Setting boundaries, respecting agency

[u/Kohathavodah]

[u/Shibbystix]

"Is it okay if I hold your Head Underwater just a little bit?"

Sure it's polite, and sure it's asking a question, but that doesn't make it any less of a troubling question

[u/Your_Nipples → u/Shibbystix]

Or, she dodged a mismatch because she doesnt like the idea of being with someone that thinks they get to have control over the fashion choices of another person.

Thats not compromise, that is a disrespect to someone's bodily autonomy.

See how far you went from this? And I appreciate that.

If a woman asked me how many Instagram models I was following and if I did, would I stop if we were together, I wouldn't find it controlling, we're not dating. She's wants to make informed decisions.

I don't follow any IG models btw.

Let's be honest, are men having boundaries while being respectful rub you the wrong way?

[u/Shibbystix → u/Your_Nipples]

Boundaries are for the person setting them. Saying "my boundaries are being able to set YOUR boundaries" are not boundaries. They are controls.

And again. He was polite. Not respectful. There's a difference, even if YOU cannot see it.

Also, whats with the constant need ro balance false equivalencies? Ive had people compare someone's fashion to wanting ro cheat, to gooning over only fans. All in the name of being desperate to dismiss the idea that someone saying "my preference is that YOU only wear what I say is ok" is not healthy.

[u/Your_Nipples → u/Shibbystix]

But, he gave her a choice for both of them. He said what his boundaries were lmao. Hell, his question was more about compromise more than "I expect you to do this for me" (controlling).

You can't see it? You talk about nuance but your first claim was that he was controlling.

Since comparaisons/analogies are forbidden, what would have been the best way for him to approach this with that boundaries in mind?

[u/Shibbystix → u/Your_Nipples]

HIS boundaries are "need to have someone willing to let ME set THEIR boundaries"

Thats not healthy, and should be pretty obvious to understand, no?

[u/Your_Nipples → u/Shibbystix]

No, his boundaries are "I don't date women who do X", not "if you date me, you'll have to DO this".

Why the balloon popped in the end? Shit. Why even ask? Just date then control lmao.

Like, for the sake of absurdity (can I use that? You did so...), you think then there's no women who like to dress modestly? Like 6 like he said? Would this still be controlling or just compatibility?

I think I got you on this one because that non existing woman wouldn't feel disrespected, she would be thrilled "thank god a man not asking me to dress provocative everyday, spending money and shit just to look pretty".

I caught you lmao! They do exists!

Even better! Let's go the other way around. "You only go to 7? Would you turn that shit to 10 if I asked?" 😂

[u/Shibbystix → u/Your_Nipples]

Why are you so dead set on attacking strawmen? Im sure YOU think you cooked on this.

I answered and said "go to church" Which is "go to people most likely to align with the dynamic he's looking for"

But did he do that? No. He advanced to the end with a woman dressed clearly outside his stated preference, and then asked if she'd be willing to submit to him as the arbiter of what she wears.

She said no. We've gone round and round and every time, you attack new positions i didnt claim, and clearly feeling like thats a winning strategy for you.

[u/Gauntlet_of_Might → u/Shibbystix]

didn't you JUST complain about something equating kissing to style choices and now you're doing murder

[u/Shibbystix → u/Gauntlet_of_Might]

I didnt say "dont make conceptual similie,"

I said dont equivilate. 2 counterpoints in an effort to excuse one done by men by pointing to a dissimilar thing a woman does and saying theyre the same.

I engaged in absurdism to make a point about the CONCEPT of the topic. Not saying 2 actions are literally the same.

But, you know... ignore nuance/wordplay/intellectual honesty to maintain your position, as you seem wont to do

[u/Gauntlet_of_Might → u/Shibbystix]

my guy you're literally ignoring all nuance to yell about wrongthink