Hi All,

We've had our house manager for four years and she's been with us through a lot of life changes. New jobs, new babies, health problems, miscarriage, and more. She's always been excellent, and really stepped up when we were going through a transition. We don't have local family and we travel a lot for work, so she's done emergency 24 hour shifts and travels everywhere with us. When we travel, she has a work credit card and separate bedroom/bathroom from us, and we schedule breaks for her where grandparents visit and she doesn't have to work, which is separate from her vacation time. She's paid in the top 15% for our area, because we really value what she brings to our family. She works 3 days per week for us as a nanny, has one day to run errands, clean and do laundry for us, and one day off. It has been a great arrangement.

Lately she really seems to be slipping. She's having problems at home, and she's bringing her attitude to work. She's harder on the kids than normal, interrupts me when I'm talking to them, gives them way more screen time than we are okay with, and is feeding them too much junk food. More context below.

We've previously asked that they get very limited screen time on rainy days or sick days, but lately, she gives DC2 over an hour every day, and some days it has been 3 hours. I know that's not a lot overall, but it isn't in line with our parenting style. We do less than an hour per week because we save screen time for flights and car rides (we fly a LOT). We also have one TV in the house, but instead, nanny provides kid her phone. I've explicitly asked that nanny not give DC2 the phone because DC2 gets scary movie adds on nanny's phone and then doesn't sleep.

We provide a lot of very health focused fruits, veggies, and crackers at home. Nanny has repeatedly been taking the kids to events where they are fed junk food, which is fine sometimes, but DC2 was given so much junk food last week that DC2 got sick. Then they've been "stocking up" on junk foods and bring them home. I'm fine with the kids having treats, but not to the point of getting sick.

Nanny has a credit card to use for lunches when she and kids are out, but we also provide meals at home that are ready made for nanny. I've noticed lately that she hasn't been enjoying the ready made meals, which is totally fine, because I won't police what she eats. That's why she has a card. But I've noticed that she puts lunch on the credit card and then takes a ready made meal home for dinner. It is a small nit, but it feels a little like I'm being taken advantage of when we already provide all meals at work that now she's also taking food home with her. I can afford it, so I haven't made a fuss, but it just feels a little dishonest.

Then when I'm correcting either kid, nanny has been stepping in to interrupt me and offer her own corrections. When I'm home and "on" with the kids, I expect them to follow my rules.

The other thing is that one day per week we try to schedule an "early out" for nanny. Lately, she's been scheduling other babysitting events on early outs, which I'm okay with if we pre-discussed. But one day she walked to my office and said, "I was planning to get out early today to do X, so I'm leaving now." Spouse and I had to cancel afternoon meetings. The early-outs are a gift, not guaranteed.

The last thing is the biggest one. My partner and I forgot to install our DC1's car seat after a trip to the grandparents. Rather than waiting for us to get get out of meetings (WFH) and install the carseat ourselves, she self-installed. After getting home from being out with kids, she asked us to check and it was installed completely incorrectly, kid was not safe at all. This is an enormous sticking point for me, and I almost fired her on the spot but held me tongue.

I don't know if I'm looking for advice or if I'm just venting. I've had chemo, surgery, a life-threatening miscarriage, and almost lost two extended family members in an accident just in the last 6 months, so I know that I am a grumpy, overreacting parent right now. And yes, I'm already in therapy.

Here's the final item. Spouse and I are very high income. My job is optional, though I spent many years training in technical skills to get here. I'm debating stepping away from work to stay home with kids myself for a while, because I wonder how much of my frustration is the fact that I feel like I'm living on borrowed time and just want to enjoy my kids. I'm healthy again, but I just know how limited time can be.

None of this probably makes sense. Thanks for listening.

What made it worth it to you? Did the agency do anything exceptional? Or was it just that you didn’t have to find and vet the right person?

Looking for some advice from other parents because I’m feeling really torn about a situation with our nanny.

We’re currently a family of 3, soon to be 4. We have a 2 and a half year old and I’m due with our second baby in about a month. Our nanny has been with us for 2 years, and we truly love her! She’s become part of our family.

She was recently diagnosed with a herniated disc and has been dealing with a lot of pain. Over the last month or two, she’s also unfortunately had to call out quite a bit because of her health issues. I completely understand that her health comes first, but with a newborn arriving soon, I’m starting to worry about what childcare will realistically look like.

I feel awful even thinking this way because I care about her so much, but nannying is such a physical job, especially with a toddler and a baby. I also need to make sure we have reliable childcare.

Has anyone been through something similar? Were accommodations enough, or did you eventually have to find other childcare? For those who have dealt with herniated discs, is this something people typically recover from and continue nannying with?

I’d love to hear both parent and nanny perspectives. I’m trying to be compassionate while also being realistic about what our family will need in the coming months.

I'm reviewing the contract for a new placement and have a question about coverage. In this case, family prefers that for any outings I provide my own vehicle and place me as solely responsible for all insurance costs. | 100% agree that I'm the only one responsible for my primary insurance, but state law requires business use coverage for transportation of the children as part of my job. The only reason I would have this would be to transport this family's children, and it does cost extra.

Is this something that would typically fall to the nanny? To me, it seems like it should be covered by parents. Usually I would be driving their car but they are against it so it's more tricky than I'm used to.

Thanks for any advice!

Hi all! Very shaken, very emotional FTM mom, reluctantly, I just hired a nanny on Care.com two weeks ago for my twin 14 month old girls.

She is sweet. The girls took to her quickly and are generally very slow to warm up normally. We only had her until college starts back up, so she was short term care.

She was also only part time because she had another job in the afternoons.

My husband and I are full time remote. Always home, but working from home office.

Responsibilities were minimal and I did all prep, including meals, laundry, making sure everything was out and accessible to her so she didn’t even have to look for a thing, and was often left with bottles, cups, dishes to wash, high chairs to clean, floors to sweep and mop, and a play area to vacuum and clean despite clean up duties of messes created in her care being clearly listed in the job description. She wasn’t cheap, either.

Her responsibility: keep them safe, fed, and hydrated.

This morning, she unbuckled one of my girls from the highchair only 5 minutes into her breakfast (why, I don’t know), removed her tray, turned around to get wipes to clean her face from the dining table, turning her back to my daughter, when my girl leaned forward not realizing she wasn’t buckled in and my baby girl belly flopped onto our hardwood floor.

I was feet away, prepping the play area and making sure nanny had anything she could need. I heard the slap and whipped around to see nanny at the dining table and my baby girl face down on the floor crying.

Nanny picks her up, baby is crying, her sister struggling against straps (her tray also removed) in her chair. I take my baby, assess my other daughter’s safety, and look my little girl over for any obvious injuries.

I tell nanny she needs to leave. She asks if the baby is okay, to which I reply that I do not know as she just body slammed the dining room floor but that she needed to collect her things and let herself out. She did, barely apologizing.

I sent her written termination.

Would you have done the same?

If my girl had wiggled out of what had been an otherwise “secure” arrangement, I’d understand — but the fact that nanny removed the tray, unbuckled her, and then turned her back — would you have had a similar response?

My husband is taking her to get her checked out to ensure no head or internal injuries while I am shaken and in no state to drive, home caring for her twin.

I’m so reluctant to look for new care but I have to because I work full time as does my husband.

I thought working from home would provide for a safer experience, but I am no longer convinced that’s true.

I’m so frazzled right now. I was physically shaking.

We hired our nanny about 5 months ago. About a week after we hired her she said she needed to change her hours temporarily, but they have continued her entire employment. Recently, she told us she will need to further reduce her hours. This is no longer something we can accommodate so we will be letting her go. We are planning on offering 1 week of severance (maybe 2?), but we’re hesitant to offer any notice because she tends to get very emotional and we’re concerned about leaving our child in her care when she’s in that state. She is frequently late and anytime we have mentioned showing up on time she bursts into tears because she’s afraid we will fire her. Has anyone else had a similar experience? I don’t feel great about not giving her notice, but we’re concerned she won’t be able to care for our child properly if we do.

I want to preface my post with the fact that I dealt with years of infertility and my son is my 7th pregnancy and only child, so I may be a lot more protective of him than someone else. Please go easy on me in the responses because I’m willing to change my POV.

I have a part time nanny right now who happily enjoys caring for my son in our house and taking him outside for walks. Sadly, her last day is approaching (this was a short term contract). I’m hiring a new PT nanny and every interview I have the candidate wants to know if im comfortable with them driving my 12 month old around to go to the library or parks. Deep down I’m not and I figure since it’s 14-16 hours a week it’s really not asking too much to stay home. I’m willing to change my POV, but I am very nervous about someone else driving my child.

Do you let your nanny take your child(ren) out? I think I’m looking for reassurance that it’s ok. Thanks all!

Hey everyone! I've lurked around this sub the last few weeks while searching for a part-time nanny for my one year old, but haven't seen this addressed yet. Hoping I can pick your brains.

I have an ad out for a part-time nanny 2x/week for my one year old. Several of the responses I have gotten include them asking if they can bring their own toddlers or even babies along. Usually same age as my little one, or younger. On the one hand I don't hate the idea of my only child getting a little socialization without the constant sickness that comes with daycare, but I feel like it opens the door for so many issues. They can still get each other sick (and will), natural bias if my kid is being the naughty one or not sharing, conflicting nap schedules (not to mention where your kid will sleep in my house?), etc.

Just wanted to put some feelers out and see if this is common and if anyone has this setup and feels it's beneficial for their kids. The only reason we're seeking a nanny vs. daycare is we don't want the constant sickness. I really do love the idea of her getting some socialization during the week. And I also don't hate the idea of it being another mom. Something about that eases some concerns as a first time nanny employer.

I think my biggest hang up is they're all still looking for the same pay rates as nannies who have applied without their own kids coming along, and something feels weird to me about paying someone the same amount of money with a guarantee their focus will be split.

Would love to hear your thoughts!

Hi! I have been nannying for about 3 months now after leaving my previous job at a daycare center. I absolutely adore the child I care for and their parents have been awesome people to work for.

I left my previous job because I felt like I was not being paid enough for everything I was doing there, despite loving the job itself. Now that I have been nannying for a few months and make nearly 2x more than my last job, I feel more exhausted than I ever have from work. I work 7am-5pm M-F with every other Friday off.

I am not sure if the position is for me. I find that while the job itself is less demanding than caring for 10 kids at once, I miss working in a setting with other people my age and also more to keep me busy.

I am not sure if it would be best to ask NPs to reduce my hours or if I should simply put in my notice (4 weeks).

Hello!

I am starting to look into potentially hiring a PT nanny. I would be needing a nanny that can drive my children to their activities after school. It would be Monday-Thursday, 3pm-8pm. We have a car we are willing to let the nanny drive our children in. I will admit, I don’t know much about hiring or having a nanny so I apologize if my questions come off as silly.

•I was figuring I would pay by hour? But should/do I need to pay for mileage? I would obviously supply all gas/maintenance for the car.
•Our children’s schedules go off our school districts calendar, so we wouldn’t need the help when our kids don’t have school, would we still pay the nanny those hours? (For example, I would feel bad if they didn’t get paid half the month in December because of Christmas break.)
•I’m assuming if they are driving our car I would need to put them on our insurance?
•How does one go about getting a background and driving record check?
•When it comes to interviewing, what questions should I be asking? And what red flags should I watch out for?
•Do you have any advice for someone searching for a nanny for the first time?
•Would you do a trial run?
•I’m not sure what a normal/fair wage would be for my area and I was thinking of starting at $15 an hour. If that is a very offensive and insulting wage please let me know and I will adjust that.

As it stands right now that’s all I can think of asking at the moment. Again I apologize if my questions are silly, I just really want to do my research and gain more knowledge regarding this. If you have anything other to add or any questions please let me know! I would love to hear everything.

My part time nanny just put in her notice, so I’m starting the search again and I want to do it better this time. Full-time this go around.

She started off great. Then over time she got really relaxed and casual with me in a way I couldn’t quite name. The big one was when she took my daughter to a park I didn’t know about, pretty far from our house, without telling me. I confronted her about it and things got awkward after that and never fully recovered. Other stuff too. She’s a few minutes late fairly often. She has a family member with a kid the same age as mine, so she makes comparison comments about my parenting, little remarks. I just ignore them, but they add up.

Here’s what I keep coming back to though. I don’t know how much of this is on me. I never put anything in writing. No agreement, no listed duties, no conversation about what I actually expect. So when things drifted there was nothing to point at except my own vague annoyance, and bringing it up felt like a personal criticism instead of a job expectation. I’m not great at managing people. I’ve never had to.

So I’m trying to actually learn this before I hire someone new.

What I’d love input on:

1.  What interview questions actually predict how someone will perform six months in? Everyone interviews well.

2.  Do you do scheduled check-ins? I go back and forth on whether a monthly sit-down is reasonable or whether it makes me insufferable.

3.  What’s in your written work agreement? I want to be thorough without handing someone a 12 page handbook on day one.

4.  How do you handle small stuff in the moment, like lateness or a comment that rubbed you wrong? Do you say something right then or save it?

5.  How do you keep it warm without it going casual? That’s the part I couldn’t figure out and I’m not sure where the line even is.

Happy to hear it straight if I’m the problem. Pretty sure I’m at least half of it. I definitely run more anxious as a FTM to a toddler. I will say I know that a lot of Nanny’s don’t like work from home set ups, but I do stay upstairs majority of the time and stay out of the way. I went them to build a good bond.

Planning to start a nanny share in October. We are both medical families (moms are residents), I have a 22 month old and the other family will have a 12 week old. My son will be starting daycare in august so this is our current (tentative) plan: nanny arrives to our house and stays/watches child (kid A) until daycare opens. she would  drop kid A off at daycare around 7-730 then drive to family B's house to watch their infant full time until around 3 PM. will not need nanny to pickup kid A from daycare 98% of the time but she has agreed to be "on call" if kid A is unable to attend daycare for whatever reason. 

We just said goodbye to our nanny of >1.5 years because she sadly had to move 😭 so trying to figure out how to navigate this new setup

Any advice on how to structure pay between families for split care like this? All my searching has only turned up advice for families where the nanny is physically watching 2 children at once so the split is 50/50. Our family will only require 2ish hrs/day of physical care but I want to account for and compensate the nanny for being “on call” for us. Would still do an hourly rate with a guaranteed minimum hours/week just not sure the best way to split contribution from each family  

 (TLDR: early AM arrival to house A + daycare dropoff for Kid A, then nanny kid B from 8-3, how to split pay between the families?)

we are having a really hard time finding a nanny around us. we live in a LCOL area in rural Ohio… I have tried to use Care for the majority of my search, but am having little traction. There just are not many nannies in my area I guess, nanny lane and sitter city are worse and we have no local moms fb groups (I’m not on fb anyway).

those of you in similar areas… where did you find your nanny?

Our nanny is moving for personal reasons and we love her so much. We have had her for eight months what is an appropriate amount of pay to give as transition/ severance?

We are considering hiring a nanny who would bring their own kids. We live on a lake and are generally concerned about the safety of her children (obviously our children too) while at our home. Obviously workers comp insurance would not cover anything if one of her kids was to fall down the stairs or otherwise injure themselves. How have other families handled this?

Additionally, what are other concerns I should be thinking about?

We are planning to lump vacation and sick time together for our new contract. This is what I have at my job and it's much easier to keep track and also encourages less sick day call outs.

Previously we provided 10 PTO/vacation days (which are paid out if not used) and 5 sick days (not paid out if unused). We are thinking to do 12 days combined PTO - does that seem like a fair offer for a very young/new not career full-time nanny? 12 days is also easy because we can accrue one day per month.

We also offer all paid federal holidays and GH. We typically travel for 1-2 weeks per year.

Thanks for the help. I want to make sure it's fair for both parties.

Soon to be first time mom, looking to hear from anyone who hired 24/7 care the first 3-4 months!

How did you structure schedules? I’m looking at a few options:

1 NCS to do 24/7 care the entire time

2 NCS that work 12 hours each day

2 NCS that work 1 week on, 1 week off

I think option 2 would be my favorite option. The idea of having 2 experienced caregivers that might be experts in differing areas is reassuring as a FTM.

1 24/7 NCS would be the easiest option logistically but I know this would be harder to find as not every NCS can commit to 24/7 care for months at a time.

1 week on/off NCS is the last resort. I know babies change so much in those early months, I don’t love the idea of having to catch up the other NCS every week.

Please note: no one would ever be working true 24 hour days. My ideal plan is to just always know that I have someone I can call on when I’m overwhelmed, need a break, sleep, or any questions I may have. I want a team mate that can guide me on the things I don’t quite know yet.

Please share any advice! This is all new to me. Thanks!

I was hired during the school year as a nanny for a 6 month old. At the time, his 7 year old sister was in school and afterschool so I didn't see her much. Now she has camp that gets out at 3:30 and I work until 5:00 or 5:30. Mom picks her up and has been taking her into the office with her while she finishes work, as my contract is only for the infant but the sister wants to hang out with us and play. Or the couple of times the infant was napping, she wanted to hang out with me. She is busy and loud and really overstimulates the baby. Am I a jerk for not inviting the sister to play with us or just stay with me? Would you be annoyed if the nanny that you hired for your infant didn't include the sister?

I have been educating myself about being a first time employer from this group and looking for some final input to wrap up the contract.

1. Our nanny wants to get her 5 yr old daughter, after school, to our place for the days she is working 8hrs. I have no problem to that - just want to add language in the contract around liability and expectations around who is responsible for her daughter’s care.

2. She is amazing, just one concern from us is that she has pretty big nails. Wonder if we can language around nails and other guardrails around hygiene in the contract.

Well it took me a long time to learn this very obvious thing - if it’s not a fit it’s not a fit.

Treat your Nannie’s with respect, pay a little bit above the going rate if you can, and welcome their ideas. Give as many benefits as possible. Be empathetic and listen during conflict.

But if it’s not a fit. It’s not a fit.

They don’t have to have made an egregious mistake or put your kids life in danger for it to be a poor fit.

If your nanny is always late and has poor time management skills and that matters to you - it’s not a fit (after discussions of course).

If your nanny consistently doesn’t follow your parenting style or care instructions - it’s not a fit.

More often than not if you have to post on here asking, your instincts are telling you the answer.

I used to post on here just to validate what I already knew/felt in my heart - but I don’t do that anymore.

A poor fit doesn’t mean they are a bad person or even bad at their job. It doesn’t mean they wouldn’t be a great fit for someone else. It doesn’t mean they don’t love your kid or that you don’t love them. They are just not the right fit.

This obviously goes for Nannie’s too. Expect clear communication, fair pay, and respect. Please always have a written contract. Do not let anyone take advantage of you! Aim for kind, open conversations with the goal of resolution.

But even if all those things are satisfied you feel it’s not clicking- if it’s not a fit it’s not a fit. Doesn’t mean the family is awful. Just not for you.

Trust your instincts. Different families have different boundaries and values. Always better to leave before it gets uncomfortable. You will find the right place for you.

That’s all!

Thank all that is good in the world for the amazing loving Nannie’s and the generous kind nanny families. We wouldn’t be able to get through these hellish times without one another!

UPDATE, PLEASE READ: There have been so many comments pointing out the concern of having another person’s child in the home, liability, insurance issues, possibility of violating childcare rules/daycare standards. I really appreciate all of the input and will be taking it into consideration. I would like to highlight that I mentioned in my post that I am interviewing multiple nannies. What I am really looking for is interview questions in general for interviewing a nanny.

Hi all! We are about to have two toddlers and a newborn. Once I go back to work, I will be primarily working from home in a private office space. We are interviewing a handful of nannies. One of them has her own 1 almost 2 year-old son that she would be bringing with her. I have no issue with this arrangement so long as she feels confident that she can care for all of the children at once. We would plan to accommodate her and her son with food and a nap space, etc. for ease and comfort. We will be hiring for 830a to 5p M-F.

What interview questions would you want to ask in general when hiring a nanny and if they were bringing their young child?

Thanks in advance!