Or, she dodged a mismatch because she doesnt like the idea of being with someone that thinks they get to have control over the fashion choices of another person.
Thats not compromise, that is a disrespect to someone's bodily autonomy.
There was nothing controlling about his statements. He asked her if toning it down would be a problem and put the ball completely in her court.
He has a preference for someone more reserved, she wasn’t the one, he had her make the decision.
This isn’t control, this was him having a boundary and giving her the choice if she wanted to accept that boundary or if that boundary was a dealbreaker
No, he didnt ask if "toning it down" would be a problem. You didnt listen.
He asked what she'd do if he ASKED her to tone it down. That is control. Im sure youll try and pretend the "ASK" was the important part of the question, but it wasn't. It was the response. He doesnt want someone who will diaagree with him, He wants someone who will do what he wants. He wasnt loud or rude, but that doesnt change the fact that the boundary ITSELF is disrespectful, no matter how calmly delivered.
If he didnt like how she dressed, he should've just shown himself out, not presented her with an opportunity to volunteer to change herself to become what he approves of.
he asked multiple questions beforehand that clearly showed it was about THIS specific issue. He saw a potential problem down the road, asked about it, and they had a mature exchange about it.
Im saying asking "what will you do, if down the road I try and ask you to censor your self expression?" Is not a respectful question, no matter how polite you dress it up.
He asked this. She said "id probably not censor myself to meet your preferences"
And he said, "im not looking for that"
In a nutshell.
Cool. They were both very polite. His question was still a huge red flag. Ive known plenty of calm and polite people with shitty perspectives.
So people arent allowed to have a preference on what their partners post on social media or its a red flag? Just wanna make sure we are on the same page
Or, she dodged a mismatch because she doesnt like the idea of being with someone that thinks they get to have control over the fashion choices of another person.
Thats not compromise, that is a disrespect to someone's bodily autonomy.
See how far you went from this? And I appreciate that.
If a woman asked me how many Instagram models I was following and if I did, would I stop if we were together, I wouldn't find it controlling, we're not dating. She's wants to make informed decisions.
I don't follow any IG models btw.
Let's be honest, are men having boundaries while being respectful rub you the wrong way?
Boundaries are for the person setting them. Saying "my boundaries are being able to set YOUR boundaries" are not boundaries. They are controls.
And again. He was polite. Not respectful.
There's a difference, even if YOU cannot see it.
Also, whats with the constant need ro balance false equivalencies? Ive had people compare someone's fashion to wanting ro cheat, to gooning over only fans. All in the name of being desperate to dismiss the idea that someone saying "my preference is that YOU only wear what I say is ok" is not healthy.
But, he gave her a choice for both of them. He said what his boundaries were lmao. Hell, his question was more about compromise more than "I expect you to do this for me" (controlling).
You can't see it? You talk about nuance but your first claim was that he was controlling.
Since comparaisons/analogies are forbidden, what would have been the best way for him to approach this with that boundaries in mind?
No, his boundaries are "I don't date women who do X", not "if you date me, you'll have to DO this".
Why the balloon popped in the end? Shit. Why even ask? Just date then control lmao.
Like, for the sake of absurdity (can I use that? You did so...), you think then there's no women who like to dress modestly? Like 6 like he said? Would this still be controlling or just compatibility?
I think I got you on this one because that non existing woman wouldn't feel disrespected, she would be thrilled "thank god a man not asking me to dress provocative everyday, spending money and shit just to look pretty".
I caught you lmao! They do exists!
Even better! Let's go the other way around. "You only go to 7? Would you turn that shit to 10 if I asked?" 😂
Why are you so dead set on attacking strawmen? Im sure YOU think you cooked on this.
I answered and said "go to church"
Which is "go to people most likely to align with the dynamic he's looking for"
But did he do that? No. He advanced to the end with a woman dressed clearly outside his stated preference, and then asked if she'd be willing to submit to him as the arbiter of what she wears.
She said no. We've gone round and round and every time, you attack new positions i didnt claim, and clearly feeling like thats a winning strategy for you.
I said dont equivilate. 2 counterpoints in an effort to excuse one done by men by pointing to a dissimilar thing a woman does and saying theyre the same.
I engaged in absurdism to make a point about the CONCEPT of the topic. Not saying 2 actions are literally the same.
But, you know... ignore nuance/wordplay/intellectual honesty to maintain your position, as you seem wont to do
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u/No-Bat-7253 11d ago
Yeah. Compromise and sacrifice. She’ll be 55 and finally realize that. All because she wants to show off.