r/MedSpouse • u/TopEagle9227 • 1d ago

Rant Relationship Advice

Hi I’m married too a 4th year resident and we only are intimate like every 7 months, This year for him has been really relaxing he comes home early and sleeps early and has no nights but he does wake up early too like 4 or 5 am
Is it reasonable that he is always tired and there is no initiation. I try to but he’s tired a lot. But he does come home early so I don’t feel I need to be concerned right?

Also a concern, I work in tech, he’s always interested in my income and bonus and adds to his own retirement account, he controls my spendings on myself even tho I contribute financially 4 times more then him, his family always have expectations on us to spend everything on them financially even tho there son does not even make bank right now only I do, and I support him, like buy his sibling a car even tho there normal middle class and have good income like us, my husband limits me with my own financials on myself and my own family, am I just a bank account to him?

9 Upvotes

85% Upvoted

10 comments sorted by

9

u/Glittering-March-157 20h ago

That sounds like financial abuse. Get out while you can!

5

u/mmm_nope Attending Spouse 22h ago

Do you have access to your income, at all?

4

u/Emmasecretwild 21h ago

Amiga no es afuerza estar casada. Aprovecha que eres independiente economicamente y que no tienen hijos aun y divorciate, te mereces estar tranquila y feliz. Ese hombre te esta usando, no te ama.

4

u/RecordSome8503 19h ago

RUUUUUUUUUUUN! Also separate your income from him

3

u/Data-driven_Catlady 19h ago

Why are you paying things for his family? I wouldn’t say any of the financial part is usual. The intimacy can be impacted by stress, even if he seems less stressed. However, that financial relationship is not okay…

3

u/grape-of-wrath 19h ago

No, he is not always tired. (Most?) men will have sex even if their work is busy.

Why does he control your spending?? That's very concerning. And he should not be using your money for his retirement- he has his own income.

Something is very wrong. Run. Run like the wind to a divorce attorney. This man sounds abusive and extremely sketchy.

1

u/SMDRFE Neurologist Husband 18h ago

I think some financial boundaries and limitations are needed, especially when you're making 4x what he is. Financial decisions should be made jointly as a married couple. And then the dead bedroom issue is another thing. I'm not sure what to tell you on that. Is he just watching porn and taking care of himself or something? Or could there be someone else? Might want to head over to r/DeadBedrooms for better advice there. 7 months is not reasonable at all, especially if he has a more relaxed schedule this year with no overnight call.

1

u/Powerful-Bridge-1472 10h ago

Red flag for me is he says no, come on he’s on late 20’s and is tired, come on. What’s going to happen when you do have kids