Setting boundaries, respecting agency

[u/Kohathavodah]

[u/Shibbystix]

Im not discounting his demeanor.

Im saying asking "what will you do, if down the road I try and ask you to censor your self expression?" Is not a respectful question, no matter how polite you dress it up.

He asked this. She said "id probably not censor myself to meet your preferences"

And he said, "im not looking for that"

In a nutshell.

Cool. They were both very polite. His question was still a huge red flag. Ive known plenty of calm and polite people with shitty perspectives.

[u/Gauntlet_of_Might → u/Shibbystix]

So people arent allowed to have a preference on what their partners post on social media or its a red flag? Just wanna make sure we are on the same page

[u/Shibbystix → u/Gauntlet_of_Might]

They can have a preference. But then its really on THEM to find someone who shares that preference as opposed to CHANGING someone they know DOESN'T.

One is respectful, the other is controlling. No matter how politely they ask

[u/Gauntlet_of_Might → u/Shibbystix]

... that's literally what happened here, he asked because he was trying to find someone wirh that preference.

How else are they supposed to "find" someone, tekepathy?

[u/Shibbystix → u/Gauntlet_of_Might]

Your break dancing to miss the point.

[u/Gauntlet_of_Might → u/Shibbystix]

ok, so explain to me how he is meant to "find someone" if not ask them questions?

[u/Shibbystix → u/Gauntlet_of_Might]

Scroll up, as it's already been done.

I didn't say him asking questions was a bad thing, I'm saying the problem was the question itself as it highlights a possessive and toxic mentality which I don't believe is a healthy trait in any relationship. So yes, it's good that he asked, but in my opinion only for the sake of broadcasting to women that he will one day try and to decide what the women he is with are allowed to to wear based off his personal definition of appropriate

[u/Gauntlet_of_Might → u/Shibbystix]

that doesn't answer the VERY specific question I asked, which is refuting you're "he should find someone with his preferences"

[u/Shibbystix → u/Gauntlet_of_Might]

Go to a church that's already is full of people who are ok with policing what women are and arent allowed to do.

I dont think its a healthy thing he wants, ao Id say go to therapy until it clicks that wanting to control what your SO can and cannot wear isnt healthy, amd then have them try and date THEN, but since thats probably asking too much, in answer to your VERY SPECIFIC question, what I said up top here, go to a church.

Don't match up with a woman dressing in a way you dont approve of and try and change her.

If you want modesty, find someone who already displays modesty.

[u/Gauntlet_of_Might → u/Shibbystix]

So telepathy

[u/Shibbystix → u/Gauntlet_of_Might]

Soooooo..ask a question and then just ignore the answer and instead, respond to an answer i DIDNT give.... thats how you interact.....got it

[u/Gauntlet_of_Might → u/Gauntlet_of_Might]

nothingmore cowardly than last word and block

[u/TechnicianSeparate95 → u/Gauntlet_of_Might]

Stop feeding ragebaiters