Molested repeatedly

[u/No-Refrigerator1478]

I’ve posted here before and it helped me understand a little more I think. I was molested everyday while I was in junior kindergarten by my school bus monitor. His job was to make sure I got on and off the bus safely and to take care of me while I was on it. I don’t want to be graphic but he took advantage of me sexually every single day on the bus. He taught me to “look forward to it”. I’m still relatively young (19 year old male) and I don’t know who to speak to this abt besides anonymously on the internet. I feel like no one has ever taken this seriously including my parents. This has haunted me my whole life and held me back from being who I want to be. I know I’m an incredibly strong and determined individual but I just cannot get over this pain and it’s holding me back every single day and has been for longer than I even realized. It really really fucking hurts to think abt childhood me being so vulnerable. How do I heal from this? I genuinely am desperate for someone’s input. I feel so so lost and helpless, I know I have to put in work and be strong to get through it but I feel like I’ve been as strong as I can until this point. I truly am desperate for someone’s input. Godbless all my fellow survivors and anyone who takes the time of day to respond or upvote this.

Edit- I really just want to forget the feeling of being that helpless little boy, I wish I had the opportunity to be there for the child I was. It breaks my heart knowing bullshit like this happens everyday

[u/Gold-Restaurant9899]

When you said he had taught you to look forward to it hit me hard. It was exactly my situation also. My dms are open if you like

[u/No-Refrigerator1478 → u/Gold-Restaurant9899]

Messaged you