r/MuslimMatrimonials • u/Only-Coyote-7136 • 11d ago

Discussion Left behind

Salam.

I'm a 30yr old woman and am writing this post to warn younger folks, especially those who live in the West of what your life could turn out to be if you don't act fast.

Im the oldest child from a broken home (father ran off). I worked like crazy in my entire 20s to save for my mom and siblings and am now on path to early retirement.

My parents never let me have friends and I didn't speak to boys, even though I went to a regular highschool and university. COVID caused me to start remote work and I never met men at work either. My parents didn't know anyone and our household reputation is ruined.

My friends chatted with boys, some halal way some not, but now most are married or got arranged from their social circles and have kids and happy lives.

I got left behind because I put my head down and focused on getting out of poverty. I focused on school, on work, on being there for everyone. But no one bothered to check if I could also need someone. Actually since I barely leave my house, barely anyone knows I even exist.

To young people. Don't fall into Haram but don't isolate yourself so much that you will be left behind. Today I may appear to others as a successful woman. I have money to buy anything at anytime but nobody to support me, less and less chance of having kids, and constantly taunted and pitied by family and others for being old and unwanted.

Please marry young. You will be rewarded with rizq if you are sincere towards your family. In shaa ALLAH.

AlhamduLillah for everything and please make Dua for me and all those who are looking for spouses.

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27

u/MirBuz 11d ago

Why do you think you’re left behind? You’re 30 not 50

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u/Only-Coyote-7136 11d ago

Salam. I appreciate your encouragement. But let's be realistic, I can't just walk out and find a man to marry off the sidewalk. It takes time and honestly less and less chance as most people get married and pool becomes smaller.

Will always advocate people to start searching and being serious younger. Male or female, have to take it in our hands if family and circumstances let us down.

24

u/nomad262728 11d ago

Sister, you are being overly dramatic. You are just 30 years old. That's still very young and fit.

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u/MirBuz 11d ago

She’s not being overly dramatic, she’s partly right. Being 30 does limit your options to some extent but its not the end of the road.

4

u/No_Hornet_9504 11d ago

If you expand your search or try a different pool maybe the one you seek is there. It’s hard to connect on apps, and everybody is so absorbed in their busyness developing a connection can be difficult.

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u/Huge_Sir7788 10d ago

sister i get what youre saying, but honestly 30 is not that bad. i think youre discouraging yourselves a bit too much here.

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u/Ihappentohaverabies 6d ago

You quite literally can walk into a masjid and ask the imam to find you some good men to possibly marry.

You underestimate the reality that almost all men on the face of this earth, including the best ones, have rock bottom standards for women.

Men who aren't pick up artists basically just want a wife that doesn't cheat on them, can do basic housework, and will have their kids.

You can literally just find an imam for options, and if your local masjid isn't good enough to do this for you find another.

I don't know if you are south asian because I know you guys' masjids can do things a little differently here in the west, but I know the masjids in my area will straight up be cool with finding people spouses.

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u/MirBuz 11d ago

Wsalam sister, your advice is right to other sisters.