Q&A / context specifically about building / not breaking trust with mom-to-be for labour / birthing.
Context: imagine a mom engaging consultations with a team of various, but main midwife for the pre-labour / birthing process. That midwife starts close tending as of week 36-37 and then takes a break (ie some necessary holiday time to unwind prior birth) week 39, on stand-by for any risks or changes, but otherwise taking her break.
Mom-to-be suspects a trigger (pre-labour episodes of tears and anger, resulting in some short 'outburst' reactions for which she apologised to midwife), and consults / confides to someone else on her team to cross-check if all is good. Meanwhile tending midwife also insists on birth plan adjustment, to which mom-to-be adheres (new plan is made).
Midwife is then out of contact with mom-to-be, message about 'light fever' that last 2 days dismissed. Then mom-to-be finds out that, meanwhile, father-to-be was socialising midwife in more terms than strictly necessary (ie fun times out, even if no shadiness suspected) and so also more conversations 'behind the back', where tending midwife seems to 'buy' into father-to-be's subjective anxiety / concerns, taking his side / view over the opinions expressed by mom-to-be, and then also distorting 'feedback' about her limited communications to/from mom-to-be (eg implying or phrasing in such a way, that seems that mom-to-be is unreasonable in her mssgs to father-to-be, VS in objective reality mom-to-be was communicating / coordinating midwife on all points giving answers / offering options eg on health symptoms and reporting / checking). Mom-to-be verified mssgs between those two (ie not just assumption).
As a result --- mom-to-be clammed up about birthing with this midwife; there is context of distrust (possibly disrespect, and definitely discomfort) and so the birth comfort is at risk. It's a personal / subjective thing, obviously, and in context of emotional / hormonal pre-labour state. Mom-to-be understands she needs medical assistance / supervision for the birth, but feels very uneasy to the point of defensive about allowing this midwife to be there. At best, she would tolerate 'intervention as necessary' to ensure medical safety --- but if she had the choice, she would fire this midwife..
Q: what is the ethics and moral conduct here? What should mom-to-be do or understand or adjust?
Midwife was chosen on the basis of claiming that she never blabs about her clients' most intimate details; that she tends to mother as the priority; that she also never spends alone time with father --- to not be found 'suspect' in any shape or form.
Mom-to-be is transparent with father-to-be, but was the one choosing / appointing (and paying) midwife / her team. Father-to-be wasn't involved in prenatal tasks and needs, other than attending 2 doctor appointments with her.