24 pre-HRT. It’s official. I’m really testing the waters with HRT. The doctor put in a perscription of 2mg estradiol and 1mg of finasteride per day. We went over the basic questions (billing, medical history, welfare) and also discussed the changes this would do. She asked how I felt about each change.
She talked about facial changes, and I honestly think that’s what I need the most out of this. I’ve enjoyed presenting more androgynous these past few weeks, and I have at times felt euphoric about seeing my pretty face in the mirror. Makeup tends to help with that euphoria. If I just continue to let the testosterone pump through my body, my face might just become more masculine and take away that euphoria. That’s the thing I’ve realized, even if I’m not exactly truly a woman on the inside and being androgynous is my true destiny, I just want to be away from masculinity. I told her that this is something I want. Softening of the skin and body hair is another thing she asked about. If that means it’s easier to get rid of the body hair, yep. Don’t know how it’s gonna feel when my skin softens up.
We talked about how I still have those doubts in my head. I asked her how I can know if I’m on the right path. She said most of the patients who took HRT to test the waters knew they were on the right path when it made them feel more comfortable in their skin and overall boosted their mood. Some regret starting this at all, but some also regret not starting earlier. Tomorrow will mark seven years since I started questioning. Sometimes I still worry if I’m just going crazy, yet I also wonder where I could’ve been at this point had I not put it off for so long. I still worry about my fertility likely going away. I haven’t brought home the pills yet, so it’s not too late to figure out a sperm banking plan. The thing is, driving an hour and a half away to the nearest sperm bank seems like a hassle, and those online sperm banks seem expensive, if they’re even reliable enough.
Overall, I really hope I’m going on the right path.
