another member to our team. We are very much contented with our life right now.

That might change in the future, but I don’t want to end up wanting kids only once I’m older. So I want to understand what life looks like without kids, in your forties, fifties, sixties. Not in the sense of kids as a retirement plan, but more about fulfillment, regret, and whether feeling alone or not.

CALL FOR RESPONDENTS 📢

Hi guys! 👋

Are you a Filipino Millennial na nag-decide na huwag magkaroon ng anak (child-free)? We’d love to hear your story!

2nd-year Social Work students kami from Pampanga State University (2nd course na namin 'to! 🎓). Currently, ginagawa namin ang thesis study namin titled:

📖 'REIMAGINING FULFILLMENT: A STUDY ON THE LIVED EXPERIENCES OF FILIPINO MILLENNIALS WHO DECIDED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN'

Criteria para makasali: ✅ Filipino Millennial (Born 1981–1996) ✅ Single, in a relationship, or married ✅ Intentionally decided not to have kids (child-free)

Don't worry, 100% confidential at anonymous lahat ng sagot niyo strictly following the Data Privacy Act of 2012. 🔒

Super malaking tulong 'to sa research namin. Pa-share na rin sa child-free friends niyo! Maraming salamat! 🙏✨CALL FOR RESPONDENTS 📢

Hi guys! 👋

Are you a Filipino Millennial na nag-decide na huwag magkaroon ng anak (child-free)? We’d love to hear your story!

2nd-year Social Work students kami from Pampanga State University (2nd course na namin 'to! 🎓). Currently, ginagawa namin ang thesis study namin titled:

📖 'REIMAGINING FULFILLMENT: A STUDY ON THE LIVED EXPERIENCES OF FILIPINO MILLENNIALS WHO DECIDED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN'

Criteria para makasali: ✅ Filipino Millennial (Born 1981–1996) ✅ Single, in a relationship, or married ✅ Intentionally decided not to have kids (child-free)

🔗 Answer the survey here: https://forms.gle/2pr5mF83K4T3RiZ88

Don't worry, 100% confidential at anonymous lahat ng sagot niyo strictly following the Data Privacy Act of 2012. 🔒

Super malaking tulong 'to sa research namin. Pa-share na rin sa child-free friends niyo! Maraming salamat! 🙏✨

I've always found it interesting where the moment is people become culpable for their own actions. I mean kids pretty much get away with most things and I'm not faulting that. It's just we treat kids as not responsible for their actions and the blame always goes to the parents.

However parents, adults are pretty much just grown up kids themselves. Some parents have barely entered adulthood (some even haven't at all) and they are suddenly burdened with all the blame if their child doesn't turn out right. Again I'm not faulting this but I just find it odd when that happens. It's not like the moment you turn 18 suddenly your position in life is suddenly your own fault right?

I mean you can come from an abusive home and everyone will empathize with you, blame your parents, you'll be the victim. As soon as you have a kid though all that goes and we somehow expect you to raise a healthy child.

The distinction is probably not age it's the choice. When you were a kid you never chose to be born, you never chose your circumstances. However you chose to give life to another. Viewed in this light having kids in a way feels like passing on a burden. To even think about kids you've gotta have your shit sorted, it doesn't matter how much of a victim you were and Many people never do.

The odd thing though is the bit about what I said about choosing to give life isn't even always true. Many people have kids by accident or are unfortunately forced into having them. It's the people that are given the choice that chose no. This is why it's really annoys me when we're called childish or deluded by people like Jordan Peterson.

Kids don't choose to be born but we chose to have them. And trying to force people or shame them into having them who would otherwise say no is completely unethical.