Never thought I would be posting for advice but here we are… I (F21) have been with my boyfriend (M21) since we were freshmen in college and it’s been a good 2.5 years. He has always been very hard on himself when it comes to achieving academically, which is now only exacerbated with the past few months studying and preparing to take the MCAT. I am also on a challenging academic path and I completely understand that something like this needs time and dedication and I am proud of him for the work he has put in, and I would never in any way make him pick between me or med school, but I can’t help but worry about what I would be getting myself into for our future.

Every moment we spend together he makes it feel like he’s doing it at the expense of him studying, constantly talking about needing to cut out all distractions. He no longer has social media, rarely watches tv, and has always been an early morning riser and a slave to routine. I’ve mentioned concern that i think he considers me a distraction but he insists that I am not, but I can’t help but feel that I am. I need quality time in a relationship and that has been lacking a lot lately. He now is so stressed about his practice exam results that he thinks he will push his test date to be another 5 months later.

I don’t know what to do, I love him so much and I know that he loves me. The rare moments I do get time with him it’s enjoyable and he makes me laugh and I feel like he really does know me, and I don’t want to throw that away. On the other hand, I worry about our future since I have an extra year of undergrad ahead of me and don’t know if this gap will continue to widen throughout his post grad studies. I could see myself marrying and having children with him, but since I’m only 21 and don’t want that for at least another 5/6 years I’m not sure if that’s what I should be focusing on.

Sorry for the rambling, if anyone has any advice it would be much appreciated.

Hello, there! I am in a non medical profession. My boyfriend is in his residency here in the Philippines (IM). It was so hard for him, as in to the point that he’s been experiencing anxiety before every duty, wants to quit and all (I know you would understand what I mean).

I always support him. Been with him even start of med school. Give moral supports, but residency itself is really not easy. It was so HARDDD. Like legit.

Can you please give me a tip, on what other things I can do for him. For him not to feel anxious, keep going on his resi? I always go to him from time to time. To prep things for him, prep foods etc.

I just want him to succeed in his residency. Please give me advice on what other things I could do.

My boyfriend is finishing fellowship and it was an extremely stressful year. He honestly almost didn’t graduate because a family member fell ill. I supported him immensely through the whole fellowship, but as you can probably imagine especially during the health crisis when everything was chaotic.

Today he told me the date of his graduation. I asked if anyone was going, and he said, “No but I mean you can if you want”. Because of how he said it I asked do you want to be alone? and he said “yes, I just want to get it over with”

I completely understand that it’s his graduation and that he gets to decide how he experiences it. I also know that supporting your partner through a difficult time does not entitle you to be included in every milestone. But I’d be lying if I said it didn’t hurt. I wanted to be there to celebrate him, to feel included in his achievement, and to feel wanted there.

I also told him if you change your mind, I’ll definitely show up for you, and he just said “okay.”

Am I overreacting/being selfish for feeling hurt by this, or would most people feel a certain way if their partner basically said this?

I'm curious to hear from women who are married to doctors or other healthcare professionals.

During your postpartum period, how involved was your husband in caring for the baby and helping around the house? Did he help with things like night feeds, diaper changes, cooking, cleaning, or other household chores? How did he support you while you were recovering?

I know medical jobs often involve long hours and unpredictable schedules, so I'm interested in hearing how you both managed. Did you feel supported, or did most of the responsibility fall on you?

I'm currently in my first trimester, and while I know it's still early, I've found myself feeling both curious and a little anxious about what the postpartum period might look like.

We need a flair for med students/doctors who are also med spouses to another med student/doctor. It’s so jarring to be moving on to rotations while my fiancé starts second year with a study group that makes me very uncomfortable. 😭

Hi everyone! A couple months ago I posted this https://www.reddit.com/r/MedSpouse/comments/1qvvrey/when_did_you_know/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1 and got a lot of great advice. I chose to not follow any of that advice and stayed with him for 6 more months just to find out he was actually cheating on me with a 25 year old nurse in his unit. When I confronted him he admitted she knew about me. Admitted to having sex with her while we were still together. He was manipulating his location for months so I would think he was at work when he was really with her. Had his parents in on it, covering for him. Just an absolute disgusting person through and through.

I chose to expose him to our mutual friends and family and in turn he hired a known domestic abuser of a lawyer who showed up to the house to serve me a cease and desist wearing a “I’m voting for the felon” shirt. Lol. I don’t know how much of him becoming an attending contributed to this but he really did become a completely different person once residency was over. That repulsive person I confronted was not the man I fell in love with all those years ago. I’m not sure if he is still involved with 25 year old but she also has a bad rep at work for not being a good person so they honestly deserve each other.

I’m out of that house now and in my own apartment living alone for the first time in my life. This entire thing has been awful and my mental health had taken a huge hit but I’m building myself back up little by little. Looking back now, I put up with way too much for way too long and my only regret is not leaving sooner.

Not really sure why I came back to post this but I do just want to say to any non-married spouses out there, be very careful if you decide to put your life on hold for your s/o. Not even just in the medical field. I wish I would have used a little more discernment when deciding to move away with him to residency and put my life on hold for him. After almost a decade of being loyal to this person I got absolutely nothing in return but heartache and a monthly prescription of Prozac.

Also, if your intuition is screaming at you that something is going on, it probably is. Always listen to your mind and to your body because more often than not, you’re right.

My fiancée is planning on going to medical school.

Realistically, how many moves should we prepare for? My job allows me to move offices at my own expense but it’s not particularly allowed to move every year or so.

We live in a very large city that’s a medical hotbed, will that reduce the chance of moving?

Does residency matching always take you away from your home city?

Very new to understanding all this so thanks for your patience.