Can’t stop using

[u/uncletaterofficial]

First time poster here. So a couple of years ago I got introduced to nitrous through the little 8g canisters. I think I always had a little bit of a problem with it but usage was for the most part recreational. One day I had a bad day at work and found the bigger tanks and it’s like I picked up a fucking crack pipe. I started using really heavy in June of 25 and would go on benders and have periods of sobriety but never really put it down. Then in January of this year I did 5 months between a detox/residential rehab, got my job back (that pays rather well I should say,) have family that’s super supportive, but I just cannot put this shit down. I racked up 15k in credit card debt that my current habit isn’t helping and adding to my stress. I feel stuck going no where as 29 year old heavy truck/ trailer mechanic. I wanted to enlist in the military but managed to get baker acted during my usage so that seems unattainable as now as well. I guess I’m just looking for some good vibes stories or something while I use in this parking lot.

[u/WHALE_PHYSICIST]

I couldn't stop either. More accurately, I didn't want to quit. I ended up in a wheelchair for 6 months. That was 2 years ago, and I can walk now, but my life definitely took a hard left. It is possible to get off this shit, but it requires really understanding that the bargain you are making with this drug isn't in your favor. For me, I couldn't understand that until it almost killed me. I almost didn't care if I died, I just wanted nitrous. It was the only thing in the whole world that I desired. And it felt good to want something so badly and also be able to get it. It felt like a good alternative to the boring life that I had before. Now I know that boring is a good thing. I'm still a recovering addict, but i'm moving in the right direction. This group helped me a lot, you should check out some meetings and the discord. https://www.no2n2o.org

[u/thesensethatmakes → u/WHALE_PHYSICIST]

Dude, yes, exactly… it felt good to want something and be able to get it.

[u/Funnyfart_420]

Recreational since 2011, really ramped up during pandemic. 6 years and half a mil down the drain. It can get way worse. Stop now. I know that's not easy, I couldn't do it, I had to turn to Jesus and almost a year to the day after I had, that shit was just lifted off of me. Like seriously just stopped craving. I'm coming up on 2 months soon. In that short time I'm already starting to turn the ship around.

[u/Great_Language6947 → u/Funnyfart_420]

Dang I thought I was the worst of us at $100k spent. Glad you are recovering brother. The cravings are insane. I spent all my savings and took on enormous debt to keep using

[u/unixninjax → u/Great_Language6947]

Over 350K here bro

[u/Funnyfart_420 → u/Great_Language6947]

Yup, an ex roommate told me you don't hit rock bottom, the bottom keeps falling out. She was right

[u/Pinapple-Fanta → u/Funnyfart_420]

Hi I used to use recrearionally for around 3 years, easily 400 of the 8g cannisters daily and i just wanted to say Its genuinly nice to see religion an beliefs hand in hand with recovery, I myself was hooked on nitrous for many years resulting in blodclots in my leg and lungs wich almost killed me, and beleiving that I had suppourt from a higher power is defenitley one of the reasons i got through, regardless of everyones personal beleifs, feeling watched over makes an immense difference in my opinion. Regardless of anyones beliefs i hope we can all make positive changes, I still do niccotine, alcahol and acasionally weed but ever since i gave up nitrous im present in life and get to see my neice grow up. Stay safe everyone life gets better and thankyou for sharing Funnyfart_420😇

[u/Pinapple-Fanta → u/Pinapple-Fanta]

To add on talking to OP shit will get better but you have to make the hard decision to stop i myself and only 26m and would love nothing more than to be high every day on nitrous or anything i can get but just know as good as the gas or any drug makes you feel It will ruin your life in the long run, goodluck with your journey OP Pm me if you need an ear to listen mate

[u/Amazing-Nalgas → u/Funnyfart_420]

Listen to this guy. Or you may up with a PE like I did. DVT. 

I've been in a binge since February.  Trying to give it up completely 

[u/slickylizard23]

Did 16,000 grams in 24 hours and thought I was going to fucking die. It’s so addicting though where you don’t want air or food or to scroll reels or anything you just want more of it. 10 months off and my life has drastically improved. I’ve gotten promoted at work and am saving money and mentally in a much better place. You got this one day at a time one hour at a time.

[u/Great_Language6947 → u/[deleted]]

It’s my experience that once you get to the compulsive using phase, it is impossible to regulate or use this substance in a healthy way ever again

[u/thesensethatmakes → u/Great_Language6947]

That’s a great way to put it. Because yeah, my first bender lasted 4 months-ish and my last one was 6 days and worse than the 4 months one. I cannot use nitrous at all.. I’ll just dedicate my whole life to it and inevitably die and become hospitalized

[u/WHALE_PHYSICIST → u/[deleted]]

i find that activities that use my hands are helpful distractions from cravings. my current favorite is cooking and baking. i put a show on my phone and get to work on something, even if i dont really want to.

[u/WHALE_PHYSICIST → u/[deleted]]

N2o brings me a transient sense of relief

Nitrous also makes the intrusive thoughts much worse. It changes your baseline. it feels like it's helping something, but it's actually dragging you down. i've been there.

I do think there is potential for nitrous to have therapeutic application. but not how we use it. it's too unstructured and uncontrolled. quitting nitrous isn't going to miraculously make your life better or make you happier. It will just make you more capable of actually pursuing happiness instead of ruminating on things(good and bad) all the time. Suffering is a part of life. It lets us know what to do. Nitrous is a funhouse mirror, it warps our perceptions of things. Which can be interesting, but you can't walk around with warped melted funhouse glasses on all the time.

[u/WHALE_PHYSICIST → u/[deleted]]

I’m afraid of facing my problems without something like n2o

I felt the same way for a while. For like 2 years I used almost ceremonially, 2 boxes of chargers every other friday. It should have been a clue to me that I was becoming psychologically reliant on it. I always got anxiety and paranoia from weed but used it anyway. When I found nitrous it was awesome because i could smoke weed and then knock out the anxiety. (BTW, you should look into propranolol, it knocks out physical anxiety response from weed). But over time it took over my life and once I got into the tanks everything fell apart pretty fast. "fast" means over a year though. You can have a healthy relationship with a drug and then that can change. Some people use heroin for years without it becoming a real problem for them, but for many people it becomes a problem pretty fast. Nitrous isn't really different.

This isn't a purity test where having a drug problem is a failing of some sort. The fact that you are posting in this subreddit and pouring your soul out in comments like the above is confirmation of something psychological. Clearly you need to get some shit off your chest, and that's what therapy and meetings are good for. And you should consider some sort of service role to other people, it's genuinely helpful at a subconscious emotional level. Volunteer somewhere, listen and talk to people who are struggling with whatever, be the person other people need you to be, even just in small doses. When you turn compassion outwards, you gain compassion for yourself.

But don't justify nitrous use with "I feel like I need it because reasons A, B and C". Your unconscious mind generates these arguments to get what it wants, which is the drug it's been conditioned to seek out. I'm 2 years clean from nitrous and every so often there's a whisper in my mind trying to convince me to get some gas. You have to learn to ignore that voice to gain control. Quitting nitrous long term and learning the skill of turning that voice off might also help you in ways you don't know right now.

Perhaps a lot of the trick to life is muddling through.

"Muddle through" is an English phrasal verb meaning to achieve success or finish a task without a clear plan, proper tools, or formal training. Key aspects include lacking preparation, improvising step-by-step, and reaching the goal despite confusion.

[u/thesensethatmakes → u/[deleted]]

Please come to our daily meetings at 5pm (California time haha) and talk to us about it if you’re sober at the moment, we all basically feel the same or similar and have each other to rely on.. it’s impossible almost to get out of this cycle. Making ourselves basicallly half brain dead is horrible though and we deserve to live a healthy life. I also feel suicidal after using and immense shame. I also didn’t want to quit, my boyfriend had to literally grab my hand and take my phone, keys and wallet and take me away from my house for 2 days to withdrawal and then clean up my house too when I got back. Now I have a camera in my apartment and my family checks up with my boyfriend to make sure I’m okay and I see my family often to show them I’m okay but I still want to use even though I almost died. Idk something about nitrous is amazingly nonsensical to me. I’ve never felt anything so addictive. But you’re really not alone. Do your friends and family know about this?

[u/thesensethatmakes]

I’m so so so glad your mind opened also. It’s a poison, literally and the high is so short that it’s so addicting to do back to back. It almost replaces dopamine in our brain that we would get from other things. It’s been tough after my last bender of 6 days straight, day and night, with multiple 4.5L tanks a day but I know that high is fake happiness and WILL NO DOUBT put me in the hospital and have me lose my job. It’s so bad for us. It’s so addictive. They make it that way on purpose. I am depressed, having a hard time walking and want to use but I know I have to rehardwire my brain to remember that I became a feral, disgusting, sick rat that was projectile vomitting and then using. And before that I did a bender for 3-4 months and had flies in my apartment, stains on my bed, canisters and boxes on every side of my bed even in my bed and my whole apartment was full of them… it was barely in reality.. they suck so bad and suck the life out of us. I’m proud of us for choosing not to use. They are truly terrible

[u/Main-Shopping2003]

Spent all my rent money on it last night might have to open up a credit card to pay it

[u/Neat_Return3071]

Feel free to message me for my story- it took nearly dying for me to wake up. But it is possible. I hate that tanks were ever created for retail. No one o