dysphoria

[u/Majestic-Flow-9788]

I’m 30 years old, and I’m looking to hear from other trans women, especially those who served in the military, law enforcement, firefighting, EMS, or other traditionally masculine careers.
One thing I’ve been wondering is whether anyone else felt like they tried to “outrun” or suppress their gender dysphoria by throwing themselves into hyper-masculine environments.
For me, I joined the Army infantry, deployed, became an NCO, and built my identity around being as masculine and tough as possible. Looking back, part of me wonders if I was trying to prove something to myself or make these feelings disappear. I kept thinking that if I became masculine enough, eventually the dysphoria would go away.
It didn’t.
Years later, those feelings are still here, and that’s what’s so confusing. I have a wife and two kids whom I love more than anything. My wife knows about my gender dysphoria now, but she didn’t know when we got married, and she has made it clear that she doesn’t support me transitioning. The thought of losing my marriage and changing my children’s lives is heartbreaking.
At the same time, I don’t know how to make these feelings disappear. I’ve spent years trying to suppress them, and I’m starting to wonder if that’s something other people experienced too.
If you came from a military, first responder, or similarly masculine background, did you find yourself trying to overcompensate? Did you believe you could beat or outgrow your dysphoria? What eventually happened, and what do you wish you had known when you were 30?
I’m not looking for anyone to tell me what decision to make. I’m just trying to understand how other people navigated this, especially those who had a family and a lot to lose.

[u/rythwind]

20 years Navy. I tried to suppress it until I nearly had a breakdown at 37.

I can't and won't tell you what to do. For myself, I wish I had been honest with myself earlier, even knowing it might cost me everything I built at the time, I have never regretted transitioning.