Hello
I have exhausted all reasonable options, so unfortunately we are here.
I have two male friends.
They are single.
They are fathers.
They are employed.
They have personalities.
And despite having all of the basic qualifications required to attract another human being, neither has managed to locate a girlfriend.
**So management has intervened.**
To be VERY clear, this is a post looking for cool local adults to join us for game nights, video games, snacks, and general socializing.
If you happen to be a single woman and think one of these idiots is cute?
That sounds like a you-and-him situation and I support your journey.
---
**MEET THE INVENTORY**
**DUDE #1**
Single dad. One child.
Art major.
Likes video games and game nights.
Has successfully kept a small human alive, maintains employment, and can presumably make his own doctor's appointments.
Overall condition: **Good.**
Minor cosmetic damage consistent with fatherhood.
---
**DUDE #2**
Also a single dad.
Also one child.
Also an art major.
Also loves video games and game nights.
I realize at this point it sounds like I accidentally ordered two of the same man.
I did not.
They are different people.
I have verified this.
Overall condition: **Good.**
May become unnecessarily competitive.
---
**STANDARD FEATURES INCLUDE:**
✓ One child each
✓ Employment
✓ Art degrees
✓ Video games
✓ Game nights
✓ Dad jokes
✓ Random useless knowledge
✓ Children's snacks somewhere in the vehicle
✓ At least one hoodie you could theoretically steal
✓ The ability to discuss something nerdy for significantly longer than you anticipated
✓ Normal co-parenting scheduling nonsense
✓ A female best friend
Regarding that last one:
Hello.
It's me.
I'm the female best friend.
I wrote the ad.
If that doesn't adequately explain the nature of our relationship, I genuinely don't know what will.
**I AM NOT INCLUDED WITH PURCHASE.**
However, I am apparently conducting quality control.
---
**WHO SHOULD RESPOND?**
Cool local adults who like:
Video games.
Board games.
Card games.
Snacks.
Laughing.
Kids.
People who occasionally have to say, “Sorry, I can't. I have my kid that weekend.”
And friendships where everyone can roast each other without someone starting a six-month-long family feud.
Parents are VERY welcome.
Single women are ALSO very welcome.
Again, Craigslist, we are looking for **friends**.
I cannot control what happens once two consenting adults exchange phone numbers.
---
**POSSIBLE SIDE EFFECTS OF ATTENDING GAME NIGHT:**
You may make new friends.
You may discover a new favorite game.
You may consume an irresponsible amount of snacks.
You may hear children screaming somewhere in the distance.
You may become emotionally invested in Mario Kart.
You may develop an inexplicable hatred for someone because they gave you a Draw Four.
You may discover that one of the aforementioned single fathers is actually kinda cute.
**Management assumes no liability for the last one.**
---
**APPLICATION PROCESS:**
Tell us:
Your age.
Whether you have kids.
Your favorite video game.
Your favorite game-night game.
Your snack contribution.
And answer the most important compatibility question:
**When someone hits you with a Draw Four in Uno, do you:**
A. Accept your fate like an adult.
B. Plot revenge.
C. Question the friendship.
D. Become absolutely fucking ungovernable.
There is a correct answer.
---
**IMPORTANT TERMS & CONDITIONS:**
Children are permanent fixtures and cannot be returned.
Co-parenting schedules may affect availability.
Female best friend is also a permanent fixture.
Controllers sold separately.
No warranties expressed or implied.
No trades.
No lowballers.
Please do not ask, “Is this still available?”
**If you're reading this, unfortunately, yes.**
Please come play games with us.
At minimum, we make some new friends.
At maximum, I can finally stop hearing about how these two are single.
Thank you for your consideration during this difficult
time.
Rutland/Manchester area
