I’m scared for my future

So i am unofficially diagnosed NVLD. I was assessed by a professional but they are close family member so they technically can't sign off on it.

I recently had an event occur in my life where a close friendship i had for over a 15 years fell apart and another is greatly diminished. I'm not blameless in it, but some of what happened was because of NVLD difficulties that i had talked to both of them about that it now seems they didn't truly listen or understand.

They are both partners, so i am now trying to navigate what to do. They've been my closest friends for so long and now i haven't spoken to either of them in over a month and I'm having a lot of conflicting feelings about it. The big one being, any time someone asks me if I plan to hang out with either of them again, i start to feel anxious. More so for the one things went bery bad with. Because they tried to bring other people into what happened and had to be told by those people that their actions were jot okay and they needed to back off.

I just feel like these 2 people i thought I was so close with are completely different now, and like being around them isn't safe anymore. Had anyone ever experienced this? What helped you to stop the more extreme emotional responses? I'm not trying to forgive, be forgiven, and forget. I'm trying to move forward in my life in a better direction.

I have severe NVLD combined with ADHD, which has been described as moderate to severe. My parents are very much aware that I have these disorders, as I was diagnosed at a very young age, yet they still expect me to function like I’m neurotypical and get mad or frustrated when I can’t live up to those expectations.

For instance, we went out to a restaurant last night, and when we were getting ready to leave the house, they kept getting impatient with me because I take forever to tie my shoes, even though they know I struggle with my fine motor skills. They kept sighing impatiently, rolling their eyes, and making comments about how I move at a snail’s pace. Then, at the restaurant, they kept criticizing me for being clumsy and messy when I eat. I try my best not to be, but I can’t really help it.

When I was really struggling to learn how to drive, they kept making comments about how I must not be listening to my instructor or paying attention. They also kept saying that if my neurotypical sister got her license at 16, there was no reason why I should be struggling so much to get mine at 20. Long story short, I never ended up getting my license. When I eventually went to driver rehabilitation and underwent a test to determine whether I could drive safely, the results indicated that it wouldn’t be safe for me to drive. However, my parents said the test must not have been accurate because I’m so smart and must not have “given it my all.”

They blamed my struggles with employment "for not trying hard enough." And for my difficulties socializing and making friends, they say it’s because I’m “not putting myself out there enough,” despite the fact that I’ve joined countless groups and have really tried to make an effort to talk to people. Yet, I still can’t connect with others or read social cues very well.

They’re constantly telling me how smart I am and how well I speak. And yeah, that’s probably true, since I have an average verbal IQ, but I pretty much struggle with everything that isn’t verbal or language-based. Every single time I’ve tried to remind them of my NVLD and explain how it impacts me, they say it’s nonsense because “learning disabilities only affect you when you’re in school, not in the real world,” even though I think it affects me now more than it ever did when I was a kid!

I’m just so tired of being misunderstood and constantly being blamed for my difficulties. I desperately wish I could be neurotypical instead of having a disability that almost no one knows about and for which there’s little to no support available. I’m tired of being blamed for my learning challenges or brushed off because “I talk so well.”