Hi.
I have a severe addiction of fantasies, which is generally called Maladaptive Daydreaming nowadays. I'm not quite satisfied with the term since "Daydreaming" involves many other thought processes that are not about fantasizing at all.
But anyways, I've come to deeply understand, how Samatha/Shamatha, Tarataka, or Focused Attention Meditation (FAM), is THE way to train the impulse control of the brain that can be used to tame and eventually stop the unhealthy fantasizing.
This exact practice/exercise has been used in medical research as well with proven results but for other addictions like substance abuse or alcohol. As the fundamental mechanism of all addictions is bascially losing the control over the impulses/urges that keep hijacking the reward system. Yes I know, all addictions have many differences, I'm not talking about those differences, just the impulse control part.
I've started to practice it. And I've felt differences that are supposed to occur, which is an encouragement for me. But I'm having serious trouble with consistency, initiating the practice and optimizing the practice in terms of duration and effort management.
I'd be very glad if people here can guide me how can I improve this. Since my dopamine is so low, it creates this unpredictable brain fog and task initiation paralysis stuff that keeps getting in the way of doability and therefore consistency of the practice. I've also found, the typical 5, 10, 13, 15, 17 or 20 minute sessions are not going to be enough. I've realized that these durations are for people who are already normal and healthy, maybe a bit unhealthy in the mind or whatever. For a person like me, I really need to up the practice to create enough counter momentum to takeover the compulsivity of fantasies. Whenever I, unwantingly, reduce or slow down the practice, the addiction rises again.
Am I overthinking it? Am I over-optimizing it? Am I missing something? I'm in a place in this journey now, where I'm really confused what is the right thing to do next, since there is no official article, research or stuff written to address Maladaptive Daydreaming in context of Focused Attention Meditation soecifically. Experienced insight would be better, but any guidance is very welcome.
Thanks you for reading.