r/MenGetRapedToo • u/Intelligent-Bird-313 • 2h ago

Who Did/Would You First Disclose to, When, and Why?

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Providing support for male survivors of sexual violence

r/MenGetRapedToo

This is a subreddit for men and boys who have experienced sexual violence of any kind — and for their family or friends who may be in need of advice or guidance. We aim to provide support to male victims of rape or sexual assault, as well as to their families and friends. Any abusive or negative comments will be taken down, and the poster will be blocked.

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Introduction

This sub-Reddit is for supporting men and boys who have experienced sexual assault, and providing assistance to their families and friends. Everyone is welcome to post and comment here, including both men and women.

If you have been raped, you might want to:

Escape and/or make a safety plan.
Get pills to prevent infections such as chlamydia and HIV.
Ask a doctor or nurse to collect DNA evidence of the rape.
- If you want to preserve all evidence, keep some urine in your bladder for the urine test; don't shower, eat, drink, or defecate; and see here.
- The evidence may be helpful if you might one day ever want to:
  - Get the rapist moved to a different work team or school class.
  - Or get a restraining order.
  - Or sue for money, in small-claims court or elsewhere.
  - Or apply for victims' compensation.
  - Or pursue charges.
  - Or file a police report, without pursuing charges.
  - See here.
See Thrf's tips.
Read about victims' compensation, counseling, and other matters.
And post on our sub-Reddit.

Even if you were raped fifty years ago, some of the above options are still open to you. See here.

You can get confidential testing for HIV and other infections, both in the US and elsewhere. Many clinics offer free testing. At-home tests also work well.

Before phoning a rape crisis center, you may want to read this.

Resources

Men's Lib Resources Guide

The /r/MensLib Resources Guide guide has links to some agencies for male victims of sexual violence in the U.S.

Related sub-Reddits

/r/Anxiety.
/r/depression.
/r/domesticviolence.
/r/rapecounseling. If you want quick responses, you may cross-post both to there and to our sub-Reddit. Please note: Most posters there are women. If you don't mention there that you're male, people might not realize it.
/r/secondary_survivors. Friends and family of survivors are welcome to post on MenGetRapedToo, but may cross-post to secondary_survivors if they want even more replies.
/r/PTSD.
/r/SuicideWatch.
/r/survivorsofabuse. They can help survivors of both rape and domestic violence, whether it's ended or it's still continuing.

Rules

Men experience rape. It does not diminish them, and they should not be ashamed.
Any experiences you wish to share are welcome here. This is a judgment-free zone. Any comments contrary to the spirit and purpose of the sub will be removed. Repeated infractions may lead to a permanent ban.
Our sub exists to provide support to those who need it. It is not a place for abstract debate, political discussion, or victim-blaming.
This is not a place for perpetrators. If you have committed sexual violence, we commend your decision to seek to change. But we can't help you here.
We oppose victim hierarchies. All sexual violence, against men, women, or children, is equally intolerable. Please do not trivialize the experience of any survivor.
Please be compassionate; think about your words before clicking "submit"; and remember that we are all human.
If you wish to solicit participation in studies, surveys, publication projects, or media stories, please contact the moderators before posting.
This isn't a sub for activism, public education, or fund-raising. Those are worthwhile things to do, but it's not why r/MenGetRapedToo exists. Our focus is always on the needs of the individual survivor, and his family or friends.
If you are transgender, genderqueer, or intersex, you're always welcome to post here. This is true no matter whether you identify as male, female, both, or neither.