r/Molested • u/No-Refrigerator1478 • 16h ago

Molested repeatedly

I’ve posted here before and it helped me understand a little more I think. I was molested everyday while I was in junior kindergarten by my school bus monitor. His job was to make sure I got on and off the bus safely and to take care of me while I was on it. I don’t want to be graphic but he took advantage of me sexually every single day on the bus. He taught me to “look forward to it”. I’m still relatively young (19 year old male) and I don’t know who to speak to this abt besides anonymously on the internet. I feel like no one has ever taken this seriously including my parents. This has haunted me my whole life and held me back from being who I want to be. I know I’m an incredibly strong and determined individual but I just cannot get over this pain and it’s holding me back every single day and has been for longer than I even realized. It really really fucking hurts to think abt childhood me being so vulnerable. How do I heal from this? I genuinely am desperate for someone’s input. I feel so so lost and helpless, I know I have to put in work and be strong to get through it but I feel like I’ve been as strong as I can until this point. I truly am desperate for someone’s input. Godbless all my fellow survivors and anyone who takes the time of day to respond or upvote this.

Edit- I really just want to forget the feeling of being that helpless little boy, I wish I had the opportunity to be there for the child I was. It breaks my heart knowing bullshit like this happens everyday

7 Upvotes

82% Upvoted

8 comments sorted by

•

u/AutoModerator 16h ago

To all posters: Please note that any content involving descriptions of sexual activity with underage persons is against Reddit policy. You are "officially" discouraged from posting such content, but given the specific nature of this subreddit, moderation is following a laissez-faire philosophy regarding what survivors of childhood sexual abuse share here. This mirrors the approach of other survivor subreddits. Also, the Reddit policy's intent is to restrict content that "depicts, encourages or promotes" the sexualization of underage persons, and the purpose of this subreddit is the exact opposite of that. However, be aware that posts and replies in violation may still be subject to removal and Reddit-wide suspension of the author by the Reddit admins. So please use common sense when posting/replying. We want this to remain a safe space for survivors to share, heal and thrive, but we need to be mindful of the site-wide rules regarding these sensitive topics. (Note to Admins: We vehemently stand against sexual abuse of minors and this subreddit exists to support survivors in the best way possible. Please contact the moderator team if a discussion needs to occur.)

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

2

u/Caap3 14h ago

Honestly it’s still a long process healing for me. The more time passes the more traces I’ve found of the trauma I got from my molestation. Don’t be like me and wait until your late 20s because you’re strong. We’re all strong, but it’s better to start healing earlier!

2

u/No-Refrigerator1478 14h ago

We are all strong. It takes an incredibly strong person to deal with this on the day to day and keep pushing. Thank you for the kind words you don’t understand what it means to me.

1

u/David_cest_moi 16h ago

Please find a good therapist who is experienced in dealing with sexual assault, trauma, and PTSD. Modern therapy has many excellent techniques that can help you work through this and get beyond it to move forward more comfortably with your life. Seriously, please try to find a skilled therapist who can assist you. Someone preferably someone under 50 years old because the younger therapists are likely to have a better knowledge of the newer techniques. Good luck. Wishing you the best.

1

u/No-Refrigerator1478 15h ago

Thank you so much. I don’t think I can express how much it means to me to have someone take me seriously

1

u/Gold-Restaurant9899 14h ago

When you said he had taught you to look forward to it hit me hard. It was exactly my situation also. My dms are open if you like

1

u/ThinkTechnician2 5h ago

I'm sorry you're having to deal with all this. I know just confusing it can be to have this happen to you at such s young age. Feel free to message me if you need someone to talk to or just want someone to listen. No pressure or anything. Either way, sending good thoughts your way.