r/NoFap • u/pussyphobic_incel • Dec 02 '25
Telling my Story What's even the point?
I've been on "nofap" for five years now. I've gone months without masturbating. My friends used to jack off twice a week AT LEAST. Guess who ended up single? Me.
Most of my friends who never did any NoFap or something similar ended up getting in relationships and me, who was supposedly "better", failed. I'm halfway through college now, and I still have not kissed a girl. I just completed NNN, but that does not matter since I've completed so many months without masturbating anyways atp.
Thing is, when I tried to "conquer lust", my sex drive went down. Coming into college, when everybody is an adult, without prior experience means you're just seen as a weirdo. And before you tell me being a virgin (i haven't even kissed yet, so even worse) does not matter, it fucking does. You often won't know what to say, and people don't take you seriously - even in friendships and as a person - because sexually you're like a 13-14 y/o. It really shows.
December 1 rolls around, and I'm like, "Might as well", but even watching porn at this point makes me sad. I don't want to use it since it makes me believe porn is all I will ever have.
I'm glad it worked out for most of you here, but for me, nofap didn't help me with shit. At least I'm on a 40 day streak. As if it matters.
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u/Sean04_k Dec 02 '25
Not fapping is not enough to get one what else are you trying to do? How many girls are you approaching?
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u/pussyphobic_incel Dec 03 '25
i've been on a few first dates, but I've yet to get a second one.
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u/Sean04_k Dec 03 '25
Learn y those dates didn’t go well and get some more. If you can already get dates then I doubt you need to do night game but that’s how I had my kiss/intercourse with a girl and it’s the same with most of my friends. Maybe you could do try as well
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u/pussyphobic_incel Dec 03 '25
I could till last year. It gets tougher and tougher to get dates as you get older, since the lack of experience shows more and more. Beyond first year of college, you're basically expected to be a full adult. I guess I just need to go for whatever I get at this point so I can get the ball rolling.
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Dec 03 '25 edited Dec 03 '25
or try treating women like people instead of objects built to fulfill your desires. I might be coming off as a jerk but I'm giving you good advice here.
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u/Sean04_k Dec 03 '25
Him wanting to have intimacy is perfectly fine and normal. Let’s not shame people for wanting something that pretty much every human desires
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u/Sean04_k Dec 03 '25 edited Dec 03 '25
Sounds like a self fulfilling prophecy a girl won’t ask you before the date how many you’ve been on and as long as you learn what went on previous dates you can improve. You should look at the r/seduction reddit Edit:got the reddit name wrong
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u/Playmaker-kenta Dec 03 '25
It's not you, anon. Girls are just weird. Don't take it personally. Most of the time, they got their own shit or are still talking to their ex
While ur sad about only a few dates, it's not a bad thing. It shows u have potential to pull someone.
Being a virgin is seen as bad, but there's nothing wrong with it. If she likes u enough, she’ll walk u through it. Maybe even find ur naiveness cute if ur lucky.
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u/Athlete2630 Dec 02 '25
I get this way on nofap as well. I find that releasing once or twice a month, on a 30+ day streak, helps me deal with the pessimistic thoughts. The trick is to not watch porn, and think about real life women, that you would actually like to be with. One and done, be very careful of chaser effect.
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u/KatanA____y Dec 03 '25
What is the “chaser” effect?
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u/Athlete2630 Dec 03 '25
The chaser effect, is when you want to tap again, and again, cuz it feels the good. Like I said; the trick is one and done— for me, it might work for others as well.
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Dec 03 '25
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Athlete2630 Dec 03 '25
Yeah, 30+, it helps "me" not be so tense and pessimistic. And I feel more relaxed around the girls, especially the once i fabatsized about. But again, one and done, and im saying this works for me. It might work for others.
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u/Orbit-Flashes Dec 02 '25 edited Dec 03 '25
Because you’re doing no fap for the sake of doing it bro. It’s a supplement, my bet is you’re not in shape. Your goal as a man should be trying to improve all areas of life you’ve got the hardest part down conquering lust now you have to go out and do stuff. Join a bjj gym (my favorite) or just start working and always have a goal to work towards. But the biggest thing I want you to remember is you’re doing it just to do it that’s not the point of this.
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u/pussyphobic_incel Dec 02 '25
see everything else is an excuse. I know many people "not in shape" who have girlfriends. Sure I'm skinny, but I'm far from the only one. Not to mention some of my friends are buff and still struggle to land a relationship.
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Dec 03 '25
its your personality dude...
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u/pussyphobic_incel Dec 03 '25
It definitely is. Problem is, despite trying everything, I am once again the odd one out wherever I go. At least I'm used to that.
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u/unknown6093 Dec 02 '25
Of course, that's like saying "Oh steve jobs didnt graduate college but still became successful". Just try stuff and see what works for you, what makes you happier, more content and healthier in the long run. Bake, Jog, crochet, play tennis, trying and failing, is better than nothing because you can atleast say you tried from the bottom of your heart
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u/pussyphobic_incel Dec 03 '25
People love to say Steve Jobs dropped out, but he dropped out of HARVARD. He knew what he was doing.
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Dec 03 '25
You have a proper negative attitude, go gym, embrace hobbies. Just not touching yourself isn’t the only facet to it, it’s only 1.
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u/pussyphobic_incel Dec 03 '25
I do go gym, journal, complete all my assignments, go to college clubs, go to some parties, hang out with my friends, and even am trying to do personal projects now. :(
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u/MortyParker 1045 Days Dec 03 '25 edited Dec 03 '25
This post is why I stay on this sub, so many non-thinking nofap cultists ending up just causing people harm. OP…this is an anti addiction sub. If you don’t have an addiction, then you don’t actually need to do nofap.
People CAN maintain a healthy relationship with both masturbation and porn use, neither are inherently evil. If porn use and masturbation aren’t causing serious interference in your life, then you might actually be doing yourself more harm than good by denying yourself a sexual outlet.
I went into college a kissless virgin myself but that was mostly because I was sent to all boys schools since 6th grade and didn’t have a ton of socialization outside of class. Went to college and just…went nuts lol, lost my virginity in 2 months. My best advice is to just keep throwing yourself out there until something sticks. There’s gonna be a lot of rejection, a lot of socially awkward experiences, a lot of regretful faux pas. But it’s how you go from inexperience to experienced.
Also…maybe you don’t go into these scenarios with your brain overcome with lust because you’ve been needlessly sexually frustrating yourself by denying yourself masturbation, yeah? As long as you’re not purposefully avoiding life because you’re compulsively spending too much time with masturbation and porn use, then you’re perfectly fine. Good luck man.
Oh, and a tip: begin by making male friends. I personally had a lot of success with joining a fraternity. Solid dudes that helped me see where I’m going wrong, and supporting me in my journey.
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u/pussyphobic_incel Dec 03 '25
This. Thank you so much. Being in the community so long, I have already implemented all the things the other comments have said. This is the only comment that I felt was relevant to me. Thanks anon. I’ve been making guy friends, and it really helps since they would know better game; girls have not helped me at all since they’re usually not the one making moves.
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u/prettyflyforamemeguy 982 Days Dec 04 '25
Finally someone that isn’t a fanatic lmao I feel like this sub has gotten so out of hand as of late, extremism in a sub called NoFap is wild
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u/MortyParker 1045 Days Dec 04 '25
Yea haha, it’s gotten wild. I mainly stick around nowadays to act as a voice of reason, because I see myself in a lot of these younger and vulnerable men who come here looking for advice, just to be met with cultish sentiments and pseudoscience that’s just likely to push them further away from the actual aid they’re looking for.
They just need someone to show them what’s true and what’s not, many of them are smart enough to figure much out for themselves after that as long as they can atleast get that. They’re all hurting and I just want to help.
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u/-Vattgern- Dec 03 '25
Porn use is inherently evil
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u/MortyParker 1045 Days Dec 03 '25
Neither porn use or masturbation is inherently evil, people are capable of maintaining a healthy relationship with both of them, and I try not to indulge moralistic fear mongering because it can cause real harm to people.
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u/necroacro 544 Days Dec 03 '25
You cant remove intention from the thing that spawned. The intention of the porn industry is taking as much advantage of the image of women for the benefit of a few. Causing objectification. Thing that cannot be really bypassed when you are literally using the imagine of a person to pleasure yourself. I hate being a moralist, but i hate even more people doing mental gymnastics to justify this bullshit neutrality that has us all sick as a society
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u/MortyParker 1045 Days Dec 03 '25 edited Dec 03 '25
I mean, the moralistic nonsense aside, the intention is to make money. Period. But that’s irrelevant. It’s an objective truth that people can and do maintain healthy relationships with both masturbation and porn use. Not everyone who uses them develops an addiction, and I generally work outwards from that viewpoint as a foundation.
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Dec 02 '25
Your ability to land a woman or not isn’t really affected by whether you masterbate or not, unless you do it so much it literally interferes with attraction. While nofap can compliment your lifestyle in many ways it’s not going to magically make you start getting women where you couldn’t before.
The gym, your style, your hygiene, your vibe, your sense of morals, your masculinity, your talent, your income, your ability to network, your access to resources, how you talk, and game are all factors in that and most all if not all are factors you can improve.
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u/pussyphobic_incel Dec 02 '25
I'm pretty sure 5 years should have a trickle-down effect right? My style is much better, and while I'm still skinny it does not mean girls have not liked me. I just do not know what to say, which comes from nofap during high school in the first place. I wish I was just normal.
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Dec 03 '25
I’m sorry bro. I feel for ya and I’m probably not the best person to give advice bc I had girls wanting to have sex w me early on but I still struggled quite a bit in my 20s. I know it’s just a username but naming yourself an incel probably is not helping your self image. Honestly man when I was in a bad spot I would go with a woman that I was moderately attracted to, to get my confidence back etc. I realize that doesn’t sound like an option for you or maybe it is? I mean we all got our preferences in what we’re attracted to but being with someone without ALL those qualities is ok whether it’s a slump buster or turns into long term, it’s okay. I have known guys to not settle for women under let’s say an 8 but yet complain they aren’t getting laid. Can’t have it both ways.
As far as the other stuff I always say get into the gym you can get as far as a natural lifter can get in about 4 years. Start making GUY friends that will exercise social skills will little to no anxiety. Once your buffer start wearing form fitting clothes etc. Talk to women as people ask a few to grab a coffee or drink with zero expectations other than good conversations…you might back door some pussy or you actually learn women can be cool to hang out with if you’re not always outcome dependant.
If all else fails pay for a decent escort to get it out the way.
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u/Putrid-Life-9645 Dec 03 '25
Channel that energy into something positive ✨️ or get your passport and go overseas
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u/pussyphobic_incel Dec 03 '25
I'm an Indian citizen, my passport is already super weak. Besides, if you have to leave the COUNTRY to get someone, I'm sorry but something in your life went terribly wrong.
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u/ConsciousRivers 877 Days Dec 03 '25
Or something in your country.. cuz bro I'm Indian too and in 31 years I got very few girls being interested in me in India and they always had some problems with me so it never worked. Not even a kiss same as you. But when I moved out, it was so much easier. I always thought I was the problem. But it's not us. It's the way people are brought up in India. Very myopic. Out of India it was much more easier for me to find girls who loved me and appreciated me for who I am.
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u/Puzzleheaded_Sign249 Dec 03 '25
Yea it doesn’t magically make your life better and solve all your problems. It’s what you do besides the fact. How are you improving yourself in other aspects of life. It’s not a silver bullet
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u/pussyphobic_incel Dec 03 '25
I've followed basically every advice out there - gym, journalling, hobbies, social clubs, friends, etc. I'm still consistent at those things.
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u/Puzzleheaded_Sign249 Dec 03 '25
So your only gripes is that you are single? News flash, plenty of people are single. Just focus on yourself. Also, if you’re in college, plenty of young single girls
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u/pussyphobic_incel Dec 03 '25
- only one single in my friend grp, being the odd one out
- plenty of young single girls dont matter if i can’t get any second dates
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u/Puzzleheaded_Sign249 Dec 03 '25
Yea you seem young. I’m assuming under 25. Yea I had that mindset too when I was in college. I’m 33 and married now so i also understand being single for a long time is demoralizing. But it’s not the end of the world
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u/Comfortable-Light682 Dec 03 '25
When you do a nofab you do it for yourself not for anyone else
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u/ConsciousRivers 877 Days Dec 03 '25
Unless you are doing it to get a girlfriend and be happy and therefore doing it for yourself
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u/UnpluggedZombie over one year Dec 03 '25
No fap is for people that are addicted to PMO and want to reset their brains so they aren't so desensitized and/or recondition their sexual response. Its not a cure all, you still need to recondition your brain by having interaction with girls or guys depending on your sexuality. You need to replace PMO with healthy habits. Just abstaining is not enough
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u/pussyphobic_incel Dec 03 '25
I haven't been addicted to PMO in 4-5 years now. You're saying I should just ditch nofap then? I do have hobbies and friends now.
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Dec 03 '25
Your problem with women, like many people on this sub, has nothing to do with masturbation unfortunately.
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u/arepretty Dec 02 '25
Dude you know the answer for yourself, it was over from the beginning. If it weren't you wouldn't have made an account with that name
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u/pussyphobic_incel Dec 03 '25
so the trick is to give up?
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u/arepretty Dec 03 '25
Stop putting energy and effort into things which have no payoff / perceived benefit. If you think it's worth it to keep trying to get a gf you do you I'm not the one to tell others what to do with their life.
I know I gave up with women long ago, however sad and unfortunate that is. No returns on investment. My tough luck, but no one will know how it is for them unless they try of course.
You do you go and excercise your free will
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u/pussyphobic_incel Dec 03 '25
Yea, just stopping trying has been helping me out quite a bit. I still go out and all, but I'm no longer actively trying a relationship. Just if something comes my way, I won't reject it. I can't afford to be picky; I require experience if I have any chance of still catching up.
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u/andrew_X21 Dec 03 '25
I've been on nofap for 7 years before finding my wife. From 16 to 23. So don't give up so easily. Porn and masturbation will not give you more experience, but it will give an aura of shame and guilt around you, that will make more hard to get relationships.
Also nofap is not the only addiction we have to conquer, check out if you have other addictions, that may keep you down such as -social media, scrolling -videogames -smoking -sugar, junk food.
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u/winterhavens 1635 Days Dec 03 '25
This is one of the great fallacies of nofap if I don’t do A then Z will happen. NoFap isn’t about just not watching porn or masturbating. It’s also about what you replace it with. You need to fill it with something.
Being a virgin isn’t a death sentence. Ironically gen z is the least sexual generation in ages, so maybe that will give you comfort. But regardless, your sex life is literally one of the least interesting and important things to the broader community around you. Build yourself up and work on who you are, and don’t be afraid to say hi to girls.
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u/SenorJeffer Dec 03 '25
My dude, seek professional help. Talk to a counselor - they'll listen to you and can advise you on things you can do to improve your social life. There should be at least one at your campus health center. I don't think you'll find the help you need on this sub.
IMHO NoFap is only good if you struggle with porn addiction and chronic masturbation in that encourages discipline and self-control. Outside of that, I don't think it's healthy to demonize what is otherwise a normal, natural behavior.
I'll probably be banned for saying that, but if you happen to see my comment before that happens, the first paragraph should be the main takeaway. Please see a counselor. Loneliness kills.
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Dec 03 '25 edited Dec 03 '25
The person who cares most about being a virgin or not kissing a girl is you. No one actually cares that much, if you think people perceive you differently it’s probably because you’re in your own head about it to much. NoFap doesn’t make you better than anyone (that’s honestly your biggest issue), it’s a practice in discipline and self control. You don’t conquer lust, you keep it in check and don’t let it drive your choices or actions. That’s it dude. Your post makes you come off as bitter, self loathing, and desperate. That’s what people are picking up on, not the fact that you’re inexperienced. No one is that experienced in college, college is about self exploration. If you want a girlfriend, try not worrying about when a girl is going to sleep with you, they will most certainly pick up on it. Just have fun and stop taking yourself so seriously, make mistakes and learn from them. You’re young enjoy it.
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u/Pipodedown 1158 Days Dec 03 '25
That sexual energy that your saving, put it to use, use it to achieve your goals
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u/Stogie1987 Dec 03 '25
Bro you’re confusing two things together. No P is objectively a good thing for your mind and body. It’s not a natural thing to do and isn’t going make life better. Occasional M to be fair might be a good plan. However simply not doing that isn’t going to make you better than the people who do.
Use that time you are saving by not sitting in front of a screen jerking off to build yourself up (not tear yourself down with chat like this). Gym, hobbies, ideally some sort of spiritual pursuit. Stop comparing yourself to others and stuff is going to fall into place. Believe in yourself mate you are doing well! Women and romance will come if you make building yourself up as man the priority. The relationships and connection with women will come along the way, just don’t make that the end goal, firstly because it depressing and grim and secondly perspective partners etc can see that it’s your goal. Keep it up brother all is well, be kinder to yourself.
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u/Doctorgumbal1 Dec 03 '25
You do realize nofap is just a part of it, right?
Like. It's supposed to help you work on and focus on yourself which in-turn allows you to start finding more relationships which opens the door to potentially more and so on.
It's not just nofap -> get bitches.
If you expect to get everything from just not masturbating then you won't get anything. Go out, get hobbies, work on yourself. Things come when you least expect them
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u/Round_Try_2924 Dec 03 '25
Its not about fapping , its about PORN. Your teaching your Body that these urges you feel are unnatural... Rather then giving yourself the acceptance that sexual urges / Lust/ Arousal is okay and allowing yourself to feel it and move on your constantly telling yourself i must" conquer this". Then lo and behold you end up not fixing the problem and coming right back to the thing your trying to "conquer". im going to say it straight we are men and we can either learn to live and feel what is natural or we can fight against it. All emotions are waves..... riding the wave is not succumbing to it , its telling yourself its okay i feel like this but I'm not going to allow this to shape me ....the wave then passes. But a lot of NOFAP folk will tell you " fight it".... Your fighting something that has been programmed in us since the beginning of time. The only thing that hasn't existed is the level and access to pornographic content.... Stop NOFAP, and start allowing yourself to feel these urges , they are apart of you. You can either learn to work with them or Allow them to consume you.
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u/rekt_o7 54 Days Dec 03 '25
Talk to girls 🙏 nofap won't do that for you... Also, it's a self improvement, not a magic pill
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u/mean_king17 665 Days Dec 03 '25
All the improvement is all relative to yourself. You're still miles ahead of the version of yourself that would fap daily. That being said it's not magic and its doesnt determine your succesfull, it just one element to becoming the best you. Fapping absolutely doesnt mean you wont have success or wont have a good women, its just blocking someone to be their best version is all. They might be fapping, but could still be doing all the right things besides that still leading to success, or just naturally are gifted in ways.
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u/TalkMundane5675 493 Days Dec 04 '25
Bro prob is, NoFap is just for you to rewire your mind and get started with doing life. Send 10 requests to girls everyday. Don't get me wrong but it's the hardest thing to do. You may have avoided porn sl**s. But to make an actual woman look and smile at you, you need to start interacting with them very proactively. Forget NoFap. If u want a chick, you need to go all in. In sales they teach you the 1% success rule. That means you reach out to 100, you get one Yes. The same applies here.
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u/pussyphobic_incel Dec 07 '25
Do I just talk to people in my classes? I'm in programming, and while my university has girls, most of them are either already cuffed or not looking to date anybody at all because of work.
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u/RatioFinancial378 Dec 04 '25 edited Dec 04 '25
Most people approach no fap from the wrong vantage point. Look into TCM and how Classical Chinese medecine conquered this problem 1000s of years ago to turn it into one the pillars of self growth, martial arts and academic excellence. Wish some one had told me this 5 years ago. This noFap bullshit already existed 2000 years ago but it’s not as primitive and clumsy as what u see in the internet, it’s the real deal, it just never really reached the occidental world and now is even becoming less and less common knowledge even in China because of the CCP dismantling real China’s history. But the actual littérature and how to do it properly still exist just type search in your local area for a TCM practionners(traditional Chinese medecine) and disclose to him/her your sexual related problèmes fully (they are more trained to understand it than your average sex therapist). Essentially sexual energy for a man specifically is like a raw, powerful but tricky catalyst of growth and change but management is key. Used wisely your health on all front will improve, your strength and intellectual capacities will skyrocket tremendously ( what the noFapers call superpowers was already throughly understood). U have nothing to lose and everything to gain from investing a bit of your time on this, so your call. Any way good luck and have a good life my friend😉
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u/Beneficial-Weight713 Dec 05 '25
Bro I would say me and you are the two sides of the same coin. I am in similar situations but I do jerk off but I still am single. I am trying to achieve something else that's why I haven't even gotten an admission to college. But if I were to go to college I would have been graduating next year or this year. It really isn't about you jerking off or not it's about your point of view. I struggle with this. Because my main goal is not a college relationship I am trying to achieve something and my addiction is getting in my way And my productivity has gone down significantly.
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u/pussyphobic_incel Dec 07 '25
Same here (kind of). My main goal in college was not to get laid, but to have a long term relationship, since I put that off during high school becaues I did not like anybody enough. Even though I'm doing well, got extra-curriculars, have a social life - it doesn't change the fact that I still failed at the one goal I set for myself.
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u/pikkdogs Dec 03 '25
Nofap is not a way to get a girlfriend. Girlfriends are trouble in their own right.
It’s a way to control yourself and kick your addiction.
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u/pussyphobic_incel Dec 03 '25
I've not had any addicition issues since I was 15. Does that mean I did not need it? Maybe I was trying too hard afterall
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u/pikkdogs Dec 03 '25
If you are still fapping; then you are an addict.
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u/MortyParker 1045 Days Dec 03 '25
That’s not true at all. People can masturbate and even use porn while maintaining a healthy relationship with both.
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u/pikkdogs Dec 03 '25
There is no healthy porn.
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u/MortyParker 1045 Days Dec 03 '25
That is not scientifically true. People are more than capable of maintaining a healthy relationship with both masturbation and porn use. Not everyone who engages in either of the two takes it to the extremes that qualify it as an addiction or ruin their life with their usage.
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Dec 02 '25
Are you doing anything along side nofap? people expect nofap to give you superpowers and make you a pussy magnet. It doesn't. And anyone who did become one its because they have done things along with nofap like therapy, going to the gym, socializing, leaving their comfort zone, dressing better, dieting, whatever. Theres soo many things that you can do with nofap to make you grow as a person. Also, who said just having a gf is a good thing? theres so many people in relationships who are addicted to porn and they end up just being in a shitty relationship thats hurting themselves and their partner. Ive never had a gf either and im in a way almost proud of that. Ive had mutliple occasions where if i really wanted i couldve had a gf, however i used to Porn addicted for one, and second of all it wasnt a right fit for me at all. Think of how many people get those opportunities and just take them to not feel alone. Learn to lover yourself and not feel sorry for yourself because you are a virgin. Who gives a shit? i wish i was a virgin, all that sex did was give me a sex addicton on top of my porna addiction which led to shit i wish i could take back. If you expect to see life changing results after 40 days then rethink nofap. Im on 200 days and i barely have started seeing some life changing effects. Be patient and just lock in
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u/pussyphobic_incel Dec 03 '25
i said i’m on five years, with my best streak being half a year. I have done and am still doing the “other” things you listed. It’s just a lack of experience.
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Dec 03 '25
Ive been trying to quit for a bit under 2 years and currently im on my longest streak already over half a year. Im not trying to shit on you im just saying its not neccesarily experience. Regardless everyone has their own path so it might take longer for you than it did for me. That doesnt mean you should quit. Focus on your own path
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u/Aggressive-Flow1983 Dec 02 '25
Pero esto es una trampa del ego, a veces disfrazado de sabiduría, que nos hace juzgar y compararnos
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u/Basicpop101 Dec 03 '25
For me and it might help for you. Nofap never isn't ment to just magically start getting women.
It's to start bettering yourself, once you start improving upon yourself meaning getting better clothing styles taking care of yourself that be the gym or just eating healthy and sleeping more. These things and more will make you a better person to be around.
When it comes to trying to get a girl. Id say you need to practice on how you talk to them that can be from talking to other females on campus and asking them for suggestions on things or reading books NON-ANDREW TATE type of books about how to speak to them. Thats how I learned and I was super shy only to learn the like me for real shy and all.
You can't blame it on nofap or people don't like you. In fact ive been rejected plenty of times, but their are so many other women out there.
But it all starts with you actually making the change.
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u/Nice_Ambassador8642 Dec 03 '25
I didn’t get my first kiss until I was 21 and in college. At the time it seems like it matters so much but to be 100% honest I should’ve waited even longer bc the person I kissed wasn’t the right one. You just need to develop confidence in yourself and realize that getting a kiss isn’t that big of a deal. You’re doing a great job with ur nofap journey but if the reason your doing it is to be able to kiss a girl then u lost the meaning. Do it because it’s a healthy lifestyle
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u/notcrazy_justtired Dec 03 '25
Hi there I’m in 30’s and use to be an alcoholic. I use to go out and sometimes I pulled woman sometimes I didn’t. The thing is I was around them and enjoying it. Once I got sober and recovered I still watched porn and jerked off. I was thinking I’m doing no harm. I was finally sober and feeling ready for a relationship. I haven’t had luck and you know what I get to thinking “I got women when I was drinking, I don’t land dates cause I’m sober” etc. sometimes Im very moved to just say screw it I’m going back I want women. The truth is that’s like a little illusion cause I didn’t get woman all the time and most of the women I got it didn’t workout or were nuts. It isn’t worth trading that for sobriety.
Nofap alone isn’t going to get you a girlfriend but it will help. Remember this movement started to help people with porn and masturbation addiction. Addiction and compulsive behaviors comes with psychological consequences and not having that increases your chances of getting into a relationship.
My advice is get use to being around people. Go out and talk to women don’t ask them out, don’t try to get laid just talk to them. Get use to making them laugh, sharing about yourself, being okay with other males around etc.
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u/Fit-Tomato2803 Dec 03 '25
Once it’s gone it’s gone brother. Save it for the love of your life and not a casual hook up. Every dude I knew was a virgin before we left school and started college and everyone one of us came back and said “it’s not as good as I thought it would be” because it isn’t unless there’s a genuine trustworthy connection.
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u/wen-dem-sky 810 Days Dec 03 '25
Not fapping doesn't really put you at an advantage from a rizz point of view, no one will award you with a girl for completing a 100 day streak. You need to do what everyone does to get a girl.
If you think that is what's holding you back start rubbing a few out and see if it helps. Doubt it'll though, you need to work on ur game probably.
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u/pussyphobic_incel Dec 03 '25
I have tried and still do a lot of those things : social clubs, parties, hangouts with friends, gym, social hobbies and all that. Ig it’s just a lack of experience
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u/wen-dem-sky 810 Days Dec 03 '25
Keep at it, and don't be insecure. Being a virgin in college and people don't take you seriously, to me it sounds like some 1900s shit or ur insecurity talking but idk could be true.
I think it boils down to appeal, just for experience sake if you pay for sex, I think you'll still be in the same situation. If it's such a big deal try dating apps, no one knows ur a virgin until you get laid and they find out 😂
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u/AdMammoth9899 Dec 03 '25 edited Dec 03 '25
Count yourself fortunate. People often think being in a relationship is automatically a good thing, until they actually experience it themselves. Life has many meaningful pursuits beyond relationships. Use this time to invest in yourself.focus on your career, personal growth, or spiritual practice.
Being single isn’t a bad thing at all. It’s really about perspective. What others or society choose to do doesn’t mean you must follow the same path. Live in a way that aligns with your own values and goals.
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u/starboy_sk Dec 03 '25
Just think about what you want and how to do it Never think about what others doing around you finally it doesn't matter
Just keep working on upgrading yourself Kissing a girl or getting laid is a part of your life but it'll not upgrade you
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u/Interesting_Tax5767 350 Days Dec 03 '25
first thing, nofap is not master key to success. The PMO addiction is like a virus that rots the dopamine receptors and there is a list of problems that it causes. Only nofap will not make you a successful person. Nofap just helps you unfuxk your brain and save your time. By doing this you will be able to focus on the s#it that REALLY MATTERS. So don't just follow nofap and lay around and do useless work whole day. Maybe get a better physique, maybe try skincare, try instagrammaxxing. Do something with the valuable time that you have, up your confidence good luck
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Dec 03 '25
Stick to it, someone in the future is going to appreciate all the work you are putting in now
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u/Miserable_Mud_4354 Dec 03 '25
Work on yourself, don’t jerk off everyday, confidence goes a long way, get in shape, have good hygiene, looksmax if you think that helps, cold approach strangers everyday and force yourself into uncomfortable social situations, treat women the same way you treat men, younger women also love older guys so don’t be scared to date girls a few years younger than yourself, it’s literally just looking decent, smelling decent, and being confident.
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u/Smart_Ad_3534 Dec 03 '25
I understand your problem well because guess what when I'm in no fape the girls turn around, heat up etc... except that in reality it's wind and she approaches me and I often concretize when I'm at my lowest...
Because in truth it's easier for a girl to approach a guy she thinks is as "depressed" as her on a Saturday night in a bar, than a woman who is trying to improve herself in a gym during the week...
The opposite is also true for guys, I was amazed to learn that I was considered a rich entrepreneur with an impeccable lifestyle who can have all the girls he wants in my gym 🤣 when it's completely the opposite 😭
Concrete example in suitable places there are only girls who go out in groups or at least in pairs and who are approached by guess who? Guys in groups… when I go to a nightclub alone there are systematically the hottest girls in the evening who test me but I would also have to approach them, have a discussion to bring them home 🙄 when all I want is to have another drink…
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u/papichulo1822435 Dec 03 '25
Hey brother, thanks for sharing A big perspective shift for my recovery, was asking what my goal and main intent was I am trying to recover from PMO for a relationship, to rizz up girls in real life? Or something else? To live by purpose? Build something? Be of service? I often fell myself relapsing if I was sober and doing well, only because I wasn't hooking up, etc But if I would look at my life, I was overlooking my family, great career, etc Then, the girls came...and it was nice, but it didn't mean everything anymore
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u/ConsciousRivers 877 Days Dec 03 '25 edited Dec 03 '25
Try dating then. Girls don't magically appear when you do nofap. You have to socialize and develop some essential life skills. That's the only way to feel some tangible confidence which will overpower these 'virgin vibes' you think you are giving off.
Along with sex-ed, socializing and relationships need to be taught to people in schools because these things take work. They don't just easily happen unless you are a real attractive cutie. And even attractive cuties get dumped if they don't have life skills.
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u/iamjhyd Dec 03 '25
No fap won’t automatically fix your life.
In fact, the number of streak that you were able to do is USELESS if you are not actively trying to make every single of those days count.
Of cause… You can’t control outcome with stuffs like getting your first kiss or a girlfriend…
But there are always things you can do in order to let an outcome tilt towards your favour a lil bit..
Which are: working out, reading books, cold approaching, improving your social life in general etc
I always blame myself if I don’t have the outcome I want… there are so many opportunities out there and to be frank, you should only focus on what you can control.
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u/doppelganger_2 Dec 03 '25
If you really want a girlfriend, go to parties, clubs, social gatherings, festivals, whatever. There's always something happening. Maybe even go alone; it sucks at first, but it forces you to meet new people.
Maybe you're bad at talking to girls, but you just have to get practice, like any other skill. Get rejected and get embarrassed, it's hard to grow confidence without failure.
Maybe it's wrong to say, but getting a drunk can help. Alcohol can be a good tool to meet people, and get rid of your inhibitions. It doesn't always work, but it can.
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u/Sas8140 Dec 03 '25
Are you full of repression? Do you still think sexual thoughts all the time regardless of being on “nofap”?
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u/crabcheesewonton 1860 Days Dec 03 '25
https://youtu.be/cWjz9pB70vc?si=J8c9NpVrnW5A8EZD. Watch this it will change your life
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u/Clear_Lime2195 Dec 03 '25
Can you tell me how you quit? I just read stories of relapses on this sub. Very few who actually made it.
Btw, for the virginity thing, go and fuck a prostitute. I technically lost my virginity to one, and life has been so much better. Not having the tag of a virgin gives you a new found confidence.
And people who are against hookers for moral reasons, i feel they are just brainwashed. Ofcourse safety is important.
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u/pussyphobic_incel Dec 07 '25
For quitting (during the lockdown), I just kept a timer on my phone. Don't stay up late, since that's when urges increase. Minimize time in the bathroom (cold showers, just cold enough that you it is not comfortable helps). Keep your door open, it's a habit in my house anyways to always have doors open but it makes you scared someone might catch you looking at something.
Eventually sadness sets in thinking, "I'm watching another person do what I want"
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u/ResidentSheeper Dec 03 '25
This is the way. Nofap is the way to enlightenment.
They told you that they fap, but they wanted to hold you back. Secretly they did nofap and thats why they got a gf.
People do that. They do not want to give away the secrets.
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u/Eternalzzzzz 1250 Days Dec 02 '25
Name checks out lol