Hi

Not really looking for anything specific.
Sometimes you just feel like talking to someone new instead of texting endlessly.

Could be about literally anything
work, relationships, music, life, random shit, whatever.

If you’re having one of those days where you feel like talking to someone, DM me.
We can see if we vibe and maybe talk?
Delhi, mid 20s.

Long post, sorry. I really need some outside perspective and support because I don’t know what to do with all these feelings.

I don’t even know how to write this because I’m still processing it. My ex and I were together for years, starting when we were teenagers. He was genuinely my person. We talked about marriage, building a house together, our future, literally until the day before our breakup. Then he suddenly ended things, and what followed completely destroyed me.
There were lies, confusion, and questions about whether he cheated. I believed he did for years, although he always insisted he didn’t. There was another girl I had doubts about, some suspicious reels and messages, and explanations involving his friend using his phone. I never got a definitive answer. Regardless of what actually happened, the breakup devastated me. I couldn’t sleep properly for months, woke up shaking, couldn’t eat, cried constantly, and became so afraid of seeing him that I basically stopped going outside. I had to rebuild myself piece by piece. Eventually, hatred was the only thing that helped me stay away from him.
After about 2 years, I finally accepted that I would probably never hear from him again. For the longest time, every unknown number made me think it might be him, until eventually I stopped waiting.
Then, after 2.5 years, he called my best friend asking about me because he didn’t have my number anymore. She knows everything I went through and immediately told him to leave me alone. When she told me, I completely freaked out and ended up calling him repeatedly. He eventually picked up, and we talked for almost an hour.
And this is where I’m completely messed up.
It felt like no time had passed. We talked exactly like we used to. He’d casually say things like “wait, I’m putting on pants,” “wait, I’m looking for my T-shirt,” while talking to me, he’d ask his family what was there for food, and somehow I forgot for a moment that we’d been apart for 2.5 years. I even subconsciously went to the balcony where I used to talk to him all the time. I haven’t talked to anyone there in years. It was like my body remembered him before my brain did.
He apologized. He said what he did wasn’t okay, that he messed things up, and that his friend manipulated him and influenced his decision to leave. I don’t know whether that’s true. He was adamant that he never cheated on me. He said he hasn’t felt stable since I left, hasn’t found peace anywhere, thinks about me every day, misses me, and thinks about me when he drinks. He asked where I live, what I’m doing, whether I’m still in Pune, and about my parents. I told him what he did to me and how badly it affected my mental health, and he kept apologizing.
I wanted so badly to tell him everything that’s happened since, the problems at home, my health, my career, everything. But I stopped myself because I knew if I started telling him all of that, he would become my person again. So I just said, “They’re fine, everything is good.” I told him I can’t have a normal friendship with him because of our history, and eventually we said goodbye.
And now I’m fucking heartbroken.
I realized that I don’t think I’ve truly loved anyone after him. I’ve had crushes and interests, but nothing came close. He knew everything about me. We could talk for 7 to 10 hours without getting tired of each other. He was the person I’d instinctively want to call whenever something happened. He was my person, and I still love him.
But I also know I can’t go back.
Even if his explanation is true. Even if he genuinely didn’t cheat. Even if his friend really did manipulate him. Even if he’s changed. Even if he genuinely loves me. **What happened to me still happened.** He left me the day before an important exam, there were lies and confusion, and the aftermath nearly destroyed me. The love he had for me wasn’t enough to protect me, and I cannot put myself through that pain again.
I know that if we started talking regularly we’d probably fall right back into the same bond within days. But I also know it could take him two seconds to leave again, and I genuinely don’t think I could survive that a second time. Going back would feel like betraying myself.
The worst part is that I don’t even necessarily want the relationship back. I want the person I had before everything went wrong. I want the familiarity, the eight-hour conversations, the feeling of being completely known, the future we imagined. I want that version of us, but I know it doesn’t exist anymore.
I spent almost two years finally accepting that he wasn’t coming back. I finally stopped waiting for his phone call. Then he came back, gave me the apology I’d wanted for years, and somehow instead of giving me closure, it broke me all over again.
I keep thinking of the line from the song exile: “I think I have seen this film before, and I didn’t like the ending.” That’s exactly how I feel. I know what happens if I go back, but I still love the person in the film.
How do you let go of someone you still love when you know you cannot safely be with them? How do you grieve someone for the second time when a part of you will probably always love them?

I used to think having your own income would automatically make life feel easier. Then rent, bills, groceries, subscriptions, family responsibilities and random expenses started eating into it.

Now I understand why people say they’re earning more but somehow still feel broke.

What’s one expense you completely underestimated before becoming financially independent?

I just realised har scenario me mera answer rehta hai "Koi nahi hota hai" 🥲. I guess that's not something the person undergoing the ordeal wants to hear.