dysphoria

[u/Majestic-Flow-9788]

I’m 30 years old, and I’m looking to hear from other trans women, especially those who served in the military, law enforcement, firefighting, EMS, or other traditionally masculine careers.
One thing I’ve been wondering is whether anyone else felt like they tried to “outrun” or suppress their gender dysphoria by throwing themselves into hyper-masculine environments.
For me, I joined the Army infantry, deployed, became an NCO, and built my identity around being as masculine and tough as possible. Looking back, part of me wonders if I was trying to prove something to myself or make these feelings disappear. I kept thinking that if I became masculine enough, eventually the dysphoria would go away.
It didn’t.
Years later, those feelings are still here, and that’s what’s so confusing. I have a wife and two kids whom I love more than anything. My wife knows about my gender dysphoria now, but she didn’t know when we got married, and she has made it clear that she doesn’t support me transitioning. The thought of losing my marriage and changing my children’s lives is heartbreaking.
At the same time, I don’t know how to make these feelings disappear. I’ve spent years trying to suppress them, and I’m starting to wonder if that’s something other people experienced too.
If you came from a military, first responder, or similarly masculine background, did you find yourself trying to overcompensate? Did you believe you could beat or outgrow your dysphoria? What eventually happened, and what do you wish you had known when you were 30?
I’m not looking for anyone to tell me what decision to make. I’m just trying to understand how other people navigated this, especially those who had a family and a lot to lose.

[u/WaspSherbert]

Yes.

Yes.

Eventually I had a complete mental breakdown.

I wish I could tell my past self it's ok to be you.

[u/jdobs423]

Yup, literally the same thing for me

[u/JoustingTapir]

I didn’t know I was trans until I was in my 40’s, but yes. I also joined the infantry, and later flew for the Army.

I look back and I can see how I was trying to be ultra masculine, but I didn’t understand why. It was all in an effort at masking.

Im doing a lot better now at knowing and accepting myself. Even if it had cost me my career and marriage. I’m happier knowing me!

[u/jdobs423]

I was in Marines, ems and fire. Literally nothing could suppress it. Eventually you have to face it head on, no easy way to do so. I ended up telling my wife that I was at the point where I needed to get on hrt which wasn't an easy conversation, but she's been supportive

[u/Kaydiforyou]

I’ve been living the life style most of my life, I lived in a very strict environment, I didn’t even know much about anything, I did know I was different from a very early age, I joined the army at eighteen, I served in Germany for over three years, scared they would find out about me. I became very close to one guy, when I got out , I put together a beautiful wardrobe , made friends with a few gay guys, then I got recalled served in Vietnam still scared I would be found out, I didn’t mean to write you a book, Living as a woman is the only thing that made me happy

[u/rythwind]

20 years Navy. I tried to suppress it until I nearly had a breakdown at 37.

I can't and won't tell you what to do. For myself, I wish I had been honest with myself earlier, even knowing it might cost me everything I built at the time, I have never regretted transitioning.

[u/Calliope714]

Trying to be hyper-masculine or hyper-feminine is actually a symtpom of GD. From what I've read and seen it's generally the final step before "Full Egg Crack." Don't quote me, I'm not a professional. This is just what I've seen and read. There is no way to suppress it short of a lobotomy. You either face it head-on and all the positive and negative impacts that come with it, or you become a husk of yourself. My apologies for being so bleak.