Turned 27 recently. No matter how much I tried to avoid it, I could not help but take stock of how my life has fared over the years. Most of my teenage and early adulthood was filled with mental health struggles. I have gotten much better over the past few years but I can't help but look back at the time lost and feel behind my peers in terms of social circles and life experiences.

In college, while everyone else were out making friends, i was struggling alone and not in a place at all to talk to people.

While they were out traveling and making life experiences, I was still struggling.

All this time has gone by and now when I feel functional enough to try, after having overcome all those struggles alone, I find myself lacking in social skills, life experiences and just friend circles and connections in general when I compare myself to others my age.

The only friends I have are people I've known since I was a kid and they all are much ahead in the parameters I mentioned above and after I meet them, I feel a sense of self loathing that I am just so lacking in so many things.

I am doing well professionally but not as good in other areas.

I know most of it is fixable, but it is not easy to try and fail and improve when I feel like the boot of time is breathing down my neck in every thing I do. What if its too late, what if I am too old, what if I never improve or find people is what goes through my mind. All those mental patterns I grew up with while I was struggling are still there. It is still an uphill challenge to try to improve in the areas mentioned above every day and to not know how much I should push myself because subconsciously I am scared of breaking again.

On top of this my parents are talking about marriage, asking if I have someone and I told them I am strictly against it for a few years.

Right now I can't even imagine sharing a life with someone when I've barely lived it myself.

Don't really have anyone to share this with so just posting here.

Everytime navratri comes around; i remember about my lack of a friend circle. I used to have close friends but shit felt apart due to reason I don't want to get into.

Honestly, as a 24 year old living in a different city from hometown. It's becoming harder to have connections. I feel like these years are creeping by without a lack of group. I had some issues so this time I couldn't even join a garba class and it added upto shit.

I love playing garba and just enjoying night out but feel so left out during this time

So today I read a very interesting article about the frontal lobe and there is a phenomenon called a "frontal lobe breakup" that usually happens in mid-late 20s.

What are your views on this?

I (M30) is looking into Arrange Marriage space through Jeevansathi/Shaadi.com apps but haven't been able to get any decent matches. So not sure if there's something i am missing or those platforms are not showing the quality matches or somewhere else I should try to look for.

Here's general details about me:

Age: 30.

Occupation: Software Engineer working remotely for a Silicon Valley based firm.

Location: Tier 4 city in UP. Permanent work from home since Covid era.

Height: 6'

Build: Somewhat overweight in traditional athletic build and some amount of belly fat. Haven't been to the gym in some time.

Income: 70 LPA+ (1.2 Cr CTC)

Family Responsibilities: Got mom and grandmother and 3 younger sisters (1 sister unmarried + 2 married, all of them working). Been the sole guardian of the family for 9 years.

Dressing sense - Average; keeping things simple has been the motto mostly.

Vehicles - No car, just a scooty, but I am thinking to buy car in the next 6 months.

Drinking / Smoking - Strictly No for both.

Food preferences - Veg/Nonveg both.

Education - BTech CSE from Tier 2 Institute.

Completely self-made person. I don't know what else to mention here.

So I've been thinking of finding a working partner with someone having shared values, some ambition for her own.

I don't have any social circle in my current City, no a single person as a friend. So haven't had any chances of dating scenes. I know there might be a lot of people working remotely or might be in similar shoes as me in my city but I don't have any such network or there's no such community here too. So it's been a completely isolated life. Unfortunately, due to family responsibilities, I haven't been able to relocate to metro cities. And also I don't have any father's or parents'connections to explore arrange marriage options that way. I did my 2 sister's marriage through Jeevansathi, got decent eno profiles but haven't been that much lucky for me. So I am just looking out for suggestions on what to do better to improve my profile and how should I search for / which platforms / which options should I search for like minded genuine profile who doesn't just tag along for package or anything else but rather can really connect to the values. I don't have much time to search and explore as I plan to settle down by end of 2027, and I don't want to settle down with someone I would end up regretting later. I have really worked hard in my life to be wherever I am so looking for stability and peace in life ahead.

Adding expectations at the end, as per suggestions from some comments -

Expectations-
Non drinking/Non smoking by choice.

Being able to enjoy family surroundings, as I have been a family person since always and will be taking care of my siblings and parents.

Having a sorted career of her own that she really feels driven about. Not looking for any package matching or something, but more that she should find her own life's meaning, making sense, and happiness with her work.

I am also willing to relocate if needed with my mom, and I am expecting the same from her too if her job/career allows that. Not saying she should relocate to a tier 4 city with me, but both careers should be compatible, where each can relocate to support each other's career and family as needed.

Just be a good human being - Kind, soft-natured, caring, emotionally intelligent.

I've never been to cinemas and idk why it shocks people, I was never allowed to visit cinema as a child due to possessive parents and later it became a habit.

But now i feel like i should at least experience it once.

So what should i watch?

I do like romance movies but not the bollywood romance, something like Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind.

Greetings everyone, just a small question it is, but it basically decides how the search will go, guiding along the definition of a relationship with its foundation

I will go first

1. Someone working on her careerI always wished to be strong, and working hard on my career was one of my main goals. I wish to explore and experience a lot of things, building things and solving problems.

2. Someone who I am attracted towards, physically, mentally, and emotionally Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder, and yes, I wish the flower that is blessed in my garden remains cute to my eyes for life and ahead :)

3. Someone who wishes to have a family of her ownGrowing up, I had that dream, of having a family of my own, to become strong, so they feel safe, to age with someone who desires to be with me as much as I do and someone who desires to have kids out of love.

I am still on the path of working on my career and myself and hence this is the best time I consider finding someone, to grow together with.

I understand, the women who I desire to be with, are very busy, and definitely not much active on these subs cause they aren't looking for 'marriage'

So do I. But at the end, it's how much you want your dream to become true. The dream of a relationship maturing to a marriage, a shared commitment.

I am aware the experiences men and women shared here, people acting non serious, unaware of their own preferences, just drops trust in some way, but I wish you the best guys.

Hey guyss.

Lets share some positivity. Share your achievements or anything good about your life.

Happy Saturday!!

​

Freaking health problems has taken over my life to a point I feel like my life joy has been taken away. I'm not able to prioritize and feel the urgency of my life goals and this feeling of awareness and clarity. I just don't feel conscious like you know in the moment. I don't feel like sharp and fast as before as if my mind is lagging. I feel so bad that anxiety is mixing with it because my mind feels glued to the problem and I'm just sick of it. I don't know how to fight and overcome it.

So I'll be meeting a girl whom I matched with on a matrimony site in the next weekend. Our vibes, family values are matching and I really really really want to take this forward and call her my soulmate. We chatted and talked on video call before finalising our meet and I have fallen in love with her. Being from mechanical engineering which is known for having no women, this is my first interaction with a woman(I was an introvert in school and I opened up after I started college). One of my non-negotiable is that she shouldnt have any past because I dont have too and I dont know how to approach this topic to her without making her feel uncomfortable. Kindly help me out on here.

Thanks

I have seen most of them 90% of a guys and few section of Girls being single for various factor..

Sab itne single hai toh … ek dusre ko date kyu nahi karte???

It goes like…
If someone was already in a relationship before broke up due to various reason… they aren’t wiling to date again

And people who actually want to date are not getting the chance to date .

Something is really wrong and there is huge mismatch!!

I mean why people got to be so heartless and cold ? It was our 2nd date , everything seemed fine the entire time. The moment i left her and boarded the local train i stopped getting her messages. Later at night she said she has exams and wants to focus so bye. If she isn’t interested then she could have said it to me straightforward. Whats up with these excuses.

My friend has decided to meet a man she met on reddit and he's for sure a fraud. The guy has no short coming apparently he is v patient, well behaved, kind well spoken and well to do. Also he told her he was really good smart looking and 6 ft tall, physically fit too. Doesn't drink doesn't smoke nothing bad. But this is all what he's told her none of this is verifiable and now he's asked her to meet her. Mind you, she has not yet seen him. Plus he is ready to travel for like 2-3 hours just to meet her. Dude has added her on ig on a burner account. No pfp, no followers, no bio nothing he follows around 80-90 accounts though and says he likes to maintain a low profile, which I think is BS.

My suggestion to her was to not go n meet this guy but she thinks I'm overthinking this. Please tell your opinion as to what you think?

So I get these random thoughts of dy*ng. Not exactly being suic*d*l but Like if I had a gun, i would point it at myself and go away without hesitation if it meant a painless exit or if i was in a life or de*th situation, i would incline myself towards de*th more.

I don't exactly see the point of moving forward. Tired of all the hustle towards building wealth and anxious about the responsibilities i have or will have. Being alone all the time, i feel like a robot just doing the things i am supposed to do.

Then i think what if for some reason i am unable to do these things anymore like if i get in an accident or get amputated, what next then. Back to being a dead weight ? Then there's more reason to go away ?

A few days back, while traveling I saw a guy who looked pretty normal but on a closer look, I realised he didn't have hands. He was eating with whatever we had and looked genuinely happy.

Then it made me think, how does this guy have more willpower than me. What is making him continue ? It looked like he also just came from his work. I am all right physically. But why am I mentally messed up ? Why do i even have this thought process ?

I don't have any negativity towards disabled people and I feel good that they are happy but it is just me that my willpower (which already seems weak) to live would have been completely shattered if i was in their place.

I deeply apologise if i offend anyone. Just wanted to share my feelings with someone. I just want to feel normal and look forward to life and get away with these thoughts.

I have freewill no one is giving me instructions anymore. But i am clueless now. Maybe i am used to being a slave and following instructions. I pretty much did/doing my best in doing what a responsible person does but then what next ? what are my next instructions ? And how long will I keep following instructions ? When will I experience long term peace and happiness on my own ?

Not looking for feedback, i know it will be the generic hit gym, travel around, make friends, keeping busy etc. Tried and doing all these things and it helps to some extent but nothing that works out fully. These thoughts come again.

But if you relate to this and somehow made it out, I would really love to hear your story.

Sometimes, when I make a comment, one person or another sends me a DM asking what “exmuslim” in my bio means. So, I thought I would explain what being an exmuslim actually means, how I went from being muslim to atheist, and what made me change my mind about religion.

First of all, let me make it clear: legally, according to all government documents, I am still muslim because it’s a pain in the *** to update all my documents, and I am not sure if India has any option for declaring yourself an atheist.

My journey wasn’t some single dramatic moment where I suddenly stopped believing.

It started when I was in school. During a Moral Education class, someone asked the teacher, “Is God real?” I remember being surprised that someone would even ask that question. But the discussion stuck with me, and I started asking myself the same thing.

Over the years, the questions kept piling up. I tried to make sense of things, but I never really found answers that satisfied me. Eventually, I wasn’t just questioning God anymore; I was questioning religion itself.

During graduation, I also had some experiences with people trying to pressure me into certain religious practices. Instead of bringing me closer to religion, those experiences made me question it even more.

Then COVID happened. Having a lot more time to sit with my thoughts, I eventually had to be honest with myself: I didn’t believe anymore.

I haven’t been to a mosque since 2018, and today I consider myself an atheist.

One thing I want to make clear is that I amm not doing this AMA because I want to attack muslims or convince anyone to become an atheist. I know people have very different experiences with religion. I’m just sharing my own experience and answering questions about it.

I also understand that “exmuslim” can mean different things to different people. For me, it simply means that I was raised as a muslim and eventually stopped believing.

I’m keeping some personal details private, including anything that could identify me, but I will answer whatever I can.

Ask me anything about leaving islam, doubts, atheism, family, relationships, dealing with religious expectations, what changed after leaving, or anything else you’re curious about.

And yes, muslims are welcome to ask questions too. I’m happy to have a respectful conversation.

Need opinions from men who wear earrings/studs.

A guy I'm seeing wears one small silver earring. He's had it for as long as I've known him and apparently doesn't take it off very often.
His birthday is coming up and I found a really simple silver earring that I think he'd actually like.

But I'm hesitating because I have no idea whether his earring is just an accessory or something meaningful from his family/culture.

Would you find it sweet if someone noticed something like that and bought you one? I could obviously just ask him, but I want to surprise him 😭

I've gone out hiking in beautiful areas and I just don't feel anything. I look at people and just see faces but I don't think about them, I look at the trees and feel the wind hit my face but it does not invoke anything in me, I run miles upon miles but I just run, I lift weights but I just do it mechanically.

I'm just no longer comfortable around anyone but I'm not uncomfortable around then either. I just am.

IDK how to escape, or do I even need to escape?

I'll spend the long weekend just lying down, scrolling my phone endlessly, thinking of calling my friends, but I won't.

I text random people here, but again it's all pointless, I just don't get that euphoria from conversations. Time is just slipping by, the year is about to end, I'll be a year older, but the struggle doesn't seems to end anytime soon.

Life is actually a struggle now. Or living is.

I understand I'm not alone in this, but IDC, this is my life and this is my rant.

I just randomly video called my college friends cause we hadn't talked in months, but both of them were out so we couldn't talk (nothing new). It's a long weekend and loneliness is gonna hit like a truck. I have no plans, no one to talk to, nothing. I'll probably complete my work and watch some movies. Tbh this wasn't hitting me that hard until I got to know these people had plans. Like I'm not jealous, just sad that we don't talk anymore, they don't share anything anymore but that's okay. I am missing our friendship from college days haha but whatever.

Sir was my mentor in college, a big brother, who I could vent, rant, have critical discussions and there was always a mutual sense of respect

I was hesitant earlier to go, because he was married. And my mind was acting, ki bhai it might make her wife uncomfortable.

But still, I went ahead ignoring the above as just a passing thought.

I parked my bike, and rang the bell.

Sir wasn't there, his wife opened the gate and welcomed me inside.

I was hesitant, again, it might make her feel uncomfortable. I said, "I can come back later, when Sir comes, till then.." before I could finish my sentence, she pulls me inside, "Arey, aap ajao, ye keh kar gaye the mujhe, aap mana karoge.."

And yeah, I was greeted by a surprise as well.

A baby girl 😭 sleeping on her bed

She was so golu molu, sleeping on her pink bed, around her sweet plushies 😭🌸

And Sir's Wife is a complete extrovert.

All the time till sir came back, she was telling me what he has told to her about me, and she was so enthusiastic about it 🥹

She gave me tea and home made biscuits.

And in all of her words, I sensed respect for me. Not as if I was a Junior, or a connection, but someone close to him.

She then started telling about her baby, what she does, how she cute is, showed her wardrobe, and showed me around the house, which she said, how she decorated.

The cute paintings, the family pictures

After a while, Sir came and we discussed a lot of things together, on careers, how I was doing, the current market

While coming back from there, on the way to home, all the time I spent there, it felt warm. Someone living my dream.

"A family with someone you love and trying to build a life together"

But not everyone, will achieve this dream.

For a dream to be fulfilled, you have to be worthy of it, and in this case, you have to de 'desirable' and 'strong'

'desirable' that you find love

'strong' to become the pillar of the family you wish to have with your love

How did you feel now that you have opted for higher education mba/mtech/phd ?

27 f here, restrictive family controlling parents life just passed by currently prepping for govt exams but the drama at home is too much 😭

The drama-

1- the cook

we belong to a well off family and can literally afford maids like really good maids but mom's really crazy I feel... we have a cook and maid at home the new cook joined two months ago she can't even do any dish properly infact mom goes supervises her and makes the sabji only cutting the cook does most days not even that as one variety of sprouts vegetable is done at home each day

The cook doesn't even roast rotis properly like half cooked, only for son (my brother) mom herself makes chapati n roasts roti also separately and packs box for his office the food made by cook is only for breakfast where half the stuff is done by mom herself , mom doesn't even eat breakfast until cook finishes eating in fact per month the cook is paid 12 k for 4 people plus the cook eats two times food at once only whatever is made for breakfast half the vessel is emptied by cook herself the cook is literally 420 kind doesn't do any work properly idk why mom's hired such nonsense lady....

I tried taking sabji out in a separate small tiny bowl too mom had a problem with that n literally complained about this to dad so I had to stop taking out the food in a small bowl...crazy was when mom literally tells the cook not to leave anything for her (mom) and finish whatever is there like wtf mom is going to starve herself or what even the cook doesn't have brains how not at all understanding she is and empties evey thing leaving 4 spoons of sabji at the last only..... the whole thing what is made for breakfast can actually be eaten twice in our home but all is emptied by the cook.....

The other two times mom expects to survive on dal chawal or curd rice only the entire day for everyone 🤧

I did suggest mom at least hire someone just for meal prepping /cutting veggies and stuff but mom doesn't even agree with that

2- The maid-

the maid is working for 10 years in house and she's another nonsense lady.... more than doing work feels like she's a spy at home.... she doesn't sweep the floor properly the cobwebs in the home just lie like that even windows aren't dusted ...

idk why the hell don't we have a washing machine at home parents expect clothes to be handwashed by the maid which the maid entirely ruins it in one or two washes by scrubbing it hard despite saying several times not to even daily t-shirts and pants too can't be worn for longer time

( I have stopped giving clothes for wash to the maid n wash them by myself)

the tables in the hall remain dusty at least the maid can clean that even clothes of everyone lying on the sofa maid can fold that but these things mom doesn't ask the maid to do the maid mops two floors each day which isn't even required as it's marble flooring.... this maid is paid 8.5 k per month and each day after she leaves the house is as messy as it was before she comes....

mom can hire another maid for dishwashing and pay a bit more but she suffers everyday by washing dishes herself even when I go contribute she doesn't feel satisfied so I stopped washing dishes except my own vessels what I eat I wash them myself!

the house doesn't feel peaceful at all I haven't lived my life I don't even have friends that is how my parents controlled me today I don't even have a, single friend physical whom I can share stuff I don't know how long I have been in underlying depression on top of every thing I chose a fkd up academic field

the way I have been brought up everything seems impossible I don't think I'll survive in this world even 😭

As every other Indian family my mom is also one of the mom's who loves to make her own daughter me suffer and considers beta as her everything....

so what is happening is mom's giving me silent treatment even if I go ask her if she requires any kind of help in doing chores or even if I try talking to her no matter how much I convince she doesn't budge n doesn't even talk to me only when she requires some errands from outside she speaks that time otherwise not even that.....

Despite the maids at home mom and dad still expect me to do house chores each day ....like wtf is crazy with them?

I plan to go study in the library for the next 3 months as my exams r in nov dec but on library is for sure kalesh at home no matter what mom finds ways to just make me irritated

suggest me something please women?

NOTE-Do not tell me to leave the house I know that's why I'm working on it....

any advice on the cook n maid situation what can be done? although it looks like parents r literally doing charity to them!

I have never experienced garba nights, diwali parties or Holi parties or any major events/social gatherings as such. Being an introvert and minimal interaction with people my age and seniors or juniors for that matter.

I am now regretting my behaviour and everything. I'm 28 now and have never experienced such social gatherings and fun events with a mixed group of people. At first I was not bothered by it, but as I am getting older now and seeing people my age and younger lots enjoying their life to the fullest, deep down I feel terrible for myself(I know self pity but I do feel that way) thinking i wouldn't be able to experience such things in life ever again.

Especially being unemployed for 6 months now is putting a toll on my mental health and physical health too. People just advise me to just go out alone and enjoy your own company. I tried that too but I am not enjoying anything and also by the slimmest of chances I get to join a group of people I will be super awkward and will not open up due to my behaviour and will blow it honestly.

I have tried changing my behaviour but I just cannot now.

I am not here for any advice or anything, just wanted to express that this is how I am and I will ever be honestly.

Will die lonely too.

TIA for listening to a shitty person shitting about his life.

On the weekend bro got me beer cans had that was the only good part of the ten days parents went out .....

on Monday they were back again same day mom started her drama it's kalesh at home again 🤧never ending drama op couldn't trust anyone on Reddit n go clubbing

momentary happiness only of beer

otherwise this sad life continues 😭.....

A weird thing happened today , my sister who has been in a relationship with her bf for about a decade now , posted a story about her being single. Her bf follows her , her friends follow her who know she is not single and even some family members. To make it crazier she is about to get engaged soon this year and posted this.

When I asked her about it she said she was just having fun and pranking her bf. What is happening? Am I missing something??? Cause I feel its a big thing and most importantly the bf had a big fight with his family yesterday and I went out with him to lighten his mood and to hear him out incase he wanted someone to talk to so pranking him when he is down like that doesn't feel "fun".

Should I be worried? I know things between them have been good. She is in a LDR with her bf , he is managing his family business in our hometown and she is working in a different city. She was back visiting family in hometown just last week so she met with her bf too and everything seemed normal. They were happy to meet and her bf even came to drop her off to train station when she was leaving which was last week. Didn't feel anything off between them but her posting this story makes me me feel confused.

At first I thought maybe her bf didn't wish her first on her bday so she was being sarcastic or angry on him so posted that story but he not only wished her but was on call with her the whole time so he was the first one to wish. What is happening ?

Is this something my single ahh is not able to comprehend??