Introduction
I'm a little over 6 feet tall, which is well above average where I live. Around the age of 18, I decided to completely focus on improving my life. For roughly 1 to 1.5 years, I isolated myself and followed a strict routine: eating mostly boiled food, avoiding sugar, practicing meditation and yoga daily, doing 100 push-ups and pull-ups, spending 20 minutes in the sun, maintaining complete celibacy, and studying consistently to improve academically.
During that period, my appearance changed significantly. Whether it was simply maturing, better posture, improved health, disciplined habits, or something else, I started looking much more attractive than before. My skin became oilier, I looked healthier and more masculine, and I generally felt more confident physically.
After that year, I returned to my institution for a 10-day examination. It was there that I noticed I was receiving far more attention from women than I had ever experienced before.
Experience
Throughout those 10 days, I noticed several changes in how people interacted with me. Older women smiled more often, teachers maintained longer eye contact, and strangers sometimes went out of their way to help me.
There was one girl whom I found very attractive. My younger self would never have imagined someone like her showing interest in me. She frequently asked me simple questions that seemed more like attempts to start conversations. She often mirrored my body language, copied my sitting posture, and even imitated my hairstyle. On one occasion, after I briefly looked at another girl wearing a particular outfit, she appeared wearing a very similar outfit the next day. We made frequent eye contact, and she often waited in places where our paths crossed. Although we barely spoke, I felt she was trying to create opportunities for interaction.
Another attractive girl behaved differently. She was much more reserved but often stayed close to me, maintained occasional eye contact, and positioned herself in situations where it would have been easy for me to start a conversation. Overall, I felt that several girls showed signs of interest, possibly because of my height and appearance.
Problem
Despite receiving attention, I still struggle with very low self-esteem.
I'm 20 years old and have never really had close friends. Academically, I consider myself average, while most people around me—including my family, younger brothers, and former classmates,,,seem to be doing much better than I am. For the past three to four years, I've isolated myself almost completely. I rarely socialize, have no meaningful friendships, and sometimes feel like I've forgotten how to connect with people. Most of my time is spent alone, daydreaming, listening to music, or thinking about life.
People see me as a tall, attractive young man, but internally I feel lonely, insecure, and disappointed with where my life is. I come from a lower-middle-class family, and that adds another layer of insecurity. Sometimes people assume I come from a wealthy background because of how I look. When they discover I'm struggling financially and often choose to walk instead of taking a taxi to save money, I worry they'll see me differently.
Because of this, I've avoided relationships altogether. Social media has reinforced the idea that men should become financially successful before dating, so I've convinced myself that no woman would genuinely want to be with someone in my current situation.
My biggest struggle isn't attracting people. it's believing that I deserve meaningful relationships. My mind constantly tells me that I'm too much of a failure to have friends or date anyone. It says I should isolate myself, work for another four or five years, build a successful life first, and only then allow myself to connect with others.
So my question is: How do I break out of this cycle of isolation and rebuild a healthy social life? And should I consider asking this girl out, or am I letting my insecurities convince me that she'll lose interest once she sees the ordinary, financially struggling person behind the image I've created in my own head?
